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Not bad for being miserable

Saturday, May 03, 2014

So, despite my feelings, I decided that I had to be more active and healthy this week. I think I succeeded. Monday i exercised for 41 minutes, Tuesday I walked the dog for 50 minutes, Wednesday, it was raining so I basically did nothing. Thursday, I exercised for about 40 minutes and walked the dog. Friday, I did a 45 minute work out, and today, Saturday, I walked the dog for about 50 minutes.

Usually, I don't like counting dog walking as exercise, I prefer to do a more intentional exercise, but with the way I feel, I have to count it all as good.

I didn't eat any fast food all week, except for one day I had Subway which I used for a couple of meals. And I've mostly been in the calorie range.

So, good job me. This week I already got back down to the weight I was before I gained a bunch of pounds during my depression weeks.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NBARNES 5/4/2014 5:57PM

    Looks like you're making some great choices this week - keep up the good work!

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DFOLKARD 5/4/2014 8:43AM

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RD03875 5/4/2014 3:42AM

    Way to go! Keep up the exercise!

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HOTPINKCAMARO49 5/3/2014 10:32PM

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GINTEX 5/3/2014 10:30PM

    emoticon Wow Ashley, you are doing so well. I am proud of you for pushing through. Thank you for your example and keep up the good work. emoticon

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Such a hard time.

Monday, April 28, 2014

I was a part of this 8 week boot camp that had started about 2 months ago. I did a great job, I followed all the work outs religiously, I ate nice home prepared meals within my calorie range, I lost about 2 lbs a week, got to a smaller size than I have been in a long long time, then I went on vacation and still lost weight and still stuck to my goals and plan. I was so proud, that for the first time ever, I went on a vacation and exercised 5 out of 7 days and ate really really well.

Then I came home. Once I came home, it was harder than I expected to get back on my third shift schedule. So I exercised the first day for good measure to keep up good habits then I spent the rest of the week adjusting to being home and trying to catch up on sleep and didn't exercise anymore. I didn't eat because I ended up having the stomach flu and couldn't keep anything down anyway. Then I was finally adjusted to midnights again and my stomach ache went away and I should have started to exercise.

Instead, my husband told me some things he had been lying about to me for awhile, which caused me great anger and pain, and I finally decided I wanted to get divorced, and the same time I decided to divorce my husband, I ended a relationship with a dear friend I had been talking to for five years. So after that, I spent the last two weeks laying in bed sobbing or laying on the couch sobbing. I'm so miserable and depressed it's not even funny. Needless to say since I sunk into that depression, I stopped doing anything that is remotely good for me. I started eating poison again (aka junk food), and I stopped exercising, and only walked the poor dog one time.

Today is Monday, today is the day that a second 8 week boot camp session is starting, one I signed up for before I sunk into this depression, and one that I'm not looking forward to starting today. But since I agreed to do it, and I really do need to keep doing good healthy things for myself, especially since I know they'll help fight the depression, I really do need to do it and do it to the best of my ability. Today is the day I choose a couple of days ago, to be the day that even though I'm still grieving over messed up relationships, that I still have to do healthy things in spite of my grief.

I rarely choose healthy things in times of depression, today is a good day to make the right choice and do good things in spite of my feelings.

I hope I can. Because right now, I really don't want to. I just want to lay down and cry again.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GLITTERYKRUNKLE 5/2/2014 4:35AM

    Thanks everyone. It sucks, but I haven't been crying everyday and I've been being more active and eating slightly better. Thanks for your support it makes me happy.

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GGJUNEBUG 4/30/2014 12:21PM

    I am so sorry for you. I will keep you in my prayers that you will get over this depression. Relationship problems are rough. I, too, had to end a friendship of 7 years (a few months back).

I'm glad you are doing the right thing to help your health. Really. It's the right thing to do.

:hug!:

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KARLEIGH66 4/28/2014 1:32PM

    Ashley - I've went through a very ugly divorce many years ago. It is horrible, it stinks, it isn't fair, but much of that isn't in your control. But one thing that is in your control is your diet and exercise and how you treat yourself. Hold on to that. It will feel empowering to control those decisions. You may not realize it now, but you are strong enough to handle this, and never be afraid to ask for help. It takes a strong person to admit when they need assistance and support.

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NBARNES 4/28/2014 11:19AM

    Ashley, Well now I feel really bad whining on my blog. So sorry for the troubles, its so hard to move forward when you feel everything is falling apart - so I'm VERY impressed that you're going to follow thought with your boot camp commitment. I think it might be just the ticket, mainly because it's something you're choosing to do instead of a reaction to bad things.

Hang in there girlfriend - you are strong, you are invincible, and you CAN do this!

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MRS.O14 4/28/2014 10:58AM

    Ashley- Remember exercise and good eating releases endorphins which fight depression. Every single thing you do for yourself now will help you heal and move on. Do not let them decide how you feel about yourself or control your emotions. It's time to focus on YOU. You can do it, you ARE strong enough! Look how great you did on vacation!! If you need ANYTHING do not hesitate to message me!! We are a team!

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EMMACORY 4/28/2014 10:32AM

    You have named where you are and that in itself can be liberating. Sorry your life is challenging. Let your friend support you. emoticon

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GINTEX 4/28/2014 8:19AM

    emoticon Ashley, I am so sorry. Great decision about going to boot camp. Push negative thoughts out of your head for that hour and give it your all. Do it for you. emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/28/2014 8:20:25 AM

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SASSYLJB 4/28/2014 6:16AM

    The hardest part is done you have made the choices, know it is time to put the plans into action, which you have put in place!

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SWEETYOUNGTHING 4/28/2014 5:59AM

    You know, you're going through a LOT right now (I've been where you are) and it's okay to take some down time to feel sad - even depressed. Allow yourself those emotions but don't let them take over your day. If you hurt yourself with self-neglect or eating poorly, you are allowing your estranged husband and this 'friend' to control your emotions. I know how hard it is but you'll have to force yourself to get outside and move as much as possible. My dog was a savior in my life after my divorce - they can be a girls best friend.

Hug yourself and treat yourself well, the way you deserve to be treated. emoticon

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JAROL7 4/28/2014 5:39AM

    You can do it. DECIDING is 90% of the process. The rest is just following your plan. For me, the junk food has to be OUT of the house. I can't do moderation with junk food ... it's ZERO amount of junk food and write it all down in the SP Tracker. Just do it. It is worth it to live healthily.

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GHOSTFLAMES 4/28/2014 4:42AM

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Rejoining the Land of the Living

Tuesday, January 07, 2014

So I effectively spent the first 7 days of the new year sick and on bed rest. I didn't meet any of my goals for tracking, or nutrition or exercise. About the only goal I can say I met was sleep. In the last week I probably slept like 12 hours a day.

I was feeling better yesterday, better enough to get up and clean the house and do those types of things, but decided to put off doing anything more active then that until I went back to work. My first day back at work after this whole week off, is this evening. So I'm actually looking forward to going back to work, because sitting here for days has made me go stir crazy. Since the holidays are over and I have no plans of going anywhere until March. I'm hoping that I'll stay healthy and can finally officially get back on track after the Christmas mayhem.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GGJUNEBUG 1/21/2014 11:19PM

    Hope all is well, sparkfriend. Hang in there!

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Junie
100+ Pounds Team
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CLPURNELL 1/9/2014 6:33PM

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PLATINUM755 1/7/2014 8:07PM

    emoticon So glad you are feeling better! Take it one day at a time and the new year will be good to you!

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NBARNES 1/7/2014 10:38AM

    Gosh darn - lousy way to ring in the new year! But it seems your spunk survived and I'm glad to read you're ready to move forward. Don't overdo at work, last thing you want is a relapse. Wishing you great success now that the new year has officially started for you!


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SMILES_CAN_DO 1/7/2014 10:26AM

  Sleep was an important goal so you could get better! I'm glad you're back and feeling better! I wish you lots of success getting back into it. We can do this! Take care.

~Brenda
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MOTHEPRO 1/7/2014 10:13AM

    Glad you're feeling better. Better to take it easy than push too hard.

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BANANAFANNAH 1/7/2014 10:11AM

    Ouch! Rough way to ring in the new year. Glad you're feeling better!

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Week Two

Friday, December 20, 2013

12/20 Cardio 40 mins
ST-5 mins

12/21 45 mins cardio
ST 10 mins

12/22 55 mins cardio
0 ST

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GGJUNEBUG 12/21/2013 6:59PM

    You go girl! You are on the right track!
Rooting for you!


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Junie
100+ Pounds Team
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NBARNES 12/21/2013 5:17PM

    Oops - that should have been Krunkle girl - but you LOOK like a Krinkle girl to me...that's a GOOD thing by the way emoticon


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NBARNES 12/21/2013 5:16PM

    Hey there Krinkle girl - keep up the good work!


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CLPURNELL 12/20/2013 9:31PM

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PLATINUM755 12/20/2013 4:55PM

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JUNA89 12/20/2013 8:04AM

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JAROL7 12/20/2013 7:49AM

    Week Two ... way to go. Good luck. I'm on Day #134. Counting calories and writing it in the SP journal really works. Enjoy the true hope of Christmas.

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CSKIES1 12/20/2013 7:05AM

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Beginnings and Endings

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Well, it looks like this is the last week of the Fall Biggest Loser Challenge I was participating in. My goal for the challenge was to lose about 8.4 lbs, which is modest for ten weeks. Alas, I may have only lost about half of that, which doesn't feel like a ton of progress to me.

But then, I thought about the last two years, in the last two years I did nothing but gain weight. I ate Wendy's almost daily, cried almost daily, gained weight. My grandma died, my cousin died, I was depressed about that, I was tired of school, hated my job, felt trapped in my marriage and a million other things, so in that two year period, I packed on at least 60 pounds. If you do the math, that's .57 pounds a week (Haha, thanks PrincessSofi). Yikes! These last several months, I've actually lost a small amount of weight, and during this challenge, I mostly maintained my weight, and maintaining my weight as opposed to gaining I think is a big deal. So, now that I know that I have successfully maintained my weight and finally halted the upward progression on the scale, perhaps now I can encourage myself to make a bit more progress and watch the numbers go down instead of stay the same.

The last couple weeks of this challenge, I haven't been doing much, I started a new job in June, working midnights an hour away from my home, that took so much energy, I didn't care about exercise, didn't feel like I had time either, then I focused on finding an apartment and moving. I finally found a decent apartment in an okay neighborhood and I've spent the last two or three weeks moving, unpacking and getting settled . My goal is to be finished unpacking by Thanksgiving. That way when I return from visiting my family, everything will be nice and organized, then I can finally focus on managing my time and actually getting healthier.

The good things that happened during the past couple of months: I maintained my weight/lost a bit, and more importantly didn't gain.

2. I can actually walk for a long time again, without feeling like I'm dying and without having to sit down (it was scary bad for awhile, and a new experience for me).

3. I can wear my smaller size uniform pants again.

4. I've started walking my dog more consistently.

5. Started drinking my raw meal again.

6. I can stand for the whole 8 hours of my shift again without feeling like I'm being tortured.

Short term goals-

After Thanksgiving, go to the gym at least one time per week to get some strength training in. After a month, I can work on increasing the frequency.

Track my food on a daily basis.

Walk Chewie daily.

Find a counselor.

Longer term goals, going on a cruise at the end of March, it would be nice to have lost 18 lbs, that's a little over one pound a week.

In October, I want to run in a race with my best friend. One of those color vibe runs.

My final goal to be height weight proportionate. Which involves losing about 150 more pounds.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GLITTERYKRUNKLE 11/22/2013 4:22AM

    Ha ha, thanks PrincessSofi! Right after I posted it, I went to bed and was thinking that I did some faulty math, but it was time to sleep, not to fix it!

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PLATINUM755 11/20/2013 7:56PM

    Something to think about...sometime the journey isn't found in the numbers, but look what you have learned and how it will take you to the next level. You've been through a lot, and as the Franklin D. Roosevelt quotes says, "When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on." Maintaining is quite an accomplishment. Keep your head up. emoticon emoticon

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PRINCESS_SOFI 11/20/2013 3:23PM

    There's 52 weeks in a year, 104 weeks for two. Gaining 60 lbs in 2 years is only 0.57 lbs per week.

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MOTHEPRO 11/20/2013 2:46PM

    Great goals!
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FAVALL 11/20/2013 2:12PM

    You are achieving your goals. Keep setting them and keep them ever in your awareness. Go for it! Finish what you started!

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NBARNES 11/20/2013 1:57PM

    Sounds like you're definitely on the right track - and hey, I think I will end this challenge with a gain emoticon It'll be the first time I've not lost during a challenge and it really bites - so savor the loss, because no matter how slow you lose, just being able to look back and acknowledge that had you not do the challenge you may well have gained IS a big deal.

So, keep up the good work - sounds like you're working hard to be in a good place.

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