GOTHICLOLLIPOP   9,429
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GOTHICLOLLIPOP's Recent Blog Entries

Aiming for the Moon

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

As much as I hate to admit it, I'm beginning to suspect that my original goal of getting back down to 145 pounds before school starts might have been a tad unrealistic. While Sparkpeople did allow me to set that goal because I wouldn't have to lose more than 2 pounds a week, from what I've been reading, I'm probably not going to be able to lose more than a pound a week, since my BMI is already under 30. Which, if I've done the math correctly, probably means that I'll only be able to make it half way to my goal in that time frame. Well, we'll see. I'll just have to get however far I get by then, and keep going after that. It will take me however long it takes me to lose the weight. I don't really want to readjust my goal, though. I'll just try not to be too disappointed when it doesn't work out the way I had orginally planned. "Aim for the moon and you will land among the stars." Not sure what sappy inspirational poster I got that from, but yep, that's my motto.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELEANORRIGBY13 7/7/2011 1:18AM

  Don't worry about how the goal will pan out. Just be consistent with nutrition and exercise (and tracking both!), and you'll know you've done all you can. You can do it!

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ALICIAINBOSTON 7/6/2011 11:34PM

  Plans can change but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Keep shooting high but don't forget that you can be flexible and be sure to appreciate the positive changes you see!

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Options

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

I've still been thinking about what I'm going to do about my personal budget deficit once I get to UTD. I think what I'm probably going to do at this point is wait until I'm up there and see what options are available to me as far as work study. If I can find something that works, then great, and I'll have plenty of money to keep my car and have a more than comfortable existence. If not, I have three more options, the way I see it:

Option 1: Don't sell my car, and start a blog about eating healthy on a grocery budget of $20 per week...hey, I'm totally up for the challenge, if not completely convinced that such a thing is possible! Maybe I can even turn my appartment into a small self sufficent farm, and someday write a best selling book based on my experiences ;P

Option 2: Sell my car. Collect $6000 or $7000 and have no money troubles, but also have to rely on public transportation. Shouldn't be too horrible, since I'm living on campus. Besides, if I went with option 1, I still wouldn't be able to go anywhere because I wouldn't have a dining out or entertainment budget.

Option 3: Sell my car, and buy a less expensive one. Make a profit of $3000 or so, and probably have just enough to not starve and still be able to go out on occasion (and I'd still have a car to get there!)

Hmm, I think I'm totally leaning towards the self sufficient farm idea emoticon

  


My Appetite is Back

Sunday, July 03, 2011

Blog from 7/02 (posted on 7/03)

Well, I was wrong about getting to the point in my diet where I didn't want to eat anymore - yesterday my appetite came back full force, I'm afraid, and I made it to 1500 calories with no effort whatsoever.

But when I weighed myself this morning, I was down to 159.2, so it's all good on the diet front anyway. Even though I'm finding myself hungry again, I'm really not tempted at all to cheat this time, becaue I DO NOT want to start at UTD not fitting into any of my nice clothes. And since I'm kind of low on funds, I can't afford to buy a lot of new clothes right now.

So this time, I don't have a choice. It's stay on my diet, or don't have anything to wear to class.

I'm planning to start packing today, right after I get some boxes.

  


Moving worries...and now I don't feel like eating much at all.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Well, I find myself feeling anxious yet again. June is turning out to be a short month as far as my timesheet goes. It started and ended with a weekend, and then there's the July 4th weekend, and then there's the fact that I missed a couple of other days and I haven't really been getting in on time, so it's going to end up being short, and I only have two paychecks left until I move and suddenly find myself unemployed...and apparently now I'm sharing my office with someone who is going to start coming in in the mornings (the person who is taking over my job, from what I gather, although I really haven't been told much about it - I only know this at all because they suddenly installed a phone in my office for this person), so I can't even come in early to make up some hours next week, not that I really would have wanted to anyway.

So I only have about a month and one week left before I leave. I can't say I'm not glad about that, despite the fact that I might end up coming up short on money for the move. But I am worried. I'm going to need to pay for a truck rental to move all my stuff, but before that I'm going to have to figure out if my furniture is going to fit in the apartment at all. I'm especially worried that I won't be able to get my oversized couch in, since there seems to be a bar sticking out almost to the door (as you can see in the layout below). The layout is really all I have to go off of though. I've never been in the actual appartment, as they did not have any empty appartments to show me before I signed the lease (this is considered on campus housing, so it stays full all the time).



So if I can't get that couch through the door, I'm going to need a new couch, probably something appartment sized or modular. At least I shouldn't have a problem with my bed, since that's a modular bed from Ikea.

I'm also worried that I'm not going to have enough money to pay off the rest of my car, the payments for which go through October. I might just have to sell it, which at least would resolve some other financial problems, since I think I should still be able to get about $6000 for it. Only problem then would be that I wouldn't have a car at all for the first time since I've been 18. I'd just have to learn to use public transportation (I live in Texas, btw, and that's not something that's very popular here).

I also seem to have already hit that point in my diet where instead of having the urge to overeat, I'm beginning to find it difficult to get enough calories in. Yesterday, I barely made it to 1200. I know I've got to eat enough to keep my metabolism up, but it's starting to become a challenge these past couple of days, because I just don't feel that compelled to eat anymore, and I've gotten too good at shaving off unnecessary calories. I remember this happened last time too, but it didn't happen until after I'd been on my diet for a lot longer. Here it is 6:00, and I haven't even eaten 500 calories today. I should probably force myself to eat a snack now...I'm still at work right now, trying to make up for some lost hours, and I've got a yogurt in the fridge here, but I just don't want it for some reason (sigh).

EDIT AT 6:40 PM: Okay, I was wrong. I ate my yogurt, went to track it, and realized that I had somehow forgotten to track the bread from the sandwhich I ate at lunch. So with the yogurt I'm now up to 695 calories, which is probably about right for this time of day. But I still think I'm getting that point where not eating seems easier than eating for some reason...


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMLILA 7/1/2011 2:00AM

    Job and move and money... same problems I have right now too.. And as a matter of fact, last week that's what I was finding too, I was not getting enough calories either. I was making a peanut butter sandwich with bananas one nite at 11pm, I was that much below my calorie budget too.

We've been packing on and of for about 3 weeks now and everyone keeps saying are you finished, and I don't know how others pack or if we are just such packrats that we have so much stuff we never feel packed. But I tried to explain to someone today that with teaching all subjects to 4 grades over the past 6 years that I have so many books, resources, and papers etc. etc. I've been trying really hard to purge, but guess I'd be finished if I had been successful at that...

Good luck with your future plans as well, lot of stress in the meantime...

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GOTHICLOLLIPOP 6/30/2011 7:20PM

    Unfortunately, I never learned how to ride a bike ^_^;; And Texas cities aren't vey pedestrian friendly...bikes are worth 10 points, lol

Thanks for your suggestion, though ^_^;;

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NICB87 6/30/2011 7:15PM

    If you do end of selling your car, buy a bike! It's great exercise and sometimes it can be easier to bike places rather than take public transportation.



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Stress, Anxiety

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Yesterday, I decided to actually start using the measurement tracker to track things other than my weight. I thought it would be a particularly good idea to keep track of my waistline, hip and thigh measurements, just so I would have some other points of reference I can look to during those times I know are likely to be coming, when the scale has stopped moving for several days and I need some sort of reasurance that what I have been doing is paying off. While I was doing that, I figured I might as well log my energy and stress levels. Hey, it was there, and it would only take a couple of seconds to do it...

This forced me to actually think about what I was feeling. I think for a long time, I have been ignoring my feelings to some degree, simply because I really haven't been feeling as low as I have at other times in my life. While I haven't been feeling extroirdinarily good, I haven't been depressed or having full blown anxiety attacks the way I did when I was younger. I think my moods have really been pretty even for at least the last couple of years.

But what I realized is that while I have gotten used to a fairly laid back lifestyle, that doesn't mean I am completely free of stress and anxiety. The old anxiety especially is still there, and lately it's been a little more...threatening? Sorry, I'm really struggling to come up with the words to describe what I'm feeling.

I know it all has to with the upcoming move and my transfer to the University of Texas at Dallas. I'm especially worried about the money. Luckily, I have a grant that covers all of my tuition, but I still have to pay for living expenses. I think I might be okay on the student loans alone, but it would be tight. I could get a workstudy job, but with the number of hours I'm going to have to take every semester just to finish my bachelors in two years, I'm really worried that adding one more thing to my schedule is going to be a recipe for disaster. I know from past experience that I have a breaking point like anybody else. I am far from being Superwoman.

I could sell my car. Since I bought a used hybrid, it has actually retained most of its value since I bought it less than two years ago. I hate driving in Dallas anyway, and both the money from the sale and the fact that I wouldn't have to pay for my insurance each month could really help out. I'd just have to stick close to campus and use public transportation for the next couple of years, and then just have to deal with the fact that I won't have a car after I graduate either. It's an option, anyway. Something to think about.

Of course, I'm also worried because I know that the classes I'm going to be taking are bound to be more academically challenging than what I've become used to at the community college I've been attending. Which is probably a good thing, but it's still scary. At Weatherford College, I've been enjoying being at the top of my class, a favorite student of many of my teachers for the simple fact that I actually do my work and take some pride in it, but I have a horrible feeling I'll be at the bottom of the heap, striving for average, at UTD.

Really, where has all my hard won self confidence gone lately? I need to get it back, and fast. Maybe getting this extra weight off again will help, but I don't think that is all it is going to take.

For anyone who is actually still reading this at this point, I know that this blog is entirely too long and probably sounds a bit confused. Again, I'm really struggling to work out what I'm feeling right now, and I just thought that blogging about it might help. There was a time when I thought blogging was a fairly useless activity. After all, why should I think a bunch of strangers would really care what I have to say? Now I realize that it's really more for myself. Not only does it help me to sort out my feelings by writing about them, it also helps to be able to look back over my past posts later on. Kind of like an online diary. Funny thing is, I've never been good at keeping diaries before. Maybe the fact that what I write here is public encourages me? Guess I'm kind of an exhibitionist after all ^_^;;

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOTHICLOLLIPOP 6/29/2011 5:42PM

    Thanks! It really is helpful for me to remember that I'm not the only one getting nervous about the prospect of starting at a new school this time of the year. Of course, the thing is, I've actually gone to three different schools before this (never could quite settle on a major), and I don't recall ever being this nervous before...I think maybe it is because this is my fourth time, and I'm also a little worried about being older than almost everyone else at this point ^_^;;

Although, just the other day, someone I worked with was saying he had a niece about my age, what was I, 21, 22? And I had to tell him I was 26. I've always been able to pass for younger, so if I just kept my mouth shut, no one would probably guess, lol.

Comment edited on: 6/29/2011 5:43:58 PM

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OLETA92 6/29/2011 5:19PM

    I have similar thoughts and feelings on a daily basis, especially as I'm due to start University also. All I can say is just to try and stay positive, I know it's easier said then done and I tell myself that all the time haha. It's good that you have decided to blog, for me it's almost like unloading all of my stress and tensions and locking them away for the day.

We do care what you have to say!

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