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Fear - You can't keep me down anymore!

Wednesday, October 08, 2014

Fear is an ugly part of my life. I have lived with it for such a long time, I don't know what I would do without it. That has to change in order for me to succeed.

Most of my fear is based on what I look like or what people think. Or should I say, what I THINK people are thinking. I pride myself on being quite the mind reader sometimes. I can just look at someone and somehow an entire conversation about how fat I look that day is had in a matter of moments, in a glance. HA - stupid brain of mine playing tricks on me! I need to remember that I am my own worst critic and what I perceive as a "mean" look could be so many things. Maybe that person is having a bad day, maybe the sun was in their eyes, maybe they are gassy - who knows. Point is, I don't. So...what is my action plan?

First, I need to take a mental step back and remember the paragraph above. Maybe I could do a few breathing exercises, or count backwards from 10. Next, I have been trying to put myself in situations that make me uncomfortable. Situations like eating lunch by myself, going to the gym, or walking on the beach by myself. I am hoping that if I put myself out there enough, it will begin to be common to me and I won't have a knee jerk reaction of anxiety/fear. Finally, I need to be kinder to myself. I need to look in the mirror every day and remind myself that I am a person of value. I AM beautiful and smart and funny. That people actually do want to be around me. Even typing that was hard for me, so I have a ways to go. But I typed it, and now I am going to post it for anyone to read.

Start of mental overhaul...check. Go me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KADULAC 10/14/2014 11:17PM

    Great attitude change going on there. So many things we fear or dislike about ourselves are only in our minds and we need to get them out.

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DEE1221 10/8/2014 7:06PM

    YOU ARE beautiful and smart and funny! Each day is a new adventure. Make the most of every day!!

You can do this!!
emoticon emoticon

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Such a ROUGH day for me and my kiddo!

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

So I had an extremely difficult morning with one of my daughters. I have been working out of town A LOT (5 weeks was my last stint) and I think that every one of my daughters are dealing with it in a different manner. One of them, has gained a substantial amount of weight. This both terrifies me and makes me feel guilty! I am SO afraid that she is heading down the path that I have. I feel guilty because I haven't been home to help her. WHAT am I going to do?? She didn't fit in to any of her clothes, and had a break down about being fat. I have done the same things 100 million times. Ugh. She is so young, and deserves to be happy with herself, not worrying about what she looks like. I remember my dad talking to me when I was young, and I thought he thought I was fat. I think she is thinking I think the same thing. Any advice on how to help her without hurting her??? Please keep me in your prayers both on the job front and with my little family.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALOOGOBI 10/8/2014 8:06PM

    I went through similar things with my daughter, She hit 6 foot at age 14 with a size 11 shoe and was heartbroken that nothing fit and that she simply could not shop at the teeny-bopper type stores her tiny 5 foot BFF favored. She was also heavy so nothing fit right and she just felt terrible. I can remember going through the same thing at her age, as we are of very similar build.

What I did for my daughter was reassure her that she is growing up and her body is still changing and would keep on changing for quite some time and that the important thing is to eat healthy! No dieting, no restrictions, but THINK before you eat a whole bowl of candy or a giant dessert. There is no harm in letting them know that keeping an eye on what you eat and exercising are important at ALL ages, kids included. If she can focus on healthy eating, then her height is likely to catch up with her weight right quickly. Make sure whoever is taking care of her while you are gone is stocking lots of healthy choices and minimal (or even better NO) junk. Explain to her about good nutrition and how to figure out if a food is a good choice or not.

I also took my daughter shopping and bought her as many nice things that fit her well and made her feel good as we could afford. I didn't fuss or make a big deal about it. Clothes are just clothes, sizes are just numbers, and these things don't hold power over us unless we let them.

It's really a tricky subject, I know. Just make sure she knows that you are on her side and that you are here to help her and give her support, no matter what! Good luck, she is lucky to have a caring person like you as her mom!

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    I so feel your pain and guilt!! I've struggled with that with my 14 year old. Who is with your children when you are at work? That person needs to be on board with whatever healthy guidelines you have for the family. I like the idea of planning meals together beforehand. Plan some activities, too. But, as I'm sure you know, do NOT make it about weight. I ask my kids to help me. As in, I'll try to do sit ups as long as they can, or who can plank the longest.

Good luck, and God bless!

btw, I found your blog because I searched for zeal. And I liked your quotes, especially the Bible verse. Do you still use zeal? Thanks, Allison

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KADULAC 9/23/2014 7:16PM

    You could encourage her to walk and ride bikes or whatever she wants to get out and move with you. Does she know how to cook? Planning and cooking healthy meals might be something she enjoys. emoticon

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_RACHEL 9/21/2014 11:11PM old is your daughter now? Kids pudge out just before they have their major growth spurt. It's especially visable just before pre teen years. One of my children was majorly chubby before his growth spurt came on.
I often go to focus on the family for help. They are a wonderful resource and if you ever need to talk to someone they are there to talk, listen and pray with you. Check them out. I'll be praying for you you know talking about weight can be very touchy. But God said He would give us wisdom if we ask for it. I know He will help you.
Love you Girlie! I'll be praying!!!! emoticon

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Goals for October 20-November 20

Saturday, October 19, 2013

October - November Goals

emoticon Exercise 6 days per week:
- 3 days per week C25k
- 3 days per week other (bike, elliptical, swimming, etc.)

emoticon Start to incorporate some type of strength training 3 days per week.

emoticon Log ALL my food every day, even if I am over.

emoticon Lose 8 pounds.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KADULAC 10/23/2013 3:21PM

    Good luck. emoticon

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Before Pictures

Saturday, April 13, 2013

I had my husband take some before pictures for me yesterday. I was expecting to see someone completely out of shape, but what I saw in my pictures was bad, really bad. I told my husband to pretend like he hadn't seen them and then had the realization that he has to look at that EVERY day. Cue waterworks. I had a total melt down. He gave me a hug and told me that he thought I was beautiful, but man was that a wake up call. I am very grateful to have a wonderful husband that is supportive and treats me so well. At some point when I have lost all of my weight, I will look at those pictures and be grateful that I am not there any more. For now, I will use them as motivation. Wish me luck all, because I am going to need it. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAMENDEZ13 4/15/2013 11:46AM

    Hooray for wonderful husbands! You can do this and ARE doing it. It takes a very brave person to even take before pics! Way to be BRAVE!!! :) I'm rooting for you! and thanks for the comments on my blog posts and for saying that my kiddo is cute! lol I kind of think so to! You as well have a BEAUTIFUL family! Let's do this today!!! ok?

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KADULAC 4/14/2013 11:54PM

    I have a wonderful husband like that too. emoticon

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TXTOAD9970 4/13/2013 5:38PM

    I too have a supportive husband. He celebrates every pound I lose with me. I know he is always in my corner. It's a great feeling.

You will find you can do anything with a supportive, loving husband backing you up. Good luck on your spark journey!

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WILDFLOWERR_ 4/13/2013 3:48PM

    You Got this. Just remember you can do ALL things through emoticon Christ

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GIRLYQUE 4/13/2013 1:38PM

    emoticon So happy for you that you have a supportive partner! With that kind of support, you can do anything you set your mind to!

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MAMISHELI53 4/13/2013 1:31PM

    Aww...You ARE blessed to have a hubby who loves and accepts you.
As you establish healthy habits, you'll also be able to help your girls.
Blessings on this journey to a healthy lifestyle!

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WALLINMW 4/13/2013 1:30PM

  Stay motivated!

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2.5 Years - OUCH

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

I was looking back through my blogs and kind of laughing to myself. It is a very poignant reminder of not only where I was at, but where I expected to be at this point in my life. As with so many on SP, I made some bad choices. I got off track. This time will be different. Right now I am looking forward - to running another 5k, to tracking all of my food, to weighing in, to making this a life change. It has been nice to get back on and see the progress that some of you have made - I am so proud. It is also nice to see that a lot of you are still here. I missed you all. Prepare to see a lot more of me in the near future. Or, I guess, a lot less. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KADULAC 4/10/2013 1:07AM

    Good luck with your 5K. I'm glad you are back on track. emoticon emoticon

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WILDFLOWERR_ 4/10/2013 12:06AM

    Great to have you back!
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