Sunday, October 20, 2013
I had one of the most frustrating, defeating conversations today. I can not believe how this women's comments are really getting under my skin.
A women at my church recently ran a 5k race, so when I saw her I congratulated her on the accomplishment of finishing the race. She was quick to tell me her time (which had also been posted in the facebook group message). She made a comment about wanting to train to run other 5k's, she also mentioned that she had walked a small portion of this race. I told her about the C25K app I had downloaded for free and how it had made all the difference in me finally being able to complete 3 miles. She then asked how fast I ran 3 miles. I told her and she said "oh...that's pretty slow, I finished the 5k in 42 minutes and I walked some...so I'm doing pretty well". Mind you, she isn't telling me anything I don't already know. I KNOW I am not running very fast, but I am running 3 miles without stopping which for me is a HUGE achievement. I just can not get over the fact that a person could be so incredibly rude and insensitive to someone else. Seriously, did she think I wasn't aware of how slow I was? Really...did she needed to tell me she could walk faster than I run? Really...on what planet was any of that going to be helpful to me. Hey...as long as she walked away from the situation feeling good about herself.
I am so frustrated. I can look at the situation and see that she is trying to make herself feel better regardless of what the cost might be to me. I should be able to let it roll off my back, but I can't. I am a brand new runner. I JUST finished the C25K program on 9/23, completing the distance is still a struggle for me. To have this woman tell me I'm slow is so diminishing to my efforts. I have been very quiet about my running, because I know I have a long way to go, because I know I am a beginner. I am so frustrated because I took a risk, was vulnerable and she behaved very poorly.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Every day is a new opportunity for situations to change. I need to remind myself and practice being open to the universe. Last night I chose to walk to my support group instead of driving. I was only looking to get some exercise. On my way home I was stopped by someone who wanted to talk and that simple conversation was so eye opening and refreshing. It was a wonderful reminder of being open to the unknown.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
A few years ago I purchased the law of attraction DVD, it was about manifesting the life you wanted. It's been a few years, and what I remember sticking with me was that our thoughts created energy waves or signals and the universe would just send back whatever we put out into the universe. Similar to magnets. It kind of makes sense...whatever you spend you mental energy on you will get more of the same.
Awesome...my life has been on a downward spiral for years. No need to do the complete laundry list. Let's begin with say the last year. I was laid of the second time in 3 years, this time I chose to go back to school to become a Medical Assistant with the hope that the field would bring a better possibility of finding stable employment. I had challenges all along the way with classmates (theft of my wallet and the school did nothing), an externship where I might as well been knitting for the about of hands-on learning I received and with each challenge I told myself keep you eye on the prize....finishing the program and getting a job. I finished the program in March and in April I found a job (the 1st interview I went on) I was thrilled I was hired right away in my field of choice. I couldn't believe how quickly I was hired (Interviewed on a Tuesday and working on a Wednesday) I actually thought the practice manager saw something special in me, I thought the universe was rewarding me for taking a risk in a new career with job to show me I was finally on the right path.
Fast forward 3 months, on the last day of the month I had not received my schedule for July yet so I sent the program manager a text and she replied back with "oh sorry...It didn't work out, a letter was sent to you today" the only explanation I ever received was that "it didn't work out".
So this has been a pretty bummer of a summer. With the extra time I have on my hands it is more clear than ever who I can count on for support and concern and who tolerates me.
It's time for me to accept my situation, accept that no one is going to jump in and help me, accept that I poured a lifetime of energy into people who honestly don't really care about me. Awareness is key, it should prevent me from making the same mistakes and having the same disappointments over and over again.
I want this dark cloud to be lifted, I want to live my life in the light of day. Everything doesn't need to be perfect, I'm only looking for manageable....maybe a spackle kit for the holes :-) The rainbow comes after the storm....right?
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Today's message at church was one about redemption. The message really stuck with me today. I often struggle to find the positive in a negative situation. I tend to completely reject an experience and have very black or white thinking about it overlooking any lesson or opportunity that may also be included. By constantly avoiding and denying emotions (anger, self doubt, fear) I am limiting my self. The universe will continue to bring similar lessons to me that I have not mastered until I stop and learn them. I have struggled with consistency for years. Being consistent is the key to any successful lifestyle change. I want to trade in my current life for what that is purpose driven, balanced and healthy. Even as I type it, it feels more like a wish or a dream than something that is actually in my control. I want to turn this trashed life into a treasure.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
I thought the idea of "social media" was to bring people together, allow them a voice clearly I was mistaken. That could have been the intent, the reality is far from that. I am still feeling the sting of a public "face slap" when I made a comment on a article and someone misunderstood or disagreed with my comments. Disagreeing is completely fine, that's healthy that can be an opportunity for learning. What happened was a personal attack against me, my character it was totally uncalled for. There is no line people won't cross if you don't share a similar view point. It's so upsetting that there are so few safe places. People seem to have forgotten the golden rule of treating people the way they want to be treated. There is such a lack of civility in how people interact with each other.
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