GOLFINSUNSHINE   14,490
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GOLFINSUNSHINE's Recent Blog Entries

Changing...

Friday, February 04, 2011

I am changing in little ways I never expected. I have been ill for two days now - my back is sending me jabbing pain, my innards feel like they are coming inside out and all I can think about is not being well enough to excercise. Wow - when I think of all the days I wouldn't and didn't want to excercise - this is truly a change. I think of this process like a huge boulder - not completely round that I am trying to push - some days I get good momentum - some days I just barely keep it moving and sometimes it stops for whatever reason. I recognize that when it stops - getting it moving takes more effort....I don't want it to stop...but getting ill -well out of my control at the moment...and still ok....I will push as soon as I can....and in the meantime I am going to journal and read more spark blogs, posts etc to learn as much as I can....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JKN049 2/5/2011 6:37PM

    Perhaps this is the blog you had in mind when you commented on mine. :) I hope tomorrow brings more sunshine than clouds....

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SBILLIAN 2/4/2011 8:56PM

    Hang in there and feel better soon!

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Too much thinking...

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Ok I have read about 6 other blogs and thought I better write something to stop thinking negative. I have been having a hard time lately - this is not about my weight. I am trying very hard not to think sad thoughts .... sometimes it is not easy. I want to really believe that the Lord has decided that I wouldn't succeed with this - something I really wanted with all my heart. I have been saying the rosary almost every day praying for it. The end date to get my call is January 31st. I haven't gotten the call... I am crying even as I write this....I know that things could be worse - but at the moment even that is not helping me....Going to do my workout now and get those positive endorphines into me....I am sorry to anyone who reads this ... don't like being this down....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELISSAP1981 1/30/2011 10:26AM

    I hope everything works out for you and you get the call you so desperately want.
Keep your head up things will work out in the end:)

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SBILLIAN 1/29/2011 5:20PM

    God grant you the courage to change what you can, the peace to accept what you can't, and the wisdom to know the difference. If a door closes, a window will open.

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Zero

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Another zero loss - that would have crushed me before - not now. I really don't care how long it takes anymore .... I guess because I used to think that goal day was the day I could go back to my "normal". Well developing this NEW NORMAL is tons of work, tons of ups and downs, tons of blips but MEGATONS of feel good.
I am currently on a sleep challenge. I am doing the first week of the sleep challenge. My problem is I wake up over and over and I am always tired. On average I wake up- so far 6 times a night....I've always known I have a sleep problem - was tested - have some sleep apnea (not severe tho). This sleep diary and the challenge to go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time - I am finding extremely challenging. Its ok tho - if I have to do the first week over and over - I don't care - any effort to fix this is better than where I am and where I have been. I used to be so down on myself for so many percieved failings - what the hell... why? I have been asking myself these questions alot lately - not getting answers - and that is telling in itself about all that wasted negative energy - its just useless.... I am ok...I can reach my goals....be happy ...don't worry now that tune is gonna be in my head all day lol....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SBILLIAN 1/18/2011 2:38PM

    My sleep issues got a lot better when I gave up gluten. Could you be sensitive to something in your diet?

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Momentum

Monday, January 17, 2011

I am so grateful that I am feeling better than I have in over 20 years. I really am shocked....I didn't expect to start having more energy ... I figured I was an exception to the rule - that I would never really ever like excercising for the sake of excersising and how in the hell would I ever work out regularly....esp. if I found it such - a - chore..... I AM experiencing a shift..... I Am excited....I Am starting to like the changes ...... I got many more to make (not kidding myself lol) but I am liking this.... and I am ok...even if I blip... I am ok - why was I so worried? What took me so long??? I have no idea - I guess I just needed to start believing.....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELISSAP1981 1/18/2011 10:43AM

    So glad that you are feeling the momentum!!! Way to go. I just have to find what you have now. I feel like I can never find the time..........Gotta make it:)

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SBILLIAN 1/17/2011 4:10PM

    Wonderful! I'm glad it's clicking for you!

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Thoughts in my head

Thursday, January 13, 2011

I keep thinking about the saying... nothing gained nothing ventured - which doesn't jive with the messages of Spark. I lost nothing this week - but I didn't gain either.... I still think the growth that I am experiencing about my mental thoughts and the shifts that are occurring are wonderful. I am trying very hard at the moment to be ok with a zero loss this week - guess its time to read some inspirational thoughts..... lol. I am likely just on a platueau - and need to change up my excercise routines - I am going to reach my goals this time - the when doesn't really matter...I am so grateful for the friends I have on Spark... watching and reading and listening...Entered a sleep challenge yesterday... first challenge for me....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELISSAP1981 1/13/2011 9:45AM

    Its really hard to stay motivated when you aren't seeing results but I am so proud of you for moving forward. I too am thankful for the friends I have met on the spark. emoticon

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