Tuesday, February 16, 2010
I saw this quote and felt like I needed to share with you all! not sure why.
"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So, plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong, and you really do have worth." -- basically I just like this quote! lol
--- Also I weighed in today and saw 150 on the scale. I hoped it was an error. I hope it's from lack of sleep, being sick, eating too many salty foods... BUT the truth is that the scale said what it said, and that is a reality. I am sad, hurt, confused but all and all this is a mere BLIP in my path and I will give 2 weeks before I weigh in to allow my body to readjust... mean while eating MORE veggies and healthy foods! But... i do think I've been doing MANY of the right things, waking up an HOUR before I need to... when I already have to wake up and BE at work by 6:15 most days.... skipping treats( like avoiding dairy queen, etc) , halving my more unhealhty meals, lifting weights MORE and cardio... So maybe this is a readjustment period. I WILL REACHMY GOAL!
I bought my bridesmaid dress... the lady tried to MAKE me put on a 12 (which I told her I did not wear) but fine, I don't have a point to prove and I want to look BEAUTIFUL in the wedding, not stuffed into the dress so I tried it on. I must say I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief when it was TOO big like I said it would be! YAY! And the size 10 was a little baggy in the shoulders/ breast area LOL so I'm going to try to lose a size by college roommates wedding in JUNE (the dress gets back April 1- then you need a month for adjustments). We shall see. But at this point I just want the dress to be comfortable... because NO ONE walks around with a size printed on the OUTSIDE of their clothes... its more important that it look flattering!
Long day tomorrow. 30 hr work shift. So I took a long nap, woke up to get on spark/ check some emails and study then back to sleep!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Well, not quite... lol but I thought it was a catchy title!
I had a nice long talk with my mother today :-) She is a great listener and I ABSOLUTELY love her. :-D Definitely my best friend... well her and DrTAMM (My sister)! :-D Back to the point. I talked to my mother today and she reminded me to remember my worth in all situations. She said something along these lines: "Baby you are worth so much, never forget that. You don't have to settle for less than you deserve and there is/will be someone who appreciates you exactly how you are. (mentally, physically, spiritually). Someone who won't try to change you at every turn. Someone who will let you be, let you grow, and gently deal with your flaws. Who will respect you and not make you feel less than."
So i guess that is hard to understand if you don't know the whole story... but basically I've been going through a lot separate from all this weight loss stuff, but being the positive person that i am I usually just sweep it away and move on with the things on my list that take higher priority. Not to mention I'm a pretty private person (OK VERY private... lol Some of my friends hate that ;) oh well) ... which is why it's AMAZING that I have a blog + pictures of myself. But maybe I like being open in a way that is relatively safe lol :-D and I gotta love spark! Today I just decided that I wanted to share... even if it's just a little. I'm at a place where I need to decide if a person should stay in my life or not. I have pro's con's, reasons why the should stay, and why they should go... and usually I'm a much more decisive person and that scares me that I've become attached in a way that isn't good for me. And part of me feels like it could work out beautifully if the person would just act better... then the intelligent part of me knows that if it hasn't worked yet... it probably never will and there's a phrase that says "If it don't fit, don't force it, just relax and let it go." So basically I'm stuck between my heart and my brain, my independence and dependence, my self-respect and self-denial... and as easy as it is for me to choose... it's just that hard to make the right decision.
But something my mom said tonight scared me. (And she's said it before about the same topic): "baby... never let someone steal your light. You usually shine... and I think I see your light fading." (paraphrased of course!)
Self=preservation.... I need my light back
**Sidenote- exercising = dancing and strength training. Will count cals, think I went over. yesterday did 1 hr 5 mins of cardio and strength! Trying to get my body back. :-)
Sunday, February 14, 2010
so... I just finished an hour workout of weights and some cardio mixed in. It was great... ! I love endorphins!
I must be honest and say this valentine has not gone the way I wished it would... but instead of allowing my tears to turn to depression I decided to be proactive and make this life exactly what I want it to be! and that starts with BETTERING myself! I will celebrate the ultimate LOVE today! SELF-LOVE (and God's Love of course) :-) So I got up, lifted weights, rode the exercise bike, danced and felt like a million bucks. I also studied and am going to eat soup and beets for dinner! lol
I have to run, going to a Romeo and Juliet Ballet at 7! Should be fun! :-D
Have a beautiful Valentine's day. Remember: To the World you may be just ONE PERSON, but to one person you may be the WORLD! Or something like that!
Lot's of LOVE!!!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
to be the best that I can be
to be optimistic in evertything, I do
My past don't dictate who I am.... yea
- Lyrics from India Arie.
I awoke this morning realizing that there are things I want to change. I am so busy most of the time... They told us 3rd year of medical school would be harder than we were used to and that's fine... but the lack of time is quite amazing. Most days we are working 12-14 hours then expeccted to go home and study... it's hardto study when you are already exhausted. Add needing to clean my apartment so I can have some kind of peace, spending time with my pup, exercising, eating healthy foods, sparking, staying somewhat connected to friends, boyfriend, and family and that doesn't leave me with very much time for me.
But I must find a way to make it work.., and therefore, I am spending this a.m. cleaning/ decluttering my room. My apartment is way too messy for my liking so in an effort to remove the chaos around me, and get some peace for my environment I'm going to declutter as quickly as I can, then study (I have to pass on my friends bday party today because I feel like crap... and already am pretty overextended)
I choose to give myself the room I need to grow, to be patient when I struggle, to understand that I am doing the best I can and considering what I need to juggle I am doing pretty well.
I choose to LOVE myself unconditionally and do things that make ME happy. I choose to allow myself to make mistakes, learn from them, forgive myself, and as quickly as possible to move on. I choose to allow BEAUTY in my life on a regular basis. I choose to continuously re-focus on my health goals and to recognize that I WILL reach my goals, as long as I keep trying.
I'm off to clean and study... have a good one! I will write later and let you know about cals etc.
It's going to be a BEAUTIFUL day! So take a moment to enjoy your surroundings. My goal on top of everything else, is to find something unexpectantly beautiful and take a picture of it!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Not much to say today... eventually these will get exciting to read... hopefully, but I just got home from celebrating my friend's bday. I am sick. trying to fight this cold. No workout. Didn't eat that healthy today... but I didn't drink any alcohol at dinner so hopefully that saved some unneeded cals. Going to sleep now, but wanted to stay committed to my 30 day blog challenge.
Have a good night spark.
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