GERIKRAGH   198,591
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GERIKRAGH's Recent Blog Entries

Golf

Tuesday, April 03, 2012


> A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls
and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
>
> The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
>
> Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
>
> The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply
about what he had said.
>
> After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she
asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_BEAR_69 4/7/2012 9:19AM

    Definitely had me laughing this morning!!! Thank you!!!

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SENATOR9 4/4/2012 9:42PM

    emoticon

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MARGEMF 4/4/2012 3:18AM

    emoticon you again for my dally dose! emoticon

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PURPLEBABYBEE 4/3/2012 10:42PM

    emoticon Those poor blondes

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ROBBIE53 4/3/2012 6:36PM

    Too funny!!!!

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CATLADY52 4/3/2012 4:54PM

    I've heard of beer nuts before, but this takes the cake. emoticon emoticon

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BELTONWALKER67 4/3/2012 4:28PM

    emoticon

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BUTEAFULL 4/3/2012 4:00PM

    emoticon

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JUDY1676 4/3/2012 3:03PM

    emoticon

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IDLETYME 4/3/2012 12:45PM

    Thanks for my daily giggle! emoticon

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FIRECOM 4/3/2012 12:20PM

    what a wonderful way to start my day!!!

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TINY67 4/3/2012 12:01PM

    emoticon emoticon

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Burglary in Florida

Monday, April 02, 2012

"BURGLARY IN FLORIDA" (You just can't make this stuff up!!)

When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch.

What they did take, however, was a "generic white cardboard box filled with a grayish-white powder." (That's the way the police report described it.) A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said, that "it looked similar to high grade cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time."

Later, Nathan stood in front of numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: "Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago."

The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The cardboard box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained.

Taped to the box was this note which said: "Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day."

And you thought California was the land of fruits and nuts.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_BEAR_69 4/7/2012 9:18AM

    emoticon emoticon I know the emoticon made you do it!!!


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PURPLEBABYBEE 4/3/2012 10:43PM

    Wow

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ROBBIE53 4/3/2012 6:35PM

    Wow!

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JANIEWWJD 4/3/2012 2:44AM

    Poor Gertrude. emoticon emoticon

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MERRYMARY42 4/3/2012 12:37AM

    emoticon do you think this is for real?

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BUTEAFULL 4/3/2012 12:05AM

    oh my

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TWEETYKC00 4/2/2012 8:57PM

    Too good!

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GWTRIKER 4/2/2012 6:50PM

    That was funny, thanks for sharing it.

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BALDWINJ_03 4/2/2012 5:59PM

    Hilarious!

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MARGEMF 4/2/2012 5:19PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon for my daily dose.

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SPARKL3 4/2/2012 2:58PM

    OMGoodness, that's too funny!!! emoticon

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JUDY1676 4/2/2012 1:37PM

    emoticon

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SENATOR9 4/2/2012 1:32PM

    emoticon.Good ridence Hoochie

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IDLETYME 4/2/2012 1:19PM

    That's horrible but it's really funny! emoticon

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LORETTA24 4/2/2012 12:51PM

    emoticon
Too funny for words. . . I live in Florida. lol

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TINY67 4/2/2012 12:19PM

    LOL

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PAWSINAZ 4/2/2012 12:13PM

    IS this another one of your jokes? I don't know if I should laugh or say ewwwweeeeee. emoticon

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FIRECOM 4/2/2012 12:07PM

    This is so tragic that it makes it hilarious and that is a crying shame.

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WAYSOFGRACE 4/2/2012 11:40AM

    Oh goodness!! You really can't make that stuff up!

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1CRAZYDOG 4/2/2012 11:25AM

    Truth sometimes is stranger (and funnier!) than fiction, isn't it!

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NASFKAB 4/2/2012 11:21AM

  funny

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Outdoors Man

Sunday, April 01, 2012

For all of the "Outdoors Men"
During my physical, my doctor asked me about my daily activity level, and so I described a typical day this way:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake and took four "leaks" behind the big trees."

Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoorsman!"

"No," I replied, "I'm just a crappy golfer."


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROBBIE53 4/3/2012 6:33PM

    LOL

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BUTEAFULL 4/3/2012 12:06AM

    emoticon

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SHARJOPAUL 4/2/2012 9:48AM

    LOL

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 4/1/2012 11:57PM

    ROTFL!!! emoticon and honest!!!

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SENATOR9 4/1/2012 10:05PM

    emoticon

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MARGEMF 4/1/2012 9:37PM

    Cute! emoticon much!

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NASFKAB 4/1/2012 9:07PM

  funny

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WILSON425 4/1/2012 9:01PM

    But an honest one! emoticon

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JANIEWWJD 4/1/2012 6:50PM

    OMG!!!!! emoticon

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IDLETYME 4/1/2012 6:37PM

    emoticon emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 4/1/2012 5:21PM

    Too funny!!

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JSTETSER 4/1/2012 4:35PM

    I love it.!

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TINY67 4/1/2012 4:24PM

    emoticon

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CATLADY52 4/1/2012 3:55PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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3HOUSTONS 4/1/2012 11:47AM

    emoticon

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GUSGUS02 4/1/2012 11:30AM

    As the wife of a golfer.....so funny!!!!

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WAYSOFGRACE 4/1/2012 11:24AM

    LOL

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My Mother Taught Me........

Saturday, March 31, 2012

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTION-ISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA ..
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIRECOM 4/2/2012 12:09PM

    Suspicions confirmed. We have the same mother.

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SENATOR9 4/1/2012 10:04PM

    And they taught you guilt
Do you enjoy making your mother cry
Heard them all And used a few

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WILSON425 4/1/2012 9:30PM

    Heard them all growing up too. Only the last one we called it Moms' curse! emoticon

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IDLETYME 4/1/2012 6:34PM

    I was brought up with those too!!! emoticon

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WAYSOFGRACE 4/1/2012 11:30AM

    I think I heard every single one of those growing up LOL

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NASFKAB 4/1/2012 11:05AM

  funny

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ROBBIE53 4/1/2012 9:18AM

    emoticon

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LOSTLIME 4/1/2012 8:30AM

    I remember all those quotes. Thanks for the smiles!

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 4/1/2012 2:40AM

    emoticon emoticon Our mothers had to be related!!!

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LORETTA24 4/1/2012 12:20AM

    emoticonMy, we seem to have the same mother. emoticon

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JANIEWWJD 4/1/2012 12:14AM

    A lot of these sound familiar. Thanks for the walk down memory lane!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MERRYMARY42 3/31/2012 7:07PM

    I wonder if we are actually sisters? sounds like it to me emoticon

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CATLADY52 3/31/2012 6:44PM

    The last one is my favorite. emoticon emoticon

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JUDY1676 3/31/2012 3:34PM

    Loved it! My mom said a lot of those!

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0309COOKIE 3/31/2012 3:16PM

    This was great! How true. I can relate to a lot of them, lol.

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MARGEMF 3/31/2012 12:42PM

    Excellent!!! I emoticon for my daily dose. emoticon

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ALICIA214 3/31/2012 12:24PM

 

Good ones. I am particularly familiar with the following

3-6-7-16-17-18-and 25.

Have a good one. emoticon

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TAGSUIT2 3/31/2012 12:22PM

    My my you brought back memories, these are some of the same things I recall my mom saying to me. emoticon

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TINY67 3/31/2012 11:49AM

    Ahhh Yes! Mom, I miss her.

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1CRAZYDOG 3/31/2012 11:45AM

    Oh my. I don't know a single kid whose Mom didn't caution them to wear clean undies! LOL And I have told MY kids the same thing.

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The Soldier and the Nun

Friday, March 30, 2012




A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.'

The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, 'Sister, have you seen a soldier?'

The nun replied, 'He went that way.'

After the MP's ran off, the soldier
crawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq .'

The nun said, 'I understand completely.'

The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'

The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Iraq either !!'

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARGEMF 4/4/2012 3:21AM

    Cute! emoticon for my daily dose!! : )

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WILSON425 4/1/2012 9:15PM

    Yikes. Now I will always wonder when I see a nun. emoticon

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IDLETYME 4/1/2012 6:32PM

    OOPS! emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 4/1/2012 2:42AM

    emoticonthinking...right or wrong.

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JUDY1676 3/31/2012 3:31PM

    emoticon

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SHARJOPAUL 3/31/2012 11:33AM

    LOL

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SPARKL3 3/31/2012 11:15AM

    Loved it!

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ROBBIE53 3/31/2012 8:39AM

    ugh!

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NASFKAB 3/31/2012 2:58AM

  funny & sad

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JANIEWWJD 3/30/2012 11:06PM

    That was funny, but at the same time sad.
emoticon emoticon

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SENATOR9 3/30/2012 10:23PM

    Cowards emoticon

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TINY67 3/30/2012 10:16PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 3/30/2012 5:21PM

    It could happen!

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PURPLEBABYBEE 3/30/2012 1:46PM

    emoticon

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