Thursday, July 29, 2010
My DH and I will be out once again this evening looking for a condo to downsize to. It feels like such luxury to be able to take our time this time around. Other moves have revolved around relocations. Not this time. This time we can just look until we are satisfied to find something that will fit our lifestyle. I want a place that has a decent exercise room, perhaps a pool and definitely lots of territory to walk. I'd love to be near mass transit, especially for winter. And this time we are determined to have everything on one level. It would be an awesome benefit to find something that is move in ready, but if we have to have some work done we can live in our big house until the little one is done. We've been out looking a few times already, but we don't think we've seen our dream place just yet. If only we could combine the best parts of several! I so look forward to meeting new neighbors, praying through new neighborhoods and cleaning through a much smaller space. In the midst of this, my weight loss journey of fits and starts continues. I am making progress, very slowly, but the trend is in the right direction. Praise God! To keep the progress going I so look forward to exploring some new trails and walkways. Though the idea of packing and unpacking is not in the least appealing, the idea of a new home sweet home is heavenly. Our daughter's family has already begun moving things into our house and it won't be long before we will have to get out or get a storage facility. She's moving from a 13,000 sq. ft. mansion they've restored to this 5300 sq ft place. Her husband will do a neurology critical care fellowship here and we are delighted they are moving back to town. It will be such joy to have their three little ones near enough to hug. We hope they can sell their house to settle some of their medical bills - baby had major neurosurgery in May and they are buried in debt. We won't charge them rent, but hope they can at least pay utilities. We'll see how it all works out. We know the Lord has a plan and that His plan is so much better than anything we could ever think up. When we bought this house we stood in the middle of the main floor and prayed. He assured us this was the place for our family and it has served us so well these past 19 years. It will be hard to leave, but we so look forward to our next adventure. Blessings. Have a wonderful day!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
So, the bright spots included an amazing afternoon with my DH's family. There were 14 adults and 11 children of all ages. My mother-in-law was in her element for sure. Even at age 95 she managed the day with grace, laughter and lots of love. I loved having my children and their families there. Our youngest was 7 months and it was so much fun to watch our daughter and her husband show her off to everyone. I took the two grandsons shopping the day before we left so they were attired in exactly what they wanted for the big picture. The five year old sported spongebob and the seven year old was in very cool shirt and shorts that he will wear when he goes back to school next month. Those two loved playing with all their cousins. Our son's little girl is 21 months old and seemed to enjoy all her cousins, too. She's a bit shy, but seemed to have a really fun day. The only damper on the reunion was that our niece didn't come. She sent her children, but she no showed after promising her grandma many times that she would be there. It was sad that she chose to let her grandma down like that. I don't know what the issues are in her life just now, but she may not have another opportunity to have her dad's family all together again. Very sad for grandma.
With my kids together I had planned to visit my 96 year old mom even if just for a few minutes. But, since she is nearly blind and has always been very self serving anyway, I guess I should have known she would not let us visit. My kids were heartbroken...especially our daughter who wanted to introduce our little miracle baby, Ziva. I begged my mom repeatedly for more than two weeks in hopes that she would allow us to stop in for a few minutes. But, as has been her history, because she would not be able to enjoy because she cannot see, she wasn't about to accommodate the wishes of even her own grandchildren. So disappointing for us all. It stirred up so many sad memories from my childhood and from all the years since then. As an adopted child, I never knew if I was even lovable. My parents never said the words, so it always left me guessing. And, I figured that since my birth parents gave me away that I had better be perfect or my adoptive parents might do the same. I've never felt I was good enough for them. Still, I so hoped she would want to see her grandchildren and great grandchildren. But, I was wrong. So wrong.
It was a challenge for me to spend four full days with Don's family when my heart was so hurt and what I really wanted to do was cry. We are back home now. I expect her to call in a little while and part of me doesn't even want to answer the phone. Still, I know I must be kind. After all, she is 96 years old. I feel so sorry for her. When I found the Lord, I knew I was lovable, I knew I was loved. My mom was an atheist for most of her life...now she says she's more agnostic. My hubby and I have shared our faith with her through the years. When she could still see well enough to read I sent her long letters that always ended with a P.S.I Love You at the end that included Scripture, part of my personal faith journey, and a prayer. She says she read it all, but that it never 'worked' for her. What a sad woman. I cannot imagine turning away my grandchildren or not wanting to spend time with others who care. She only seems to see people now for how they can be useful to her. One of my brothers handles her finances and repairs things when he visits. The other brother does her grocery shopping and is planning to move in with her now that he and his wife of 22 years are separating. I manage contact with her doctors and help her get the medications prescribed that might help with her arthritis, sleep and some minor heart issues. Tis I do via computer and phone.
So, the blues included a 37 year old no show granddaughter who is deeply loved and whose presence was hugely missed by her grandma and everyone else and a 96 year old self centered, very alone mom, grandma, great grandma who has no interest in seeing the family that loves her.
But, the bright spots were many and brilliant. I got to see my son-in-law and sons see tide pools for the first time. I got to hold baby Ziva and receive little goodies like plastic toys and dominoes from 21 month old Emily. I got to share the time with my DH and surrounded by a lot of love. We all got there safely and landed safely back in our various states. Another bright spot for me was that despite a lot of restaurants and the big catered reunion, I didn't gain any weight. In fact, I lost some. I probably should thank my mom for taking away my appetite. Hmm. I imagine it will return soon, but for the travel it was a great source of protection.
I'm glad I got to go. I'm happy to be back home. I'm thrilled to be losing a little weight. But, mostly, I'm ever so grateful for my children, their families and my DH. Life is good!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Klutziest kid on the block so long ago...ME!
-I managed to break my toe walking home from kindergarten.
-I wrecked my bike by running it into a metal railing on my first ride by neglecting to turn
-I fell down the escalator on my first ride
-I fell down in the department store by standing still as instructed by my mom
-I broke my wrist the first (and only) time on ice skates
Klutziest kid on the block today....STILL ME!
-Fell off kitchen stool when I forgot which step I was on - just last week
-Got all scratched up falling into a rose bush - also recently
-Fell over my daughter's dog
-Dropped dinner on the kitchen floor
...and so much more
You would think I would learn from some of these experience and the many, many other similar not-so-fun things in my life. But, for some unknown reason I seem to need to continually relearn. Either I'm a slow learner - possibly. Enjoy embarrassment and pain - not so much. Am innately uncoordinated - perhaps. Or could it all be related to my weight issues? That is the answer that many folks around me through the years decided was the right one. I've been an easy target for abuse and name calling in general. It's tough enough picking myself up off the sidewalk when nobody is watching. It is death to do it when onlookers point and laugh. Junior high boys have probably been the worst offenders, but they are certainly not the only ones.
The sad part is that when someone has a mishap we should be first in line to offer assistance. I wonder why so few are willing to go out of their way to help another. None of us is perfect. All of us need help now and then. All of us can help now and then.
I have multiple sclerosis and probably the most emotionally devastating fall happened when I tumbled while carrying a big pile of clothing I was about to purchase. When I fell I had to crawl quite a distance to find something to push up from. I really struggle to get off the floor without some sort of assistance. It was just before Christmas and the store was packed. I think that more than 50 people walked by me as I struggled. Not one offered to help. When I finally did get up, gather my items back into my arms and got through the check out process, I went to my car and just cried. Where has our humanity gone? Where is the empathy and sympathy? What gives anyone the right to abuse another human because of weight, or illness, or because of anything else?
I will always be klutzy. That's just how it is. I pray that I will never just walk past someone in need. I imagine many of my Spark friends have also endured similar sad and disappointing moments. I also imagine it has made each of you stronger and more eager to help wherever you see the need. God bless you for every kindness. For every kind of empathy, sympathy, kindness and assistance....The Award Goes To YOU!
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