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Deja Vu: Ready to be an after

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I wrote this a while ago :-) But It was so good wanted to read it again LOL!!! And It's nice t remember why all this is WORTH IT!

I am ready to be an After! I deserve to be successful. I deserve to feel confident and proud of how I look. To stop tugging on my shirts and feeling unattractive/floppy. To not take 30 mins staring into a closet FULL of clothes feeling like there is nothing to wear. To FINALLY free my mind of my weight and focus on more important things like MED school or happiness or saving the world... anything but 'how do I look in this'. Don't get me wrong, I am more than functional and I am happy with my life for the most part.. but this is an area I would like to change and I have the POWER to do so... so I'm going to do so! For so long I've tried to tell myself that wanting to be a certain size was shallow and that I should be happy with who I am, where I am RIGHT now... and while I know this is true... I am only fooling myself and wasting my time trying to be happy with something that I CAN fix. And believe me I've tried... and I only end up depressed until I decide to just fix it. So... no more excuses. I DESERVE this. And hopefully it doesn't make me shallow. But if it does... LOOK OUT world... Here I come, Young, fit, sexy, intelligent, and shallow... if need be! lol..

I think I may read this aloud DAILY to remind myself that the TIME is NOW for my happiness. This is NOT a dress rehearsal.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTHYSASSY 6/9/2010 6:04PM


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DIVEMASTER01 6/6/2010 8:37AM

    You go girl. I have only 2 pairs of pants fitting me right now and its so tiresome! We can do this together! Keep up the good work!

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LOTUSFLOWER 5/28/2010 10:13AM


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SPARKLE1908 5/28/2010 8:17AM

    Great blog!!!!

Keep up the excellent work you are doing!!!

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ALLIEINSHAPE 5/27/2010 10:39PM

    This is NOT a dress rehearsal- so true!!

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GLAMOURGIRL-9 5/27/2010 1:27PM

    emoticon thanks for sharing!!!!!

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KAYYVAUGHN 5/27/2010 1:17PM

    Keep that attitude going. We all need to follow your philosophy.

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PSSN4FITNESS 5/27/2010 12:49PM

    This is a fabulous manifesto! What a great motivator! I completely identify with everything you said. Keep it up! emoticon

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KSTYLEFITNESS 5/27/2010 12:47PM

    This is great!

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NBARTLE 5/27/2010 12:43PM

    sounds like u have a fit mind now u just have to bring it on out- very motivational I am working on a making my mind up as you have.

today you are my motivation thank u! emoticon

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MOMSLIM 5/27/2010 12:27PM

    Great blog!

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MERRYCAKES 5/27/2010 12:23PM

    I love it! Thank you for sharing!

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SVIET10 5/27/2010 12:17PM

    You have the right attitude! Keep up the great work!!!

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My new blog :-) Check me out.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I'm starting a blog... lol. Feel free to visit! But I'l lcopy and paste the stuff here.

My virtual names are gonabfit AND CuteCurlyCurvy (different types of sites different names, sam goal. To have a healthy body, live genuinely, and finally live a life I love) . I think they both describe me beautifully.

Today I woke up late, forgot to pack my lunch and thought the day was basically ruined. Deep breath. Instead of panicing, I decided to throw the 1/2 grilled chicken sandwich into my "cooler bag" aka stylish lunch box and packed a tea bag for my mid afternoon "tea time" and ran out of the door.

My goal is to pack my lunch at night and eat healthier so I can reach my goal of losing 35 lbs THIS year. 2010. No more, waiting til November and feeling sad that I didn't do it. I want my results now. Patiently... NOW! lol. :-)

The rest of the day went well. I am a medica student, so that means I hae very little time to myself. And with a test coming in ~ 2 weeks... 9 days to be exact (but who's counting) I have LOTS on my plate... and my MIND. I took note of my calories toay and was determine o havea deficit. and because It's after midnight and I should be studying, not blogging I'm going to make this short.

Today. 5.19.2010 is DAY 1 of calorie deficit day! YAY! Go Me!
Pedometer reading at midnght: 9293. Goal was 7000 today :-) YAY
Exercise: Zumba at 11:40 pm. to make sure I squeezed in an "actual workout" incase the pedometer cals don't count lol
Calories eaten: total = 1494
Calories burned = 570 total (walking ~ 4.75 miles per pedemoter + Zumba 30 mins)
Fast/Fried Food count = 1. chickfila fried chick sandwich (NO FRIES)
2. 1/2 serving of fries left over from dinner last night.

OH and breakthrough ALERT: For my study snack today I had 5 strawberries 1/2 a banana and a side of 5 cherry tomatoes! Delish and less than 100 cals.

I'm pleased. ANDtomorrow will be better


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GONABFIT 5/27/2010 11:10AM

    Thanks guys!!!

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REDWITCH78 5/24/2010 7:23AM

    Great job! I need to start packing lunches also. I got a second job and need to do more planning, if I going to stay on track.

Comment edited on: 5/24/2010 7:23:49 AM

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ALLIEINSHAPE 5/20/2010 10:09AM

    Doing great to take the time to pack your lunches!!So much better than no lunch or grabbing that fast food. Good going at that exercise too. Good luck with your studies!

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SPARKLE1908 5/20/2010 9:10AM

    Keep up the great job!!!!!!

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SAMANTHAJEAN86 5/20/2010 8:19AM

    Great job, keep it up and those 35 lbs will be gone in no time!!

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YOGINI_JACKIE 5/20/2010 7:28AM

    Nice! I didn't realize that you were a student. It's great that you set aside time for yourself to get healthy. So many times, when we are stressed in academics, we let our health take the backburner. I feel like a healthy body is equivilant to a healthy mind--I need to remember that when I return to school this fall! Keep it going!

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KLS777 5/20/2010 2:24AM

    Good going, considering the study and the stress!

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I am... Random Musings. + RESULTS!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I am.

I am capable

I am all of the above!

I am my flaws and they are me. Thankfully my flaws are a small part of who I really am.

My thighs are large....
enough to carry me each day and make it through two marathons.
therefore I love them

My hips are wide
no longer willing to hide
the femininity hiding inside of me.
no longer willing to hide under these layers of fat.
these layers of protection.
trusting my body to tell me what it needs
no longer willing to waste time dulling the emotions
I know I need to feel
no longer willing to be anything but REAL

REALLY present.
really feeling each emotion
even when they are so intense all I can do is cry.
or laugh
or cry and laugh

I am free

Free to be me. Completely.
( I am a Lioness (LEO) and i LOVE this picture. Makes me smile! )

Now... thanks for taking the time to read that! Here are my results for the month 4/12 -5/12
Lost 3.5 inches!!! WOOOHOOO. Will weigh in on Friday and update the weight I lost in the past month... My usual pattern is to lose inches FIRST... for a long time... lol... then pounds!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ARMYNOMADWIFE 5/13/2010 9:47AM

    I love your I Am...Random Musings. Very poetic. Congrats on the inches lost; what a feat! emoticon

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SPARKLE1908 5/13/2010 9:09AM

    Hey lady..great job on the lost inches..I'm sure you'll have a great weight loss as well!!!!

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ALLIEINSHAPE 5/13/2010 9:08AM

    Very good to be you, small flaws and all. Great job with your inches lost and I am sure you will have similar results in weight loss along with it!

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ETHEREALCAT 5/13/2010 12:24AM

    Great blog and great profile pic!!

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Insanity FitTest: Day 1: :-)

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Started Insanity workout today... finally completed the fit test. best friends Wedding in 4 1/2 weeks. sigh... time flies

Praying the dress fits and I look great in it.

My fit test results: ( I completed it today... the other night, I was going to do it and stopped after the 4th exercise LOL)
I don't remember all the names of the exercises but...
1.100 switch kicks
2.45 squat jumping jacks
3. 110 Leg pulls
4. 50 power jumps
5. 11 globe jumps
6. 16 suicide jumps
7. 25 p.u. jumps ( I didn't really get how to do these... lol. and I clearly couldn't support my body enough to jack out my legs)
8. 38 plank leg pulls

It was hard and I worked up a good sweat. :-) I'm going to do my workout tomorrow before work! Hopefully it won't take more than 45 mins! :-)

---gotta run. getting up at 4 am to work out! :-)
After my Fittest 5/12/10

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOCACHOC 5/13/2010 12:44PM

    Congratulations on getting through the fit test. Good luck on the workout. Do your thing. I know you will get into that dress and look good strutting it.

Peace and Love

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CONFIDENTLY_FIT 5/13/2010 10:09AM

    I also get up at 4 AM to work out. I find that after work I don't have the energy to do it:) Sounds like you are off to a great start!!!
Cheering for you to look perfectly in that dress!! You can do it!!

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ARMYNOMADWIFE 5/13/2010 9:43AM

    Hmmm, insanity test. I think I probably qualify for that! Great commitment when it comes to getting up at 4 a.m. Good for you, keep it up! By the way, your arms look F-A-B! emoticon

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FOOFIT1 5/12/2010 11:46PM

    Wow. Getting up at 4 am is SO intense! Good for you! Way to be inspirational! And those biceps are fantastic, by the way. Keep up the great work!


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DENISEZAKIYA 5/12/2010 10:02PM

    That's incredible!!! I'll be starting p90x on MAy 31, and then after 3 months, I'll start Insanity!! YAY!!!

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Feeling ugly.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Just one of those days. I guess.

I know I have good qualities. I know I am "worthy" of good things in life... but some how, I just don't feel up to par today.

I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow... but today, I feel ugly. I mean... I took pictures and realistically I can see I probably look no different than I usually do... but for some reason I'm just feeling extra critical of myself. Of my not being the size I'd like to be, of my not being in a relationship that's likely headed towards marriage, of... well... of a lot of things.

My friend asked me to send him a picture of me... and you know what, I didn't do it. Why, you may ask? Because after like 5 shots... I realized none of them looked as good as I wanted them to.


And those who know me, know I'm positive.... almost always. But I'm human too... and basically I just wanted to get it off my chest. So... Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. A pretty day... a beautiful, confident day. But today, I'll rest assured that even bad days pass and working towards a goal will have to be enough UNTIL I reach it.


My picture from today! I know... it's not that bad of a pic... :-D

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REDWITCH78 4/30/2010 8:21PM

    We all have those moments. But may I say "Shut your mouth!" emoticon
You are beautiful inside and out.

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MANDORA3 4/30/2010 6:37AM

    I think you and I worte the same blog!

We are our own worst critics....I happen to see a very strong and beautiful woman!!!

Big hugs to you!!

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VEGGIE-FITNESS 4/30/2010 1:02AM

    I happen to think you are quite gorgeous. If this is a bad picture of you, then you must be stunning!!!

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BRIAN36 4/29/2010 10:21PM

    Look in your eyes in that picture. You can see that deep down you don't really believe your ugly at all. You're just not having such a good day. It will pass. Know that you are beautiful.

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MAIA2011 4/29/2010 9:43PM

    Whoops! I posted twice.


Comment edited on: 4/29/2010 9:44:05 PM

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MAIA2011 4/29/2010 9:43PM

    I know that it is hard to feel ugly but I have to tell you from an objective view you are quite classically beautiful!

Have a Sparked day!


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TEENY_BIKINI 4/29/2010 9:15PM

    You are beautiful.

I have days like that too, but they pass. Hang in there, gorgeous.


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GDOBBIN 4/29/2010 10:09AM

    Feeling ugly must have been you 'experimenting to see how it felt' because you can't have an ugly day physically! :-)

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CARAMEL79 4/27/2010 8:11PM

    Beautiful pic. And your teeth are SO perfect!

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GONABFIT 4/27/2010 7:57PM

    Thank you ALL!!!! Today was much better. I'm glad I got it off my chest... and I'm glad today has been better! Love you ALL my sparkbuddies!

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MERRYCAKES 4/27/2010 9:57AM

    You are gorgeous!

Everyone has those days, it's true. I hope today is a great, positive day!

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SPARKLE1908 4/27/2010 8:28AM

    We all get down on ourselves from time to time but like everyone else has already stated, you are BEAUTIFUL...today will be a better day for you!!!!!

Keep your head up girl...you have been doing a LOT and it's expected to hit a little bump every now and then....just remember that you have a world of SPARK friends that think you are the BEST!!!!! emoticon

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MRSGOFARR 4/27/2010 8:19AM

    girl - you are crazy to think you are not pretty! you better embrace yourself and your body! we only have our youth once!

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ARMYNOMADWIFE 4/27/2010 6:38AM

    Not to sound like a broken record but...you are BEAUTIFUL, STRONG, GORGEOUS AND FABULOUS! No need to be so hard on yourself, but you know, everyone does have days like this. This too shall pass and tomorrrow, when you wake up and see yourself, you will see what we all see, a BEAUTIFUL, STRONG, GORGEOUS, FABULOUS woman who can do pullups! emoticon

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FOOFIT1 4/26/2010 11:08PM

    I'm glad you came here to vent. I do that all the time, and I always feel better afterward. You ARE beautiful, and you have accomplished so much. I am glad that in a day or two you'll be back to your old, positive, cheery self. In the meantime, the rest of us will think you're gorgeous for you.


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FIT2BTHIN2 4/26/2010 10:56PM

    Please feel better... I am praying for a better day tomorrow.

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LHLADY517 4/26/2010 10:52PM

    You have a beautiful smile. Believe it...You're beautiful.

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NINJALINDA 4/26/2010 9:51PM

    You are astonishingly BEAUTIFUL! AND...you can do pullups?!? You are beautiful AND you ROCK! (But I know what you mean, and I've been there. Some days are just poopie!)

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    the best thing about tomorrow is that it's not today!! get some sleep and wake up tomorrow and smile sooooooooo huge it hurts your cheeks.. then thank your lucky stars that it cant possibly be as crappy feeling of a day as monday was.

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GLAMOURGIRL-9 4/26/2010 9:19PM

    Those are usually my PMS days!!! I think you look FABULOUS!!!!! emoticon

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ITSABOUTME2407 4/26/2010 9:16PM

    yep we all have those days sorry you are today emoticonbut from the picture I see you are a beautiful girl!! what a warm smile ...so don't be too hard on yourself ..one good thing feelings pass ..hope tomorrow is full of sunshine 4 u emoticon emoticontrish

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SEMUSPARK 4/26/2010 9:06PM

    You are beautiful girl and don't ever forget that! I know we all have days when we get down on ourselves but try not to be so harsh. Look back at your old blogs here on spark, stand in front of your mirror and repeat a positive mantra. Hang in there girl! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GONABFIT 4/26/2010 8:52PM

    Aww thanks guys.... you are all so sweet to me! I appreciate it.

Comment edited on: 4/26/2010 8:53:05 PM

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SUZIAND 4/26/2010 8:43PM

    Awww...I hope you feel better tomorrow! It is a new day! We all have days where we feel "less" than we should.
If it makes you feel better...I looked at your spark page and you are a strong, gorgeous woman who has done remarkable things!!! You inspire people like me and you should be very, very proud of yourself!!!

Suz : )

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ISHFISH 4/26/2010 8:43PM

    We all have those days, but you know what, you are beautiful. I'll say it again, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, don't forget that. emoticon

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RACHEL_MAC 4/26/2010 8:34PM

    You should've sent this picture ... and the story that goes along with it. Any time you feel down think about the amazing things you're doing and the wonderful things you've accomplished so far. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_p
og_id=3134896 :)

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GOCELTICSGO 4/26/2010 8:30PM

    It's one of those days...cheer up!

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