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GRANDEFILLE's Recent Blog Entries

I'm still here

Thursday, July 24, 2014

So far this summer has been very busy.... I have managed to replace part of the fence for my backyard, destroyed concrete and got all the concrete in a container. Of course I had help to do it, but I have worked on that project 3 weekends in a row. (include Canada Day weekend wich had 4 days since I took a vacation day on the Monday)

Last weekend I had decided I wouldn't do anything. Ever since June 24th (Quebec's national day), I haven't stopped. each day consisted of going to work, building a fence, using a jackhammer to break concrete, carrying concrete in a container or any combination of all that..... So it was going to be a "do nothing" Saturday. So I vacuumed the pool, mowed the lawn, did some dishes and washed some clothes.... so much for taking it easy!

the washer died over the weekend so i had to go shoping for a new one. We had decided to replace the dryer also since they are both the same age and there was a special on the pair. That got delivered yesterday. I did get some top soil delivered also. This weekend will be time to fill the hole left after taking out the concrete. then I will be able to seed some grass. Soon we will have a nice place on the side of the house.

To give you an idea, the area we took the concrete and asphalt off measures 15 ft by 33 ft. Most of it of concrete... that was a lot of work! I built some muscle! I will try to post some pics as soon as I find the time!

As for my weight, well, it has been going down. Not as fast, but still down. Apparently I have really mastered the art of not eating too much.

6 weeks left before school starts! that will be a major change... I will be in school 4 nights a week from 6 to 9. That will be a major change of pace. It means not being in bed before 11pm 4 nights a week. And since I have to be in the bus by 6h10 am, my nights will be a bit short. I am expecting to have to nap over the weekend.

On another subject, for the last 4 weeks I have been picking up my basket of veggies from a local farmer. I am happy I registered for it this year. So far I have had strawberries 3 times, green onions 3 times, Zuchini 2 times, Lettuce every week, tomatoes every week, bok choy 3 times, Kale once, chou-rave (sorry don't know the name of it in English), beets once, carrots once.... I think I remembered them all... I like going there and finding out what I will be eating for the next week in vegetables. I'm going again tonight!

well that is about it from me... I do miss 2 very special Sparkfriends... hope they both are well.

till the next time,


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITKAT62 7/26/2014 1:19PM

    You sure are busy. Please make sure to take a few minutes each day to enjoy some "me" time.

I have since gotten into the habit of going for long walks with hubby after dinner. Our walks are usually 8500 steps and involve hills that equal 5 flights of stairs. It reminds me of when you and I were virtual running buddies.

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DOVESEYES 7/24/2014 8:27PM

    wow what stamina you have! You have some long days before you hope the weekends are restful.

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TOONIE 7/24/2014 6:48PM


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UKNOWITNOW 7/24/2014 3:16PM


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Day 24 Still going and seeing changes

Thursday, July 10, 2014

24 days ago I was back to 248. I was not happy about it but I had accepted it as my starting weight.

what have I been doing since? Simple... eat less. I make sure I get enough veggies in my system. Raw veggies mostly. I bring my lunch at work wich normaly consists of 2 snacks and 1 meal. Snacks are usually yogurt & raw veggies. Lunch is some protein (chicken, ham, eggs, whatever is on hand at home) and raw veggies. Then, for dinner the rule is 1 plate only and desert no more than twice a week.

It seems to be working. in 24 days I went from 248 to 237.6. That feels great!

the other thing that feels great is that I can actually see the changes.not only because my belt got too big and I had to make another hole, but I can actually look in the mirror and see where it has come off.

Funny how I never before noticed this when I was losing weight. Even when I went down to 227, I couldn't actually see the differences. I felt it, got into smaller clothes, but what I was seeing in the mirror was a fat woman. Always a fat woman. I couldn't see the changes.

So I am happy to report that I can see my belly is going down, I have lost quite a bit of my love handles. I am getting closer to getting the body I want to fit the new pair I'll get this fall. My objective is to be 200 by November 26th and here is how it is going :

So many things have changed in my head. I think that is why it is going well. Hopefully I'll keep that frame of mind for a long time!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VALIENDRA 7/22/2014 1:40PM

    Ohhh! This is AWESOME! I actually don't see the changes either. I think it has to do with accepting that.. well.. we are fat. There's no denying it but seeing our body changing and getting fitter, well, that seems to be a challenge. It kinda feel that whatever you are doing, it's never enough. So I think that seeing the changes has a lot to do with the mindset. So CONGRATS on being able to see it =)
Keep going, you're so, so worth it!
Isabelle ☼

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DOVESEYES 7/10/2014 10:01PM

    Great job

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TOONIE 7/10/2014 2:51PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LOSE4LIFE47 7/10/2014 12:44PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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day 8 (still going strong)

Monday, June 23, 2014

this weekend was busy...
Saturday, I attended my uncle's funeral in Deschaillons. that is a bit over 2 hours drive. So we left at 7 am. went to the funeral home then the church for the service, then the lunch. At wich I am happy to say I wasn't even tempted to touch the deserts. After the reception, we went with our cousins to the cabin on the side of the St-laurence river. Lots of childhood memories there. Then on the way back we stopped at "la fromagerie Lemaire" for dinner and to buy fresh cheese.

Sunday, I had to cramp my grocery shoping, lawn mowing and laundry since I was going to my father for dinner to celebrate my sister's birthday.

And you know what? I kept my calories in check. So for the first 7 days I managed to get an average of 1500 calories a day.

Something seems to have changed in me. I haven't felt any urge to snack at night. Nor have I felt the need for a second portion. Hopefully my mindset will stay there.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOVESEYES 6/23/2014 10:59PM

    Sorry to hear about your uncle.

Great work on the calories.
Sounds like you had no trouble getting your fitness in either, busy days...

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VALIENDRA 6/23/2014 11:12AM

    Mes condoléances pour ton oncle.

J'espère que malgré l'occasion, tu as eu du plaisir à revoir ta famille et le chalet. C'est tellement une belle place Deschaillons. Et puis, félicitations pour avoir résister aux tentations. Je suis contente pour toi que ça s'en vienne facile de refuser.

Lâche pas =)

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day 5 (small victories)

Friday, June 20, 2014

Well so far so good.

Yesterday my daughter was having a party with her friends to celebrate the end of school. I got back from work in a house filled with goodies. I was to cook hambergers and hotdogs for the girls. My other daughter came for a visit. I managed to get some good red wine out for her without taking any, I didn't touch the chips nor any other goodies. I had a hamberger patty and 3 hotdogs. That gave me about 1700 calories wich makes my average calories per day go from 1476 a day to 1547. woohoo! I'm still within range!

this morning, I overslept... I woke up about 15 minutes before my train. Lucky me my husband (who is an angel) had just return from work and was nice enough to drive me to the train station. but it means that I jumped out of bed, brushed my teeths, got dressed and ran out of the house running grabing my shoes and my purse on the way out. I got the shoes on as soon as I got in the car.

So I didn't have breakfast and I didn't make a lunch and it's Friday so there is always Tim Horton's muffins in the kitchen at work. The perfect recipe for disaster.

What to do?

I had half a muffin for breakfast/snack (about 200 calories) and for my lunch and afternoon snack I went to a convenience strore and bought some raspberries, an orange and some cottage cheese. So I wont have more than 900 calories in during the day. that leaves me with 700 calories for tonight. wich is very good.

I am proud of the fact that all the temptations and excuses I could have used to not keep up with the program didn't have any effect on me. I am not saying I was not tempted to take a few chips or a glass of wine, but the temptation was very controlable. Also, normally, when I take half of a muffin in the morning, I end up having like 3 full muffins by the end of the day.

small victories... I love that!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VALIENDRA 6/23/2014 9:13AM

    I love that too. Doesn't it feel great to have those victories all alond our path and be able to rexognize them as such. Wow, congrats!
Keep pushing because.. it works =)
Have a good St-Jean tomorrow ☼

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DOVESEYES 6/20/2014 10:10PM

    Awesome great choices.

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MAYFIELD0801 6/20/2014 8:00PM

    that is just awesome. Keep up the good work. like you said small victories and they will lead us to the big result at the end.

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    Great willpower on day 4 and 5! Temptations and a rather hectic situation did not overcome your resolve and determination to stay the course. That shows strength of mind - a muscle that we all need to work on - and you are definitely giving yours a good workout. Anyway, your compass is holding true and you, my dear, are sure not to get lost betwixt here and THERE...

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/20/2014 1:58:43 PM

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How I am learning to rely on ME for validation and success

Thursday, June 19, 2014

A few more things are coming into place....

Ever since I have started this quest, I have stumbled, found some clues of what made me unable to go back to my former self. And these past few weeks, I have found some again.

I have been very good with my food goal and it hasn't been as tough as it has in the past. Why? What is different?

I got most of my grades from University. A+, A and B+ the one I'm still waiting for looks like an A-. But there are still 2 corrections to come. And you know what? It was easy.

It is the first time in my life that I get that great of an average for a semester. Not because I couldn't, but because I wouldn't. As a child and teen, school was easy for me. I could have had great grades without working too hard at it.

But I didn't.

I should have performed to the best of my capacity, but I didn't want it. And why is that? In my life, a lot of times, I started something good, something great only to not do it as I should have... why is that?

I got here on Spark to lose weight. I started loosing got myself down from 263 pounds to about 227. That was great! I was good at it. And what did I do? I started giving myslelf a lot of excuses and managed to bring my weight to 270 pounds... Way to go Hélène! emoticon

Why is it that I don't want success in anything? Why is it that I self-sabotage when it looks like I will succeed?

I think I found something to explain that.

What did it ever gave me? What did I ever had to gain by succeeding? .... Nothing. I could have worked hard at school and get great grades but wether I did or not, I wouldn't get the attention I was craving for. Nobody was ever happy for me (or so I felt... ) I didn't feel like I was getting a WOW. It was normal because it was easy for me. So why work harder if it won't give you anything more? I was constantly looking for validation from others. I was expecting people to tell me how great I was.

I am now 50 years old and suddently realised that anything I have started was to get approval from others. So when I got close to the goal and wasn't feeling the cheers, I was giving up convinced I couldn't do it. I some distorted way, not getting the WOWs made me think I wasn't good enough. So what was it worth to achieve anything when it's not going to be enough? So the best way to get out was to quit. Better quit than fail.....

Funny how our minds can play tricks on us....

So from now on, I have decided to be my own cheerleader. To be proud of my accomplishments and not worry about others and what I think they expect. I say think, because I have come to realise that what we think the others are expecting and what they are actually expecting can be totally oposites....

So this is for me.... And since it is for me, I don't need anyone to validate it.

I will appreciate the validation from others, (it is always good for the ego) but I will do this for me. The same way I am going back to school to become an IT engineer only because I want to be one. This is my life and I'm taking it back!

Day 4 and I'm still going stronger than ever!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOVESEYES 6/19/2014 8:47PM

    Great blog it says so much to us all.

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GRANDEFILLE 6/19/2014 2:43PM

    thanks! I'll toast to that!

Celebrate what you are! It is important! more important than having others celebrate it. (Althought my Ego is flattered by the fact that you are willing to celebrate me emoticon )

and you know what? No more feeling guilty about having it easy! I am lucky and I shouldn't feel guilty about it!

Comment edited on: 6/19/2014 2:45:08 PM

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    Spellbound! Just sat here reading your words and was spellbound by your insightful look into your past - of how it has affected your present up to this point - and of how your new-found awareness is going to change for the better your mindset for the future.

Bravo! You have set your mind on you - given yourself challenges, goals and accomplishments and expectations to meet - and all of this done for one person only - you. And having removed from your mindset a once self-imposed need for approval from others, you must be feeling somewhat liberated. I feel liberated, myself, just reading your words - Much of which I relate to by simply inserting my own circumstances.

Unlike you, I am not academically minded, however - not so bright, really - yet I am confident in my abilities to do certain things and truly believe that had I had at least a couple extra pats on the back, job well done, you can do it (!) types of encouragement while growing up, I might have had more of the self-confidence needed to live life without a need for validation. Man, the need for validation is like a BIG BREAK PEDDLE pressing down on one’s passion and excitement about life. Yet that is how I have lived over a half century (OUCH!) of my life. If no one said, “Wow, great job!” then it apparently wasn't that great.

Of course, there were times when I still thought that something I’d done or accomplished was great even though no praise was coming my way from others. BUT, sadly, I didn't celebrate the accomplishment – not even in my own mind, but, instead, dismissed it as nothing important. That word – ‘important’ … it is so very relative to me now that I read your words.

What is important to you?

What is important to me?

And does it matter a hill of beans if what I find important, you don’t? And vice-versa?

Dang, GRANDEFILLE, you have opened my eyes today to a profound truth. Everything I do is IMPORTANT – To me!

And now I am laughing out loud. You see, I just finished cleaning the grout lines on all the tile floors on the first floor of my house. Today my hands hurt and my knees hurt, terribly so, and I even have two blisters on my right hand from rubbing a hard bristle scrub brush over every single one of those f**kin’ grout lines, but WOW! It’s like, the floor looked wretched for several many years and I no longer cared. Then, one day, I cared just a wee bit and started this project. And the story could have ended there. Floor is clean – Big deal.

But today, thanks to you, I think,
“GRANDEFILLE is studying to become an IT Engineer and I am shopping for more grout cleaner so I can do the upstairs bathrooms – and, wow, aren't we each amazing human beings – doing what IS important.

I am going to celebrate today. Gonna celebrate me and all the important things I am doing and going to continue to do for me.

Oh, and I’m gonna celebrate you, too. After all, you may not have cleaned a bunch of grout (we each have our own gifts) but getting an IT degree ain't bad either. emoticon

Love Ya!!! emoticon

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