GOINGBACKTO180   5,844
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Sparking a new spark...

Friday, April 29, 2011

The last 4 weeks have been tough. I spent the time back home in Alabama caring for my ailing father, sitting by his side until he lost his courageous battle with cancer on April 18th. I also ended a year-long relationship with someone who was very dear to me, but who wasn't there for me, when I needed it the most. These times have been some of the most difficult of my life, but in them, I have found a renewed desire to move forward with a focus on myself and the things that matter most.

I did well the first couple of weeks while I was in Alabama. I avoided the temptations around me and continued sparking at my mother's house. As time passed and stress mounted, however, I began turning to the comfort foods that friends and family seemed to always be bringing over. While my spark may have been dim during this time, it did not completely go out, and now I'm here to relight it.

If you read my blogs, you'll soon discover that I can be incredibly hard on myself. This seems to be a theme on so many other spark blogs as well. I'm no longer going to beat myself up for the decisions of the past couple of weeks. I won't concede that I deserved those foods, but I will say that with everything I was going through, it was really hard to focus on what was best for myself.

I'm very fortunate in that I only jumped off of the wagon for a few weeks. I only gained 2.2 lbs in that time. All of my hard work was not undone and I'm still under 250 and can still make this happen for myself. Today I turn back onto the road from the path that led me astray. Today I make this happen for me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TWOSWEET504 4/30/2011 12:01AM

    Hey Hon...Im so sorry that you had two losses but this will only make you stronger!! Plus Congrats on only gaining 2.2lbs and not 22lbs...you gave it your all when you didnt think you could at a time where most people wouldnt even try so Im very proud of you!! Remember...you gotta keep up with me cause Im gonna WIN lol!!! Keep Sparking Keep Pushing Because Its In You...You Got The Spark!! Can't Wait for the next Blog....See You At The Finish Line!!

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SHAWNEDA 4/29/2011 5:38PM

    You have had two losses in a short span of time and you couldn't control the most important one. Take it one day at a time, the weight will be there to lose and beating yourself up about it won't help. No shame, no guilt. Keep sparking!

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I'm still sparking...

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

I haven't been on sparkpeople.com in a couple of weeks and I have really missed the support and accountability. My aunt lost her courageous battle with pancreatic cancer a couple of weeks. The same week we found out my father's paranasal cancer, which had been operated on resulting in the loss of one of his eyes, had metastasized as bone cancer in his hip, femur, and clavicle. He also has numerous masses on both lungs. Essentially we were told by his team at Vanderbilt Hospital that there are really no further treatment options and the focus would shift to pain management. At the time of this blog, Dad is bed ridden in a care facility with Hospice coming in to manage his pain.

Fortunately my job allows me to work remotely, and as such I've been in Alabama with family and spending as much time with my dad in his final days as I can. Between work obligations, family, and time with dad, I've had very little time to Spark and I've really missed it.

I have maintained better than average eating habits and filled my mom's house with nutritious snacks. I've avoided, for the most part, the copious amounts of what I like to call "Sympathy Southern Food" that have been brought to us. I even managed to lose 1.3 lbs over the past week and a half.

I'm ready to return the normalcy of the routine I had established for myself and my life in Atlanta, but at the same time I know that return to normalcy comes at a precious cost. So until then, I will continue to walk it out here in Alabama and hopefully make some time for the Sparking that I have come to enjoy.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHAWNEDA 4/9/2011 8:43PM

    Praying for you. Spending these precious moments with your father you will not regret or be able to get back. Spark and the weight loss journey will be here. Congrats on not turning to food for comfort. Enjoy your time with your Dad. emoticon

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TWOSWEET504 4/5/2011 8:10PM

    Awe Im Sorry About Your Aunt & Dad...I work in the oncology field and has dealt with family members with cancer so I know what you are going thru!! My thoughts & prayers are with you & your family. On a high note emoticon On Staying Focus On Your Goal & Not Running To The Southern Comfort Food Because I know its tempting...But Im Proud of You!! Plus you LOST WEIGHT...Thats okay Im still coming after you lol!!!

Keep Up The Good Work & Keep Pushing & Thanks for stopping by my page as well!!

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The guilt of breaking...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I've read numerous websites, blogs, and articles about how you should give your body a day off occasionally if you're working out at a level greater than you are used to. After getting some unfortunate news about my father's cancer yesterday, I was mentally exhausted and decided to take it easy. I teleworked from the couch and didn't do a whole lot of anything other than go to dinner (which I kept healthy) and to Trader Joe's. Even though I know it is OK for me to take a break (and that it actually might be beneficial to shake the routine up) I still can't help but feel guilty for not hitting the elliptical or treadmill at all yesterday.

I know that today is a new day and I am ready to hit it again hard and run out some of this angst. I know that I didn't do anything wrong by taking a break yesterday. Even so, I don't understand why I feel this smidge of guilt. Could it possibly be the failures of the past making me give myself such a hard time? Maybe it'll come to me as I walk it out this afternoon...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOINGBACKTO180 3/23/2011 12:23AM

    I had a much better workout this evening after taking a day off. Maybe there is some logic to all of this :)

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SHAWNEDA 3/22/2011 11:29PM

    Make rest a fitness goal and you'll work it in better. That is what I did initially and now I'm learning to listen to my body in general overall.

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JULIEIRENE 3/22/2011 1:14PM

    Oh I SOOOO understand!!!!

I am finally getting around to reading the book "Eat Pray Love," and the section I was reading last night was all about the struggle we have particularly in the USA to not allow ourselves to relax into pleasure or "doing nothing." Boy did that hit home for me, and now here's your blog touching on it again! Must be a sign from the Universe!

Anyway, I hope the answers come while you walk it out today. If so, please pass them on!

Oh, and, I am really sorry to hear you did not get ideal news regarding your father's health. I'll be thinking of you & he as you cope with that struggle! emoticon

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SIORANTH 3/22/2011 12:21PM

    I haven't taken a day off since like April 2010. There are plenty of weeks when I'm already ahead on my fitness goals for the week and I'll think - it won't hurt to take a day off and just relax - and then I end up doing something anyway because of the "guilt." I know my problem is that I don't like to deviate from my routine. I also hate being unproductive and feel like I always need to be accomplishing something. I'll tell ya, if I had a nickel for every time someone said "you need to learn to relax" to me, I'd be living the high life! :)

I'm very sorry about your father. I hope that you and your family can keep your spirits bolstered during this time.

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CARTER4414 3/22/2011 11:51AM

    I think we all have a voice inside that tells us we should be doing more. That if we just got organized then we could work out twice as much. It is that voice that gets you off the couch in the first place, but you have to be realistic too.

It sounds like you have the right attitude and you know that taking a rest can help. And then back at it the next day.

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Down 2.4 this week!!!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Had my weekly weigh-in this morning. As you can see, I weighed in at 248.9 lbs. This represents a loss of 2.4 lbs this week and 8.1 lbs overall so far!!! I'm really pumped about these results - I haven't been below 250 lbs in over a year. I also reached my end of March goal on the 18th of the month, which gives me a head start on next month's goal!

I'm starting to tell slight differences in the way my clothes fit as well - I wore a pair of slacks yesterday that, before, were a struggle to snap. While they are still a little snug, I didn't have to lay on the bed to get them snapped HAHA. I'm sure this time two weeks from now they will fit just fine - no problems.

I hope everyone has a great weekend! Keep moving... keep eating right... and keep sparking!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STORMYVAWN 3/21/2011 2:40PM

    Aww yea.... Way to go!!!

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SHAWNEDA 3/20/2011 11:03PM

    Congrats! You'll be back to 180 in what will feel like a blink of an eye.

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JULIEIRENE 3/18/2011 12:26PM

    emoticon That is so AWESOME! I am so proud of you and excited for you! Keep up the good work! You're going to look great in those pants!!! emoticon

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FREE2BE_FREE 3/18/2011 11:27AM

    emoticon Looks like you will be back to 180 in no time.

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-FINDING-ME- 3/18/2011 9:45AM

    Congrats to you!!! Keep up the great work =)


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CADDISON3372 3/18/2011 9:44AM

  Great job on the weigh loss.

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Turn the negative into a positive...

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Really pissed off at my boss right now. Essentially I'm working on a project that is my "baby" and he decided to have a decision-making conversation about the project with one of our developers two cubes away from mine without engaging me in the conversation. All I kept hearing is "Ask Richard if he can do this" and "Why is this layed out this way?". I'm 10 feet away - just engage me in the conversation!

Collaboration is one of my company's catch phrases and one that my boss has declared his own. So when people talk the talk but don't walk the walk it really peeves me.

How is this related to SparkPeople? HAHA.. I took all of my angst and frustration down to the garden rooftop and power-walked 5 laps, which equals 1 mile. So maybe I should be thanking my boss for giving me the motivation to burn off 140 calories and get a breath of fresh air.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHAWNEDA 3/17/2011 8:12PM

    Way to turn it around. Good for you!

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JULIEIRENE 3/17/2011 2:43PM

    LOVE IT! You know, one of the biggest reasons I was able to start a consistent workout plan in the beginning was because I had some serious frustrations to release! People always told me what a good thing exercise was for coping with stress - now I see how right they were!!! :)


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PENNI68 3/17/2011 2:36PM

    Great way to turn a negative into a positive!! How motivational!! Good for you!! emoticon

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