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So Frustrating!!!!!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Not real sure where to begin, mostly just rambling from my mind I guess...lol.

I have done very well in my weight loss journey until recently. I really started being serious about this in Oct. 08' and have stayed pretty faithful with only small wavering here and there, then right back on track with the help of my Spark family (thank you).

Now it seems as though I am spiraling out of control with no end in sight. In May something happened in my home that has me very upset and unsure of the future of my family. In response to the incident I had to return to work "full time". I am a truck driver. I relocate grain and fertilize, so when the farmers are busy, so am I. In this work, it's always fast pace, on the go....so that is the way that I have been eating (fast and on the go), not good choices, mostly fast and fried...and the scale is showing! I don't want to go back to that person that I was. I want the healthy body and I really want my goal weight, although it seems to be getting further and further away. I don't want to give up, I have worked way too hard to get where I am at this point. At one point I was only 7 pounds away from goal, now come weigh in tomorrow it will be about 15 or 20 pounds from goal. That makes me really want to just cry and scream at myself!

To anyone who reads this from the 8 Week Battle, I am so sorry that I wasn't there as I should have been. I feel as though I let you all down and I am sorry for that. You deserve so much more than I am capable of giving right now. I feel as though I am in a pool of rising water. I had been treading okay but now I am finding it very hard to keep my head above water, I am drowning!

Hope this explains my status of the day ( needing a successful plan). I so desperately need to learn to balance life, work, home, exercise, eating. Hoping to be able to report a great turnaround very soon.

much love, Wendy

Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARTINT011 7/24/2009 11:45PM

You can do it! get those papers from the Nutritionist to record your meals, and write down all the food and comments, about the time,date,snack or meal, exactly what it was one cup, one bar,etc. and also the feelings you were feeling and what is your motive too. Then you show these papers after the week is done to the nutritionist. She can see the foods that are lacking etc. I haven't brought my food lists back yet,however it is so helpful to see what I wrote my goals is to eat more fruits and vegetables, and cut the snacking down. Get a pedometer and have the nutritionist set this for you also. She can see how many steps you are doing in a week also. This is working for me.

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BELLAPOCOMO 7/19/2009 5:35PM

Keep the faith in knowing everyone here supports you and is always willing to listen and help - I'm sorry about what negativity life is giving or has given you.

It always helps to vent - and everyone on SP is here to listen and to give love!

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TYEASLEY 7/19/2009 1:37PM

OMGoodness, I've been derailed for the last few months. Don't be so hard on yourself. Realize that you are competing with yourself and that you haven't let anyone down. We are your support and you are ours. THE RACE IS NOT WON BY THE SWIFT BUT BY THOSE WHO ENDURE TO THE END. Clearly adjustments are needed. As I have been derailed, I have had to re-think my strategy-like a cameleon. Your needs and wants have changed so now you make the appropriate adjustments. Since you're back working and driving -use the 24 hour WalMarts, eat fresh fruit and vegetables, pack your lunch. I pack a lunch everyday. It has made a world of difference. KFC has grilled chicken, that's quite tasty. Weigh your options and what ever else you do-DO NOT dispair but DIG IN and STAY THE COURSE. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

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ARKANSASRAINBOW 7/18/2009 12:01AM

I certainly understand that it must be incredibly difficult to eat right from the cab of a truck. You KNOW IT CAN BE DONE, though! You can get insulated lunch bags at Walmart for $5 or less all day long. Blue ice is like 69 cents. Pack your lunch. More importantly, pack your SNACKS! Carrots, cauliflower, brocolli, radishes, apples, anything with a crunch can replace a bag of chips on the go. How about catching some extra fiber with a handful of bite sized shredded wheat? All of these are good items to keep handy to nibble on while driving. Most of them are very low cal, low sodium, 0 fat. Cannot go wrong there.

Of course, it would be better to carry your lunch, but you can stop and grab something with your pals. Just be smart about it. I know that is tough when your choices are fried chicken or fried chicken. A lot of places are adding deli sandwiches to their menu. Carry a hot cup of soup and have a sandwich with your pals. Follow up with an apple or banana when you get back to the truck.

See???? I am just a dumb girl with no health sense at all, and I can come up with a plan. YOU are a LEADER and an ACHIEVER! You can come up with a plan tht will allow you to work and stay healthy!

You bypassed your biggest obstacle when you admited that there is a problem. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!

Happy Sparks to You!
Rhonda

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TSOLLARS 7/17/2009 5:39PM

Hi Wendy, your head is in the right place and your body will follow. Stay with it. I'll try to help if I can (since I need the help too). Be good to yourself and tell yourself how much you have accomplished already. Be the change you want to see. --therese

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SWAZY33 7/16/2009 12:05PM

Wendy,
I think you are one of the most supportive members here! So, never feel like you let anyone down...because you didn't! You have always been so supportive of me in the QFC's and your comments have always given me the little boost I needed!
Family life and obligations get in the way for all of us from time to time. You are a strong beautiful person and you know all the tools you need to stay on track. I understand that knowing what needs to be done and doing them are very different things (I live with that struggle everyday!) But, you took the first step. You picked yourself back up and re-committed! I know you will succeed and I will be here cheering you along the way!
Karen

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DEBSZOO74 7/15/2009 2:03AM

Wendy, you've received some wonderful advice and comments already!
I'm sorry that you have been struggling! As far as losing the weight, I have no doubt that you can and will lose it again! We're all in this together!
You've given support, motivation and inspiration to so many people on Spark, and now it's time for us to support you! Don't feel bad if you need to take time for yourself - you deserve it!

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LEEPFROG95 7/14/2009 5:01PM

you can and will make GOAL I will help you

standing taller and stronger

(and thinner)
lololololol

Comment edited on: 7/14/2009 5:01:19 PM

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CHOCMOM 7/13/2009 6:55PM

I got derailed for a few days last week because of "LIFE", what else. I wish there was some way I could help you. Ever since we "hooked up" LOL on Spark, you have been such an inspiration to me - I am down in my weight because of you and Kelli and the 8 Week Battle, and QFC! Thank you so much. I know you know about being prepared with the food and QFCing when you can. I have one additional suggestion - protein supplements, i.e. drinks, shakes, bars. I get mine at Fitness Boot Camp and they help me by keeping me full without a lot of calories. I can't stand the "food" they sell, but I've become addicted to the chocolate protein bars, the fruit drinks, etc. You can buy them here at Boot Camp - no membership required and I know of several places on line. They are the same product line that Sue's Nu-Energy use to sell and probably quite similar to the Diet Center. Like I said, I can't follow their entire diet plan, to restricting, but I keep the bars and drinks with me at all time.

I am getting my spark back on this week. I had over 3 weeks of steady loss and then let a dead cat (long story, not mine) and financial problems derail me but I'm getting it back together.

Here is a not so long-distanced hug for my neighbor.

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IMAGINE_IT 7/13/2009 2:04PM

Wendi..one thing is for sure you have NOT let me or anybody else down...we all have other things going on that need our Attention,,,.also some have more on their shoulder then others...i can relate to you..(my dad and 2 brothers are long distance truck drivers in Germany) ....being on the road "truckn' it is very difficult to just stop for something to eat...and if you are able to find a spot to park that big Truck..it will for sure be an unhealthy place..meaning something like Big Poppas Fat Burger joint...i am not sure if you are able to get home each night..but i think you are..that is a big advantage..how about getting a big cooler..and pack it with all sorts of healthy snacks...and at least that way when the stomach starts to growl..voila..you will have a fruit..or Granola bar...
if you have 'downtime' in between loading and/or unloading..is it maybe possible for you to walk..jog around the Truck..or up and down the parking lot...(who cares what the guys think??!! Hey they might start joining you!! and then there will be a bunch of healthy fiiine looking Truckers out there..then let me know where you at..and..oh i got sidetracked!!

)
either way..you have come a long way..and you will overcome this little setback also...we are all in this together....and you know what else??? You are still rocking!!! luv you...

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LECIADB 7/13/2009 1:36PM

I'm pulling for you! I also gained a few pounds back through a hard time with the family. But its back to it now. I agree with one of the earlier posts...pack soup in a thermos and snacks to take with you on the road. You can make it work but it will take some planning ahead of time. Best of luck!

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MARTANYDIATORRE 7/13/2009 11:56AM

Hi Wendy
Don't feel bad that's what we are all here to cheer and enjoy the good times together and to lift , embrace and support in the bad times.Family problemns are the most stressful ones as they tend to attack our core being. and it is harder to balance
By healthy lunches that you can carry on the run .I don't like to cook so at times I prepare big batches of soups and salads that last me for a few days and are healthy ,easy to do and low in calories.You can carry in a thermo and a bowl.You can even do almost alone in a slowcooker.I add codfish to the salads and lasts me a lot longer feeling full.Carry with you healthy snacks like almonds, rice cakes etc.
Be sure you will have my support and my love.
Hugs,
Marta Nydia

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VLECKB 7/13/2009 11:15AM

Oh my dear. Sometimes life gives us a kick in the head and we need some time to stop being dizzy. Allow yourself to heal, but make a plan to get up again!

Don't worry about those new pounds, you've lost them once, you can lose em again!

I will pray for you and your family. Nothing hurts worse than when your family hurts.

Belinda

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RUNNINGOMA 7/13/2009 6:20AM

Wendy,
We all have times like what you are going through. When we have been down, there was someone there for us. We will be here for you. You have let nobody down. Like Kelli says, make a plan. You can do this. Never give up. Maybe you can't do it at the pace you orginally thought, so take assessment and do what you can at a pace you can live with.
Pulling for you,
Mariean - red team

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CELESTJILL 7/13/2009 4:56AM

hang in there wendy. I know how you are feeling with the drowning comment...in my own way anyway. right now my focus is to not GAIN more weight. I don't know how to balance life either but I wanted to just say good for you in recognizing and to make a plan. hang in there. let us know what the plan will be so that as support we can help you out. I would like to be there for you.

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MIKIIO 7/13/2009 3:34AM

Oh Wendy, I'm so sorry I have been MIA in the 8-week battle the last couple of weeks and haven't been around to support you.
I understand your frustration, but the good point is you're still fighting, you haven't given up, and don't dare to give up!!!

I'll swim across the pond to lend you a helping hand if it is what it takes -but you don't want me to swim in deep sea with the sharks, do you?

You did it before, so you know you can do it again. Our weight is a constant battle and if it takes several attempts to succeed, let it be, only the final result counts.

I had to resume to step one with the SP program - from the baby steps, yes. There is nothing wrong in resuming our plan from the beginning.
Take your time, one day at a time. Plan ahead and set mini-goals, reread some motivational articles and tips, stay in touch with your buddies and Spark.

Love,
Valerie

Comment edited on: 7/13/2009 3:41:23 AM

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KV711LAW 7/12/2009 11:19PM

We will do it together! You are the most Awesome Bestest and Amazing people I have ever known! It is okay to give yourself a break on occasion! Life happens and you are so used up by it that you have no time left for You!

Well, we are at That Time where You have to put Yourself First! Others in your family can take some of the load. Make a plan for this week (small steps) and just do it! Take your lunch to work, QuickFire through Your day (yep, even if you get some strange looks) and set a goal for the week.

Take my hand and we will do this thing together! I know we can and we Will! Most likely over and over- but, heck, that is what it means to LIVE!

Love You Bestest, You Know! It is raining here- maybe you will get some time off!

k

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Everyday Small Chore For Most....HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT For ME!!!!

Sunday, June 07, 2009

I have never thought much about running in my past. Since beginning my weight loss journey/ new life style journey in late October 2008 I started to walk. In the first few months I walked atleast 6 out of 7 days....starting at 0.8 mile to 4 miles The more weight I dropped and the more I walked, I began to think about jogging/running. I would always tell myself..."Yeah, right, the fat girl who runs....what a laugh"

I wanted to see if I could actually do it but was advised against it by my Orthopedic Surgeon. In September 2008 I had a complete ACL rupture....ooch! In January 2009 I had to have complete ACL reconstruction. I have been recovering very well for months now. When I went to the Ortho Surgeon in late April, I asked him about various things like jumping jacks and jogging. His response..."Don't even try it until June". Guess what.....June is here and I thought what the hell Wendy...get on the treadmil and just see what you can or can not do. So I DID!!!! I did a walk/ jog interval for 30 minutes....walk for a minute, jog for 3 minutes. I know this is just another day in the park to most, but to me it is a HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT. I haven't jogged since I played basketball in high school and that was 24 years ago!

TODAY.....I CAN PROUDLY SAY THAT "I AM PROUD OF ME!!!" I DID IT!!!!!

Now I will proudly carry the Nike Quote...."JUST DO IT!!!"

Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JIGGAGUILAR1 12/31/2009 8:22AM

Those 3 minutes seem like an eternity don't they! I too looked into jogging before I attempted it (I have fallen off that bandwagon but intend to get back on when it's a little warmer!) Jogging/running did NOT feel like a natural movement to me at all. I would see these people jogging down the trail as smooth as can be with the appropriate amount of sweat and a healthy glow in there cheeks. Here I come sweating bullets, breathing like it was the last mile of a marathon, and MY face with the glow of a LOBSTER! I swear people looked at me with concern, maybe I'm just paranoid... Anyways, I looked up some jogging sites and they described starting out just as you did. A few minutes in between walking and gradually adding jogging minutes while reducing walking minutes. Seems a very healthy and realistic way of doing it to me. I know this is an old blog, not sure if you're still running, but if so GOOD JOB!

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TANYAHDG 6/28/2009 10:02PM

Congratulations Wendy, that is a huge accomplishment! Keep rocking it Chica!

Keep It Movin'

Tanya

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K_HUBB 6/26/2009 2:19PM

That is awesome. It is very inspiring to me.

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RINSKY3 6/25/2009 10:37PM

CONGRATS Wendi!

That is a huge accomplishment =) You inspire me to do the right thing

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MISSTMNOLLAN1 6/16/2009 11:14AM

You go girl!!! I am so proud of you. Keep up the good work. Terri

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JESSICAMAE83 6/15/2009 9:17PM

That is GREAT news! I am so happy for you!!!

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BABYFACE26 6/15/2009 8:49PM

That is a huge accomplishment, fellow DONE girl! ...and so is, being on this site for a few mos. and only a year...and losing so much weight! You were at the wt. I was, and I am only 16 lbs down...but still chugging along. I am also 59 and have low energy due to a health problem, so I do what I can. I hope I can join you in the 150's soon...thats my goal.

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KNITTINGFROG 6/14/2009 5:09AM

I too look forward to being able to run without damaging my body...then again I never could get the breathing right...

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JUSTFOXXY 6/13/2009 8:04AM

Awesome accomplishment. I would really like to be a runner, but I let my mindset get in the way. I like the Nike quote that says if I ran when I first thought about I would be back by now.

Very motivational and so are you. Keep up the good work

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SUMMERSAND 6/9/2009 12:03AM

That's so awesome! Great job! :)

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MONEYSTRETCHER 6/8/2009 7:48PM

Congratulations! That is a HUGE accomplishment! I haven't been able to run in years. You have claimed back part of your life! Your doing great!

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THE_NEW_MELISSA 6/8/2009 3:54PM

Oh, you should be so proud! I would love to be at that point in my journey!!

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CHOCMOM 6/8/2009 9:28AM

Wow that is great. You are "truckin" right a long.

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LEEPFROG95 6/8/2009 5:58AM

oh no that means if you are going to be runnin the LBS will be
droppin....... quess I gotta try runnin lolololol
great job gf

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CELESTJILL 6/8/2009 3:29AM

awesome, awesome. it's those things I have been focusing on today as well...the things that maybe don't seem so huge but are things that I couldn't have done 6 months ago, a year ago...
it adds up--and it's awesome! thanks for sharing.

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IMAGINE_IT 6/7/2009 3:48PM

Isn't it a wonderful Feeling???

i feel you on this one...never in my wildest dreams did i ever think i could actually run...lol..but now i am able to run 10 straight minutes on my treadmill!!
Congratulations Wendi..but don't go too fast too soon...because i am trying to keep up with you!!!

Comment edited on: 6/7/2009 3:49:34 PM

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DEBSZOO74 6/7/2009 3:30PM

Congratulations to you on not giving up, and in pursuing your goals!

It's definitely no walk in the park in my book! I'm proud of you and wish you success in reaching your goals! I know you can do it!!

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SHPHYS 6/7/2009 2:16PM

Way to go. I'm so proud.

I posted on my blog I just was able to do jumping jacks so I know how you feel.
Still working on jogging but you motivate me.

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JESSIEGURL80 6/7/2009 2:10PM

Kelli,
I kinda started the C25K... if you girls start let me know and I will do it with you!!

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JESSIEGURL80 6/7/2009 2:09PM

That is AWESOME! I am going to get back to jogging now that my knee healed. Doesnt it feel like such a great accomplishment when you prove yourself wrong.. I never thought I could do it also. Do not get carried away and push yourself to hard, that is what i did and I ended up barely being able to walk for a week!!

Good Luck my sunshine!

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KV711LAW 6/7/2009 11:35AM

Way To Go!

I am starting a running program as well!

We should do it together!

There is a schedule for couch to 5k, etc. We can try that and then, who knows where we could end up! We could do a marathon together!

Marathon Watch Out! Here we come!

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8 Week Battle #4 Collage

Sunday, May 24, 2009

This is my "motivation" collage for The 8 Week Battle #4.

Can't blame a girl for wanting a "hard body" and some "ripped" abs!

I will get there through discipline and determination...all one day at a time, continuing to get up EVERY time I fall.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAPECODDIN 6/4/2009 8:57AM

AWESOME!!!!! This looks great!!! I may have to copy it.....

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KV711LAW 6/3/2009 9:43PM

I LOVE IT BESTIE!

YOUR ROCK!

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PINKYPOOS 5/27/2009 5:52PM

Great vision collage - this looks like just the motivation we all need!

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CHOCMOM 5/27/2009 4:50PM

Great.

"Can't blame a girl for wanting a "hard body" and some "ripped" abs! " and lips like Angelina!

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FITJEN48 5/26/2009 8:04AM

Oh, those pics oughtta do it. Good job. Motivates me.
Jen

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JESSIEGURL80 5/25/2009 11:44PM

Love it!
I have to figure out how to make one for myself tomorrow when Jaden is napping! You will have those ripped abs soon enough sunshine! Just keep on keepin on!

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RINSKY3 5/25/2009 11:32AM

LOVE your collage!

You can do this and I know you will have a hard body =)

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What is Your Excuse?

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

An amazing friend of mine posted this on a team forum that I am part of today. It is very powerful and I promise it is worth the time it takes to view, so with that said, please watch and then tell me....What is your excuse? www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsW-B2TQ9lk

Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRECIANPRINCESS 5/27/2009 9:59PM

I like what you write on your blog!!!! I am done too. Cute haircut by the way and I want to be where you are in a few months. Keep it up, you really mattered to me and my motivation for today}

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MIKIIO 5/3/2009 5:55AM

Received by the same amazing girl.
This guy really moved me.

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

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HPLANDER 5/1/2009 9:46AM

Thanks for sharing. That was a very motivational video.

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MEYLOSE 4/30/2009 10:11AM

I've seen him before on tv and was amazed again at his story. THANKX for sharing that with us, may we strive to ALWAYS get up when we fall down, no matter how many times we fall. May God Bless you each and every day in special ways.

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LEEPFROG95 4/30/2009 9:34AM

inspiring
I cant even find words
was laughing with him
and by the end I was in tears in just 4 mins
great post wendy!!!

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BEAMING with joy!!!!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Okay, so I have already shared this news with the BESTIE as I couldn't contain myself when it occurred. Now here it goes for all my spark friends.

Today when I got out of the shower, I decided to weigh (which I do umpteen times every day). I step on and the scale shows 149, yep 149. I step off thinking that can't be right, so I step on again and it says 149 again (by this time my mind is exploding with happiness). I know that I am seeing clearly because I have my contacts in. My husband is standing in the bathroom and I am curious. I ask him what he weighs. His response...about 150. Me being the challenger that I am (lmao inside, you will know why later), I ask him to step on the scales so WE can see what he weighs. He bites and gets on the scale. What did it show?....153.6. He steps off and says now you get on so I can see what you weigh. First time I have been dying for someone to ask me to step on the scales (lmao)! I step on and what do you know, it still shows 149. I start jumping up and down and grinning ear to ear (you could see every tooth in my head I think) and respond to him..."In all our 17 years of marriage I have NEVER weighed less than you!" He gave me a huge hug and told me just how much he loves me and how proud he is of my success.

Now, with all that being said, the chances that I will weigh that magic number on Monday is almost unreal (thinkin that I will be a little heavier due to how my weight really fluctuates) but it is a pure sign that I am headed in the right direction...woo hoo. Now let's hope that I don't blow it at ball tournaments this weekend.

That my friends is my "BEAMING with joy"

Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERRIANGEL 5/27/2009 10:22AM

Just happened on your page while perusing the spark motivators. I LOVE this blog!!!! I was beaming in my seat right along with you.

NICE job!!!!!!!!!

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ASPOTTR 5/21/2009 3:15PM

I just noticed this blog. That totally sounds like me. The only time I have weighed less than my dh is when we were dating. He has been anywhere from 138 (when we got married)...I was 142 up to 165 (which is a few lbs less than what he is now).

Lately he has been gaining a few lbs here and there, while I have been (trying) losing some here and there. I am soooooo, close to weighing less than him. I can't wait for that feeling. Where you actually step on the scale in front of your dh because you no longer are embarrassed.

Awesome job!!!!

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MIKIIO 5/3/2009 6:00AM

Wonderful feeling to be the thinnest! You're doing great!
You keep up like that, and I'm sure this magic number will not be unreal for the next weigh-in!

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JESSIEGURL80 4/30/2009 11:09PM

Congrats to you!!!!

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LEEPFROG95 4/30/2009 9:36AM

but I plan on making my scale say less than yours!!!

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LAUROCHKA 4/29/2009 10:01AM

Thanks for the welcome and congrats on your success

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CHARLIEGIRL0824 4/26/2009 4:51PM

Congratulations!

That is amazing! What a great feeling ~ can't wait till I can say that to my hubby!!!

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NAENAE1213 4/20/2009 3:52PM

That is TOO funny. I have that same "race" goin' on with my hubby. I can TOTALLY relate!
HAHA.

You go girl!!

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CELESTJILL 4/20/2009 9:02AM

thanks for welcoming me to the team--and leaving your message on my SP. I stopped by to see yours and my jaw dropped. that was just last July! I have been really down on myself this past week--feeling like maybe I'm just going to be the "fat" wife/mother/friend/daughter maybe I can't do this...but I was looking around at your SP and I've been getting love and encouragement from ofther SF and you know what? I CAN do this...I CAN be healthy and thin. I can. I can do this. Thank you. I'm looking forward to today's challenge to help me stay focused.

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ACABE1 4/19/2009 6:52PM

That's awesome!!!

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WTBTLK09 4/19/2009 6:47PM

Keep beaming!! You're doing great!!

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LOSTCALIGAL 4/19/2009 8:26AM

That's fantastic!! Great job!

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HPLANDER 4/17/2009 10:44AM

Wow 149 that's awesome. You are doing great.

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CHOCMOM 4/17/2009 10:35AM

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RINSKY3 4/17/2009 10:16AM

CONGRATS on reaching 149!!! That is awesome =) Keep up the great work, and keep on beaming!

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KAYEREADER 4/17/2009 9:52AM

That's a big one!!! Congrats to you!

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CHARLIE215 4/17/2009 7:05AM

Wendy & change your ticker, so you're not tempted to do anything to move it back up

Maybe, you'll even be less than 149 on Monday

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MIMOR6 4/17/2009 12:49AM

How great that your husband is supportive. Stick with it. You can do it. Don't mess up at the ball game. Take some snacks with you so you already have it there if you want it.

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