Friday, April 11, 2008
security is a big issue in south africa, since crime ridiculously high, and so everyone has a dog or two guarding the house from behind tall, electrified fences. naturally, they haven't been too impressed with my newfound resolve to start walking to gym everyday instead of taking the car (it's only 1.5km away, after all, and i am trying to save the planet). i did feel a little bit guilty when i got the neighborhood's dogs all worked up at 8am on a saturday morning, while all their owners were sleeping in. but today i noticed something different...
on my way back from gym, one of the dogs had got locked outside and was patiently waiting in the driveway. because he always barked savagely at me every time i got too close to his territory, i was a bit hesitant to pass. but he jumped up and greeted me warmly, so i rang the bell and the owner let him back in. then, as i made my way back home, i realised that none of the dogs were barking. i'm not sure how long this has been going on for, but i only actually noticed it today.
it's like i've become the friendly neighborhood jogger. :)
Monday, April 07, 2008
isn't it frustrating when the results of healthy choices are delayed? despite being super-good and not cheating all week on my diet, i found myself up 1kg yesterday! in my despair, i binged a little on a chocolate cheesecake that i'd made (only 100cal per slice - thank goodness).
that actually sounds rather silly out loud... in my frustration at having gained weight, i decided to binge? fantastic logic. luckily, i pulled myself together after the second slice and minimal damage was done.
i can't really afford to gain weight at this point. a good family friend of mine (that i've known since she was born) is getting married on may 10 2008. that's only 3 weeks away and i'm going to be a bridesmaid! i've said it before and i'll say it again - for once in my life, i will not be the fat bridesmaid! no, no, no.
so, this week i'm going to pull out all the stops. i'm going to exercise every day instead of 3 times a week. and i plan to become stricter with my diet, cutting out all the things that could stall weight loss (such as artificial sweeteners, protein bars etc). i'm also going to make a more conscious effort to get in my 8 cups of water (some will be in the form of unsweetened herbal tea - don't ask for miracles now).
it's only three weeks of strict perseverance - it's time to pull out all the stops. i can do this!
Saturday, April 05, 2008
i've just realized that i am totally helpless when it comes to estimating portion sizes! i went out for lunch with my sister and ordered an old favourite yesterday - the grilled haloumi cheese appetizer. thanks to the SP food diary, i know that cheese is pretty fattening, weighing in at 400 calories per 100g. so i calculated the 400cal into my daily plan and had the cheese to treat myself (minus the sweet chilli sauce - see how good I was trying to be?)
anyway, before going home, i decided to stop at the supermarket to check what 100g of haloumi looks like, just in case I had got it wrong. turns out that I had actually eaten 200g at the restaurant! that's 8 servings of cheese in one sitting! i had doubled my meal without realizing it. and i'd even ordered an appetizer!
so, in an effort to make up for the damage done, i bought a tub of microwavable vegetable melange. the nutritional info was listed both according to 100g and according to 1 serving. one serving only came to about 80cal, so I thought that this would make a nice, low calorie dinner, which would keep me within my calorie limits.
as I was adding the melange to my nutrion tracker, however, I realized that one tub did not equal one serving - but two! no wonder people always ask me if i'm pregnant... i've been eating for two without realizing it! thank goodness sparkpeople has brought this to my attention!
i've learned a very valuable lesson from all this - no more eyeballing portion sizes! unless i ever do fall pregnant...
Thursday, April 03, 2008
i have one of those rare and treasured boyfriends who actually likes me a bit chubby. he's a photographer, and i often feel the pressure to live up to the models that saunter into his studio, but he insists that skinny girls don't impress him and he hates visible bones. he doesn't understand why i want to look like that - "like a child." he's even told me that he'll stop loving me if i lose my "love handles" because then there will be nothing left of me to love...
and the part of my body that i absolutely hate - my tummy - is the part that he loves most! what's not to fall in love with? :)
so, as you can imagine, he isn't very thrilled by my weight loss. i've managed to drop an entire dress size since the beginning of the year, and now he complains that there's nothing left to cuddle. as he was hugging me the other day, he told me that i feel like a 12 year old in his arms. i must admit, it's nice to hear, even though he is technically complaining.
he then became convinced that i'm starving myself and not eating enough. i replied that not eating enough is simply the nature of dieting - you consume less calories than your body burns. as for starving myself, well that is hardly likely if you know how much i love food! so i started making a point of eating as many meals as possible in front of him to prove that i do eat. then, he became concerned every time i "suspiciously" went to the bathroom after i've eaten. so now i try to remember to go to the toilet before dinner.
after complaining and suspicion have failed, he's moved on to sabotage. he buys things that he knows i love to eat - such as freshly baked german pretzels - or takes me to the movies where he knows i cannot resist the popcorn.
while it's sweet that he loves me the way i am, i simply cannot say the same for myself. i don't like my body the way it is! the squishy tummy that he thinks is so cute, is the same on that looks pregnant to everyone else. i don't need to look unintentionally pregnant, thank you very much! just for once in my life, i would like to look good in my clothes.
i have told him that my weight loss efforts are mainly until my good friend's wedding next month. this was actually the catalyst for my weight loss. the bride is an olympic hockey player and my sister, who is the other bridesmaid, has bullemia - so both are really thin. and, while i don't need to get anorexic or anything, i also do not want to be the fat bridesmaid. especially since these pictures will be immortalised on the growing collection on my dad's wall!
i don't know what will happen after the wedding, though. will i be able to maintain my new weight, or will my boyfriend coax me back to my former chubby self? i don't want to gain weight, but i also don't want him to dislike the way i look. what to do, what to do?
in the meantime, i'm hoping he will consider my little chat and at least let me lose these last few kilos before the wedding in may. amazing how you can be so close and yet feel so far...
Saturday, March 29, 2008
whenever my boyfriend goes on a diet, he carries on eating what he likes but stops eating out. he recently lost 4kg just doing that - but continuing to eat chocolate and whatever else he fancied.
unfortunately, this isn't really an option for me because my family LOVES to eat out. going out for sunday lunch is a ritual that i can't really miss without offending someone. it's the easiest way my family (with all its differences) has found to getting along - by keeping mouths full! besides that, if my dad has a bad day, you can be sure that we'll go out for a comforting breakfast before he leaves for work. i've actually even eaten out for every meal of the day before. (is it any wonder that i struggle with my weight...?)
i can't say no because, in our family, we openly acknowledge that we derive comfort from food. so, if my dad's had a bad day at the office and wants to go out for dinner, how can i deny him? it would be depriving him of the comfort that he really needs. so off we go to enjoy another restaurant meal...
and then, of course, there is the fact that i attend a lot of very well-catered press functions.
what i hate most about restaurant meals, besides the fact that there are so many tempting options trying to lure you off your diet, is that the only really healthy option for a vegetarian is salad. and, in south africa at least, salad means an enormous bowl of iceberg lettuce with the stray baby tomato or block of cheese. i like salad, but i HATE iceberg lettuce. in fact, since becoming vegetarian, i've begun enjoying eating out less and less, simply because the variety of restaurant foods has become so limited for me.
even though i try to make healthy choices at restaurants, it's really difficult because you actually have no clue what's in your food. even a salad, where the main ingredients are fairly easy to identify, comes with a dressing that could have anything (even animal products in it) and there's no way to tell. also, i hate that i have to guesstimate the calories for my food diary, so i'm not even sure if i've stayed in my range or not.
anyway, after eating out for breakfast and dinner today (and just making my calorie range), i decided that i need to limit myself to one restaurant visit a week. it will probably end up being the sunday lunch ritual. and, for the rest of the week, i will focus on cooking for myself! i'm not sure yet how i'm going to turn down the rest of the family invitations without offending anyone, but i'll have to think of something.
after all, this is something that i need to do for me.
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