Sunday, November 24, 2013
So last week there was a post on the SEM Team regarding the Comet ISON.
(The SEM Team for those unfamiliar with it, is the Science, Engineering, and Math Team. We are a totally hip, nerdy group of … errr … nerds, that like to talk about things like The Comet ISON.)
Anyway, this particular comet has been viewable this week and we had a posting on it. Links to some sites, ways of tracking where it was … that kind of thing.
Then just this morning I was talking with wifey as we were driving.
“Have you heard about the Comet ISON?” I asked her.
“Yup,” she said. “They were talking about it on NPR the other day. I think at this moment it is rounding the sun. They're not sure if it will plummet into the sun though, or if it will whip around and break the sun’s gravitational pull.”
At this point, the conversation got geeky.
Uhh .. I know what some of you are thinking. You’re thinking it was already geeky aren’t you? Pfftt to you I say. Regurgitating other’s geeky ideas and comments is not in itself geeky. No. That’s just a form of plagiarizing. Not that I have anything against plagiarism mind you.
Anyway, what is really geeky is when you can take information you are given, and use one’s massive powers of scientific intellect to formulate yet other theories and such.
Yes, you will now see what true geeky hypothesizing is all about!
I said to wifey …
“Wifey, what if the Comet ISON really does break free of the sun’s gravity?”
“Yes?” she said.
“What if it whips around the sun REALLY fast, gaining even more momentum and speed?”
To which wifey replied, “Nevermind that I asked. What should we do for lunch?”
Her apparent lack of interest did not deter me. I am undetterable when going into genius mode.
“I mean,” I said, “what if it goes soooo fast that it causes us to go back in time?”
“What? Why would that happen,” the wifey asked.
That should have been sufficient right? I mean, c’mon! Haven’t we all seen the Star Trek episode where Kirk takes the ship around the sun to slingshot the Enterprise back in time How much more scientific evidence does one need? In fact, haven’t we seen that episode about 12 or 15 times now via reruns? Heck, that’s repeatable and verifiable evidence.
I got the blank look.
I suspect my superior intellect does stun people that way.
I must stun her a lot … as I get the blank look a lot.
“Anyway,” I went on, “how do we know it hasn’t already happened? How do we know that the Comet ISON hasn’t already whipped around the sun in super-duper sonic speed and has made time go backwards? How do I know that we haven’t already had this conversation?”
Then it dawned on me …
“Hey, what if we are in some kind of massive time loop?” I said.
And in a moment of triumph wifey agreed with me.
“Yeah, you must be right because this totally feels like some hellish time loop.”
Heh. Verification. One point for me. And another … and another … and another …
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Recently I have been doing a challenge with one of my Spark Teams. The San Antonio Team to be specific.
Uhmmm … for those of you that know me, and know I am NOT from the San Antonio area, and are wondering why I am part of that team … errr … I have no idea. They are nice. Or I tricked them into accepting me in as their mascot. Take your pick.
Nevertheless, I am part of one of their team challenges.
Now, in this challenge we do things during the week that earns us points. Exercise … nutrition … interacting with other team members … they all win you points.
Now, lest you think I am point obsessed or uber competitive … I’m not. I don’t care about winning. I don’t care about racking up the most points. Heck, I don’t even care about racking up any points. But what I do like? I like joining in. Participating. Having someone read my inane writings on the team forums haha.
But another thing I like?
As in, tracking the points. Who cares if it’s 1 point or 2 points or ZERO points! I want to track it!!!
So I set up my trusty Excel Spreadsheet. I made formulas. I summed things up. I made the cells on one of the sheet tab reference the cell tabs on another sheet. I was in spreadsheet heaven!
I don’t know why, but I really, Really, REALLY love using spreadsheets.
(Digression – when wifey and I makes “To Do” lists, I rank them.
Rank them in terms of importance.
And … I assign “efficiency points” to them.
What are “efficiency points” you ask? Well …
There’s a lot of theoretical hocus pocus involved, but basically, there are limits to efficiency. There is also something called “theoretical efficiency.” In reality, we can’t even get to 100% total theoretical efficiency… sooo … in my spreadsheet I have these awesomely complex formulas to adjust for this. I color code things. I use pivot tables. I take into account things like the earth’s gravitational pull and scenario’s only the most elitist of minds can appreciate. (Like me, Stephen Hawking, and perhaps that goofy science teacher in the Simpsons.) Heck, I might have even coded in something about crystals or magnets…who knows!
What I do know is that my spreadsheet is a thing of pure magnificence. It is soooo awesome and complicated that even I don’t understand it!
Wifey once wanted to check it to see why it was that the efficiency points on her tasks seemed sooo much more stringent than mine. I just looked at her and said hey, if she didn’t want to believe the math and science behind it then it was not my fault. Go take her flat earth theories somewhere else!
The point is …
Anyway, I had better end this digression … so … End Digression)
I do want to end this rambly blog post by saying, …
It’s not whether you win or lose …
It’s how you play the game.
Play on team members … play on.
Go teams Armani and Chanel!
Friday, November 15, 2013
I think I am on a streak here. A NON-Sparkworthy Streak! This will now be 3 blog posts in a row that has zero to minimal spark value.
Anyway, todays mindless blather is about something that just popped into my head about an outing my wifey and I had a bit ago. (Actually, I was looking at this rock on my desk ... and that made me remember this particular incident.)
We were at a lake park walking. (Wifey was done finishing some training she was doing for a triathlon.) We were on a path and stopped to look at something in the nearby lake shore.
Being me, I got bored and picked up some rocks and started to skip them across the water.
Being wifey, she picked up some rocks and started copying me.
We had a contest. Who could get more skips out of their rock. Who could get the farthest skip. In short, who would get bragging rights as the rock-skipping champion of the world.
I totally CRUSHED her. Her puny skip count was dwarfed by mine. My rock outdistanced hers by several feet ... likely several yards ... perhaps even by as much as a mile!
Ohhhh, I was sooo smug.
She wanted a rematch.
I said no way. I mean, why potentially give up my #1 rock tossing position? Why jeopardize my king of the hill spot?
Nope, I just stood there, smiling my (rock skipping) winning smile, looking out across the water.
Apparently as I was doing this, a family was coming up the trail. Just as they reached us wifey said REALLY loud –
“Greg, I can’t believe you just swallowed that rock you just picked up!”
The family gave a weird look and just kept walking past.
After they were out of hearing range wifey said to me, “So are we having a rematch or am I going to have to embarrass you every day?”
Sheesh ... and you all thought I was the weird one!
Monday, November 11, 2013
I wonder if I should do a Spark Alert Warning to let people know that once again my blog post will have zero Sparkiness?
Anyway, the other day wifey and I were discussing upcoming birthdays and the Christmas season and what we’d be buying family and friends. We decided once again that I’d smoke some salmon for most of our gifts … and perhaps buy some fun things for littler ones.
I’m pretty clueless these days as to our finances, as we have handed off the budget duties to wifey for the past year. As far as I am concerned, little plastic debit card swipes machine … food stuffs gets paid for … all is good.
But I thought I’d finally ask.
“Wifey,” I asked, “are we doing okay money-wise?”
“As far as I know oh awesome husband of mine,” replied wifey. “We’re not dipping into our savings account, and in fact you wonderful hunky manly-man who I adore beyond belief, I think we are adding some to our savings”
Now, already I know some of you are thinking to yourselves … “C’MON Greg, is that REALLY how the conversation went?”
Admittedly I may have taken some creative freedom there. I don’t call her “wifey.” Heh.
Ok, so continuing on …
“So,” I said, “if we needed several thousand dollars for an emergency repair we’d be okay?”
“Yup,” she replied.
I then sllllooowwwlllly drew out the words, “you knoowwww … we don’t actually have an emergency repair at the moment …”
At this point in the conversation I sense her … her … errr … interest spark? Ok, ok, someone else might have used the word “suspicion” in place of “interest.” Whatever … work with me here.
“That extra several thousand that we don’t have to use for emer …”
I was immediately cut off.
“You are NOT getting a new bike.”
Arrgghh …. foiled again.
Sunday, November 03, 2013
Ok, ok – calm down everyone. I’m not taking anything illegal or getting tossed in jail.
However, the other day on one of the forum blogs on the Science, Engineering, and Math Team (or the SEM Team as us geeky one’s like to say), a new member signed up and this person’s specialty was Forensic Toxicology … or … drug testing.
So I asked that question that has likely been asked and answered a zillion times over.
“If I eat a poppy seed muffin and take a drug test, will it show up as positive for an illegal substance?”
I know I should just Google it … but what fun would that be. Camaraderie by shared ignorance is so much more fun than looking up answers in a lonely void.
Anyway, afterwards, I also posed this question to wifey. The conversation went something like this:
- Greg: “Shannon, should I not eat poppy seed muffins?”
- Shannon: “If you don’t like them, then no, you shouldn’t eat them.”
- Greg: “I like poppy seed muffins.”
Now at this point I suspect that wifey was starting to get giddy as it was obvious that I was about to regale her with some pretty awesome life-altering questions. That blank look she started giving me was a clear giveaway of her interest.
I went on with my thoughts …
- Greg: “I mean, what if I ate a poppy seed muffin for breakfast and went for a bike ride?”
- Shannon: “And?”
- Greg: “And … what if I won?”
- Shannon: “What? What are you talking about? Won what?”
- Greg: “I dunno. A bike race. Or maybe a marathon.”
- Shannon: “You don’t run marathons. You’ve never run a marathon. You can’t even spell marathon.”
(Which I might add, is obviously not true. I mean, c’mon! Look … the word ‘marathon’ in this blog post does not have that red squiggly line underneath it!)
- Greg: “But what if I did? Win I mean. A bike race. Or ok, not a marathon, but maybe a 5K?”
- Shannon: “Uhm, just because you did ONE 5K the other week does not mean you’re going to win. I don’t think you’re fast enough.”
- Greg: “But what if I were the fastest? And what if I came in 1st place. Wouldn’t I need to take a drug test? Won’t I be disqualified?”
- Shannon: “Can we worry about that when the time comes?”
- Greg: “No, of course not. That’s my point. By then it would be too late right?”
Of course, with this superior logic, I had stumped her. I had made her see what I was talking about. The concerns. The potential of being stripped of my rightful gold medals and honorary parade in my name.
So I asked her once more about the drug test thing … to which she replied …
“I think you should be drug tested now.”
Pah! Which means I still don’t have the answer to my question …
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