Thursday, July 30, 2009
July came in like a summer breeze and will be ending with the intensity of a blast oven! Golly it is hot outside.
Today I am seeking sanctuary in an office where I am volunteering (because I am unemployed) and there is air conditioning (which is not available where I rent.
I have had nights of poor sleep due to the heat, the noise of the upstairs teenagers and not being able to turn my thoughts off at night.
If you don't know my story since May, my landlord upped the rent $100 in July, another $100 in August and will want the third $100 more in September. (This is all illegal, of course.)
Also the landlord is furious if I don't look after his two dogs whenever he goes away for business or on his boat...) It hasn't been a smooth relationship.
That same week as the rent increase news, came the job termination. That has left me all a-jumble.
My partner and I started looking for a house to buy (in the most costly part of our country) and although have an accepted offer, we still are waiting to hear if our mortgage application has been approved. (I am learning a lesson in Patience this week.)
My body has been reacting by churning my stomach and intestines. I have gone to The Lord in prayer an have been walking alone for exercise. Many Spark Friends have been praying for me too. I thank you dear hearts!
So, here it is Thursday July 30 with the month almost exhausted. I think I am too.
Physical signs of stress are showing in the sleep problems and the upset tummy.
Mentally I seem to be less sharp and I have little endurance in my though processes. Emotionally I am as fragile as a spider's web. I have not taken to weeping much, but I am not very self-assured these days.
Spiritually, I feel stunted and rather pathetic.
I have claimed this day as one where I have nibbled my meals delicately. I am sitting by a fan and breathing deeply with my focus on recharging my body. The phones have been sympathetically quiet and the business challenges have been light.
Call it a "ME" day. I have surrendered my worries for 24 hours. I will not beat myself up for not finding a job. I am tuning out for a shift and trying to see the sunny side to this scorcher.
Got any hints on how to face a day, when it all becomes too much?
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die,
life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.
I have had difficulty sleeping in the last ten years and dreaming has not been a big part of my sleep. Ever since my hormones have begun changing in the perimenopause time of life, I suffer from hot flashes, the inability to modulate my body temperature and I often cannot turn off my thoughts. (Read that as fears, worries, disappointments, frustrations...)
Without dreaming, the next day is set up as if I have to struggle uphill to do anything.
But now, here on the west coast, I am again beginning to dream again. It seems that my brain is taking the time to "defrag" and sort out the challenges of the past day. I am less edgy and short-tempered. Life can again be enjoyed, rather than endured.
When you think of "dreams" do you automatically go to 'what happens when you sleep' or do you think of plans and hopes for the future?
I used to shut down my hopes and aspirations for the future, because the grind of day-to-day existance used to take up all the energy. I didn't allow myself much time to think outside the box or formulate goals for the future.
I realize that was a sad way to live.
Today, if I were to ask you, "What 3 great dreams do you imagine for your future?", could you come up with a small list like that... or are you denying yourself?
Go ahead, dare to dream!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
This was sent to me yesterday by a friend that I have had since 9th grade. She's a sweetheart!
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while, and you must forgive them for that.
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing together and have the best time.
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
That no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret; it could change your life forever.
Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
That you should share this message to all of the people in whom you believe, as I just did.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
If you looking for work these days, it will come as no surprise that there are some pretty staggering odds out there.
This morning I had a cordial interview for a job that must be filled by Monday. The interviewer told me that there had been 80 responses for the position and she was interviewing all day.
I don't think she will interview all eighty, so I was pleased to have made it through to the first interview.
I really like the location of the workplace. I would be working as a receptionist
and the office is a busy place there.
Here, where I am volunteering, it is not a fast enough pace and I can feel that the days drag. I need a bit more stimulation. (I am aware that I should be careful what I pray for!)
'Too busy and panicked' is not my dream job description! I pray that I bring the talent and personality needed to add to this company.
I will hear back either way. Keep me and my job search in your prayers?
Sunday, July 19, 2009
I have been thinking about friendship and how others can impact a person's life. Some people that I have know for decades don't fit my idea of 'Friend', and others who I have just started to interact with... well, they seem to be warm, inviting, sympathetic and tender.
Isn't that what we all need in this cruel, impatient, exhausting and lonely planet?
I want to thank the Ladies that pop in to visit my Spark Page, answer my chat questions and leave notes on the Message Boards. I feel a kindred spirit growing (like Anne Shirley had for Diana Barry when she moved to Green Gables.)
I'm not used to logging in every morning and finding friendly gals ready to discuss books, movies, quotations from the past, and amusing facts! But it certainly is nice to get used to the contact and encouragement.
When I'm blue and feeling like it's all uphill, I have found out that The Tea Ladies, the Victoriana Gals and the Wed. Nite Prayer Group all pitch in to share the spark. I hope that my timing is good for all of you out there, when your day makes you feel like you are hitting bottom.
What is a friend? I am seeing evidence that it is a person like YOU: caring, encouraging, thoughtful and helpful. Quite a few Spaklers have a great sense of humour too. I look forward to popping in and visiting with my newly found friends tomorrow and the tomorrow after that.
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