Friday, August 27, 2010
It's funny, it really is.
I know I'm attractive. I know that people perceive me as such (this isn't a vain blog, don't worry). So why do I get self conscious about it? When people don't look at me, I feel ugly, when people do look at me I think I must have spinach in my teeth or something. There's no winning with me!
When my boyfriend tells me he thinks I'm sexy I totally believe him. I think he's sexy too! So it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks....right? Society constantly bombards me with pictures that tell me my stomach should look this way or that, and my hair should be long and shiny, and my nose should be straight. But I don't want to look like everyone else! It's taking a while, but I starting to feel as sexy as my boyfriend says I am. But I'm finding that the same society that was telling me that looking like this or that is awesome, is also telling me curves are wonderful and should be embraced and adored. That helps a bit!
This morning I went to work and I popped into my male coworkers cubicle to discuss an account. A maintenance worker was on our floor. I guess Facilities is cooking up some more renovations or perhaps a redesign... Anywho, the worker was around 6 feet tall, and very cute. We walked by to follow someone out of the building and I felt the 'laser eyes'. You know what I mean, that gaze that starts at your toes and shoots to the top of your head, settling back down to take a second look at your butt? He wasn't very good at hiding it. I was having a good body image day. My hair was sitting just right and I thought I looked pretty good, so I decided to mention it to Joe, my coworker who has the cubicle I ducked into:
"That guy totally check me out," This is a statement made with a mixture of false confidence and budding self confidence, an very exotic cocktail indeed.
"Candy," Joe muttered, sorting through papers, putting on a mock professional tone, "A lot of guys check you out."
"Oh? Not all of them? I really have to step up my game then!" But Im thinking 'Not a LOT, more like two...right?'
Joe laughs. "Um, yeah a lot. I was down in the lobby once and I was using the phone and you walked by the get a coffee and this one dude was eating lunch there. I kid you not, dude, the guy stopped eating, literally shut down, to gawk at you. I almost lost it on the phone. It was too funny."
So maybe I should cut myself a break. I think of that story when I just don't feel like myself sometimes. It's a nice boost.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Today when I got home, I flopped on the bed and groaned. Dante came up and demanded petting, so I tickled him and told him I didnt feel like doing the cardio...
....and he bit me!
Okay okay, fine. I went on YouTube and had Nicole from Spark People proceed to kick my behind in cardio. I kept up, but I was relieved to see the workout over. And Dante sat and watched me the whole time. Now he's napping on his perch. But seriously, he's my babysitter today!
I feel like Im doing really well. There's a cake in the freezer, and I dont even want it! And it's that time of the month! Im thinking cranberry tea sounds better, and it's like, wait...what? I didnt even like that type of tea three months ago.
At work today I was data-entering copy-to's for physicians. This is a unique part of a study that is already over, so I dont do it all the time (and likely wont do it again for another year or so). It's really borning. Like mind numbingly boring, Anyways, I start to get the 2pm hungries and I cant take it anymore. I told June I was getting a snack. She tsk'd me but I went on my way.
As I was standing at the vending machine I took the time to stop and think. Eventually, I tore my gaze from the kit kat bar (one of my favorites) and chose a nestea green tea with citrus can. Zero calories. I know artificial sweetners arent the best but Im not faking my way through a can of coke. It did the trick, and I survived with an additional glass of water until supper.
Today, instead of cake, I have decided that as a treat for resisting temptations, I will straighten my hair. It's time consuming and a pain, but I love the result and it is very rewarding to do in the end (like cardio!!). It makes me feel pretty. I will pick out my work outfit for tomorrow too so I wont go rushing around trying to find something in a hurry. Best foot forward!
Hope everyone's day is fabulous! Resist those temptations!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
I was looking at pictures of myself a few years ago and admiring the abs I had back then. Im ready to get them back. Not that they are too far gone, they are just under a cheesebuger or twoo of cohabitating with a man. I have a plan.
Today I put that plan into action. I took a 10 minute cardio burst on spark people (thanks for pushing me, Nicole!) Did 40 triceps dips and took a break to eat a protien packed lunch. Then I watched a bit of "Teen Mom" and took a break for some plank exercises, which are HARD (I did one rep of full plank position at 1 minute, took a 15 second break and did 2 more full planks at 30 seconds each). I hope to be able to work my way up to 2 one minute planks and a 30 second plank after a little bit. To me it seems like a reasonable goal. After that I did 30 leg lifts with cross overs for each leg, and 20 leg pumps for each leg. I only wanted to do 15 but I made myself do 20! Now Im drinking a nice tall glass of lemon water. I figure if I do this 4-5 days a week (changing it up a little, adding squats and side planks for variety, DDR instead of kick boxing etc) I will be nice and trim by thanksgiving. It is something to shoot for anyways.
However, ONE thing stands in my way. The CNE is now is town. For my American friends, the CNE is Toronto's Canadian National Exhibition - a large scale fair that runs until Labor Day Monday. I purchased tickets online several weeks ago through an incentive program at work and saved myself 12 dollars. The CNE is a big deal to Nitz: he goes every year and we hope to go tomorrow. It's supposed to rain, but maybe that will keep the crowds down a bit. We arent scared of rain.
I have been bragging to everyone about how Im going to eat a deep fried Mars Bar (why would I do that? *sob!*).....and now I cant back down. In fact, I dont really want to! I want to try it because this is something new and different and I would feel regret on missing it. So this is what Im going to do:
- My period is next week. This will be my junk food nasty fix.
- I will eat only half. I dont care how much it costs, I will not regret pitching some of it. Usually I would feel bad because I was taught not to waste food but I just tell myself it equals a jelly roll on my gut and suddenly I dont feel so bad about it anymore!
- I will share with Nitz.
- I will burn it off by walking tons at this fair.
Literally, this fair is so huge we try to spend 6-8 hours there. My calves, feet and legs scream in pain when we get home and every agonizing step is worth it! I wouldnt doubt it if I burned a good 600 calories just walking at a moderate pace non stop for 7 hours. Even though I may eat 2500 - 3000 calories that day (there are donuts too that only come to the fair....special Tiny Tom's donuts that you can only get there once a year....I will employ the same plan) I plan on burning the rest of that all through the week, leaving me with a nice clean slate to focus on the week after.
Being lazy after work doesnt seem like an option anymore. I mean, this workout took half an hour of my time, maximum so Im pretty sure I can handle that. I already told my boyfriend that any beer in the fridge that is mine is the last of it and Im not buying anymore beer for myself. I don't like Nitz's beer so it being in the fridge isnt a problem. There's a salad bar at work and plenty of green tea to drink so work cant sabatoge me either. I feel like Im in a pretty good set up here. Nitz supports me working out. He'll call and if I dont answer he leaves a message saying "You're either in the shower or doing your workout so I'll call you back in like half an hour" and he always asks how my workouts are and if one is planned for the day.
Dante's been helping too. He sat and watched my planks. When I was too exhausted to even support myself, I used him as a pillow and he purred the whole time. Seriosuly, my arms are killing me. It's difficult to lift this glass of water right now..... Im such a wuss!!
Im super excited for this! Like, honeslty excited!
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