Sunday, August 22, 2010
I decided to separate this part of my last post... here it is.
(Today was a really good eating day. I had fruit with breakfast. Fruit for a snack. and veggies with lunch. then veggies with dinner plus a baked apple.)
the surprising part is that my fiance and I were going on a study break date to the movies , and at the last minute couldn't go watch it. To cheer me up he offered to take me to my favorite pizza place. (hmmm.... I never thought I was an emotional eater... lol, but at that moment I KNEW I would feel better if I could get the pizza... and yet) I TURNED down pizza at my favorite pizza place because I didn't want to need that to feel better.
then, on a mission to find something else for us to do, and make me happy, he takes me on a ride... and then pulls over. When I ask where we are, he says I'm taking you to cold stone!! and AGAIN I turned him down! and AGAIN I WANTED cold stone too. I mean, it tastes goooood. I like it. But at that moment I realized that the happiness I'm chasing is NOT in a container or grease filled pizza box. the happiness I want, will come from resisting things I know I don't need on a regular basis.
And while I appreciated my fiance for trying to make me feel better. it made me feel bad(because I REALLY wanted it LOL and I felt empty saying no)
... Have I been sending him signs that food will make me happy if I'm disappointed? I'm going to improve on that. And since I probably have been sending those signs, I'm going to work on SAYING NO!!!
Oh and then the weirder part is after I said NO to the pizza and the cold stone - I felt like I just wanted to say turn around and let's eat that food! lol...
but I didn't!
so there. now I'm safe back at home, with my baked chicken and baked apple. safe to fight another day.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Underneath it all. All the happiness, all the positivity, all the smiles
there is still an uncertainty of if I will ever reach my goal.
the hard work, the sweat the tears...
and yet the scale does not budge.
and while that's not the ONLY measurement of success...
I STILL have a goal. and I STILL want to reach it.
sometimes I sit and think, if it would be easier if I gave up,
didn't care anymore, didn't count calories, didn't care how fat my stomach is getting
didn't obsess over WHY I still have not lost weight... after months, no wait, YEARS
of trying to control this thing.
and yet I still know I am too strong to quit.
too proud to fail
too afraid to totally let go
so, I guess I will just keep fighting the fight of faith
and hope that one day
what has happened for many will happen for ME.
~Soon to be a Beautiful Bombshell. Because, I'm already beautiful. (whether I realize it or not)
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Just wanted to write a quick blog.
I am always refocusing. Woke up at 7:00 am on a SATURDAY with the goal of working out. and I did it! Went to the apt. gym and rode the exercise bike for 30 mins. worked up a good sweat. :-) Then got to studying to make up for the kind of off day I had yesterday. All is well.
We aren't promised that each day will be perfect, but if we KEEP refocusing on our goals, we will get there much faster. One mistake doesn't have to derail an entire day. and if it does, it certainly doesn't have to derail two.
Get up. dust yourself off. forget yesterdays mistakes. refocus. move on. and by move, I mean your body. lol!
My daily goals:
IF YOU BITE IT, WRITE IT! To keep a detailed food log.
daily exercise - so far so good! on day 21 now... :-)
try to get in these fruits and veggies!
drink 64 oz of water. ;-)
oh and take a vitamin.
4 days til my test. Studying hard. PUSH-ing. Always PUSHing.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
I've said it before and I'll say it again... when I DISCIPLINE myself to just DO IT, it almost always leads me to happiness~!
I went to bed VERY late and was supposed to work out @ 6 am but that would have given me very few hours... and I overslept.
[ I'd like to interject to say... as much as I VALUE sleep... sometimes I personally find it VERY uplifting to tend to my soul when it is troubled lol... so I laid in bed for a while was unable to sleep and instead decided to read uplifting quotes, pray, and do a little more studying so that when I did get sleepy again, I would have a clear conscious. and... it worked. I am having a great day now despite missing a LITTLe sleep. I've been sleeping 9 hours a night these days . :-) ]
instead of pouting about it and ruining an ENTIRE day for ONE mistake... I CHOSE (operative word) to suck it up, shower and head to the LIB (library for short lol)!
because I had to drop the boytoy(fiance) off at work (he's working near wear I study) and we had limited time, I had to leave the house with no BREAKFAST! GASP!!
-- thankfully, something must have clicked recently because I BYPASSED MCDONALDS, I did not panic, get pissed and cancel the entire study session I had planned from fear of FUTURE hunger (have done that before, when worried I'd be stuck in the LIB with no food for HOURS...) and decided to stay calm, get some coffee and a SUB (footlong ham). So that lasted my entire study session.
*not letting a few minor setbacks ruin my day!
*walking past the cookie and brownie table - THEY WERE FREE- and feeling HAPPY about it
*driving past MCDONALDS
*choosing to walk after leaving the LIB though I was tired, my eyes hurt, and I was in pants... I love to sweat... but ONLY in workout clothes! LOL... I sucked it up today. So take that!
*choosing to Exercise though I had NO PHONE, NO IPOD and NO distractions! ::double GASP:: exercising with just..... nature!? actually ended up being beautiful! It was quickly became a gratitude walk, and instead of focusing on what I didn't have and why the walk wouldn't be great, I CHOSE to smile, hold my head up and be thankful for all the things I DID have at that moment, you know, like AIR to breath, legs to walk, a God to look over me and keep me safe, a break for my tired brain... lol, I could go on and on.... but I want. ::sigh of relief::
* It's only 5 pm... but I wanted to go ahead and write my blog so I can check it off my list!
Get An Email Alert Each Time GONABFIT Posts