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RIVER OF LONELY

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

I am doing well on my eating plan---but I forgot the fun.

I weigh in Thursday at my Community Challenge--I should be down a bit!!!

Tonight I go to my church group---it is not a fun group of people--everything is just tooo sad---it is bringing me down each week. I hate to but I must find a new group that laughs a lot more. I am drawing away from church because of the
constant sadness---

I have the whole day to do what ever I want---I don't want to paint or do ANY KIND OF WORK-DERN IT!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel guilty--like some kinda freakin' work lord will shake his finger at me and say Bad Girl!! LOL.

I am going for a walk and then have a nice quiet snack at a coffee joint and read the paper.
Then I am going to do something out of character--I don't know what yet--but it will jolt me out of this hum-drum feeling---I want to laugh dang it, and have that laughter thrown around and feel it come back from a happy smiling someone!!!!!!!!!
~~~~~MARY emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NORDICSKIFUN 6/23/2008 4:18PM

    Mary, why would you go to the church if it drags you down? Isn't it supposed to uplift people? Maybe you would want to look for a dating or travelling group instead?

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SUPERMOM17 6/18/2008 5:27PM

    Hi Mary,
I was drawn to your blog because of the title. I hope you've had a wonderful day and that you don't feel so sad. I hope you found someone to laugh with!

Re your church group: yes, you need a new group! Don't let this group keep you away from church. A body of believers is a great support. You need a group that you can both laugh and cry with.

Good luck!
Joyce emoticon

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CECEWRITER 6/18/2008 1:30PM

  OH-you rang my bell with this one!!!!!!

It is so hard and exhausting to just sit amongst the sadness, I have for many years-and I would think where's the Celebration of Life-people-where's the Joy, yeah there's pain and sorrow-and terrible things-BUT we are overcomers-there is VICTORY.

aagghhh, girl-if we lived near each other we could have a party!

Keep looking up-

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LAURABRAT 6/18/2008 12:11PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Have a fun day, you deserve it.

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Yesterday

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


WEIGHT DOWN A BIT MORE!!!!!!!!!! Then the feeling of how long will it last sets in-------I guess the answer is as long as I PAY ATTENTION TO ME !!
Well the sanding didn't get done--I need heavy sand paper all I had was the one used on the kitchen cabinets--will not do on the deck,
So I just did the normal routine of cleaning and watering.
Then off to take the 4 boys to the Skate Park--the day was not real hot and there was a gental breeze so it was nice sitting there watching all the laughter and things boys 7-12 do!
Then off to Nimbus Dam for some more skate boarding and swimming--it was a day just made for us. The good outweighed it all.
This morning I promised to take them again and they can swim across at the narrow end--no undertow there.
Free movies are playing at a lot of theaters they call them The Family Film Series. But my kids have seen them all. I see it as a way of keeping them in one spot and hearing them laugh. But that apparently isn't going to happen.
Hope your day is going well.
~~~~~~MARY emoticon

  


Wanting to run for the food!!!

Monday, June 16, 2008


So, I have been eating well----Yesterday it started---that confused feeling--when I am not sure what I am feeling. Kinda like waiting for another shoe to drop in the distance!
It is still with me today--I want to just start shoving food that feels creamy and sweet down!!!!
I have decided to sit h ere and journal instead---I must remember feelings are just that-----feelings____I don't have to act them out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remembering that ya all made it through these same FEELINGS is what I am making myself remember____I am not the first to feel and it is ok, so on I go with my life!!!!
I am dragging out the ADULT Part of me and telling that desperate child within----that is kicking and screaming ---that it does not need any sweets---I tell her that I am doing this for her own good--I love her and when ya love someone you want the best for them----and we are going into the kitchen and are making us a nice berry smoothie and a nice crunchy piece of toast!!!!!
Then off to a little sanding on the deck!!!!!!!!! It will look so nice and clean when I am done---I am soooo looking forward to it!
Thanks for listening--I hope your day is going well.
~~~~~~~~~~~MARY
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SASSYLADY12 6/16/2008 9:51PM

    Thanks for the comment on my blog. I can relate to the feeling of wanting something creamy. It seems that everytime I think about what I would like to eat - it's ice cream. I know that's why my weight loss is going so slow. Just keep on letting the adult in you guide you. We are in this together and we will make it.

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SMYLEERED 6/16/2008 3:37PM

    You're doing emoticon Mary. You and the child within will be much healthier because of it.



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PATRICIA441 6/16/2008 2:27PM

  Mary, Oh baby can I relate!!!! If you need that creamy feeling instead of icd-cream have yogurt- there is a 60 cal. which is really good. Learning to work with foods that will fill the "need" of creamy or crunchy. We can do this Mary. Let's be Adult KIDS!!!LOL. Hugs, Pat

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Community weight Challenge

Friday, June 13, 2008

emoticon
Soo, I went to sign up for the weight challenge. I weighed about ten pounds more on their scales than on mine---I will NOT stress over that silly thing because no mater what the numbers are I am still loosing weight!!!!!!
I look forward to going under 200.
They gave us the food portion talk and said to eat more protein--whatever our diet was is ok with them. It is a 12 week plan --I am joining for the support and being held accountable--if I gain it is $1 a pound---if I miss a class it is $5 GEEEZZZZ.
Each week on Wednesday @ high noon they will weigh me---Makes me think of the old western --like getting shot on the dusty streets of North Highlands at high Noon. I have tried everything else, why not this.
I made it through another day eating pretty good. These days on the river are showing with my eyes feeling burned--
I need to finish painting my house---no matter what I am making time Friday and paint the left side of the house and sand the deck---The hot weather is catching up with me.
Well, I hope the day is going well for you and yours.
~~~~~~~~~~~~MARY emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SASSYLADY12 6/13/2008 9:31PM

    I know what you mean about weighing more on other scales. I don't pay attention to the number either, just know that I am going down on mine so why worry about it. I hope that the challenge will give you the accountibleity that you need and will help you reach your goal..
Don't get too much heat.
My day was a success, I think. Weigh-in is tomorrow and we will see.
emoticon back to you!
Mavis

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Scale went up

Thursday, June 12, 2008

The scale added 2 pounds this morning!!!
I'm keeping my loss ---dern the scale!! I like the #s that I have! emoticon

I am getting the yard watered because we are having crazy windy hot days, all my plants need all the help they can get from me. Love those plants.

Going to watch the 4 boys--4 to 12 --have them for the summer---ACTIVE they are. :)

It seems that I would just lose weight following them around--except they come with all kinds of food needs & in their home there is a lot of stuff for me to get into trouble with. I find that I sit more when I am there--I like to stay busy --not just read.

I noticed that I started out wrong in my eating yesterday after I ate a salmon burger sandwich I picked up the boys and then they had just had a big breakfast. Two hours later they were hungry so I packed them a lunch and went to the river. I ended up eating 1 sandwich too.

When I got home I ate something--can't even remember what it was.
Also when the argument with husband was over I give myself credit that I did NOT eat over it. Yeah for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plan for today:
1. Blog on Spark
2. Read Blogs
3. Blog
4. Make smoothie for breakfast--milk--yogurt--bran--flax --berries
5. Relax about the boys and their attitude--work on mine
6. Take the paper to read--slowly
7. Take boys to My house so that I can join the Community
Challenge weight loss in North highlands at the church on Watt
8. I Need to find reasons to SMILE more---and to Just smile for no reason---- JUST SMILE TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope your day is going well,
!~~~~~~~~~~~~~MARY


emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OLBARIAL 6/13/2008 1:55PM

    I hate when that darn scale wants to add numbers too...hehehe. Don't worry though, numbers will always fluctuate. I know it's easier said than done, but you should consentrate on how your clothes are fitting.

Also, try and run around with the boys while you have them and remember that just because they eat, you don't have to or you can pack yourself a lighter snack to eat with them.

Glad to hear that you were able to control the emotional eating...that's a big one for me too. Remember that just because you slip up, doesn't mean you have to be hard on yourself, just start from there and try to get better. It happens to the best of us.

Good luck (you have your hands full with the boys) and I wish you success with your goals.

Nice to see you have a good solid plan

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MRSWAJDYK 6/12/2008 10:23AM

    Hi Mary you have a great plan! Have a GREAT Day!!

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