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Day 8/30: I can see clearly now the rain is gone!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Well, not quite... lol but I thought it was a catchy title!

I had a nice long talk with my mother today :-) She is a great listener and I ABSOLUTELY love her. :-D Definitely my best friend... well her and DrTAMM (My sister)! :-D Back to the point. I talked to my mother today and she reminded me to remember my worth in all situations. She said something along these lines: "Baby you are worth so much, never forget that. You don't have to settle for less than you deserve and there is/will be someone who appreciates you exactly how you are. (mentally, physically, spiritually). Someone who won't try to change you at every turn. Someone who will let you be, let you grow, and gently deal with your flaws. Who will respect you and not make you feel less than."

So i guess that is hard to understand if you don't know the whole story... but basically I've been going through a lot separate from all this weight loss stuff, but being the positive person that i am I usually just sweep it away and move on with the things on my list that take higher priority. Not to mention I'm a pretty private person (OK VERY private... lol Some of my friends hate that ;) oh well) ... which is why it's AMAZING that I have a blog + pictures of myself. But maybe I like being open in a way that is relatively safe lol :-D and I gotta love spark! Today I just decided that I wanted to share... even if it's just a little. I'm at a place where I need to decide if a person should stay in my life or not. I have pro's con's, reasons why the should stay, and why they should go... and usually I'm a much more decisive person and that scares me that I've become attached in a way that isn't good for me. And part of me feels like it could work out beautifully if the person would just act better... then the intelligent part of me knows that if it hasn't worked yet... it probably never will and there's a phrase that says "If it don't fit, don't force it, just relax and let it go." So basically I'm stuck between my heart and my brain, my independence and dependence, my self-respect and self-denial... and as easy as it is for me to choose... it's just that hard to make the right decision.

But something my mom said tonight scared me. (And she's said it before about the same topic): "baby... never let someone steal your light. You usually shine... and I think I see your light fading." (paraphrased of course!)

Self=preservation.... I need my light back

**Sidenote- exercising = dancing and strength training. Will count cals, think I went over. yesterday did 1 hr 5 mins of cardio and strength! Trying to get my body back. :-)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEPHANON 2/16/2010 7:49AM

    Sounds like you already have an idea of what the right decision is, but you're finding it hard to actually take that step. Hoping that you're able to find the strength to give yourself what you need and not just what you want.

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MANDORA3 2/16/2010 6:23AM

    I hope your light shines bright soon with the right decision! One of my favorite quotes is:
"Don't make someone a priority, if they only make you an option!"

I love your moms thinking! emoticon

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_RAMONA 2/16/2010 12:26AM

    Hey there, Beautiful! Funny how Valentine's Day always leads to reflection no matter where you are at in you life... and you have one really wise and loving Mom!

This is a small part of what I wrote in my 'LOVE Story' blog:
"My MOST beautiful mistake was in loving someone who 'got me' so perfectly that sometimes I felt he could read my mind... trouble was, he 'got me' because we shared a common place of brokenness... he was in every way my willing accomplice, but accomplice in the least of what I was (whtever I was willing to limit myself to for his sake), NOT in the most of what I was striving for (to shine every way for which I was created). The problem was that I didn't want to live the rest of my life in that broken place, and he didn't even realize just how broken that place was... and I paid an extraordinarily high a price to learn that."

...And if your light is fading, you are paying way too high a price.

I'll be praying for you!
{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}

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GONABFIT 2/15/2010 10:29PM

    thank you for taking the time to read and give me advice. You are right... compromising who you are probably isn't the way to get what you want in the lonnnnnnggggg run. (even when you aren't sure you're compromising ;) THANKS!

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CRIS76 2/15/2010 10:22PM

    You should never have to compromise yourself in any relationship - if it a person you want to move forward with, then it probably isn't a good idea. If they are just a friend - as long as you know their faults and can accept them (that they don't harm you) then being friends isn't bad, just don't expect anything outside their norm.

I wish you the best of luck with your decision - it can be hard, but sometimes you have to look at the whole.

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Day 7/30: Happy Valentine's Day!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

so... I just finished an hour workout of weights and some cardio mixed in. It was great... ! I love endorphins!

I must be honest and say this valentine has not gone the way I wished it would... but instead of allowing my tears to turn to depression I decided to be proactive and make this life exactly what I want it to be! and that starts with BETTERING myself! I will celebrate the ultimate LOVE today! SELF-LOVE (and God's Love of course) :-) So I got up, lifted weights, rode the exercise bike, danced and felt like a million bucks. I also studied and am going to eat soup and beets for dinner! lol

I have to run, going to a Romeo and Juliet Ballet at 7! Should be fun! :-D

Have a beautiful Valentine's day. Remember: To the World you may be just ONE PERSON, but to one person you may be the WORLD! Or something like that!

Lot's of LOVE!!! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FREELADY 2/14/2010 10:30PM

    What a great pattern to inspire me: you chose not being controlled by emotions, but used them as a launch pad for positive ACTION. Good for you! Three cheers! Thanks for the uplift!!!

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TEENY_BIKINI 2/14/2010 7:13PM

    Girl - I am glad you turned that into something positive - this day isn't worth tears. Good for you! You rock!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GAL8DY 2/14/2010 7:08PM


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Day 6/30: I Choose.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

I choose
to be the best that I can be
I choose
to be optimistic in evertything, I do
My past don't dictate who I am.... yea
I choose.
- Lyrics from India Arie.


I awoke this morning realizing that there are things I want to change. I am so busy most of the time... They told us 3rd year of medical school would be harder than we were used to and that's fine... but the lack of time is quite amazing. Most days we are working 12-14 hours then expeccted to go home and study... it's hardto study when you are already exhausted. Add needing to clean my apartment so I can have some kind of peace, spending time with my pup, exercising, eating healthy foods, sparking, staying somewhat connected to friends, boyfriend, and family and that doesn't leave me with very much time for me.

But I must find a way to make it work.., and therefore, I am spending this a.m. cleaning/ decluttering my room. My apartment is way too messy for my liking so in an effort to remove the chaos around me, and get some peace for my environment I'm going to declutter as quickly as I can, then study (I have to pass on my friends bday party today because I feel like crap... and already am pretty overextended)

I choose to give myself the room I need to grow, to be patient when I struggle, to understand that I am doing the best I can and considering what I need to juggle I am doing pretty well.
I choose to LOVE myself unconditionally and do things that make ME happy. I choose to allow myself to make mistakes, learn from them, forgive myself, and as quickly as possible to move on. I choose to allow BEAUTY in my life on a regular basis. I choose to continuously re-focus on my health goals and to recognize that I WILL reach my goals, as long as I keep trying.

I'm off to clean and study... have a good one! I will write later and let you know about cals etc.

It's going to be a BEAUTIFUL day! So take a moment to enjoy your surroundings. My goal on top of everything else, is to find something unexpectantly beautiful and take a picture of it!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MVINNY 2/15/2010 8:34PM

    Thanks for this blog...so true its all about choosing whats best for yourself and following through. I needed to read something like this today.

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DEBWILLBFREE 2/13/2010 10:49PM

    Hi. Keep doing what you're doing to sort out what is essentialand what is not for this time in your life--and dump what is not, at least for now. Take a deep breath; you're gettin this done!



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TEENY_BIKINI 2/13/2010 9:32PM

    "I choose to LOVE myself unconditionally and do things that make ME happy." YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[insert happy dance here]

We were already friends.... Cheers.

PS - you can do this. Focus gorgeous.

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MERCYNGRACE 2/13/2010 6:21PM

    Great choices! Loved the blog! Praying for you to find the time and have the energy you need to make things easier for yourself. Congratulations on all you are doing and choosing!

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IMADAREDEVIL 2/13/2010 11:21AM

    It's all about choice, every single day....and you're making the right ones....good for you!

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Day 5

Friday, February 12, 2010

Not much to say today... eventually these will get exciting to read... hopefully, but I just got home from celebrating my friend's bday. I am sick. trying to fight this cold. No workout. Didn't eat that healthy today... but I didn't drink any alcohol at dinner so hopefully that saved some unneeded cals. Going to sleep now, but wanted to stay committed to my 30 day blog challenge.

Have a good night spark.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GONABFIT 2/13/2010 10:27AM

    Thanks guys!! I will try to rest(when I can today... Going to clean a little, and of course study!)

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_MAOMAO_ 2/13/2010 1:43AM

  emoticon - chicken soup with matzoh balls!

I'm not Jewish, I just know this will cure almost anything that ails you. emoticon

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_MAOMAO_ 2/13/2010 1:43AM

  emoticon - chicken soup with matzoh balls!

I'm not Jewish, I just know this will cure almost anything that ails you. emoticon

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TEENY_BIKINI 2/12/2010 11:26PM

    Ooooo... feel better girl.

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Day 4/30: SNEEZY~

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Sure hope I'm not getting sick.... It's been snowing quite a bit here! And I've been sneezing every few minutes... and been pretty darn sleepy too.

I'mn thinking about volunteering with the local professional cheerleading team in my city... that should be fun! I would love to dance but just missed the tryouts and med school doesn't really afford me a lot of free time :-( sadly... but we will see how this all works out!

I woke up and did 35 mins on the bike this a.m. did crunches 'm too big? sigh that sucks. but anyway such is life. I'll keep working towards my goal, eating right and exercising!

I am happy that I brought my lunch to work today and actually ATE it! lol! then I had 1/2 a burrito and some chips for dinner. Oh well. I'll add up the cals hopefully it will be within limits!

Goodnight-time to keep studying!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GONABFIT 2/13/2010 11:03AM

    Thanks MR! I am still sick but staying home to rest up and beat it!

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MAINEROCKS 2/12/2010 10:26AM

    Take good care and fight it off! ;-)

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