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The Outhouse Poem

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

The service station trade was slow
The owner sat around,
With sharpened knife and cedar stick
Piled shavings on the ground.

No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack, marked His and Hers
That sat against the hill.

"Where is the ladies restroom, sir?"
The owner leaning back,
Said not a word but whittled on,
And nodded toward the shack.

With quickened step she entered there
But only stayed a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.

With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door,
And headed quickly for the car
Just like three gals before.

She missed the foot log - jumped the stream
The owner gave a shout,
As her silk stockings, down at her knees
Caught on a sassafras sprout.

She tripped and fell - got up, and then
In obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.

Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did, and then we found
The whittling owner knew.

A speaking system he'd devised
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.

He'd wait until the gals got set
And then the devilish tike,
Would stop his whittling long enough,
To speak into the mike.

And as she sat, a voice below
Struck terror, fright and fear,
"Will you please use the other hole,
We're painting under here!"

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARJORIEWRIGHT 5/30/2012 12:17PM

    That was great!!!! emoticon emoticon

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ROBBIE53 10/5/2011 8:09PM


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1CRAZYDOG 10/5/2011 11:31AM

    Help! My sides hurt from laughing!!!

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INFLATED 10/5/2011 12:42AM

    I am laughing so hard. LOL, if it were true, can you imagine what they were standing in?

When I was a teenager, I lived beside a lake. Some people only visited their cabins on the weekends and had a home somewhere else. I met a couple of kids and we decided to boobie trap the outhouse. A souvenir shop sold things called "whiskey pops" which were little explosives in the shape of a jug. We filled a balloon with water and put it on the outhouse door and left the door ajar. Then we rigged a whiskey pop to the end of the balloon so that when the door was pulled open, it would be set off and the person would be drenched with water. We also pulled over a sapling and tied a rope snare to it. The loop in the rope was laid on the path to the outhouse and the tree tied, so that when it was cut loose, it would pull the snare around the foot of the person that stepped into it.

As the sun set, one of the kids went and told their Mom that there was a bat in the outhouse. She came out of the cabin with a butcher knife and headed toward the outhouse. We sprung the tree and the rope caught her foot but didn't really pull it out from under her. She got that off and proceeded to the outhouse, pulled open the door and got drenched. By that time, I was hightailing it for our house.

When I think back to it, it is amazes me that she didn't hurt herself with the knife.

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MERRYMARY42 10/4/2011 10:37PM

    oh my goodness emoticon

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NATARSHAD 10/4/2011 1:48PM


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SENATOR9 10/4/2011 12:00PM

    Probably scare her half to death emoticon

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IDLETYME 10/4/2011 11:34AM

    I knew something was coming but couldn't figure out what! That's cute!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FVHORVATH 10/4/2011 11:22AM


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THETURTLEBEAR 10/4/2011 11:08AM


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Murphy's Other Laws

Monday, October 03, 2011

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well. Night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those that wait, may be the things left by those, who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROBBIE53 10/5/2011 8:06PM

    love it!

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WILSON425 10/4/2011 4:39PM


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CARRIE535 10/4/2011 12:48PM

    SO funny! emoticon

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CORNERKICK 10/4/2011 2:31AM

  I think #10 is my favorite!

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NYARAMULA 10/4/2011 1:28AM

    Great! Thanks for sharing.

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MERRYMARY42 10/3/2011 10:56PM

    great, that no. 2 is a fro sure

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INFLATED 10/3/2011 5:58PM

    Lol at these, they are right on the money.

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    love it

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THETURTLEBEAR 10/3/2011 11:25AM

    Ha ha - so true, right?

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1CRAZYDOG 10/3/2011 11:22AM

    SOOO many truths! LOL

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IDLETYME 10/3/2011 10:44AM

    So true! Thanks for reminding us!!!

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ALICIA214 10/3/2011 10:39AM


Love it Thanks for sharing.


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SENATOR9 10/3/2011 10:39AM

    Those were great emoticon

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Elderly Man

Sunday, October 02, 2011

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at that time of night.
The man replies, I am going to a three hour lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body and family life.
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that kind of lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "My wife".

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHARJOPAUL 10/3/2011 10:27AM


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ROBBIE53 10/3/2011 7:35AM

    I'm sure many women have given that lecture.

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INFLATED 10/3/2011 1:33AM

    I suppose there are many that hear this lecture.

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SENATOR9 10/3/2011 1:09AM

    emoticonI know how he feels

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1CRAZYDOG 10/2/2011 9:40PM

    At least he's ready, right!

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IDLETYME 10/2/2011 7:19PM

    I'll bet he has heard that lecture before!!! emoticon

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MERRYMARY42 10/2/2011 6:13PM

    I will definitely e-mail this to my husband, love it.

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BONDMANUS2002 10/2/2011 12:43PM


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New Supermarket

Saturday, October 01, 2011

A while ago a new supermarket opened in our Suburb.
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.

Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is the scent of freshly mowed hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens clucking and cackling, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

INFLATED 10/3/2011 1:34AM


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SENATOR9 10/2/2011 9:24AM


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ROBBIE53 10/2/2011 9:10AM


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COOKWITHME65 10/2/2011 12:21AM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing.

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CYNTHIAMINUS40 10/1/2011 9:50PM

    good one!

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1CRAZYDOG 10/1/2011 8:48PM

    I so enjoy your sense of humor. I look forward to a good laugh. Thank you!

Hope you had a great Saturday and got the chance to relax. That's on my agenda for tomorrow . . . I hope!

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MERRYMARY42 10/1/2011 6:23PM

    great blog, I love it, you give me my daily smile

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RURABE 10/1/2011 2:44PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IDLETYME 10/1/2011 1:44PM

    That's a riot - made me laugh out loud! emoticon emoticon

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LADYBUG546 10/1/2011 1:05PM

    no doubt...our Coop grocery store has the produce one however none of the rest lol

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CRYSTAL8488 10/1/2011 12:57PM

    LoL, I don't think I would either!! Thanks for sharing, I needed a laugh today. emoticon

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Never Try to Outsmart a Woman!

Friday, September 30, 2011

A man calls home to his wife,
and says, "Honey, I have been

asked to fly to Canada with

my boss and several of his

friends for fishing..

We'll be gone for a long weekend.

This is a good opportunity for me to

get that promotion I've been wanting

so could you please pack enough

clothes for a 3 day weekend....

And also would you get out my rod

and tackle box from the attic ?

We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the

office and I will swing by the house

to pick my things up..

Oh! And please pack my new navy

blue silk pajamas..”

The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd,

but, being the good wife,

She does exactly what her husband asked.

Following the long weekend he came home

a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good.

The wife welcomes him home and asks

if he caught many fish?

He says, “Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some

Bass, and a few Pike.”

He said “but why didn't you pack my

new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?”

You'll love the answer.

The wife replies,

"I did, they're in your tackle box".




try to outsmart a woman!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILSON425 10/4/2011 4:42PM

    Rolling on the floor. Thanks.

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WILSON425 10/4/2011 4:42PM

    Rolling on the floor. Thanks.

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INFLATED 10/3/2011 1:33AM

    Good detective work, lol!

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ROBBIE53 10/2/2011 9:08AM

    This one is great!

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SHARJOPAUL 10/1/2011 9:25AM


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SENATOR9 9/30/2011 9:51PM

    Oh oh the wife again emoticon

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MERRYMARY42 9/30/2011 5:34PM

    That is a good one, love it.

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SKEETOR 9/30/2011 2:59PM


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IDLETYME 9/30/2011 11:34AM

    Somebody is in big trouble!! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 9/30/2011 11:17AM

    Oh yeah!!!

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CHIEF_GEEK 9/30/2011 11:16AM

    Funny one.

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    ooooohhhhh wow

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