Sunday, February 07, 2010
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down.
You will have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. What'll it be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains ."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count' St. Peter?"
"No I told you the computer's down, There's no way we an keep track of what you are doing."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."
"So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them? he asks.
"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter, "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."
"Why?" asks the Lord.
"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in Alberta."
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him...
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
When you are dissatisfied and want to be a youth again, think of Algebra.
One must wait until evening to see how splended the day has been.
Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've travelled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
You know you are getting old when everything either dried up or leaks.
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
Hope your weekend is happy... and remember, growing old is better than the other alternative...
Friday, February 05, 2010
Ladies, what happens if you confuse your Valium with your birth control pills?
You end up with 12 kids, but you don't really care.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Don't worry when you are doing your best.
Don't hurry when success depends on accuracy.
Don't form conclusions until you have all the facts.
Don't believe a thing to be impossible.
Don't waste time on trivial matters.
Don't think that good intentions are an acceptable excuse for doing nothing.
-- if this sounds like something your parents used to tell you, then it probably was.
-- add a principle that you live by to this list!!!
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
With the job market so competitive and me being in a rut sending out resume after resume with scarcely a response, I am trying to think outside the box. If I were to include activities that I enjoy into a work week, what would they be?
Sometimes the new horizon is right in front of one's nose and can't be seen because we are too close to the situation. Other times, our favourite activities do not make a good foundation to a paying job.
Want to join me in this exercise? (It won't burn calories or strengthen your abs, but here goes.)
being a friendly voice on the phone
carving with a Dremel tool
cross country skiing in hilly territory
designing and sewing aprons and tea cosies
designing and sewing costumes
imagine being an author of a children's book
interacting with people ( face-to-face, over the phone and via the internet)
intrigued by colour and texture
learning to paint
offering a word of encouragement
performing action songs
reading stories aloud for others
sharing a folk story with actions and audience participation
singing at karaoke gatherings
sketching and drawing
tea cups and tea pots
trying international cuisine
walking in the forest with the deep colour and woodsy aroma
Well, that is all well and good, but how does this information distill into my new, great idea? Is there any direction that I lean in?
I guess I'll get back to invoicing some customers for their appliance repairs. Lunch time is over. (Even if I am just volunteering here.)
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