GONABFIT   44,378
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A moment to breathe. random musings.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Sometimes when everyone is asleep, I sit alone in my apartment and think.
Unsure of exactly what I am thinking, I find peace in the uncertainty.
When life is swirling all around you, there is nothing like a moment to breathe.
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I believe plans, dreams, and goals are really what makes life worth the living. And for too long I have just allowed life to happen to me. Kind of floating along. Waiting for the next thing. good or bad. Not really effecting my life, just being affected by it. I want so much more than I am getting. I am happy, do not get me wrong. But I seriously sometimes feel that I am living below my potential. Where is the charismatic, friendly, outgoing woman that I once was?

In less than 5 months I'll be a MD. A doctor. I will have reached my life long goal at 25 years old. But, there has got to be more to me than this. I hopefully have a lot of life left for the living and I am goal-driven which means... I am going to have fun thinking of some NEW goals!!! :-D

I am still Her sometimes-the me I'd like to be. But for the most part I think I've allowed life, well medical school and my love life to be specific, to beat me down. I was reading something that said 'that we must RETURN to who we were meant to be. Powerful, magnificent, confident beings. No one was born beaten.' And that really spoke to me.

In the new year I want to really LIVE. To take chances. To do things that I may have neglected to do before. To go out and meet people again. to smile like never before. to be free.

I'm not sure if I told you all but 2010 has been eventful to say the least. Third year of medical school is enough to beat the crap out of you and make you wonder why you ever wanted to do it in the first place :) BUT on a positive note it has strengthened my relationship with God- which previously wasn't too bad if I do say so myself ;) .

That's one thing I've learned about hard times, they either bring you closer or further from God. But if you grow closer to him during the hard times, you'll find that victory is always much sweeter. Sometimes all you need is a seed of hope. Hope is enough to bring you out of the darkest things.

3rd year was difficult because we worked 80 hours a week every week. Got yelled at. Belittled. put on the spot. mistreated. all in the sake of becoming a phenomenal doctor- I suppose. But of course, it wasn't ALL bad,. it's a right of passage of some sort. And the best part is I'M A 4TH YEAR NOW!!!

And I've passed every board exam I need to take, and graduation is in 5 months-not that I'm counting! So that just goes to show that even the hardest things have an end. Nothing lasts forever. :)

I also got engaged in 2010 and ENDED an engagement all in the span on one year. Let's just say. I'm thankful that I mustered up the courage to do what needed to be done even when it was difficult. It's a LONG story but I will say... I made the right decision and am thankful that I did it now vs. later. When you don't have peace about a situation it's probably best to follow your mind. :-) And I figure, I'll meet someone sooner or later.

I pride myself on keeping a GOOD attitude even in the midst of sadness/turmoil and hopefully people didn't even realize I was going through so much.

Not sure why I brought any of this up... lol. Only to say, if you're still reading... keep the faith, hold your head high during tough times... Keep smiling and know LIFE IS FOR THE LIVING! So stop holding back, don't wait until you lose the weight. LIVE NOW! We may not be where we want to be but there is some JOY to be found in your situation. Look for it. And when you find it, take a moment to breathe and smile. This is the only life you've got. Love it. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEENY_BIKINI 1/7/2011 8:39PM

    I love your good attitude.

emoticon

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CAMANDMAYASMOM 1/6/2011 12:02PM

    Girl, I love you for this blog! You are such a phenomenal woman! That's why we are SP buddies...although i haven't been the best lately :-( sorry about that. I'm re-committed now though and ready to do this!!! You are such an inspiration! And I'm soooo proud of you for all that you've accomplished...a DR in 5 months?? what?? girl that is just great!! Love it!! This blog is really making me think long and hard about how I can fit pharmacy school in my schedule!! I feel like I'm settling now, by not doing what I really want to do...sigh. But I'm going to keep praying and when the time is right, God will make it where it's possible for me to do what I need to do! Thanks again.

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SHERWOODCYCLER 12/29/2010 11:23PM

    Thanks for sharing. Sounds like 2011 is gonna be one exciting year for you. Do you know what you want to specialize in as an MD?



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AMBERBERRY 12/29/2010 6:52PM

    Your very encouraging.Thankyou.

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SPARKLE1908 12/29/2010 3:29PM

    Great blog...you have a lot to be proud of, as you know, and I expect 2011 to be an even BETTER, BIGGER and BLESSED year for us all!!!!!

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GONABFIT 12/29/2010 2:07PM

    Aww thank you all for reading and commenting!! I know some of the blogs are random but it's always nice to know someone out there may read it! :-D

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PRINCESSRUNNER7 12/29/2010 12:47PM

    LIVE NOW! I love this. Often time we get caught up in the past or the future that we forget to live the PRESENT.

emoticon blog!

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SKINNYPOWELL1 12/29/2010 9:40AM

    Reading your blog really touched me today, thanks for sharing. Ya never know what you might say that can impact a person in a very special way. emoticon

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SAMANTHAJEAN86 12/29/2010 8:53AM

    Great blog!

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TRAVELGRRL 12/29/2010 7:58AM

    There are lots of doctors in my family so I know about the looonnnggg hours and the abusive hospital rotations. Congrats on running the gauntlet and making it through to the other side!

2011 can be the year where you start to rediscover yourself...good luck and congrats on your engagement.

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-SHIMMER-ANN- 12/29/2010 7:48AM

    I didn't know your engagement had ended...I'm sorry :( BUT!! I'm glad you did what was best for you, there are gonna be plenty of hotttt doctors out there ;) I'm so excited for you, and I can't wait to read your 2011 adventure blogs!!

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DAWN.BELIEVES 12/29/2010 7:16AM

    CONGRATS!!!! I am in school now to be a LPC and I feel like I will never graduate. I can't wait till I am saying...only 5 more months! :)

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Footprints in the snow: please read :)

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Last night was Christmas and I had a wonderful day with my family!

I drove back to my apartment and after the 4 trips to and fro to get my gifts from the car to my apartment I decided to go workout. As I walked to the gym in the SNOW I smiled because I was proving to myself that I am REALLY dedicated this time. :-D

My mission for this week is to clean out my closet and rid myself of all things that are too small and those that are so old I probably will never wear them again. I have been wanting to give these clothes to charity for a while but I always am left with the What-ifs... What if I really lose weight this time and get into that size 6... I don't want to have thrown away things that I could have worn. But, after years of doing this, the clothes are older now (most still with tags though) and I probably should just let someone who can wear them NOW wear them.

And then there was that box.

The box in the floor of my closet that has been haunting me for quite a long time. I knew what was in it but still didn't want to open it until I knew that I had achieved my goals. In that box is probably 50 pairs of jeans that are too small for me. Size 6's, 8's, 10's.Some almost fit, some can get on but I am no where near zipping, and some might as well be ankle warmers because they are NOT getting up these thighs lol. [I actually wear a 10 now but they are tight and I wear some 12 Petites. ]

As I decided what to do with them I saw all my size 8's that I REALISTICALLY believe I will be able to wear again soon. So I have decided to keep them. Don't worry I have MANY MANY extra clothes to give away to charity. And I'm not going to keep every size 8 that I have. But those that are business pants, or really cute timeless jeans... I just want to keep them. A way of not giving up the hope. But I have made a promise. If I can't wear them by the time I graduate medical school in 5 months, they will be given away as well.

So that the next time I make foot prints in the snow on a wintery night headed to the gym for a late night workout, It will be BY CHOICE and not desperation. It will be because I love exercise- which I ALREADY do- and not because I know that I haven't reached my goals yet and I don't want to risk another year of not being successful. And most importantly because the next time I open that box, I want to SLIDE into a size 8 and wonder if there was really a time when they didn't fit.

Merry- day after- Christmas Spark buddies.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALEXANDERLISA 1/9/2011 2:22PM

    Thanks for having me, I am very motivated to ee some results this time around

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GONABFIT 12/29/2010 5:30AM

    Thank you guys for commenting!!! Glad to see that we are all in this together. :) Getting rid of the things that don't fit us, frees us to find the things that TRULY fit who we are right now! And yes keeping that ONE big size reminds us where we were. :-D

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SCHENPOSSIBLE 12/28/2010 11:11PM

    Cleared out my closet last week with the big clothes that I never plan to wear again. Held on to one pair of pants because those will be the infamous "after" pants that I will bask in the glory of as I stand in one leg and take a photo to post on spark people. What a happy day to look forward to! Good luck with fitting into those size 8 jeans. You should hang them on your door as motivation when you just don't feel like being active. You got this in the bag, girl!

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DIHEALTHYHAPPY 12/27/2010 7:53PM

    I loved this! I'm going through a similar process myself. I've decided that where I am at the end of this school year is where I need to be happy with for the rest of my life. I'm tired of "dieting" and want to just be relaxed and healthy. I'm in 10's and hoping that it will be 8's that I wear forever, too. :) Good luck! Keep puttin' those footprints in the snow. :)

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SPARKLE1908 12/27/2010 2:49PM

    Yes, cleaning out your closet is very therapeutic AND a wonderful gift to those in need!!!!

You'll be back in those jeans before you know it...

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COCOABUTTASAKI 12/27/2010 9:55AM

    Out with the old and in with the new. What a Fantastic Goal! I seem to do that a little too often tho. Good Luck this week!

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NANCY- 12/27/2010 7:49AM

    You have reached a wonderful goal .... "As I walked to the gym in the SNOW I smiled "
Goals give us direction...but it is our actions that count.
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NELLIEC 12/26/2010 4:47PM

    Definitely sounds like a good project.

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MEOUTE 12/26/2010 3:33PM

    Good job! I know you will feel great when you put those jeans on!

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Day of Discipline: 3 :-D - My week in a flash!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

So as I lay in bed after going to sleep "early" at 9 pm and waking up at 11 pm. lol.... I thought if I'm up I may as well write a quick blog!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

I am STILL doing pretty darned well with my eating!! And I MUST admit I AM PROUD! I made my own chinese food substitute that was pretty healthy. It was pretty healthy, small measured portions, and veggies took up most of the plate

My mini TG turned out delicious as well! The Turkey breast I baked was AMAZING even though I didn't have the right pan or foil to bake it in! And I was PRETTY close with my calorie counts!!! I went a little over for sparkcals BUT under my personal limit AND I did extra exercise before hand to make sure that I would at least have balance. :-)

Monday- made healthier choices. Ate 1/2 of anything I felt was unhealthy but was interviewing/driving 7 hours all day. no formal exercise and didn't count cals

Tues- ate 1300 cals. recovering from the very long weekend I had. Some stretching no formal exercise. But diet was on point!

Wed- ate 1496 cals BURNED 1015 calories (through cardio)

Thursday ate 1675 cals and BURNED 1080 cals through cardio and strength moves :-D

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I am hoping that all this exercise and trying to eat better will lead to some weight loss, inch loss, and belly fat loss! My stomach has always been a problem in MY eyes and it has gotten a bit bigger since I put on some pounds. But either way, I'll just keep on working hard and being patient... results SHALL come eventually!

Happy to be a person who Makes it Happen!!!!! :-D Shout out to my team! LOL! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BELIEVER104 12/19/2010 11:38AM

    Sounds like a healthy and productive week! Keep up the great work!

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WEIGHTOSUCCESS 12/19/2010 11:33AM

    Sounds like you're doing it!! Awesome job on your eating and workout girlie.. I need to jump on board with you emoticon

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CHARLIE2213 12/19/2010 11:22AM

    such motivation! my goal is usually to burn 500 cals per workout but now im def upping it to 1000!!! get it girl, keep up the good work!!!!

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GONABFIT 12/19/2010 10:45AM

    thanks!

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NELLIEC 12/17/2010 10:23PM

    It sounds like you are doing well!

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SPARKLE1908 12/17/2010 9:17AM

    Way to go girl...you have a LOT to be proud of!!!!

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A day within boundaries: Discipline breeds success

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I am proud of myself.

I am slowly making better decisions that will lead to my success.

I understand that no now means YES later.

I am proud of myself.

I have faced battles I thought I would lose.

Only to find, that in the end I win.

If I learn to have patience and discipline.

I am proud of myself.

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Hmmm.. didn't intend to make that into a mini poem, it just sort of came out while writing. I basically just wanted to say, I STUCK TO MY CALORIES again today. I am READY to see my after. and I know I had been holding myself back. With excuses and fear and what ifs.

But I am ready. And watch out. Because when I GET READY... things change. (and of course, I trust God for the strength, discipline, and endurance I will need to REACH MY GOAL).

This is a short blog but I just wanted to tell someone that I am PROUD I stuck to my calorie goals. :-D That's a BIG step in the RIGHT direction. If I can do this most days... I will succeed! Tomorrow, I will do more exercise!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAMANDMAYASMOM 1/6/2011 11:56AM

    Thank you so much for this! girl I'm printing your poem/thoughts out and sticking wherever I can! That was so on point. And I'm so proud of you for doing what needs to be done to reach your goals!What great discipline you have.
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ME_HERE_NOW 12/15/2010 9:11PM

    way to go :D every day you gain momentum and garner strength for the future! love the positivity here! there always does seem to be a time when it just finally clicks, glad that is happening for you!!

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SKINNYPOWELL1 12/15/2010 9:41AM

    A BIG step in the RIGHT direction - yeah for sticking within the calories - I see great success in your future. Keep up the good work. emoticon

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TRAINER_T 12/15/2010 9:15AM

    emoticonT is proud of you!!!

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YMUNDERWOOD 12/15/2010 12:36AM

    See you can do it and you did. I'm pround of you. keep up the good work.

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GOGIRLOLDER 12/14/2010 11:51PM

    Good for you I'm proud of you too! emoticon

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MMOBIUSS67 12/14/2010 11:46PM

    I am proud of you too!

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MMOBIUSS67 12/14/2010 11:46PM

    I am proud of you too!

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MMOBIUSS67 12/14/2010 11:46PM

    I am proud of you too!

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freedom!

Friday, December 03, 2010

Hey everyone!

I took my test yesterday :-) And came home and got some rest basically! Today... I slept in til 1 pm... :-D It felt sooo great! Still sleepy though... I did 1 mile when I woke up. I treated myself to a movie today - last three years? - and bought a CD to celebrate finishing my exam! :)

This is a random blog so there is not point lol....

I've been thinking, I have been a cheerleader since I was 4 and I LOVE CHEERLEADING! So, a secret goal of mine is to try otu for a professional or Semi-pro cheerleading team once I graduate from medical school. I mean, there may be SOME free time in residency. And either way... trying out doesn't mean you'll be on the team. So... to achieve this goal, I FIRST have to get back to tip top shape, which I have been trying to do anyway! And I'm going to take adult dance classes so I can keep up with my dance moves.

Truth is, if I never get to try out for a team... it'll still be FUN to have a goal to strive towards that isn't SOLELY weight based!

Hope you all had a great week, I AM SOOOOOO happy to be done with that exam. Lord knows, I hope I did well!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKLE1908 12/5/2010 8:12PM

    Where are you thinking about moving to? I KNOW you rocked the exam because you ROCK anyway!!!!

Great fun goal to have!!! You never know, you just may make the team!!!

ttyl

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GONABFIT 12/5/2010 4:35PM

    Yep!! Thanks guys! And I missed the tryouts for this year in my area... but I'll be moving for residency in May and I'll scope out any potential teams! I cheered in college too so at least I have that part down... just gotta get back to top notch shape! Thanks for the support!

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BABY_GIRL69 12/4/2010 5:41PM

    I say search it out & see if somewhere there are try outs for cheerleaders. Why not?! We have to set side goals as well.

God bless & woohoo & finish exam.

Dee

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TIGERJANE 12/4/2010 10:30AM

    That does sound lke fun!

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BELIEVER104 12/4/2010 7:56AM

    YAY for being done with the test-- I'm sure you ROCKED IT! Also-- I think your goal of trying out for a professional cheerleading/dance team is AWESOME! I have a few friends who cheer for football teams and they LOVE it!

Hope you have a fabulous weekend :)

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NELLIEC 12/4/2010 12:00AM

    That's wonderful that you are done with it!

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GONABFIT 12/3/2010 8:53PM

    thanks! LOL!

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BIONICMONARCH 12/3/2010 8:49PM

    WOOHOO!

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