60,000-79,999 SparkPoints
GOING2LOSENOW's Recent Blog Entries

A Rather Old "Real Halloween Groaner" (Resurrected From The Dead Files)

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

A Rather Old "Real Halloween Groaner"
(Resurrected From The Dead Files)

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe.... as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.
A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door.

Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"

"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!"
Bob brings his wife in.

An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried."Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.

The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.

He bursts in and shouts to his master:

"Master, Master! ..... The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

(I am soooooo sorry...... But you really should've seen that one coming)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ETAGGEL 10/28/2009 11:00PM

    Very Funny!!!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEPPERLEAH 10/28/2009 8:19PM

    Oh my.....lol

Report Inappropriate Comment
LADYIRISH317 10/28/2009 10:27AM


Love it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MIELIKI 10/28/2009 10:22AM

    emoticon Ha Ha Ha

Report Inappropriate Comment
AMAS92568 10/28/2009 9:45AM

    groan.... emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

Prevent Swine Flu - Good Advice

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Prevent Swine Flu - Good Advice

Dr. Vinay Goyal is an MBBS,DRM,DNB (Intensivist and Thyroid specialist) having clinical experience of over 20 years. He has worked in institutions like Hinduja Hospital , Bombay Hospital , Saifee Hospital , Tata Memorial etc. Presently, he is heading our Nuclear Medicine Department and Thyroid clinic at Riddhivinayak Cardiac and Critical Centre, Malad (W).

The following message given by him, I feel makes a lot of sense and is important for all to know

The only portals of entry are the nostrils and mouth/throat. In a global epidemic of this nature, it's almost impossible to avoid coming into contact with H1N1 in spite of all precautions. Contact with H1N1 is not so much of a problem as proliferation is.

While you are still healthy and not showing any symptoms of H1N1 infection, in order to prevent proliferation, aggravation of symptoms and development of secondary infections, some very simple steps, not fully highlighted in most official communications, can be practiced (instead of focusing on how to stock N95 or Tamiflu):

1. Frequent hand-washing (well highlighted in all official communications).

2. "Hands-off-the-face" approach. Resist all temptations to touch any part of face (unless you want to eat, bathe or slap).

3. *Gargle twice a day with warm salt water (use Listerine if you don't trust salt). *H1N1 takes 2-3 days after initial infection in the throat/ nasal cavity to proliferate and show characteristic symptoms. Simple gargling prevents proliferation. In a way, gargling with salt water has the same effect on a healthy individual that Tamiflu has on an infected one. Don't underestimate this simple, inexpensive and powerful preventative method.

4. Similar to 3 above, *clean your nostrils at least once every day with warm salt water. *Not everybody may be good at Jala Neti or Sutra Neti (very good Yoga asanas to clean nasal cavit ies), but *blowing the nose hard once a day and swabbing both nostrils with cotton buds dipped in warm salt water is very effective in bringing down viral population.*

5. *Boost your natural immunity with foods that are rich in Vitamin C (Amla and other citrus fruits). *If you have to supplement with Vitamin C tablets, make sure that it also has Zinc to boost absorption.

6. *Drink as much of warm liquids (tea, coffee, etc) as you can. *Drinking warm liquids has the same effect as gargling, but in the reverse direction. They wash off proliferating viruses from the throat into the stomach where they cannot survive, proliferate or do any harm.
Neti pots and sinus rinse kits are available at the drug store and relatively inexpensive….under $15.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PEPPERLEAH 10/28/2009 8:20PM

    Great information. Thank you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TDANKO2001 10/28/2009 7:06PM

  I got this same information today at work -- makes sense


Report Inappropriate Comment

Short Halloween Jokes

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A dead end.

What do you get when you cross a were-wolf with a drip-dry suit?
A wash-and-werewolf.

What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
Fasten your sheet belt.

What is a witch with poison ivy called?
An itchy witchy.

Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
His ghoul friend.

Where do vampires live?
In the Vampire State Building.

Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
The whatwolves and the whenwolves.

What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish's brain in the body of his dog?
I don't know, but it is great at chasing submarines.

What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A blood hound.

Why are black cats such good singers?
They're very mewsical.

What's a cold, evil candle called?
The wicked wick of the north.

What kind of hot dogs do werewolves like best?

Where do little ghosts learn to yell "BOO!"?
In noisery school.

What does a goblin shop for?

How can you tell when windows are scared?
They get shudders.

What do you call serious rocks?
Grave stones.

Why did the witch stand up in front of the audience?
She had to give a screech.

What's a goblin's favorite flavor?
Lemon n' Slime.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDA! 10/28/2009 12:19AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BETRME100 10/27/2009 8:55PM

    I'm taking some of those to work with me tomorrow...thanks!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEPPERLEAH 10/27/2009 8:18PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
BETTYAHE 10/27/2009 3:57PM

    Thanks for sharing! cute!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ETAGGEL 10/27/2009 1:47PM

    Very good!


Report Inappropriate Comment
CUTIEDOOTS 10/27/2009 1:30PM

    Very cute!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RAEB22 10/27/2009 12:12PM

  Thank you for sharing the cute jokes. Have a safe Halloween.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PRINCESSMANDIE 10/27/2009 11:45AM

    Those were cute. I'll have to tell them to my kids so they can tell people while they are trick or treating. Thanks for sharing those.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Meet Marvin, Men's answer to Maxine!!!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Meet Marvin, Men's answer to Maxine!!!

Men strike back!

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.. It should be opened when she brings it..
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me.....'
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't.. There is a clock on the oven.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-- ------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street with a bald head
and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Send this to a few good women who need a laugh and
to the select few men who can handle it!

AND MAXINE SAYS.............'MARVIN'...

Maxine just had to have the last word.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOYATLAST 10/27/2009 10:22AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
BETTYAHE 10/27/2009 8:36AM

    Linda, too funny! Thanks for posting!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LINDA! 10/27/2009 12:13AM

    I really like these!! Great.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEPPERLEAH 10/26/2009 11:31PM

    Aren't we women SUPPOSED to have the last word? LOL

Report Inappropriate Comment
CUTIEDOOTS 10/26/2009 2:28PM

    Very funny!

Report Inappropriate Comment

You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

Monday, October 26, 2009

You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say: "Great Boris Karloff Mask,"
And you're not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." And can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the
neighborhood with a walker.

And the number one reason Seniors should not go
Trick Or Treating...
1. You keep having to go home to pee.

No matter, have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN anyway.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAEB22 10/27/2009 12:15PM

  emoticon Thank you for sharing.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEPPERLEAH 10/26/2009 11:33PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
MIELIKI 10/26/2009 10:13AM

    Too funny. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

    Too funny! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CORINA-MOMOF4 10/26/2009 9:30AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
FLMOMX2 10/26/2009 9:03AM

    LOL!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOMMAKATES 10/26/2009 12:39AM

    This is Funny Thanks

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHIRLEYSAUL 10/26/2009 12:38AM

    Funny, especially the one about having to go home to pee... so true! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BRANDISMARG 10/26/2009 12:22AM


Comment edited on: 10/26/2009 12:22:40 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 Last Page