100,000-149,999 SparkPoints
GRANDMABABA's Recent Blog Entries

Remembering when it all began...

Thursday, March 10, 2011

"Fatso", "Chubby", "Fatty", "Waddles" -- Those were the most common names that the mean kids called me when I was a little girl. Even my parents called me chubby as they continually loaded my plate with very unhealthy fare and told me to clean my plate and eat dessert every single day. It wasn't until junior high that I stubbornly refused some of what was put in front of me. I finally slimmed down and during high school and college I was not nearly the fat person I was as a child. Still, those names haunted me and it didn't really matter what the scale or the clothes said I saw fat when I looked in the mirror. The weight went up and down for a lifetime. I continue to struggle. But, now I'm trying to remember how it felt at my slimmest rather than at my fattest. Even when the doctor told me I was underweight I saw fat in the mirror. It has been a difficult journey, but I know I can be slim again. This particular time I'm bouncing around between a couple of measures and am eager to see another dive. But, this winter has brought me continual illness. The illness brought me to comfort foods. My DH brings home things I shouldn't eat, but I can't resist right now. So, I'm struggling a bit, but know that soon all will be back on track. I know I must remember what it feels like to be successful rather that continually hear the echos of those cruel names. I know I can do it better this time. emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNIW70 3/13/2011 12:27AM

    Hi Barbara,

Those words can be so hurtful! If only we would all realize how scarring what comes out of our mouths (either slipping out or intentionally blurted out)! I think the first step to ending the negative voices in our heads, is to recognize it in the first place. You are doing great! You are moving in the right direction. I think focusing on how you felt when you were slimmest and when you felt the most healthy is a good perspective to keep. Hang in there! You'll make it with God's help!

Hugs! Jenni, CWF team

Report Inappropriate Comment
MEADSBAY 3/12/2011 11:01PM

    Sweetie- I feel your pain. My father started talking about my fat ass when I was about 13. I don't think I ever forgave him.
Try to forgive and forget.
Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves.

Report Inappropriate Comment
NURSNANA 3/10/2011 7:50PM

    So sorry to hear you are still struggling with illness. I hope the antibiotics help you this time to totally recover. I know what you mean about grandchildren coughing or sneezing in your face! We have gotten sick with whatever bug our grandchildren had many times. It seems to always take a lot longer for us to recover. Please take good care and get lots of rest! don't worry so much about losing weight, you will get back to losing weight and exercising when your health is restored. I will be praying for you Barbara!
Hang in there.....
Spring is coming! emoticon


emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

Spark Friends are the Best!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Every time I feel the least bit down and turn to blog or read from others at SP I am so encouraged. emoticon You give me so many good tips, so many great ideas, and so many positive strokes just when I need them most. emoticon Today I've begun my fifth course of antibiotics in four months. emoticon I just can't seem to get rid of this nasty infection that brings on the fevers, cough, pain and fatigue. emoticon The bad news is that it really plays havoc with my workout and other plans. emoticon The good news is that I end up catching up on quieter activities - reading, getting into SP, watching movies, writing cards and letters. emoticon I suspect I'll finally be done with this bronchitis and pneumonia cycle when the weather turns warmer emoticon and I get to be outdoors more. However, since I spend quite a bit of time with small grandchildren, emoticon I also suspect that I'll do better when their little immune systems are stronger and they stop coughing in my face. emoticon it goes. Today I'm enjoying reading from all of you out there who share such interesting stories, blogs, tips and love. emoticon Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! emoticon You are the BEST! emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TELLITFORWARD 2/16/2011 9:04PM

  I did the grandma/childcare thing for eight years. I remember having a tough time getting over pneumonia then. Hope you feel way better very soon.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MEADSBAY 2/16/2011 8:43PM

    Hope you feel better soon, Barbara.
Enjoying your quiet week?

Report Inappropriate Comment

This Week is All Mine!

Monday, February 14, 2011

emoticonI just dropped my DH at the airport and he will not get to be back until a week from today. As much as I will miss him, I also look forward to accomplishing much more on a schedule totally of my own making. For example, I look forward to having time and energy to walk outdoors in this beautiful weather and also getting to my little gym a few floors below our condo. I do have several meetings and appointments this week, but I also have oodles of extra time when not having to think about meals or cleaning or laundry so much. I see it as a chance at yet another new beginning of sorts. For example, a friend and I just began a video and book weight loss series. We will compare notes again on Friday and spend some time walking together if the weather holds (snow is predicted, but a lot can change over time). It's also time to gather together all the tax info and this year it is especially complicated so I look forward to having it together for someone else to do. Meals can be very simple - small containers of light yogurt, oatmeal, cheerios, an egg here and there, fresh fruits and veggies and lots of water. I can graze rather than having to sit down to a big meal in the evening as my dh enjoys. I prefer to eat most of my calories during the day and just have something small and light in the evening. If I am successful in losing a few pounds while my dh is away perhaps he will join me in my desired eating plan. He says he wants to lose a few pounds so maybe he won't sabotage me this this around. I have high hopes. Yes, this is the start to a week that is all mine! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEADSBAY 2/14/2011 2:32PM

    I could have written this blog word for word!
We miss them, but...
Enjoy the respite and solitude, my friend.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MEGANBY2011 2/14/2011 1:58PM

    Enjoy! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NURSNANA 2/14/2011 1:18PM

    Enjoy your week Barbara!! Sounds like you have some great plans! How is your mom doing now? Happy Valentine's Day my friend!

BR> emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TIME2BLOOM4ME 2/14/2011 12:15PM


Report Inappropriate Comment

Life is Good

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I'm putting many of my stressors behind me and choosing to have joy in my life today. I catch myself in negative self talk and immediately go somewhere else in my mind. After all, I have myriad wonderful memories and so many and varied successes as I remember a lifetime that has already rolled out. Often I would be dreading the call from my mother this afternoon as it will once again remind me of how little anyone can do for her, how much she has chosen to be miserable and determined to make everyone around her just as miserable...if there was something I could do to help her I would do it in a heartbeat. But, after so many years of rejection I no longer choose to dwell on this being my responsibility. I get to live in a beautiful place with lovely views out of every window. I have dear friends and prayer partners. I have a partner to begin a weight loss program of accountability. I have a husband who always wants the very best for me and we actually worked out together a few days ago after many years of going our separate ways for that. Yes, life is good. I've been truly blessed with so many good things. The challenges that also are a part of my health and life seem small compared to all that I have to be thankful for. I choose to be thankful today. I choose joy.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    What a beautiful blog. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and painting a picture of joy, least any of us forget what it looks like.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRIGFROST 1/20/2011 11:58AM

    you make your self Happy each day...Your the only one that can in life emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MEADSBAY 1/19/2011 5:39PM

    You deserve to feel joy every single day.
You are a good person and have given of yourself for many years.

Report Inappropriate Comment
NURSNANA 1/19/2011 4:57PM

    What a great blog Barbara!

I feel the same way! I could wallow in self-pity due to my loss of mobility and chronic pain. I choose LIFE, BLESSINGS and JOY! Life is GOOD! Focus on the good things in life, and surround yourself with positive people! God is so GOOD!

Your blog reminded me of that old hymn......"Count Your Blessings"?

Thanks Barbara!


Report Inappropriate Comment
SEDONACAT 1/19/2011 3:46PM

    Yes, put those stressor away and do what you are doing-concentrate on the blessings and joy! Your blog reminded me to do the same.


Comment edited on: 1/19/2011 3:46:44 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
SKINNYPOWELL1 1/19/2011 3:40PM

    Happiness is the best choice for everything. Glad you are experiencing JOY !!!

Report Inappropriate Comment

A New Year, A New Plan...

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I spent two weeks caring form my 96 year old mother who was recovering from a fall in mid-December. Those weeks began Christmas afternoon after a very full flurry of activity here which included a move, hosting holiday dinner parties for Thanksgiving, a church group, Christmas Eve dinner, Christmas brunch. We also had our son's family stay with us the week before Christmas so we had such fun with our two year old grand daughter who we rarely see in person. Photos and Skype are great, but just not the same as those precious hugs, giggles, and in person fun. We were so busy every day and evening that I was getting so very tired and looking forward to some down time between Christmas and New Year's. That didn't happen. While with my mom I also learned my brother, who is living with her since his recent divorce, is back in alcohol treatment (or so he claims, I'm not so sure as he is such a convincing liar), and managed to get himself fired right after I arrived. His employer gave him a great chance for help when he gave him paid time off to go to treatment. He didn't go and that was the end of that. He still leaves each morning and returns late at night perfectly willing to tell our mother about his day at work. I'm furious that he won't tell. He has cirrhosis and I don't know if there are also other health issues, but I am very concerned that he is depressed and heading towards an early grave. i want him to come clean with Mom and spend more of his time helping her until he finds another job, though I doubt he is looking.
Meanwhile, i've chosen to have joy in my life. Worry doesn't help me or those around me so I decide if there is something I can actually do to help and do it or if there is nothing I can do I let it go. I give the worry up to the Lord and find the joy in each day. My weight loss stopped and went in reverse a bit over the past few weeks, especially when I got home from my mom's house. Now I have more to lose again, though still a manageable amount, I think. Also, a friend and I will begin a program together this Friday - "Made to Crave". I'm praying that we will hold each other accountable and find success. She has a lot of weight to lose, me not, so much. I think she can be very successful and encouraged. I'm concerned for her health issues. I have MS and some other challenges and know that extra weight is bad for all of that. For her, she struggles with knee and other joint problems, high blood pressure and some other things. So, we anticipate great outcomes. I am so eager to begin. Hope all of you have gotten off to a great 2011. Each day is full of new opportunities to serve and to succeed.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TELLITFORWARD 1/20/2011 11:25PM

  Yours is all to common, Barbara. Often it's the son (usually, but sometimes a daughter) living with an elderly mom who is an alcoholic or druggie. They lie, and moms believe them and if you say anything to the contrary, then you're the mean one.
We can only do as much as we can, and the most important thing is that you obviously honor your mom. One way you're doing it is to take charge of your health. God bless you. You'll not change your brother by anything you say. Give it to God and take care of you so you can help your mom.
Glad you got that in person time with your GRAND daughter.

Report Inappropriate Comment
NURSNANA 1/18/2011 10:17PM

    Welcome Back Barbara!!

Sorry to hear about your brother. What a shame he can't get his act together & help your mom.
It is hard to give up alcohol when you are so addicted. What a sad waste of life.

I hope your new weight loss program is helpful to you and your friend! It is always nice to have a friend to share the journey with, and holding each other accountable is great!

I hope your mom is doing better now.

Take good care my friend!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MEADSBAY 1/18/2011 12:37PM

    Oh, my dear sweet Barbara.
You surely do have a lot going on in your life.
I am so sorry your brother is not helping with your mother and living a lie like that.
You are doing exactly the right thing by letting it go- he owns his choices- bad as they are.
Take care of yourself.

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 Last Page