Wednesday, June 06, 2012
Today I realy realized that nobody really wants to know how you are. Even though they may ask you, it seems that all they want from you is just 'fine'. Nothing more than that. Nothing deeper.
A great number of people, when I ask about their health, respond with just 'fine'. But, when people ask me, I find that just 'fine' doesn't say anything at all about how I am. This is where I run into trouble. Any response from "I feel like crap," to "I feel fantabulous" or even "I'm hunky-dory" doesn't seem to phase people they still anser it with a vauge and distracted, " that's good," or "that's nice." When did we stop listening?
The other thing I realized today was that nobody cares what problems or dilemas you may be experiencing in your life. As long as you can pretend to be 'just fine' then they don't have to actually be an active participent in whatever is going on in your life.
I have been asked several times in the last 2 days about who my best friend / trusted friend is. Honestly, I don't have anyone that close anymore. I thought I had good close friends that I could count on, but I don't feel comfortable sharing with them like I used to, I don't feel like they would be there to support me either.
Separte Rant LOL
OMG I almost feel like I'm drowning.
I'm behind in my classes and especially on my homework. I'm having a hard time understanding everything in my math class, but I could probably dig myself through the homework, but I'm also behind in my Japanese homework, and I don't have near enough hours in my gym class.
Adding to that, now I'm primary caregiver for my grandmother, whom I love dearly, and all of the household chores. Also stress over health stuffs just gets added to the pile too.
Oh, and I might also lose my financial aid. I have been taking classes at the community college since I was in the 5th grade. I took alot of classes with my parents and had a great time. I also entered college (after highshool) without direction and so I tried a lot of classes and couldnt keep them all up. Up until this past fall session (the begining of this school year), my parents paid for all of my classes. But apparently this has no bearing on the set number of units attempted that create the cap on the funds.
Unfortunately this could possibly mean that I wont be able to graduate. Thus creating a stupid cycle - I can't get a job in my field if I don't have the degree, I can't get the degree if I don't have a job. . . . . How is this right?
. . . . . anyways...... I guess I just needed to let a little steam off...... thanx for understanding enough to read this long winded rant. Knowing that I have such amazing Sparkly Friends in this little box keep me smiling.
Thank you all so very much. Loves!!!!! HUGGLES!!!!
. . . ok, I'm off to bed now - thanx again you guys - I wouldn't make it without you all.
Oh. . . PS: If I ask you how you are, pause and take a quick check. Sometimes you might surprise even yourself by the truth. And I really do care about how you actually are, so don't give me just 'fine'.