GERIKRAGH   187,514
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Pondering Minds

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Thank you again to SFRiend margemf. I've forgotten to give her credit for a several of my past blogs. Thank You!












I had amnesia once---or twice?
********************
I went to San Francisco .
I found someone's heart.

Now what?
********************

Protons have mass?
I didn't even know they were Catholic.
********************
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy
********************
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

And wear skirts.

********************
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
********************
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
********************
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up,

he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
********************
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
********************
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
********************
My weight is perfect for my height--which varies.
********************
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
********************
How can there be self-help "groups"?
********************
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
********************
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,

and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
********************
Is it me--or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_BEAR_69 6/17/2012 3:57PM

    emoticon emoticon

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ROBBIE53 6/16/2012 8:39AM

    LOL

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MARGEMF 6/16/2012 1:00AM

    You are quite welcome Geri. I'm glad you enjoy them & are able to share them. emoticon

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SENATOR9 6/15/2012 1:11AM

    Grumpy calls me a procrastinator which I'm not. Guess I'll get mad at her tomorrow or the next day or eventually emoticon

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CHANGEISGOOD 6/15/2012 12:58AM

    Thanks, again, for the giggles! You made my day with these tid bits!
emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 6/14/2012 6:29PM

    LOL -- gotta say, buffalo wings definitely do taste and look an awful lot like chicken! LOLOL Cracked me up.

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JUDY1676 6/14/2012 5:57PM

    emoticon

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TWEETYKC00 6/14/2012 5:42PM

    Boy, you made my day!

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FISHINGLADY66 6/14/2012 5:36PM

    emoticon

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MERRYMARY42 6/14/2012 5:12PM

    good as usual, and I needed a chuclke about now emoticon emoticon

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CATLADY52 6/14/2012 2:16PM

    emoticon

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WAYSOFGRACE 6/14/2012 2:01PM

    Gigglefits! Love it!

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IDLETYME 6/14/2012 12:28PM

    Thank you and your friend for sharing. These are really cute!!! emoticon

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A Big Fat Groaner

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


A papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole,
all live together in a little mole hole.

One day, papa mole sticks his head
out of the hole, sniffs the air and said,
' Yummy! I smell maple syrup!'

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole,
sniffs the air and said, 'Oh, Yummy! I smell honey!'

Now baby mole is trying to stick his head
out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't
because the bigger moles are in the way.
This makes him whine, 'Geez, all I can smell is....


MOL ASSES !

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_BEAR_69 6/17/2012 3:55PM

    Really had me laughing out loud!!! Thank you.

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ROBBIE53 6/16/2012 8:44AM

    A real groaner!

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MARJORIEWRIGHT 6/14/2012 10:11AM

    Great groaner!! Thanks for sharing.

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JEANNE229 6/14/2012 9:42AM

    groaner....(Love these)

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MARGEMF 6/14/2012 1:12AM

    I thank-you for my daily dose. emoticon

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0309COOKIE 6/14/2012 12:37AM

    Aaaww, I thouight that one was cute!

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LOSTLIME 6/13/2012 7:50PM

    This is so cute! This is definitely a groaner. But I liked it.

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MERRYMARY42 6/13/2012 7:44PM

    That is real close to the first naughty joke I ever heard when I was a kid, and of course thought it was so funny and nasty. but I haven't changed, it is still funny.

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TWEETYKC00 6/13/2012 3:41PM

    Major groaner but a good one! lol.

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FISHINGLADY66 6/13/2012 1:54PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 6/13/2012 11:42AM

    emoticon

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JUDY1676 6/13/2012 11:24AM

    emoticon

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IDLETYME 6/13/2012 11:16AM

    Cute - Nothing wrong with "Groaners"!!! emoticon

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BALDWINJ_03 6/13/2012 11:12AM

    HAHAHA!!! Too cute!

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CHANGEISGOOD 6/13/2012 10:57AM

    Soooo funny! I love it!


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SENATOR9 6/13/2012 10:49AM

    You're killing me Groaner but sooooo funny emoticon

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Funnies

Tuesday, June 12, 2012




While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, I know how you feel. My Mom makes me ride in the stroller too..'
*****
As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing.
After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them..'
*****
Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old Granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. 'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now.
Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway.'
******

Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children..
One day, I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she screamed. 'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's not polite behavior.' With that, the girl yelled even louder, 'No, thank you! No, thank you!
******
On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, 'Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?' After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, 'You don't have to make up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer.'
*****
Just before I was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. 'I'm going to be away for a long time,' I told him. 'I'm going to Iraq ..' 'Why?' he asked. 'Don't you know there's a war going on over there?'
*****
Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood
Diseases. One afternoon, he and is wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know Newman was a famous movie star, explained, that's the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?' Blank stares. 'Well, you've probably seen his face on his lemonade carton.' An eight-year-old girl perked up. 'How long was he missing?'
*****
... And my personal favorite ..God's Problem Now:

His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little, old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARGEMF 6/26/2012 4:15AM

    emoticon Geri for the chuckles & my daily dose! emoticon

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ROBBIE53 6/16/2012 8:43AM

    emoticon

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MARJORIEWRIGHT 6/12/2012 11:14PM

    emoticon

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VENISEW1 6/12/2012 11:12PM

    Love it!

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FISHINGLADY66 6/12/2012 8:34PM

    emoticon

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TWEETYKC00 6/12/2012 8:11PM

    Gotta love them!

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JANIEWWJD 6/12/2012 8:07PM

    That is just too cute!!! emoticon

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MERRYMARY42 6/12/2012 7:04PM

    yep, she is there emoticon

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SENATOR9 6/12/2012 1:01PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 6/12/2012 11:28AM

    As always, makes me emoticon

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JUDY1676 6/12/2012 10:43AM

    Some good ones! emoticon

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IDLETYME 6/12/2012 10:41AM

    They are all cute but I'm with you - the last one is the best!! emoticon emoticon

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Women's Revenge

Monday, June 11, 2012

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'




UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.



WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position..
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'


WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'


CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!



WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the Old Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .'HEBREWS'


The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM ..' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up..'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a
rough draft before the masterpiece

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARGEMF 6/21/2012 10:39PM

    Oh so true! Thank-you for my daily dose. emoticon

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IDLETYME 6/12/2012 1:02PM

    So Funny!!! emoticon

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SENATOR9 6/12/2012 1:00PM

    emoticon

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KOFFEENUT 6/11/2012 11:52PM

    I had to read SEVERAL of these out loud to my husband!

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FISHINGLADY66 6/11/2012 9:51PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 6/11/2012 6:12PM

    Too funny!!

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TWEETYKC00 6/11/2012 3:17PM

    Wonderful! Men have so much learning to do!

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MARJORIEWRIGHT 6/11/2012 2:46PM

    emoticon emoticon

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HAPPYONE331 6/11/2012 2:25PM

    Love it!! Just wait til my first draft gets home!!

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JUDY1676 6/11/2012 1:31PM

    What great comebacks! emoticon

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YOBETHIE 6/11/2012 1:05PM

    emoticon
You always add a smile to my day!

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4AMAZINGME 6/11/2012 12:31PM

    Hilarious emoticon

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The Pastor's Ass

Sunday, June 10, 2012

The Pastor's Ass



The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and

it won.



The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey

that he entered it in the

race again and it won again.



The local paper read:

PASTOR'S

ASS OUT FRONT.



The Bishop was so upset with this kind of

publicity that he ordered

the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.



The next day the local paper headline

read:



BISHOP

SCRATCHES

PASTOR'S

ASS.



This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid

of the donkey.



The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a

nearby convent.



The local paper, hearing of the news, posted

the following headline

the

next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.



The Bishop fainted.



He informed the Nun that she would have to

get rid of the donkey so

she

sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:



NUN

SELLS ASS FOR $10.



This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the

donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.



The next day the headlines read:



NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.



The Bishop was buried the next day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARGEMF 6/14/2012 1:10AM

    emoticon Geri, this is just what i needed! : )

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WILSON425 6/12/2012 1:50PM

    emoticon

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JANIEWWJD 6/12/2012 12:51AM

    Funny emoticon

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JOANNS4 6/11/2012 10:06PM

    emoticon

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PHEBESS 6/11/2012 2:15PM

    Too funny!!!!!

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MERRYMARY42 6/11/2012 12:12PM

    another one that I did not know the ending to, good one

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TAGSUIT2 6/11/2012 11:11AM

    emoticon Wow that was a lot of ass going around!!

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JUDY1676 6/11/2012 10:42AM

    emoticon

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MARJORIEWRIGHT 6/11/2012 9:15AM

    emoticon

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YOBETHIE 6/11/2012 8:34AM

    Sad thing is, I could see all that happening in our town . . . only with Baptists!

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JEANNE229 6/11/2012 8:30AM

    :)

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SENATOR9 6/11/2012 8:27AM

    emoticon

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CLAVINOVA 6/11/2012 8:03AM

    Love it - thanks for the laughs!

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ROBBIE53 6/11/2012 7:27AM

    lol

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TWEETYKC00 6/11/2012 5:54AM

    Good One!

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SPARKL3 6/10/2012 10:46PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NASFKAB 6/10/2012 10:45PM

  funny

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1CRAZYDOG 6/10/2012 10:36PM

    YIKES! Poor bishop!

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ROCKYCPA 6/10/2012 10:00PM

    emoticon

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