Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Sometimes I use the FedEx scale work. Sure, Im not consistent about it, and Im wearing shoes and clothes and whatnot, but I get a general idea how things are going. Im not really in this to lose weight, like I've said, just to be more aware of the crap that goes in my mouth. And it's working! Im more informed about the choices I make, even when I dont have much of a choice.
Tonight Im cooking shrimp with whole wheat pasta and veggies.
Anywho, this FedEx number (though not 100 % accurate) is decreasing bit by bit. Surprising, but nice. Im trying to cut the sugar. Not just for me, for my dad.
My dad has MODY (Mature Onset Diabetes of the Young). He was diagnosed when I was 16. When he got treatment and got home from the hospital our perceptions on food had changed. We did not want to alienate him by making special entrees, so we all chose to eat his way. First, we tossed out the white bread. This was a big change for me because back then white bread was all I knew. I hated brown bread. I mean, I totally hated it. This changed over the course of a month of being forced to eat it and now I cant eat white bread because it tastes like nothing! I mean, it has no character at all! Or texture. It's like eating weak Styrofoam.
Next we ditched frozen drink mix. I don't miss those, but I didnt realize how much I made them back them. Frozen juice and sugar. I guess I drank a lot of juice. It's funny what you remember.
Because of these dietary changes I feel much better! It's so easy. I dont know how you can be dependent on pop and white bread. Just make the switch, detox, and you will feel amazing!
But back to cutting sugar. I never realized how much of a sweet tooth I had until I realized the dangers of white sugar. By stepping away from my old, tooth-rotting friend, I have a cleaner palette and need less sugar to taste sugar. My dad is really good with sugar, knowing what he can have and how much of it, even when the best time of day to eat it is. But I still try my best to not eat copious amounts of the stuff. He's not a person easily swayed to temptation (I could learn a thing or two from him) but still! I want to eat better to show him Im aware.
When I was 22, my dad had his right foot amputated. It was a long battle, and quite frankly, we were relieved to see that foot go. It wasnt anyone's fault. It just happened. It was an infection that spread out of control. The main issue was we caught it before it could do any worse. But this is what diabetes can do to you, so I want to warn everyone. I mean, this isnt a public service announcement, but I just want people to understand that it happens to real people, not just on the TLC network or Dr. Oz show. Diabetes has serious complications, so look after yourself, no matter who you are.
Oh, and please don't feel bad for us. We don't need sympathy. We just want understanding and awareness.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Owwww, my arms!!!
I did triceps dips last night.....3 sets of 20. So 60 in total. My arms couldnt lift anything. I felt so tired last night. I know I'll be sore tomorrow. Im a chick who gets muscle soreness on the second day, not immediately after.
Im on my 'womanly time' so I dont like to do oodles of exercise, namely because its gross, not because it's painful. I take the week to do light cardio, squats, dips, anything standing really. I dont do the lying down stuff. I try to step up my diet too. I made quinoa and pork on Monday and I have a ton of fruit for lunch today. We went to a produce stand and bought tomatoes and raspberries and sweet potatoes too. Anything to combat 'eating for the sake of eating' and the 'wow, I really want an ice cream bar!' incidents. So far it's only been a few jelly beans and a diet brownie.
Speaking of, those diet brownies turned out pretty well. I avoided the oil entirely and substituted the same amount of bananas instead. They felt more like moist cake than brownie, but Nitz enjoyed them quite a bit. I suppose applesauce would work better, but Im glad they turned out tasty! So if anyone wants to try, they are a pretty safe bet. I mean, someone will eat them if you don't, lol.
Our computer died, so I have dusted off the old one and have been using it. It's slow and constantly testing my patience, but at least it doesn't have nasty virus on it. All I wanted to do was watch Avatar: The Last Airbender the series on the computer and the next thing I know these spy ware on it so badly it keeps locking up. Nitz assured me it was dying, and thanked me for killing it so he could stop putting off the purchase of a new one and just do it. I'm so glad I could help! So this is why I havent been online very much, since it is such a challenge to blog on a PC that doesnt have the RAM to properly function and at a respectable speed.
I should go, but I wanted to report on the cutest thing! I went to bed on Monday, business as usual. Nitz joined me a short while later and we settled in for a comfortable sleep. The weather has been much better, summery but comfortable, easy to sleep in. I sleep on my stomach/side (sounds uncomfortable, doesnt it?) so I bunched the comforter under me and arranged the pillow and fell asleep.
I woke in the middle of the night to feel fur on my cheek. I looked over to see that Dante had cuddled up against me, in between Nitz and me, stretched out as long as he could stretch. Somehow my arm had draped over him, like he was the 'little spoon'. He looked up at me, purred very loud, and as I put my head back on the pillow, he put his cheek back on my cheek. We sat like that for a very long time, quite comfortable. Nitz thought it was the cutest thing. Eventually, I had to get up to use the bathroom, so he followed me to the bathroom, waited outside the door, and lead the way back to the bedroom. He only left after he saw I had settled in.
Sometimes I look at Dante and wonder if he is who he says he is. He doesnt act like a cat all the time. Sometimes he acts like person, and I have never encountered a cat that has acted like him. My boyfriend has said that when Dante leaves us it will throw me into a pit of grief and I think he fears for that day. I hope I have many many years to be with Dante, and for Dante to live a happy healthy life of fun and affection.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Well I guess it could be worse. It could have literally been crap. Whatever.
We were babysitting Nitz's little brother this weekend. He's a pretty laid back kid. He's intelligent and funny and he he loves to not be active. He wanted burgers at Harvey's, so we went. My burger was a plain old boring burger with lettuce and tomatoes on it and a little bit of relish and ketchup to taste. I avoided the onion rings to the best of my ability, but I couldnt avoid the Frosty at Wendy's afterward. That's okay, I hadn't had one since last year.
Then we went to walk the dog. I feel sorry for this dog. It's a Border Collie and they dont walk the dog enough, which makes it finicky, lazy, and complacent. He didnt want to run around, so I ran anyways. It was fun to run but the dog was so boring, LOL. Honestly, I thought he'd want to run but after 2 years of just walks and stints in a tiny back yard, I guess he doesnt know what running is. He's not overweight, just lazy. Even Nitz's brother tried to get him to run. I swear, that dog needs SparkPeople!!!
Nitz's parents were off in Niagara Falls for the weekend so that was why we were over. Nitz's brother is 15 years younger than him (a product from another marriage) so Nitz is stuck in limbo. A brother old enough to mentor but forbidden to parent. The kid doesnt need parenting from us, so he was fine. We sat and watched "Ghostbusters" on TV and he chatted to me about Pokemon and video games and stuff is cool in school and what's not. It's nice to talk to him without his parents talking over him and bossing him around. I actually enjoyed the time with him immensely. He even read the paper that morning and he was telling me about the articles he found. They were pretty neat articles!
The 'rents came back at 3:00ish and I immediately wanted to leave. I have nothing in common with them and I could feel myself shutting down. They arent bad people (when mother isnt throwing one of her tantrums...) and they like me alright, they just are dull. Is this what people worry about at 45? Bed frames? A chair? Braces? How the inlaws are so demanding? The weather? How cold my feet are or if we brushed our teeth or if we noticed pop was on sale at Walmart or not? I get headaches from trying not to roll my eyes, knowing that these topics are important to them, so I listen and nod, but I dont understand.
I tried to eat well, and I feel for the most part I succeed without feeling out of place. Although Nitz spent the night, I went home and fussed over Dante and made sure the apartment was in order. This way, I was also able to do my plank exercises uninterrupted. Dante even sat under me and forced me to finish my set so I wouldnt cheat! He's usually trying to distract me from my workouts but today he helped a lot! Who knew!
So this weekend was okay but I have a feeling the next one will be better. I just have to survive the week first, which is a different story altogether.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I made supper today which involves Aztec Mix (a rice and lentil concoction from the Bulk Barn) meatballs, asparagus and corn. I have plenty left over for lunch tomorrow! Yay! I've been upping my water intake and I logged some strength training which makes me feel good. I have a new love for watermelon as well! So yummy ^_^.
Although I may be on track that way, I feel waaaaay off keel in other places. June is away at work (she is back tomorrow) and I feel like I have been running my heels off at work. My office has what I call 'microbursts'. You have a good 20 minutes to a half an hour where you can pour all of your attention into something (or many things, Im always struggling to keep up it seems, I have work ADD) and then there will be an hour where the phone just wont stop ringing...
Oh, it's not one phone line! No way! I have *does a quick mental count* 5 lines, but 2 are my personal extension (my main line and my overflow) and I get all sorts of calls in a day. I can never predict what the phone will bring me in any given day.
There's the hotline, which connects us to the satellite labs and they call that line so I can answer their questions, there's the scheduling line for patients that want to book stuff that the Ontario system doesnt cover. The scheduling line is a line that gets all messed up. I dont know why people call looking for blood reports on there or ordering physician supplies (these are the 'junk mail' of the calls we get). Then there's the 'Special scheduling' line, which was a project that ran past its due date 6 months ago and we are still managing....life is fabulous.
Then there the kits I build for clients, reports I have to find, mysteries I have to solve. You guys wont see me much when June takes off for 2 weeks vacation in September I think. My one coworker gets afraid of me at the end of the day because my mind is so frayed and tattered I sneer at him by the time he walks into my cubicle.
So I do feel entitled to a cocktail on fridays if I do say so myself.
To make another note, Nitz is working mostly afternoon shifts, which makes me feel lonely. Not unbearably so but enough to feel its tug on my psyche. It's a new sensation for me. At first, I thought it was boredom, but then I realized it was me being slightly lonely. Im a solitary creature so to feel lonely is startling to me. It feels...alien. Uncomfortable. Foreign. I genuinely miss his company. I know that makes me sound strange, like an extra terrestrial looking in on human behaviour, but I have always looked at human behaviour from an outsider's perspective. Human behaviour is something that sets us apart from the animals: it's gratifying as well as terrifying. I find it a very interesting concept.
I have a budding interest in beginner's psych but that's as deep as I ever went.
I wanted to be a doctor, but I know that I would wind up like Dr. House: cynical and jaded, looking for the best way to apply my skills and ignoring others on the way. He looks at human behaviour the same way I do: pawns on a chess board, predictable yet fascinating. I saw his character and immediately switched to lab science. Also, I was training to be a paramedic and the physical aspect of the job was far too much for me. I decided to write patients off my list altogether and deal with numbers on a screen and mpney in the bank instead of human nature. I sound like such a robot, one incapable of love, but I assure you I am not.
I just cant possibly love eveyone. It takes too much out of you.
These feelings shall pass in time, and I will be writing about something much more amusing, but in the meantime it's best to document and reflect. I never know if someone feels the same way!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
...and that's exactly why I havent been on here.
Ontario has gone through hell. Humidex advisories were posted left-right-and-centre. Toronto was under a smog alert and everywhere else had high heat alerts on top of everything else. It all started on Monday, when I went to work feeling absolutely guilty that I have consistent air conditioning where others do not. When it was time to go home at 5pm, there was a power outage.....on the hottest day of the year to date. This made me so angry! Lights were out everywhere. I finally got home at 6pm to find the place stuffy but bearable.
Dante has been such a trooper. He ran up to greet me and I got him his 'cold blanket': a hand towel that I had spritzed with water and placed in the freezer to take out whenever I feel he needs a bit of a boost. I gave him ice cubes for his water dish. He loves ice cubes. He finds them fascinating! He followed me to the bedroom and I opened a window and sat down to read 'The Lovely Bones'. Good book! Power finally came on at 7:30 and I turned on the portable AC unit and ran it as I was watching "The Bachelorette." I had a cold shower and Nitz got home from work (his store had power when everyone else didnt...a hydro plant caught on fire to my understanding) and he brought me an ice cream cone, which was thoughtful of him. I wasnt worried about calories just then.
The next few days were worse. I never bothered with makeup (the first time in a long time) because it would just blink off my lids or sweat off my face and my hair wasnt very lively either to say the least. Nitz had been working a lot of afternoon shifts (1:30-9:30) so I felt better that he left later in the day so he could run the A/C and keep an eye on Dante, but those few hours made a huge difference when he was called in to work early on Tuesday. The apartment was a hot house when I got home. Not as bad as outside, but stuffy and depressing nonetheless. I couldnt seem to get the temperature to a comfortable level, no matter what I did. The night time temp reading that tuesday night (at 11:30pm mind you!!!) was 40!! FORTY CELCIUS AT MIDNIGHT ALMOST. Shoot me now. We couldnt take the A/C into the bedroom (too big, too loud and we have to vent it out a window) so running fans at night was the only option. I felt disgusting, useless, cranky, and frustrated. Temperatures soared to 45 degrees at one point on Wednesday, but it consistently hovered at 42-44. Nitz was off on Wednesday so Dante had plenty of company.
Finally it rained on Friday, and it was gift sent from God. It washed all the smog away, all the sweat, all the frustration. I caught up on my sleep that I had lost the past 4 nights and Dante is the happiest cat alive. He sat with me today and I instantly knew he was better. It was too hot to even give him pettings before. I worried about him. He's tough and I know cats are very tough (I had no A/C growing up and all the cats were excellent) but I felt like such a bad person. I drove home without the A/C on in my car, even though it works perfectly well, telling myself that Dante has no A/C (we dont run it when we are not home and we have heat reflecting window coverings...it makes a world of difference!!) so why should I?? It made no sense to punish myself but I did it anyway!
Now tonight I can finally cook! I have been existing on liquids and ice water all week although I've been nothing but hungry. Does anyone else get hungry during bad heat? I thought it was supposed to kill your appetite! I was dumb enough to make eggs the other day and regretted turning on the stove. We went for Sushi one night and another night I grabbed something at a mall food court but I am actually excited to cook today!
So that's why I havent been on here. The PC is in a corner where the fans dont reach very well and blogging in sweat induced coma did not appeal to me, but I am back on track. This summer is going to be taken one step at a time, because Im sure that there will be at least 2 more heat waves before the summer is over (Im guessing one next week and one in August sometime....maybe even one in September but it will be short lived.) But Im on track!
I usually dont complain like this. I have a policy that I dont complain about the things I cannot change, just make the best of them, but it's nice to document it.
Happy Summer! It's definitely here.
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