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The Last Nickel

Saturday, June 16, 2012



A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face..

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit, is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy's testicles, and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first, and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

‘No,' the woman replied. I'm with the IRS.'

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILSON425 6/18/2012 10:50AM

    Perfect. They sure know how to squeeze it out of everyone. emoticon

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MARGEMF 6/17/2012 11:47PM

    Cute! Thanx for my daily dose! : )

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 6/17/2012 4:06PM

    emoticon I loved it. Laughing my butt off!!!

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MERRYMARY42 6/17/2012 12:43AM

    Bad, Bad, Bad. but I giggled

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ANGELWENDYMAMA 6/16/2012 10:28PM

    Disturbing!!! But amusing, too.


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MARJORIEWRIGHT 6/16/2012 8:53PM

    emoticon

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FISHINGLADY66 6/16/2012 8:07PM

    emoticon

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TWEETYKC00 6/16/2012 4:27PM

    Classic, LOL!

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NEW-CAZ 6/16/2012 1:08PM

    emoticon

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ASRMOM 6/16/2012 9:14AM

    Too funny

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ROBBIE53 6/16/2012 8:48AM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 6/16/2012 8:28AM

    emoticon

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SENATOR9 6/16/2012 8:23AM

    Yep they get your last nickel. emoticon

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JANIEWWJD 6/16/2012 4:54AM

    Oh NO!!!! LOL!!!! emoticon

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GOLFLADY11 6/16/2012 3:08AM

    Hilarious!!! Gotta love it!!!! emoticon

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Thit No

Friday, June 15, 2012

Thank you margemf!

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.


The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"


Donald frowned and said, "No."

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.


So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.


"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.


The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"


"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

INFLATED 6/19/2012 3:15AM

    This one quacked me up.

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 6/17/2012 3:59PM

    emoticon emoticon

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ROBBIE53 6/16/2012 8:46AM

    LOL LOL LOL

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GOLFLADY11 6/16/2012 3:10AM

    hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha
hhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!

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MARGEMF 6/16/2012 1:02AM

    You are welcome Geri! : )

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MERRYMARY42 6/15/2012 11:58PM

    that is so bad, loved it

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MARJORIEWRIGHT 6/15/2012 11:35PM

    emoticon

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0309COOKIE 6/15/2012 11:16PM

    Funny one.

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JUDY1676 6/15/2012 12:31PM

    Cute!!!

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TEXASFILLY 6/15/2012 11:13AM

    emoticon Too cute! *hugs* BB~

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1CRAZYDOG 6/15/2012 11:11AM

    BWAHAHAHAHA!

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TWEETYKC00 6/15/2012 10:45AM

    Good one! lol.

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Pondering Minds

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Thank you again to SFRiend margemf. I've forgotten to give her credit for a several of my past blogs. Thank You!












I had amnesia once---or twice?
********************
I went to San Francisco .
I found someone's heart.

Now what?
********************

Protons have mass?
I didn't even know they were Catholic.
********************
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy
********************
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

And wear skirts.

********************
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
********************
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
********************
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up,

he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
********************
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
********************
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
********************
My weight is perfect for my height--which varies.
********************
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
********************
How can there be self-help "groups"?
********************
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
********************
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,

and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
********************
Is it me--or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_BEAR_69 6/17/2012 3:57PM

    emoticon emoticon

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ROBBIE53 6/16/2012 8:39AM

    LOL

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MARGEMF 6/16/2012 1:00AM

    You are quite welcome Geri. I'm glad you enjoy them & are able to share them. emoticon

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SENATOR9 6/15/2012 1:11AM

    Grumpy calls me a procrastinator which I'm not. Guess I'll get mad at her tomorrow or the next day or eventually emoticon

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CHANGEISGOOD 6/15/2012 12:58AM

    Thanks, again, for the giggles! You made my day with these tid bits!
emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 6/14/2012 6:29PM

    LOL -- gotta say, buffalo wings definitely do taste and look an awful lot like chicken! LOLOL Cracked me up.

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JUDY1676 6/14/2012 5:57PM

    emoticon

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TWEETYKC00 6/14/2012 5:42PM

    Boy, you made my day!

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FISHINGLADY66 6/14/2012 5:36PM

    emoticon

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MERRYMARY42 6/14/2012 5:12PM

    good as usual, and I needed a chuclke about now emoticon emoticon

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CATLADY52 6/14/2012 2:16PM

    emoticon

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WAYSOFGRACE 6/14/2012 2:01PM

    Gigglefits! Love it!

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IDLETYME 6/14/2012 12:28PM

    Thank you and your friend for sharing. These are really cute!!! emoticon

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A Big Fat Groaner

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


A papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole,
all live together in a little mole hole.

One day, papa mole sticks his head
out of the hole, sniffs the air and said,
' Yummy! I smell maple syrup!'

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole,
sniffs the air and said, 'Oh, Yummy! I smell honey!'

Now baby mole is trying to stick his head
out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't
because the bigger moles are in the way.
This makes him whine, 'Geez, all I can smell is....


MOL ASSES !

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_BEAR_69 6/17/2012 3:55PM

    Really had me laughing out loud!!! Thank you.

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ROBBIE53 6/16/2012 8:44AM

    A real groaner!

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MARJORIEWRIGHT 6/14/2012 10:11AM

    Great groaner!! Thanks for sharing.

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JEANNE229 6/14/2012 9:42AM

    groaner....(Love these)

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MARGEMF 6/14/2012 1:12AM

    I thank-you for my daily dose. emoticon

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0309COOKIE 6/14/2012 12:37AM

    Aaaww, I thouight that one was cute!

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LOSTLIME 6/13/2012 7:50PM

    This is so cute! This is definitely a groaner. But I liked it.

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MERRYMARY42 6/13/2012 7:44PM

    That is real close to the first naughty joke I ever heard when I was a kid, and of course thought it was so funny and nasty. but I haven't changed, it is still funny.

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TWEETYKC00 6/13/2012 3:41PM

    Major groaner but a good one! lol.

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FISHINGLADY66 6/13/2012 1:54PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 6/13/2012 11:42AM

    emoticon

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JUDY1676 6/13/2012 11:24AM

    emoticon

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IDLETYME 6/13/2012 11:16AM

    Cute - Nothing wrong with "Groaners"!!! emoticon

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BALDWINJ_03 6/13/2012 11:12AM

    HAHAHA!!! Too cute!

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CHANGEISGOOD 6/13/2012 10:57AM

    Soooo funny! I love it!


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SENATOR9 6/13/2012 10:49AM

    You're killing me Groaner but sooooo funny emoticon

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Funnies

Tuesday, June 12, 2012




While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, I know how you feel. My Mom makes me ride in the stroller too..'
*****
As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing.
After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them..'
*****
Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old Granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. 'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now.
Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway.'
******

Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children..
One day, I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she screamed. 'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's not polite behavior.' With that, the girl yelled even louder, 'No, thank you! No, thank you!
******
On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, 'Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?' After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, 'You don't have to make up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer.'
*****
Just before I was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. 'I'm going to be away for a long time,' I told him. 'I'm going to Iraq ..' 'Why?' he asked. 'Don't you know there's a war going on over there?'
*****
Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood
Diseases. One afternoon, he and is wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know Newman was a famous movie star, explained, that's the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?' Blank stares. 'Well, you've probably seen his face on his lemonade carton.' An eight-year-old girl perked up. 'How long was he missing?'
*****
... And my personal favorite ..God's Problem Now:

His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little, old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARGEMF 6/26/2012 4:15AM

    emoticon Geri for the chuckles & my daily dose! emoticon

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ROBBIE53 6/16/2012 8:43AM

    emoticon

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MARJORIEWRIGHT 6/12/2012 11:14PM

    emoticon

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VENISEW1 6/12/2012 11:12PM

    Love it!

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FISHINGLADY66 6/12/2012 8:34PM

    emoticon

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TWEETYKC00 6/12/2012 8:11PM

    Gotta love them!

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JANIEWWJD 6/12/2012 8:07PM

    That is just too cute!!! emoticon

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MERRYMARY42 6/12/2012 7:04PM

    yep, she is there emoticon

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SENATOR9 6/12/2012 1:01PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 6/12/2012 11:28AM

    As always, makes me emoticon

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JUDY1676 6/12/2012 10:43AM

    Some good ones! emoticon

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IDLETYME 6/12/2012 10:41AM

    They are all cute but I'm with you - the last one is the best!! emoticon emoticon

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