GOTFRIDVS   5,283
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Diiiiiiiiiisgusting! The lies stop now!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Dear self.... you suck.... you're lying to yourself again! Stop! You are allowed to stumble and fall on your arse; you are NOT allowed to lie to yourself about it! The average effective range of an excuse is 0 (zero, nada, nil, nunca, null, nyet) meters! So, stop making them!

*sigh*

Yes. I caught myself lying to my favorite gullible person... myself. How did I commit this heinous offence? I got off work and stopped at the 7-11 to grab some coffee before visiting my wife at the used book store where she works. Yes... as she worked late, I suspected we would be having fast food for supper, but... I've figured out how to mitigate some of that damage by choosing carefully what I order. (Sorry... the fries are RIGHT out!) That being said, while getting my coffee, I was feeling very clearly the monkey-bites of hunger.... and there sat one of my arch-nemeses.... taunting me with it's chocolately peanut butter goodness: The Little Debbie Nutty Bar.

I should have said no; I didn't. I craved the sweet chocolate and peanut butter combination. And then the lies began.... "You don't hafta log it on your food journal. Nobody will know."

*SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH*

NO.

RONG!!!!!

STOP LYING TO YER SILLY SELF!

So this morning, after breakfasting on a healthy serving of humble crow pie along with my cheep and sleasy Jimmy Dean's sausage snacker, I dutifully logged my egregious failure of better judgement for myself and all to see.

The moral of this story is simple. The food journal works. It wakes you up to what you shove in your pie-hole. All ya gotta do, is be truthful to yourself when you do it. Bottom line for me? If I'm ashamed to put it on my food journal, mebbe, juuuuust mebbe, I aught not to shove the dang thing twixt my lips, huh?

Will I have bad days? Yes. The trick is to be very aware of what you eat, when you eat it, and stop lying to yourself that it doesn't count or doesn't matter. I'm not hurting anybody else by not facing the truth or trying to mitigate the events with excuses.

Gotfrid? Epic fail. Try again. :-/

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOTFRIDVS 1/27/2012 12:49PM

    My inner goober stuck his tongue out at me and flipped me off! I mean... the NERVE of that.... that..... that.... punk! So.... yesterday, I signed myself up for the Army Move Program... Much like an in person version of Spark People, only I _hafta_ show up. *ebil chuckle*

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SINISTRAL 1/26/2012 10:11PM

    So, how's it going? *grin* Would love to hear what's going on since the stern talking to you gave your inner goober.

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ALISKYE 1/19/2012 1:38AM

  Good for you for 'fessing up to yourself. You'll do better next time.

I'm finding it helps to have a plan (or at least some personal rules, well guidelines, that I don't really want to break.)

Best of luck to you!

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OKOBOJII 1/18/2012 12:56PM

    If it's the Dojo of the Empty Promises for Empty Calories, yes I absolutely do emoticon

Strange, when it's for someone else, I'll do whatever I can to get it done. When it's for me, well, what do I care if I cheat myself, right? Right?

:0P

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GOTFRIDVS 1/18/2012 12:45PM

    *sheepish chuckle*

I see your inner voice attempts the same mental-judo moves as mine does. (re: "You can do an extra 10 minutes or so on the cardio to make up for it. No prob!) Does yer inner goober attend the same dojo as mine? *snort chuckle*

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OKOBOJII 1/18/2012 12:21PM

    Right on. Actually, I'm struggling with this myself as I recommit to the program. ("Hey, K, you can totally have a coke. No one will know. Besides, you can just exercise more tomorrow to make up for it, right? No big.")

Especially when I, say, stop at the Kum'n'Go on my way to meet Vincent for fighter practice. Same situation you were in. Lots of tasty looking treats.. all alone... no one will know....

Except, of course, that I either:
1)Don't exercise the next day, making excuses about being too tired when it's just lazy.
2)Use that excuse at so many points in a week that I'd have to exercise 24/7 to make it work out.

The great thing is, though, that it's easy to pick yourself up again. Last time (and I need to start it again) I developed the habit of looking at the nutrition label for every thing I ate - or (especially) wanted to eat that wasn't in my food journal. Then I did the mental math of how much walking I'd have to do to erase it. Usually stopped the cravings.

Also, if you haven't, try planning out your food journal the day before or that morning. It's become part of my ritual. Go downstairs for my high fiber maple&brown sugar oatmeal and work on my food for the day. Then I know if I've got room to splurge on something pointless but tasty (or can make room if I REALLY want it) and then glory in that little treat I get. Sometimes it's as simple as a crunchy "fried" banana (dry fried with a little calorieless butter flavored pam spray.) If I look forward to it, I don't get quite as waylaid by other temptations.

Or, if at any time you need an instant reminder not to do it, send me a text and I'll talk you out of it. ;0) We all need a willpower hand sometimes.

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Unconditional War has been declared!

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

I'm beyond livid! All that hard work and progress.... gone. Why? Because I took my eye off the ball and started lying to myself... again. I had returned from a deployment, was shifting gears from being downrange to back home, excited that I was moving from Ft Polk back to Ft Leavenworth where my family was waiting for me, thrilled that I'd been sent to school for the Senior Leadership Course... and what did I do? I got complacent and lazy.

Oh... I'd contiued working out every day. Heck, I even was doin' the happy dance when I hit 230 pounds. My goal was not only in sight, but very achievable and brushing against the tips of my fingers. And then, my new job sent me on a series of business trips. Don't get me wrong... it wasn't the trips that put the weight back on. It was me. Bottom line, I started lying to myself. "I don't have time to work out today, I'll get it tomorrow." " Hey, I've lost a lot of weight, that Snickers bar/doughnut/fat-pill du jour won't hurt me if I make up for it in exersize tomorrow." On and on, the lies kept coming... and I believed them. Why? Well, they were things I wanted to hear from someone I trusted... me. Whoda known I was getting advice from a complete idiot? Oh, yeah... it was that idiot which got me into weight trouble to begin with. Well... you listen to an idiot and that makes you an insane fool. Why insane? Well... you tell ME? What do YOU call it when you do the same stooooopid things over and over again and expect different results? (That IS the definition of crazy, right? *eyeroll*)

Well... NO MORE!!!! WAR HAS BEEN DECLARED!!!!!!

They say it takes several times of getting kicked in the dirt, followed by climbing your bruised and battered self back up into the saddle before bad habits can be changed into good ones. As my wife keeps telling me... baby steps. *sigh* I do hafta say... Fast food places no longer have any kind of allure as they once did. I really would rather eat at home rather than wrap my lips around a Big Mac. Problem is, when travelling, it becomes too convenient to grab a bit to eat at these places, or else I wind up skipping meals; neither choice is any good. And while I try to mitigate all the fat atoms I'm inhaling by making the best health conscious choices I can at these establishments, I often get fooled by eating things I think are healthier, but are really calorie bombs in disguise.

So... here we go again. The food journal here is my friend.... let's continue to learn this time on the merry-go-round. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SINISTRAL 1/11/2012 6:12PM

    Swing low, brother dear, and hit it far!

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OKOBOJII 11/3/2010 12:59PM

    Welcome back. We're both getting back into the swing of things on here. ;0)



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I'm getting my "swoll" on!

Monday, December 08, 2008



This time of year usually has a much different effect on me. It is usually a calming, snuggling, comforting effect, despite the shortening length of the days. Not so, this year. Between mobilization and deployment, I haven't been home for any appreciable length of time since Oct 2006... and now being on the opposite side of the world from family... well... that has just put a tremendous strain on the emotions and the dark-half was winning.

Now, don't get me wrong. Despite keenly feeling the miles from home and would love nothing better than to be puppy-piled by family at this very minute, I am exactly where I need and want to be at the moment, with my troops. They are a family as well. But, no matter...

The point is, I have been to the emotional dark-side for a while and today... well... today was another win in the battle.

It has been too easy to feel out of sorts, dwell on not being home during the holiday season, and let my arch nemesis, namely the scales, feed the negative beast sitting on my shoulders. For about a month and a half now, my weight has done nothing but give me the raspberry and fluctuated plus or minus 3 pounds. I've kept at tracking my food intake, no matter the days when I strayed and reached out for that comfort food. And so, I'd wake up the next day and start again... putting the bad day behind me and once more taking aim on my goal caloric intake. I've even set aside a sacrosanct time just when I get up in the afternoon to take myself to the gym and workout. I gotta admit, some days my heart just wasn't into it.

But today.... well... today it paid off in a way which took me by complete surprise. It shouln't have, but... *poof*... there it was. Undeniable indicators of positive progress.

About a month ago, I started taking measurements in conjunction with my weigh-in, because I knew from reading the articles here sometimes plateaus can be and are deceiving. The scales lie... and just going by that one indicator alone can wind up depressing even the Good Humour Man. So, I grab a couple of buddies here and we consistently push each other, especially when one of us are feeling puny that day, and we hit our routines at the gym. Granted, some days the job just doesn't cooperate and we loose a day or two of the routine, but most of the time, we are able to go to the gym to "get our swoll on". Meaning, a good solid strength training workout with weights, which I try to finish out with a minimum of 20 mins of cardio (alternating between the elliptical machines and treadmill). This even helps greatly with the emotional down days!

Now, after about the first couple of weeks, I note that I'm down about 1/2 inch in the waist. Ehhhh, ok... it's progress. Granted, I've been noticing some differences in clothing fit, but I didn't want to get over excited. Today, I rechecked those measurements after about two weeks. Despite the lying little wretched scales telling me I remained at 242 lbs, when I rechecked my measurements, I have lost almost a full two (2) inches in my waist measurement!

YES!!!!!

So.... a nice little victory to carry me into the holidays as we continue to get our "swoll" on! By the time I go home for my R&R leave, I can once again be much more buff for my wife, and healthy for my family. *smile*

Stay stong and get yer swoll on! *chuckle*

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECCASINGSLEAD 12/10/2008 5:57PM

    emoticon I'm darned proud of you for hanging in there!! I know it's tough trying to bulldoze your way through a plateau. I've had to get through two 'em. Keep up the good work because you ARE doing the right things...working out even when you really don't feel like it and getting yourself back on track with your eating even when the day before wasn't so great. Kudos!!

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Dusty, Bruised, but… Back in the Saddle Again

Thursday, November 06, 2008




Ok, so I’ve thrown myself to the floor in the middle of the cereal isle…stomping my feet… screaming… embarrassing people… basically throwing a fit… all because I can’t have my Count Chocula cereal.

Well…. Maybe not exactly, but that’s what it feels like. How did I get there? Well…. It all started back in my childhood where I hated my parents for tying a pork chop around my neck just so the dog would play with me…. No, wait… It was when I was stranded and starving on that South Pacific island after being shipwrecked with 6 others. There was a Millionaire and his wife, a movie star, McGyver….

Yeah, ok…. I’ll put down the martini pitcher and step away now…

*Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

Funny thing is, I got on the Spark People program and things were working sooooo smoothly and I was doing all the right things, loosing the weight fairly rapidly and consistently, beginning to change bad lifestyle habits I had picked up, identifying ones I’d never thought about before which needed modifying or downright breaking…. I thought I was doing things right. And then I felt like I’d been kicked squarely in the Oompa-Lumpas* by the fickle Fate sisters, those Beyotches!

So, after railing against the skies and brooding for a bit, I dusted the seat of my pants off, put my hat back in place, and… decided… AGAIN, this dang-blasted thing is NOT gonna get the best of me! I _AM_ MORE STUBBORN THAT THE FATES! I am _determined_ to whoop this thing in the arse, even if it’s my own donkey I’m a whoopin’ into shape! And I’m not alone here. I mean, isn’t that what SP is all about? There are those here who know me, as well as others who don’t know me from Adam, who haven’t stopped believing in me or encouraging me, even when I had my own doubts. (Many thanks to you, Sis, and the others who replied to my previous blog entry.)

It was about that same time SparkPeplz posted an article and I had another apostrophe**. It was an article on grief and its stages. Now… HOW in the heck do ~I~ make THAT leap of logic? Well… walk with me a bit and let’s look into my deranged mind.

1. Denial or numbness: I don’t have a food problem. I can put this jelly-doughnut down at any time. It has no hold over me. See? No problem! I can put it down, pick it back up, put it down… anytime I want to. It has no hold over me. Well… since I already touched it, it would be rude of me to not put it on my plate. My mother taught me good manners, see? And then there’s all those starving children in India I should be mindful of who would be grateful for a mere bite of this jelly-doughnut. It would be wasteful of me to throw it away, since I’ve touched it. Can’t waste food, can we?

2. Anger: WHAT THE HECK DO YOU MEAN I’VE GAINED WEIGHT? It was only ONE jelly-doughnut, fer Pete’s sake. I was only doing what I’d been taught as I’ve grown up! And I was gonna exercise the very minute I could spare. How could this happen TO ME???

3. Bargaining: Ok, so…. If I just lick the sugar off the jelly-doughnut, that won’t count as the full calories, right? It won’t be bad, and you don’t have to go directly to my butt as fat. Just one a day, I won’t even smell the doughy goodness as I lick the sugar off. I won’t even like it, I promise. Just don’t show up on the scale, ok?

4. Depression: *Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* The scales hate me and are against me. Mr. Honeybun and Jelly-doughnut have betrayed me. I can’t get past this weight hurdle. I can’t do anything right between eating habits and lack of opportunity to exercise. Why do I even try?

5. Acceptance: I have bad eating habits and am currently in a very sedentary job. If I don’t _make_ the time to get active, no one will just give it to me. And if I don’t learn new eating habits, I _will_ pay for it in bad health, not meet the Army regulation standards resulting in separation from the Service, and _ALL_ the sweat equity I’ve put into this in the past will have been for nothing. Not to mention, with the hypertension issues I have now, I will put myself into an earlier than necessary grave. I can make all the justifications I want to, but ultimately the decision to eat the jelly-doughnut is mine. And with the decisions I make, come the responsibility of my decisions.

Not so much of a jump now, is it?

So…. Like I said… I’ve dusted my butt off and am taking the fight day by day. I dutifully log in everything I eat on my SP journal, and sometimes about the only thing keeping Mr. Jelly-Doughnut from finding his way to my plate, is the thought of “I sooooo do NOT wanna hafta log THAT”! What’s to keep me from cheating and eating the doughnut anyway and not logging it? Well… I’ve got to be honest with myself. I cannot do this thing and not hold myself accountable. Anything else would be lying to myself and if I did that, then I’m not ready to do this seriously. So, why not drop the pretenses and let’s get on with it, eh? There will be days when I eat bad things, and I need to own up to it. Just like there _will_ be days where my job will require long hours and time at the gym is not gonna happen. But there’s nothing that says I can’t take 10 minutes and knock out some push-ups, leg lifts, or crunches when I get the chance. And if I get off work and make the decision I’m just too beat and would rather sleep instead of going to the gym… Well that was _my_ decision for that day. Tomorrow, when I wake up, the slate is clean. No beating myself up about the head and shoulders for yesterday’s decision. Today, there is a new set of decisions I will face.

One day at a time, one decision at a time. I know what I need to do and I know the right choices to make. Some days, it’s easier than heck to hit all the right choices; others… not so much. In the meanwhile, I’m back down to 242 and poised to break into the 230’s again. I’ve adjusted my schedule such that I’ve set an inviolate time to hit the gym right after I’ve woken up in the afternoons. And I’ve hit strength training in conjunction with aerobic. One day at a time. The decisions are mine to make, whether wisely or poorly.

(*With apologies to Mr Steven Patsis, author of “Pearls Before Swine”, but I like the descriptor.)
(**Kinda like an epiphany-Lite… same great insight, but only half the guilt.)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOTFRIDVS 11/15/2008 4:10PM

    You betcher sweet bippy, we CAN, Sis! Dat's what it's all about, ain't it? Pushing, pulling for each other,... generally suppoting one another as we hit our goals. Love ya, Sis!

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SINISTRAL 11/15/2008 3:54PM

    Love ya, bro! Keep thinking like this, and I will too. We can do this together right? - even if half across a globe

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JEWITCH 11/15/2008 1:45PM

    Great blog. With that can of out look you will be able to succeed at anything. emoticon

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Ha, ha. Very Funny. _NOT_ laughing!!!!!!

Thursday, October 16, 2008


emoticon

*Warning: strong language and emotion ensues*

WE...
ARE...
SOOOOOOOOO....
~NOT~......
AMUSED!!!

In fact, we are ROYALLY PO'd!!!!

Ok.... I grok that my work schedule this week was such that I couldn't get to the gym, without sacrificing sleep (5-6 hours allotted). Fine.

Ok.... The one day I'm allotted as a "special dispensation" day, I went 800 calories over the 3000 calorie maintain/sustain weight threshold. Got it. All the rest of the days, I've stayed within 200 freakin' calories +/- of my GD target weight-loss caloric intake.

Nutritionally, 3500 calories = ONE (1) [meaning, AFTER zero (0) and BEFORE two (2)] MF pound.

I gained SIX [6] POUNDS!!!! WTF, OVER????

By nutritional math, that means I had to have stuffed 21,000 (TWENTY-ONE THHHHOOOOOOUUUUUUUUSAND) GD calories down my gullet! No way! Ain't happening!!!

No, I have _NOT_ been cheating, on NEITHER my food diary, NOR my intake.
Yes, I _HAVE_ annotated religiously EVERY. SINGLE. GD. CRUMB to have passed my lips.
No, I have _NOT_ had a single, solitary soda in 31 days.

I have had a few bad things for my diet, but I've compensated calorically by either cutting back at the next meal, or substituting apples, pears, nectarines, carrots, etc. in subsequent meals.

HOW in Perdition, did I gain 6 pounds????

And NOW... in a freakin' fit of dietary rage, I've just stuffed a Snickers bar AND a small bag of M&M's into my gaping maw. This is enough to PO the Good Humour Man!

*fuuuuuuuuuuming and frothing at the mouth*

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEUGEL 10/25/2008 4:01PM

    I'm thinking that if everyone used their page and "vented" the way you just did, perhaps we would have less people eating emotionally. It's great to lay it all out there. Going through the process and seeing it written down is cathartic.

For my two cents...sodium levels even slightly in the vicinity of 2000 mg make me hold on to 2 pounds. And don't get me started on what that "time of the month" does to my numbers...

I hope you're able to get to the gym more this coming week.
~Audri

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GOTFRIDVS 10/20/2008 3:02PM

    Thanks Becca. I've more or less dusted myself off and am getting back on that hobby horse. I don't expect much this Thursday at weigh in. But who knows? Mebbe I can coerce those blasted scales to work WITH me again. At any rate, it's helping with the stressors at work and that's something, right?

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BECCASINGSLEAD 10/18/2008 3:09PM

    You're right it really does suck when you're doing what you're supposed to do and the scale either doesn't move or goes the WRONG FREAKIN' WAY!! I hope you feel better after the vent cuz it always helps me. Now just keep doing the right things for the right reason and remember that you are making changes and trying to change the habits of a lifetime for a totally new lifestyle. It takes time and persistence. You can do it!

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GOTFRIDVS 10/16/2008 3:52PM

    1. {{{{HUGSESESESESES}}} back atcha, Sis. (And relatively soon, perhaps in person?)

2. *grump* emoticon

a. Have not been measuring myself. No tape. Non-existant in what passes for the PX over here either. Pogie bait, CD's, DVD's, friggin' Rock Band accessories, yes.

b. Granted, uniform has been fitting better, but still... that was a cold slap in the face today.

c. Weighing in at same time every week. Thurs, 1400. It's when the nutrition class meets.

d. Class is just after I wake up. No food intake until after the class.

e. Because of change of shift, getting weighed in PT uniform now, same as last week. No more ACU's, unless I shift back to days.

f. Genvieve just sent some granola bars. They are non-existant in the PX, for the most part. Darn things sell out in minutes of a new shipment, which usually arrives and is stocked well before I can get there. All that's left, usually, is the myriad of chips, cookies, sardines, and candy bars. We do NOT purchase those. They just taunt us from the shelves. (Today's Snickers and M&M's were courtesy of the newly arrived care package, which I put up for grabs to the section.)

Today just hit hard. I've been doing the right things and trying to change my habits for once and for all.... and showing progress until the rotten scales decided to kick me hard in the................. teeth.

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SINISTRAL 10/16/2008 2:41PM

    All righty frothboy - first of all... {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} emoticon;
Second, what about other indicators? Have you been measuring yourself? If not get, hie thyself to the PX and grab a 'cloth' tape measure. Watch clothes fitting. See the non-scale thingies. Also you changed shifts, right? Are you weighing yourself at a different time of day? After eating? with different types of clothes, etc? I can vary my weight five pounds by virtue of what I am wearing.

Have you thought about using granola bars or something else that may be handy as an "I deserved this" 1/2 serving of kiddie cereal ready and waiting in a bag... or your favorite adult cereal even -Is one thing I am doing.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

You can do this, you have been doing this, and I know you are venting, but we want to keep it to venting and not giving in. Love ya bro!

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GOTFRIDVS 10/16/2008 1:13PM

    *SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH*


To Tigerlily 96:

I've just altered my page to link my food diary. I'm trying to drink lots of water, but it's a hit or miss thing. I'm working hard to make it a part of my dietary habits. It's just not there yet. Now... if I had access to sparkling mineral water, I could down a liter a day without blinking. It's something I picked up growing up and spending a lot of time in Germany.

To Justin:

*grumble*
Thanks.
.. yeah, I *know* some of this good advice in my head. BUT, in my heart.... not so much. I've just been Royally ticked off since the weigh in this afternoon. I'm mostly venting right now, will dust my arse off, and keep on trudging until it ain't a trudge anymore. The head will tell the heart to shut the H up and get over it (hopefully soon),

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JUSTINALMEIDA 10/16/2008 12:50PM

    Weight gain or loss can sometimes be pretty arbitrary. Water, salt, and other internal chemistry can have an impact on how much you weigh. Even muscle mass can sometimes set things off. Try not to focus so much on the "weight" as much as the "feeling".

I can understand the frustration, but try not to give in to destructive behavior just to spite yourself.

Good luck and have patience! :)

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THECITYMOUSE 10/16/2008 12:46PM

    Now, now, no FROTHING at the piehole. Cuz that's not kewl.

So where's your nutrition and fitness logs? I can't see what you're eating or drinking so I can't scold you should that be necessary. Are you drinking lots of water?

Don't be all hung up on numbers....if you **are** figure your BMR and work with that figure, cuz I know from experience that I can burn 8,000 calories a freakin' week, realize a daily caloric deficit of 1,100 calories, and the only thing I'm about to lose is my mind.

Don't stop doing all the right things....and no frothing at the mouth.

emoticon

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