Thursday, July 10, 2014
24 days ago I was back to 248. I was not happy about it but I had accepted it as my starting weight.
what have I been doing since? Simple... eat less. I make sure I get enough veggies in my system. Raw veggies mostly. I bring my lunch at work wich normaly consists of 2 snacks and 1 meal. Snacks are usually yogurt & raw veggies. Lunch is some protein (chicken, ham, eggs, whatever is on hand at home) and raw veggies. Then, for dinner the rule is 1 plate only and desert no more than twice a week.
It seems to be working. in 24 days I went from 248 to 237.6. That feels great!
the other thing that feels great is that I can actually see the changes.not only because my belt got too big and I had to make another hole, but I can actually look in the mirror and see where it has come off.
Funny how I never before noticed this when I was losing weight. Even when I went down to 227, I couldn't actually see the differences. I felt it, got into smaller clothes, but what I was seeing in the mirror was a fat woman. Always a fat woman. I couldn't see the changes.
So I am happy to report that I can see my belly is going down, I have lost quite a bit of my love handles. I am getting closer to getting the body I want to fit the new pair I'll get this fall. My objective is to be 200 by November 26th and here is how it is going :
So many things have changed in my head. I think that is why it is going well. Hopefully I'll keep that frame of mind for a long time!
Monday, June 23, 2014
this weekend was busy...
Saturday, I attended my uncle's funeral in Deschaillons. that is a bit over 2 hours drive. So we left at 7 am. went to the funeral home then the church for the service, then the lunch. At wich I am happy to say I wasn't even tempted to touch the deserts. After the reception, we went with our cousins to the cabin on the side of the St-laurence river. Lots of childhood memories there. Then on the way back we stopped at "la fromagerie Lemaire" for dinner and to buy fresh cheese.
Sunday, I had to cramp my grocery shoping, lawn mowing and laundry since I was going to my father for dinner to celebrate my sister's birthday.
And you know what? I kept my calories in check. So for the first 7 days I managed to get an average of 1500 calories a day.
Something seems to have changed in me. I haven't felt any urge to snack at night. Nor have I felt the need for a second portion. Hopefully my mindset will stay there.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Well so far so good.
Yesterday my daughter was having a party with her friends to celebrate the end of school. I got back from work in a house filled with goodies. I was to cook hambergers and hotdogs for the girls. My other daughter came for a visit. I managed to get some good red wine out for her without taking any, I didn't touch the chips nor any other goodies. I had a hamberger patty and 3 hotdogs. That gave me about 1700 calories wich makes my average calories per day go from 1476 a day to 1547. woohoo! I'm still within range!
this morning, I overslept... I woke up about 15 minutes before my train. Lucky me my husband (who is an angel) had just return from work and was nice enough to drive me to the train station. but it means that I jumped out of bed, brushed my teeths, got dressed and ran out of the house running grabing my shoes and my purse on the way out. I got the shoes on as soon as I got in the car.
So I didn't have breakfast and I didn't make a lunch and it's Friday so there is always Tim Horton's muffins in the kitchen at work. The perfect recipe for disaster.
What to do?
I had half a muffin for breakfast/snack (about 200 calories) and for my lunch and afternoon snack I went to a convenience strore and bought some raspberries, an orange and some cottage cheese. So I wont have more than 900 calories in during the day. that leaves me with 700 calories for tonight. wich is very good.
I am proud of the fact that all the temptations and excuses I could have used to not keep up with the program didn't have any effect on me. I am not saying I was not tempted to take a few chips or a glass of wine, but the temptation was very controlable. Also, normally, when I take half of a muffin in the morning, I end up having like 3 full muffins by the end of the day.
small victories... I love that!
Thursday, June 19, 2014
A few more things are coming into place....
Ever since I have started this quest, I have stumbled, found some clues of what made me unable to go back to my former self. And these past few weeks, I have found some again.
I have been very good with my food goal and it hasn't been as tough as it has in the past. Why? What is different?
I got most of my grades from University. A+, A and B+ the one I'm still waiting for looks like an A-. But there are still 2 corrections to come. And you know what? It was easy.
It is the first time in my life that I get that great of an average for a semester. Not because I couldn't, but because I wouldn't. As a child and teen, school was easy for me. I could have had great grades without working too hard at it.
But I didn't.
I should have performed to the best of my capacity, but I didn't want it. And why is that? In my life, a lot of times, I started something good, something great only to not do it as I should have... why is that?
I got here on Spark to lose weight. I started loosing got myself down from 263 pounds to about 227. That was great! I was good at it. And what did I do? I started giving myslelf a lot of excuses and managed to bring my weight to 270 pounds... Way to go Hélène!
Why is it that I don't want success in anything? Why is it that I self-sabotage when it looks like I will succeed?
I think I found something to explain that.
What did it ever gave me? What did I ever had to gain by succeeding? .... Nothing. I could have worked hard at school and get great grades but wether I did or not, I wouldn't get the attention I was craving for. Nobody was ever happy for me (or so I felt... ) I didn't feel like I was getting a WOW. It was normal because it was easy for me. So why work harder if it won't give you anything more? I was constantly looking for validation from others. I was expecting people to tell me how great I was.
I am now 50 years old and suddently realised that anything I have started was to get approval from others. So when I got close to the goal and wasn't feeling the cheers, I was giving up convinced I couldn't do it. I some distorted way, not getting the WOWs made me think I wasn't good enough. So what was it worth to achieve anything when it's not going to be enough? So the best way to get out was to quit. Better quit than fail.....
Funny how our minds can play tricks on us....
So from now on, I have decided to be my own cheerleader. To be proud of my accomplishments and not worry about others and what I think they expect. I say think, because I have come to realise that what we think the others are expecting and what they are actually expecting can be totally oposites....
So this is for me.... And since it is for me, I don't need anyone to validate it.
I will appreciate the validation from others, (it is always good for the ego) but I will do this for me. The same way I am going back to school to become an IT engineer only because I want to be one. This is my life and I'm taking it back!
Day 4 and I'm still going stronger than ever!
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
As I was saying, hearing about that lady's story has put my life and little miseries in perspective. So I was motivated to start over and do it right. It all comes down to me and I shouldn't use any excuse to not do it.
I am aiming for between 1200 to 1550 calories a day
Day 1 was Monday.
I was weighting 248 pounds when I woke up. mmmmm......
I had an appointment with the plastic surgeon. To make a story short, 2 years ago I asked my family doctor for a referal to a plastic surgeon for a breast reduction. Before giving me the referal, he sent me for a mammogram just to make sure everything was ok. We found a mass, then it was a massectomy and radiation treatments. Now, it has been over a year since my last radiation treatment so the surgeon told me I was entitled to reconstructive surgery to make my breasts even. (one is 2 cup smaller than the other). I told him I would prefer getting the reduction.
So Monday I was there to find out what medicare would pay and found out I can have it without cost. woohoo! it should happen in October or November.
The surgeon gave me all the information about the procedure, the risks and all... and asked me to lose as much weight as possible before it happens.
I was having a great day with my calories and it motivated me to keep at it.
Day 1 finished with 1381 calories!
On a roll, I modified the way I distributed the calories over the meals, and ended up with not so much calories for dinner and missing a few carbs... I ended up eating 1.25 cup of cooked spagetti without any sauce, butter. I thought I would cave in during the evening but no. I only had to think of how it is all on me. How I only have to be consistent for it to happen and it did the trick.
Day 2 finished with 1542 calories
Today I have to go back to the hospital for pictures. and I am looking forward to it as it means things are in motion.
So far, with my breakfast and the lunch and snacks I brought to work, by the time I get back home, I should have consumed about 800 calories. that will leave me with 400 to 750 calories for dinner so I should do fine.
I think part of me realised while talking to the plastic surgeon that I may feel like I'm 30, but my body is not reflecting that. Even if I am energetic, if nothing is stopping me, I don't think I have realised before that talk how fat I am. I am a fat 50yrs old woman and because of that, I am putting myself at risk of quite a list of problems : heart, high blood pressure, diabetese to name a few. He was asking me twice all the health questions as if it was not quite normal that I didn't have any of those... That got me to finally see where I am.
So I am really decided to lose weight. I have decided to stick to the program for 2 weeks, see how much I will lose. After that, I will have, once a week, a 1700 calorie day and stick to that new program for at least a month before making changes.
I have decided to not track exercises. For now my focus will be on food. Food has always been my problem and I know if I exercise, I am at risk of using this excuse to eat more. So no training. It doesn't mean I will sit on my butt in the living room, it just means I will not have targets... I do things anyway. I swim in the pool, I mow the lawn, I walk to and from the train each day. I have worn the bodymedia long enough to know I take at least 6000 steps in a normal day so it's not like I am inactive.
well that's it for now....
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