Thursday, March 10, 2011
"Fatso", "Chubby", "Fatty", "Waddles" -- Those were the most common names that the mean kids called me when I was a little girl. Even my parents called me chubby as they continually loaded my plate with very unhealthy fare and told me to clean my plate and eat dessert every single day. It wasn't until junior high that I stubbornly refused some of what was put in front of me. I finally slimmed down and during high school and college I was not nearly the fat person I was as a child. Still, those names haunted me and it didn't really matter what the scale or the clothes said I saw fat when I looked in the mirror. The weight went up and down for a lifetime. I continue to struggle. But, now I'm trying to remember how it felt at my slimmest rather than at my fattest. Even when the doctor told me I was underweight I saw fat in the mirror. It has been a difficult journey, but I know I can be slim again. This particular time I'm bouncing around between a couple of measures and am eager to see another dive. But, this winter has brought me continual illness. The illness brought me to comfort foods. My DH brings home things I shouldn't eat, but I can't resist right now. So, I'm struggling a bit, but know that soon all will be back on track. I know I must remember what it feels like to be successful rather that continually hear the echos of those cruel names. I know I can do it better this time.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Every time I feel the least bit down and turn to blog or read from others at SP I am so encouraged. You give me so many good tips, so many great ideas, and so many positive strokes just when I need them most. Today I've begun my fifth course of antibiotics in four months. I just can't seem to get rid of this nasty infection that brings on the fevers, cough, pain and fatigue. The bad news is that it really plays havoc with my workout and other plans. The good news is that I end up catching up on quieter activities - reading, getting into SP, watching movies, writing cards and letters. I suspect I'll finally be done with this bronchitis and pneumonia cycle when the weather turns warmer and I get to be outdoors more. However, since I spend quite a bit of time with small grandchildren, I also suspect that I'll do better when their little immune systems are stronger and they stop coughing in my face. And....so it goes. Today I'm enjoying reading from all of you out there who share such interesting stories, blogs, tips and love. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You are the BEST!
Monday, February 14, 2011
I just dropped my DH at the airport and he will not get to be back until a week from today. As much as I will miss him, I also look forward to accomplishing much more on a schedule totally of my own making. For example, I look forward to having time and energy to walk outdoors in this beautiful weather and also getting to my little gym a few floors below our condo. I do have several meetings and appointments this week, but I also have oodles of extra time when not having to think about meals or cleaning or laundry so much. I see it as a chance at yet another new beginning of sorts. For example, a friend and I just began a video and book weight loss series. We will compare notes again on Friday and spend some time walking together if the weather holds (snow is predicted, but a lot can change over time). It's also time to gather together all the tax info and this year it is especially complicated so I look forward to having it together for someone else to do. Meals can be very simple - small containers of light yogurt, oatmeal, cheerios, an egg here and there, fresh fruits and veggies and lots of water. I can graze rather than having to sit down to a big meal in the evening as my dh enjoys. I prefer to eat most of my calories during the day and just have something small and light in the evening. If I am successful in losing a few pounds while my dh is away perhaps he will join me in my desired eating plan. He says he wants to lose a few pounds so maybe he won't sabotage me this this around. I have high hopes. Yes, this is the start to a week that is all mine!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I spent two weeks caring form my 96 year old mother who was recovering from a fall in mid-December. Those weeks began Christmas afternoon after a very full flurry of activity here which included a move, hosting holiday dinner parties for Thanksgiving, a church group, Christmas Eve dinner, Christmas brunch. We also had our son's family stay with us the week before Christmas so we had such fun with our two year old grand daughter who we rarely see in person. Photos and Skype are great, but just not the same as those precious hugs, giggles, and in person fun. We were so busy every day and evening that I was getting so very tired and looking forward to some down time between Christmas and New Year's. That didn't happen. While with my mom I also learned my brother, who is living with her since his recent divorce, is back in alcohol treatment (or so he claims, I'm not so sure as he is such a convincing liar), and managed to get himself fired right after I arrived. His employer gave him a great chance for help when he gave him paid time off to go to treatment. He didn't go and that was the end of that. He still leaves each morning and returns late at night perfectly willing to tell our mother about his day at work. I'm furious that he won't tell. He has cirrhosis and I don't know if there are also other health issues, but I am very concerned that he is depressed and heading towards an early grave. i want him to come clean with Mom and spend more of his time helping her until he finds another job, though I doubt he is looking.
Meanwhile, i've chosen to have joy in my life. Worry doesn't help me or those around me so I decide if there is something I can actually do to help and do it or if there is nothing I can do I let it go. I give the worry up to the Lord and find the joy in each day. My weight loss stopped and went in reverse a bit over the past few weeks, especially when I got home from my mom's house. Now I have more to lose again, though still a manageable amount, I think. Also, a friend and I will begin a program together this Friday - "Made to Crave". I'm praying that we will hold each other accountable and find success. She has a lot of weight to lose, me not, so much. I think she can be very successful and encouraged. I'm concerned for her health issues. I have MS and some other challenges and know that extra weight is bad for all of that. For her, she struggles with knee and other joint problems, high blood pressure and some other things. So, we anticipate great outcomes. I am so eager to begin. Hope all of you have gotten off to a great 2011. Each day is full of new opportunities to serve and to succeed.
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