Thursday, June 19, 2014
It has been too long since I wrote last. I have thought about writing but many nights have just been too whipped. But I woke up this morning at 4:30 and just decided to get up and do a few things before work.
Work is total chaos. My Dad is now under hospice care. Many days I feel like I am barely holding on but from the comments I have received no one else sees that. "You seem to be coping really well, from outward appearances." I got that from one of my supervisors at work during my monthly report.
Actually I am really glad that Dad is in hospice because they have been able to get him to take better care of himself than anyone else has been able to do. He takes his pain meds on a schedule rather than waiting until far too late and never being able to make a dent in the pain.
Will try to do better writing.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
I love that phrase that Tim Gunn uses. It means to not throw out what you have already done when it does not seem to be going well. Look at it differently and make it work! Build on what you have already accomplished.
I have been trying to do this with my life. I got back on really watching what I eat--and have lost pounds. Now that the ice is mostly gone on the sidewalks, this week I walked to work twice. That is three miles in one hour. It feels like it is all up hill but my knee knows it is not. Down is what bothers it more. The last downhill before going up the spiral walkway across the river makes me wonder why I am doing this. But this week, with the moon just past full at 6am was really great. Even though I am a Leo my affinity has always been much more with the moon!
I have been trying to make it work--at work. Since I no longer have an officemate I do my best to get to the office, put my head down and churn out the tasks, letters, visa documents, anything to get a folder, letter, project off my desk and say "DONE!!!" Many days I do not feel like I have accomplished anything. Today I finally got draft letters written that the professor talked about over 2.5 weeks ago; I am that backed up with work. I try to be cheerful as I look at my stacks of work because I am assuming that others are just as harried but many days it feels crippling.
The bad thing is that by the time I get home I am whipped. I have even been going to bed at 9:30 thinking if I have more sleep I will have more energy. DB and I go walking every weekend--long walks now that the snow is gone from the paths hoping that getting my fill of fresh air and exercise will help.
But I will keep on Making it Work. If one thing is not a maker I will try something else. But I am not giving up. I am losing weight again. I am walking my butt off, in DB's words. We are trying to figure out if we can have me retire soon. (That would be making it work BIG TIME!) But in the meantime -- "Make it work!" will be my mantra.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
My last entry was the last post-op appointment for my Dad. He got new glasses ordered that day. He is seeing much, much better now. That was also in the middle of two weeks of exams at the law school which was its own kind of craziness. Work just never stopped between the end of fall semester and the beginning of spring semester which started 13 January. I had three days off (24 and 25 December, 1 January) as vacation, which was not enough. Years ago it was mentioned that I should not even ask for time off around the holidays since I did not have kids that needed to have an adult at home during school break. So I take breaks in February-March. This year I have 4.5 days coming in February that will be mostly vacation. This will be a new thing as I have not had more than a long weekend since DB was laid off. Kind of a trial of how retirement could be. Interesting, no?
But I feel like I have fallen apart. The morning treadmill has been harder to keep going. I missed four days over the last nine. Food is too much and the wrong blend of protein, carbs, fats. I do not seem to be able to keep it in my head, and heart, that I need to be alert/aware all the time. There are no days off; no "cheat" days. No being on point is what got me to where I was three years ago. Being on point was down 60 lbs. Slacking = up 30. No more slacking!
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Today might be the last appointment for my Dad's cataract surgeries. Even though he will not be driving for very much longer I am glad we got this done. It makes reading and other things better for him. Christmas Day we had 13 around the table. At the last minute two people dropped out because of colds and illness. With my parents having somewhat fragile systems and a 3-month-old no one wanted to bring massive colds and yuck to the party. We had a great time and good food. The grab bag presents were a huge hit.
I went off the rails with food--not so much at noon, but last night. I was full from lunch and did not eat in the evening. But, and this is a big but (in more than one way), when I stopped spinning (really nice yarn for rugs) last night and came upstairs I was hungry: 9pm. I finished off the pumpkin pie that I had made last weekend. I ate 1/4 pie!?! No topping but still!
So this morning I made certain I was up early enough to hit the treadmill before work. Tonight I will be certain to do things that keep me on my feet and moving rather than sitting and knitting or spinning!
"It is always something" (Rosanne Roseannadanna). It all depends on how you react!
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Staying in the hotel, mentioned in the last entry, was fabo! Quiet, I got lots of knitting done (completed a scarf) and had some alone time. Alone time is very rare since DB was laid off in August. I am the one with evening meetings not him.
But the second time I was in the same hotel, 17 December, it was a very different story. I felt like I was an imposition on the hotel keeper (it is a small mom/pop hotel). About 20 minutes after I fell asleep a group of people arrived. I do not know if they checked in earlier and went out or just got off the road. Lots of noise, loud talking, kids running in the halls. On and On! Around 10:30 I just got up, turned on the light and read for a long time. The bad part was my alarm was set for 3:15am. Wednesday morning was a 5:30am arrival time at surgery; the second cataract for Dad. We got there but I did not go to work afterward. I called in sick and went home to bed. Three hours of sleep and the waiting at surgery were a bit much. I could have pushed through at work but it would not have been to anyone's advantage.
Yesterday I proctored another exam. Wrote letters, knitted, finished my library book, read the paper. I had a good time. The students were freaked out. No one finished early!
We have a post op visit for Dad on 26 December and hope to hear that he can drop the second eye shield and lessen the drops. But I am trying to not get the cart before the horse.
Thanks for all the good thoughts with his two surgeries! Spark friends are the BEST!!
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