Friday, August 05, 2011
The Green Thing
Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.
The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."
The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."
She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.
Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.
Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana . In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.
We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back then.
Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.
But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?
Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person.
Remember: Don't make old People mad.
We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.
Thursday, August 04, 2011
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for
the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under
the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke o' some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the
trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry layin' out there and carried the deer back?" they
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one's gonna steal
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an
invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from
the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew
$20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of
the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .."
When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause
happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to
buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking
Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the
road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and
one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he
around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in
front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper
asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his
into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the
ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says:
'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "
Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South, but y'all never heard o'
nobody retirin' an' movin' North.
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
An old woman and old man, married many years, were sitting on the patio sipping wine. The old woman said, "I love you so much. I don't know how I survived without you." The old man said, "Is that you talking or the wine talking." The old woman said, "It's me, talking to the wine."
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
After his exam, the doctor asked the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about ?"
"In fact, I do." said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife, I am
usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second
time, I am usually hot and sweaty."
Later, after examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine."
"Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me ?"
She replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why ?"
"Oh that crazy old fart." she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August."
Monday, August 01, 2011
I T A L I A N G R A N D M O T H E R S
An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301 There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow , pusha button 301.
I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow , pusha 3. When you get out, I'mma on the left. With you elbow , hit my doorbell." "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? ........
"What . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?"
I T A L I A N G R A N D F A T H E R S
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. "
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "times up'?
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