Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Dear self.... you suck.... you're lying to yourself again! Stop! You are allowed to stumble and fall on your arse; you are NOT allowed to lie to yourself about it! The average effective range of an excuse is 0 (zero, nada, nil, nunca, null, nyet) meters! So, stop making them!
Yes. I caught myself lying to my favorite gullible person... myself. How did I commit this heinous offence? I got off work and stopped at the 7-11 to grab some coffee before visiting my wife at the used book store where she works. Yes... as she worked late, I suspected we would be having fast food for supper, but... I've figured out how to mitigate some of that damage by choosing carefully what I order. (Sorry... the fries are RIGHT out!) That being said, while getting my coffee, I was feeling very clearly the monkey-bites of hunger.... and there sat one of my arch-nemeses.... taunting me with it's chocolately peanut butter goodness: The Little Debbie Nutty Bar.
I should have said no; I didn't. I craved the sweet chocolate and peanut butter combination. And then the lies began.... "You don't hafta log it on your food journal. Nobody will know."
STOP LYING TO YER SILLY SELF!
So this morning, after breakfasting on a healthy serving of humble crow pie along with my cheep and sleasy Jimmy Dean's sausage snacker, I dutifully logged my egregious failure of better judgement for myself and all to see.
The moral of this story is simple. The food journal works. It wakes you up to what you shove in your pie-hole. All ya gotta do, is be truthful to yourself when you do it. Bottom line for me? If I'm ashamed to put it on my food journal, mebbe, juuuuust mebbe, I aught not to shove the dang thing twixt my lips, huh?
Will I have bad days? Yes. The trick is to be very aware of what you eat, when you eat it, and stop lying to yourself that it doesn't count or doesn't matter. I'm not hurting anybody else by not facing the truth or trying to mitigate the events with excuses.
Gotfrid? Epic fail. Try again. :-/
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
I'm beyond livid! All that hard work and progress.... gone. Why? Because I took my eye off the ball and started lying to myself... again. I had returned from a deployment, was shifting gears from being downrange to back home, excited that I was moving from Ft Polk back to Ft Leavenworth where my family was waiting for me, thrilled that I'd been sent to school for the Senior Leadership Course... and what did I do? I got complacent and lazy.
Oh... I'd contiued working out every day. Heck, I even was doin' the happy dance when I hit 230 pounds. My goal was not only in sight, but very achievable and brushing against the tips of my fingers. And then, my new job sent me on a series of business trips. Don't get me wrong... it wasn't the trips that put the weight back on. It was me. Bottom line, I started lying to myself. "I don't have time to work out today, I'll get it tomorrow." " Hey, I've lost a lot of weight, that Snickers bar/doughnut/fat-pill du jour won't hurt me if I make up for it in exersize tomorrow." On and on, the lies kept coming... and I believed them. Why? Well, they were things I wanted to hear from someone I trusted... me. Whoda known I was getting advice from a complete idiot? Oh, yeah... it was that idiot which got me into weight trouble to begin with. Well... you listen to an idiot and that makes you an insane fool. Why insane? Well... you tell ME? What do YOU call it when you do the same stooooopid things over and over again and expect different results? (That IS the definition of crazy, right? *eyeroll*)
Well... NO MORE!!!! WAR HAS BEEN DECLARED!!!!!!
They say it takes several times of getting kicked in the dirt, followed by climbing your bruised and battered self back up into the saddle before bad habits can be changed into good ones. As my wife keeps telling me... baby steps. *sigh* I do hafta say... Fast food places no longer have any kind of allure as they once did. I really would rather eat at home rather than wrap my lips around a Big Mac. Problem is, when travelling, it becomes too convenient to grab a bit to eat at these places, or else I wind up skipping meals; neither choice is any good. And while I try to mitigate all the fat atoms I'm inhaling by making the best health conscious choices I can at these establishments, I often get fooled by eating things I think are healthier, but are really calorie bombs in disguise.
So... here we go again. The food journal here is my friend.... let's continue to learn this time on the merry-go-round.
Monday, December 08, 2008
This time of year usually has a much different effect on me. It is usually a calming, snuggling, comforting effect, despite the shortening length of the days. Not so, this year. Between mobilization and deployment, I haven't been home for any appreciable length of time since Oct 2006... and now being on the opposite side of the world from family... well... that has just put a tremendous strain on the emotions and the dark-half was winning.
Now, don't get me wrong. Despite keenly feeling the miles from home and would love nothing better than to be puppy-piled by family at this very minute, I am exactly where I need and want to be at the moment, with my troops. They are a family as well. But, no matter...
The point is, I have been to the emotional dark-side for a while and today... well... today was another win in the battle.
It has been too easy to feel out of sorts, dwell on not being home during the holiday season, and let my arch nemesis, namely the scales, feed the negative beast sitting on my shoulders. For about a month and a half now, my weight has done nothing but give me the raspberry and fluctuated plus or minus 3 pounds. I've kept at tracking my food intake, no matter the days when I strayed and reached out for that comfort food. And so, I'd wake up the next day and start again... putting the bad day behind me and once more taking aim on my goal caloric intake. I've even set aside a sacrosanct time just when I get up in the afternoon to take myself to the gym and workout. I gotta admit, some days my heart just wasn't into it.
But today.... well... today it paid off in a way which took me by complete surprise. It shouln't have, but... *poof*... there it was. Undeniable indicators of positive progress.
About a month ago, I started taking measurements in conjunction with my weigh-in, because I knew from reading the articles here sometimes plateaus can be and are deceiving. The scales lie... and just going by that one indicator alone can wind up depressing even the Good Humour Man. So, I grab a couple of buddies here and we consistently push each other, especially when one of us are feeling puny that day, and we hit our routines at the gym. Granted, some days the job just doesn't cooperate and we loose a day or two of the routine, but most of the time, we are able to go to the gym to "get our swoll on". Meaning, a good solid strength training workout with weights, which I try to finish out with a minimum of 20 mins of cardio (alternating between the elliptical machines and treadmill). This even helps greatly with the emotional down days!
Now, after about the first couple of weeks, I note that I'm down about 1/2 inch in the waist. Ehhhh, ok... it's progress. Granted, I've been noticing some differences in clothing fit, but I didn't want to get over excited. Today, I rechecked those measurements after about two weeks. Despite the lying little wretched scales telling me I remained at 242 lbs, when I rechecked my measurements, I have lost almost a full two (2) inches in my waist measurement!
So.... a nice little victory to carry me into the holidays as we continue to get our "swoll" on! By the time I go home for my R&R leave, I can once again be much more buff for my wife, and healthy for my family. *smile*
Stay stong and get yer swoll on! *chuckle*
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Ok, so I’ve thrown myself to the floor in the middle of the cereal isle…stomping my feet… screaming… embarrassing people… basically throwing a fit… all because I can’t have my Count Chocula cereal.
Well…. Maybe not exactly, but that’s what it feels like. How did I get there? Well…. It all started back in my childhood where I hated my parents for tying a pork chop around my neck just so the dog would play with me…. No, wait… It was when I was stranded and starving on that South Pacific island after being shipwrecked with 6 others. There was a Millionaire and his wife, a movie star, McGyver….
Yeah, ok…. I’ll put down the martini pitcher and step away now…
Funny thing is, I got on the Spark People program and things were working sooooo smoothly and I was doing all the right things, loosing the weight fairly rapidly and consistently, beginning to change bad lifestyle habits I had picked up, identifying ones I’d never thought about before which needed modifying or downright breaking…. I thought I was doing things right. And then I felt like I’d been kicked squarely in the Oompa-Lumpas* by the fickle Fate sisters, those Beyotches!
So, after railing against the skies and brooding for a bit, I dusted the seat of my pants off, put my hat back in place, and… decided… AGAIN, this dang-blasted thing is NOT gonna get the best of me! I _AM_ MORE STUBBORN THAT THE FATES! I am _determined_ to whoop this thing in the arse, even if it’s my own donkey I’m a whoopin’ into shape! And I’m not alone here. I mean, isn’t that what SP is all about? There are those here who know me, as well as others who don’t know me from Adam, who haven’t stopped believing in me or encouraging me, even when I had my own doubts. (Many thanks to you, Sis, and the others who replied to my previous blog entry.)
It was about that same time SparkPeplz posted an article and I had another apostrophe**. It was an article on grief and its stages. Now… HOW in the heck do ~I~ make THAT leap of logic? Well… walk with me a bit and let’s look into my deranged mind.
1. Denial or numbness: I don’t have a food problem. I can put this jelly-doughnut down at any time. It has no hold over me. See? No problem! I can put it down, pick it back up, put it down… anytime I want to. It has no hold over me. Well… since I already touched it, it would be rude of me to not put it on my plate. My mother taught me good manners, see? And then there’s all those starving children in India I should be mindful of who would be grateful for a mere bite of this jelly-doughnut. It would be wasteful of me to throw it away, since I’ve touched it. Can’t waste food, can we?
2. Anger: WHAT THE HECK DO YOU MEAN I’VE GAINED WEIGHT? It was only ONE jelly-doughnut, fer Pete’s sake. I was only doing what I’d been taught as I’ve grown up! And I was gonna exercise the very minute I could spare. How could this happen TO ME???
3. Bargaining: Ok, so…. If I just lick the sugar off the jelly-doughnut, that won’t count as the full calories, right? It won’t be bad, and you don’t have to go directly to my butt as fat. Just one a day, I won’t even smell the doughy goodness as I lick the sugar off. I won’t even like it, I promise. Just don’t show up on the scale, ok?
4. Depression: *Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* The scales hate me and are against me. Mr. Honeybun and Jelly-doughnut have betrayed me. I can’t get past this weight hurdle. I can’t do anything right between eating habits and lack of opportunity to exercise. Why do I even try?
5. Acceptance: I have bad eating habits and am currently in a very sedentary job. If I don’t _make_ the time to get active, no one will just give it to me. And if I don’t learn new eating habits, I _will_ pay for it in bad health, not meet the Army regulation standards resulting in separation from the Service, and _ALL_ the sweat equity I’ve put into this in the past will have been for nothing. Not to mention, with the hypertension issues I have now, I will put myself into an earlier than necessary grave. I can make all the justifications I want to, but ultimately the decision to eat the jelly-doughnut is mine. And with the decisions I make, come the responsibility of my decisions.
Not so much of a jump now, is it?
So…. Like I said… I’ve dusted my butt off and am taking the fight day by day. I dutifully log in everything I eat on my SP journal, and sometimes about the only thing keeping Mr. Jelly-Doughnut from finding his way to my plate, is the thought of “I sooooo do NOT wanna hafta log THAT”! What’s to keep me from cheating and eating the doughnut anyway and not logging it? Well… I’ve got to be honest with myself. I cannot do this thing and not hold myself accountable. Anything else would be lying to myself and if I did that, then I’m not ready to do this seriously. So, why not drop the pretenses and let’s get on with it, eh? There will be days when I eat bad things, and I need to own up to it. Just like there _will_ be days where my job will require long hours and time at the gym is not gonna happen. But there’s nothing that says I can’t take 10 minutes and knock out some push-ups, leg lifts, or crunches when I get the chance. And if I get off work and make the decision I’m just too beat and would rather sleep instead of going to the gym… Well that was _my_ decision for that day. Tomorrow, when I wake up, the slate is clean. No beating myself up about the head and shoulders for yesterday’s decision. Today, there is a new set of decisions I will face.
One day at a time, one decision at a time. I know what I need to do and I know the right choices to make. Some days, it’s easier than heck to hit all the right choices; others… not so much. In the meanwhile, I’m back down to 242 and poised to break into the 230’s again. I’ve adjusted my schedule such that I’ve set an inviolate time to hit the gym right after I’ve woken up in the afternoons. And I’ve hit strength training in conjunction with aerobic. One day at a time. The decisions are mine to make, whether wisely or poorly.
(*With apologies to Mr Steven Patsis, author of “Pearls Before Swine”, but I like the descriptor.)
(**Kinda like an epiphany-Lite… same great insight, but only half the guilt.)
Thursday, October 16, 2008
*Warning: strong language and emotion ensues*
In fact, we are ROYALLY PO'd!!!!
Ok.... I grok that my work schedule this week was such that I couldn't get to the gym, without sacrificing sleep (5-6 hours allotted). Fine.
Ok.... The one day I'm allotted as a "special dispensation" day, I went 800 calories over the 3000 calorie maintain/sustain weight threshold. Got it. All the rest of the days, I've stayed within 200 freakin' calories +/- of my GD target weight-loss caloric intake.
Nutritionally, 3500 calories = ONE (1) [meaning, AFTER zero (0) and BEFORE two (2)] MF pound.
I gained SIX  POUNDS!!!! WTF, OVER????
By nutritional math, that means I had to have stuffed 21,000 (TWENTY-ONE THHHHOOOOOOUUUUUUUUSAND) GD calories down my gullet! No way! Ain't happening!!!
No, I have _NOT_ been cheating, on NEITHER my food diary, NOR my intake.
Yes, I _HAVE_ annotated religiously EVERY. SINGLE. GD. CRUMB to have passed my lips.
No, I have _NOT_ had a single, solitary soda in 31 days.
I have had a few bad things for my diet, but I've compensated calorically by either cutting back at the next meal, or substituting apples, pears, nectarines, carrots, etc. in subsequent meals.
HOW in Perdition, did I gain 6 pounds????
And NOW... in a freakin' fit of dietary rage, I've just stuffed a Snickers bar AND a small bag of M&M's into my gaping maw. This is enough to PO the Good Humour Man!
*fuuuuuuuuuuming and frothing at the mouth*
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