GODDESSNESS's Recent Blog Entries

and the canines went quiet...

Friday, April 11, 2008

security is a big issue in south africa, since crime ridiculously high, and so everyone has a dog or two guarding the house from behind tall, electrified fences. naturally, they haven't been too impressed with my newfound resolve to start walking to gym everyday instead of taking the car (it's only 1.5km away, after all, and i am trying to save the planet). i did feel a little bit guilty when i got the neighborhood's dogs all worked up at 8am on a saturday morning, while all their owners were sleeping in. but today i noticed something different...

on my way back from gym, one of the dogs had got locked outside and was patiently waiting in the driveway. because he always barked savagely at me every time i got too close to his territory, i was a bit hesitant to pass. but he jumped up and greeted me warmly, so i rang the bell and the owner let him back in. then, as i made my way back home, i realised that none of the dogs were barking. i'm not sure how long this has been going on for, but i only actually noticed it today.

it's like i've become the friendly neighborhood jogger. :)

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  What a cute story! emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/8/2008 1:40:35 AM

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pulling out all the stops.

Monday, April 07, 2008

isn't it frustrating when the results of healthy choices are delayed? despite being super-good and not cheating all week on my diet, i found myself up 1kg yesterday! in my despair, i binged a little on a chocolate cheesecake that i'd made (only 100cal per slice - thank goodness).

that actually sounds rather silly out loud... in my frustration at having gained weight, i decided to binge? fantastic logic. luckily, i pulled myself together after the second slice and minimal damage was done.

i can't really afford to gain weight at this point. a good family friend of mine (that i've known since she was born) is getting married on may 10 2008. that's only 3 weeks away and i'm going to be a bridesmaid! i've said it before and i'll say it again - for once in my life, i will not be the fat bridesmaid! no, no, no.

so, this week i'm going to pull out all the stops. i'm going to exercise every day instead of 3 times a week. and i plan to become stricter with my diet, cutting out all the things that could stall weight loss (such as artificial sweeteners, protein bars etc). i'm also going to make a more conscious effort to get in my 8 cups of water (some will be in the form of unsweetened herbal tea - don't ask for miracles now).

it's only three weeks of strict perseverance - it's time to pull out all the stops. i can do this!

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PATTYHUDSON1 4/10/2008 10:44AM

    It was a big change for me too when I first decided to lose weight to get healthy. I went from eating out 4 nights a week to once a month, from eating little to no fruits and vegetables to 4 & 5 servings a day. (I was a carb addict!) I went from mounds of food to using a measuring cup for everything. And now I don't dare put anything in my mouth that I haven't read the nutritional value on. I occasionally exercised before if at all to doing 30 minutes a day of cardio and 3 days a week of stregnth training. In the last two weeks, I've stepped the cardio up to an hour a day to boost the metabolism since I've slowed down on losing weight. All HUGE changes and alot of self education. But....once I figured out what worked for me, it seemed to go pretty smooth after that. It was just figuring out how I was going to make all this work into my lifestyle. Some people are out there talking about tofu and wheat germ and I knew that THAT kind of diet would never work for me. I had to make this fit ME. You will figure it out too and will see the results as well. Don't try to rush things though. Just try to watch what you eat, read labels, get your exercise in, and it will happen all on its own. Keep up the good attitude and you can do it!

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CONWAY53 4/7/2008 5:48PM

    Well I have not been doing much by way of loosing pounds - but I went shopping today and bouoght some new jeans and they were a sixe smaller - my regular size was just too big - so maybe the weight is the same, but something is happening - so I went home and tookmy dog for a 2 mile walk - he was thrilled!

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no, i'm not pregnant - i'm just eating for two!

Saturday, April 05, 2008

i've just realized that i am totally helpless when it comes to estimating portion sizes! i went out for lunch with my sister and ordered an old favourite yesterday - the grilled haloumi cheese appetizer. thanks to the SP food diary, i know that cheese is pretty fattening, weighing in at 400 calories per 100g. so i calculated the 400cal into my daily plan and had the cheese to treat myself (minus the sweet chilli sauce - see how good I was trying to be?)

anyway, before going home, i decided to stop at the supermarket to check what 100g of haloumi looks like, just in case I had got it wrong. turns out that I had actually eaten 200g at the restaurant! that's 8 servings of cheese in one sitting! i had doubled my meal without realizing it. and i'd even ordered an appetizer!

so, in an effort to make up for the damage done, i bought a tub of microwavable vegetable melange. the nutritional info was listed both according to 100g and according to 1 serving. one serving only came to about 80cal, so I thought that this would make a nice, low calorie dinner, which would keep me within my calorie limits.

as I was adding the melange to my nutrion tracker, however, I realized that one tub did not equal one serving - but two! no wonder people always ask me if i'm pregnant... i've been eating for two without realizing it! thank goodness sparkpeople has brought this to my attention!

i've learned a very valuable lesson from all this - no more eyeballing portion sizes! unless i ever do fall pregnant...

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LISA32989 4/5/2008 10:58AM

    I had to buy a kitchen scale to help me with this very thing! I use it & my measuring cups often!

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my boyfriend made me eat it...

Thursday, April 03, 2008

i have one of those rare and treasured boyfriends who actually likes me a bit chubby. he's a photographer, and i often feel the pressure to live up to the models that saunter into his studio, but he insists that skinny girls don't impress him and he hates visible bones. he doesn't understand why i want to look like that - "like a child." he's even told me that he'll stop loving me if i lose my "love handles" because then there will be nothing left of me to love...

and the part of my body that i absolutely hate - my tummy - is the part that he loves most! what's not to fall in love with? :)

so, as you can imagine, he isn't very thrilled by my weight loss. i've managed to drop an entire dress size since the beginning of the year, and now he complains that there's nothing left to cuddle. as he was hugging me the other day, he told me that i feel like a 12 year old in his arms. i must admit, it's nice to hear, even though he is technically complaining.

he then became convinced that i'm starving myself and not eating enough. i replied that not eating enough is simply the nature of dieting - you consume less calories than your body burns. as for starving myself, well that is hardly likely if you know how much i love food! so i started making a point of eating as many meals as possible in front of him to prove that i do eat. then, he became concerned every time i "suspiciously" went to the bathroom after i've eaten. so now i try to remember to go to the toilet before dinner.

after complaining and suspicion have failed, he's moved on to sabotage. he buys things that he knows i love to eat - such as freshly baked german pretzels - or takes me to the movies where he knows i cannot resist the popcorn.

while it's sweet that he loves me the way i am, i simply cannot say the same for myself. i don't like my body the way it is! the squishy tummy that he thinks is so cute, is the same on that looks pregnant to everyone else. i don't need to look unintentionally pregnant, thank you very much! just for once in my life, i would like to look good in my clothes.

i have told him that my weight loss efforts are mainly until my good friend's wedding next month. this was actually the catalyst for my weight loss. the bride is an olympic hockey player and my sister, who is the other bridesmaid, has bullemia - so both are really thin. and, while i don't need to get anorexic or anything, i also do not want to be the fat bridesmaid. especially since these pictures will be immortalised on the growing collection on my dad's wall!

i don't know what will happen after the wedding, though. will i be able to maintain my new weight, or will my boyfriend coax me back to my former chubby self? i don't want to gain weight, but i also don't want him to dislike the way i look. what to do, what to do?

in the meantime, i'm hoping he will consider my little chat and at least let me lose these last few kilos before the wedding in may. amazing how you can be so close and yet feel so far...

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CONWAY53 4/3/2008 5:55PM

    You've got to be happy with the body you live in - and take care of - He may be a fabulous guy, but there are some things that just aren't his business the way he's making them -
OH - I also cannot resist movie theater popcorn - my utter downfall - it's just too good -

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RANDIDAWN08 4/3/2008 2:01PM

    I don't know you, but I can give a outsiders view. I always thought I was fat ... I was heaviest at 135 from elementary and grew into my body. I have curves and boobs and yet I was comfortable and loved my body. I have always had love handles. I have had two kids and ended up overweight, 50 lbs overweight at birth of my first child.

I am now down to a normal weight, average weight. But what it all comes down to is confidence in ourselves and how happy we feel and our self confidence. Whats to say that they're healthy your sis in law and a friend? I mean there are always factors that play into "being SKINNY".

I just wanted to say really, I wish my husband was happy with my weight I am at. 151 lbs. He used to tease me, cause i was squishy and he loved to cuddle with me, at my heavier self and now thinks that its awesome that I am skinny, cause I FEEL HAPPY and I WANT IT for my health and for my boys. NOT just because I want to be skinny.

Least to say it all comes down to self confidence, and how you feel. Don't let someone make you feel "fat" or whatever you feel. Yes your bf, loves you and he may like you just how you are. You need to 'communicate' let him know your side of things and try to see his side of things. I just think he doesn't want you to become a "skinny" girl. He may be being selfish, but he loves you how you are. If he won't like you or be attracted ot you after you lose weight, and it will be a daily battle between the two of you, its time to find a better guy. Who will love you no matter what.

Please don't get made or pissed off at what I was saying .. if you want to let me know .... please write me back ... I don't want to offend you. I wish I could tell your , your beautiful hjust how you are ...

JUST MAKE YOURSELF happy, and don't sacrafice it for a guy. I had to learn the hard way with that.

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PATTYHUDSON1 4/3/2008 12:29PM

    Your boyfriend is being very selfish and honestly, if someone told me the things he has said to you, I would be furious. Being told that losing weight means there is nothing left of you to love, than is he loving your body or your heart and soul??? You may be losing weight for visual reasons or for dress size reasons, but there is a lot of healthy reasons to be within your ideal weight range as well. Carrying around extra weight is very unhealthy and though it may stimulate him, how will he feel when you end up in the hospital over clogged arteries, diabetes, high blood pressure, or all the other health risks being over weight can cause? If he loves YOU, he will love you no matter what size you are. And if he does not like the fact that you may become thin, well, tell him too bad, it's your body and you find nothing wrong with taking better care of it. Have you ever considered that perhaps his love of chubby girls feeds his ego? Thin girls may be more inclined to find a guy that treats them better rather than staying with one that likes to "control" his chubby girlfriend. It could be he feels that if you become thin, you may want to look around for someone else, and will be built well enough to get whomever you want. Insecurity on his part is not a good reason to let yourself go back to old habits and being overweight. Do not let his issues of control and insecurity sabotage your efforts. If the basis of his love is based solely on the scale, then really, how much does he love you? I don't know how long you two have been together, but don't let him control your health like this. You deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and love. He needs to respect your efforts and to grow up. To sabatoge you with food is just down right mean and childish. Smack him in the head with the scale and tell him to knock it off. Remind him you weren't put on this earth to live up to his expectations and if you want to lose a few pounds you should be able to do so without having to worry about whether he is still going to love you. It's time to put your foot down with him and not feed his insecurities. Quit worrying about how he is going to feel, worry about what you are going to feel like when you hit your goals. he should be happy for you, and if he's not, then he is being immature and insecure. treat him like the child he is, tell him to grow up and watch his tongue, that you don't want to hear anymore about it and you will do what you feel is best for you. If he actually leaves you because you getting thinner, well, then he really didn't love you did he? You deserve a supportive partner that will high five your accomplishments, not one that stands in your way for his own satisfaction.

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the restaurant trap

Saturday, March 29, 2008

whenever my boyfriend goes on a diet, he carries on eating what he likes but stops eating out. he recently lost 4kg just doing that - but continuing to eat chocolate and whatever else he fancied.

unfortunately, this isn't really an option for me because my family LOVES to eat out. going out for sunday lunch is a ritual that i can't really miss without offending someone. it's the easiest way my family (with all its differences) has found to getting along - by keeping mouths full! besides that, if my dad has a bad day, you can be sure that we'll go out for a comforting breakfast before he leaves for work. i've actually even eaten out for every meal of the day before. (is it any wonder that i struggle with my weight...?)

i can't say no because, in our family, we openly acknowledge that we derive comfort from food. so, if my dad's had a bad day at the office and wants to go out for dinner, how can i deny him? it would be depriving him of the comfort that he really needs. so off we go to enjoy another restaurant meal...

and then, of course, there is the fact that i attend a lot of very well-catered press functions.

what i hate most about restaurant meals, besides the fact that there are so many tempting options trying to lure you off your diet, is that the only really healthy option for a vegetarian is salad. and, in south africa at least, salad means an enormous bowl of iceberg lettuce with the stray baby tomato or block of cheese. i like salad, but i HATE iceberg lettuce. in fact, since becoming vegetarian, i've begun enjoying eating out less and less, simply because the variety of restaurant foods has become so limited for me.

even though i try to make healthy choices at restaurants, it's really difficult because you actually have no clue what's in your food. even a salad, where the main ingredients are fairly easy to identify, comes with a dressing that could have anything (even animal products in it) and there's no way to tell. also, i hate that i have to guesstimate the calories for my food diary, so i'm not even sure if i've stayed in my range or not.

anyway, after eating out for breakfast and dinner today (and just making my calorie range), i decided that i need to limit myself to one restaurant visit a week. it will probably end up being the sunday lunch ritual. and, for the rest of the week, i will focus on cooking for myself! i'm not sure yet how i'm going to turn down the rest of the family invitations without offending anyone, but i'll have to think of something.

after all, this is something that i need to do for me.


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