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Italian Grandparents

Monday, August 01, 2011

I T A L I A N G R A N D M O T H E R S

An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301 There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow , pusha button 301.

I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow , pusha 3. When you get out, I'mma on the left. With you elbow , hit my doorbell." "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? ........






"What . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?"









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I T A L I A N G R A N D F A T H E R S







Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. "

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "times up'?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROBBIE53 8/1/2011 7:49PM

    Thanks for the laugh. A good way to end the day.

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MERRYMARY42 8/1/2011 6:55PM

    As you know, I always get a chuckle from you, Thanks

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MERRYMARY42 8/1/2011 6:55PM

    As you know, I always get a chuckle from you, Thanks

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JENNYLENNON 8/1/2011 5:45PM

    I have italian grandparents.....too funny!

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HELEN_BRU 8/1/2011 5:22PM

    They are both so good, can't stop laughing!

Thanks for the chuckles!

Helen (hugs)

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IDLETYME 8/1/2011 12:28PM

    Thank you for starting my day with a smile emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RORYLYONS 8/1/2011 12:11PM

    These are hilarious..thanks for the belly laugh early in the morning.. emoticon emoticon

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Eat Chocolate?

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Eat Chocolate?


A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy 2 servings per night and a few more on weekends, I consume about 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals one pound of weight per week.

Therefore, in the last 3-1/2 years, I have had chocolate caloric intake of about 180 pounds, and I only weigh 165 pounds.

So... without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing about 3 months ago! I owe my life to chocolate!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CORNERKICK 8/3/2011 1:07AM

  Chocolate is the best!

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IDLETYME 8/1/2011 9:58AM

    Hooray for your chocolate - we want you here!!! emoticon emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 7/31/2011 11:18PM

    Love the logic!

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ROBBIE53 7/31/2011 7:49PM

    I love chocolate!

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LAURIEANNIE1 7/31/2011 6:57PM

    I too owe my life to chocolate. I do not want to live without it. I will find a way to fit it in.

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TEDYBEAR2838 7/31/2011 6:15PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MAREANNIE 7/31/2011 6:06PM

    emoticon

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RETURNOFSARAH 7/31/2011 4:43PM

    Haha I love this!!

emoticon

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Another Joke

Saturday, July 30, 2011

> A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford...
>
> "The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting
> here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode
> your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets
> can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the
> germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most
> dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell
> me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after
> eating it?"
>
>
>
> After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised
> his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake?"
>

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HELEN_BRU 7/31/2011 1:00PM

    Good one!

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RURABE 7/30/2011 11:18PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MERRYMARY42 7/30/2011 8:03PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MJ7DM33 7/30/2011 1:41PM

  emoticon

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BAYSIDE07 7/30/2011 12:21PM

  emoticon

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Blonde Joke

Friday, July 29, 2011

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was
flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to
the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My
problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to
the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep
them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me?
I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered
into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat
belts, and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of
Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down
the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big
crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the
blond. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100
to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde,"but we had money left over so now
we're going to Sea World."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CORNERKICK 8/5/2011 1:00AM

  Good one

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YICHE12 7/30/2011 3:21PM

    I am so used to the blond jokes. Heard them all my life but this one is truly cute. Hugs.

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VENISEW1 7/30/2011 9:11AM

    emoticon

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ROBBIE53 7/29/2011 10:08PM

    Thanks for the laugh. emoticon

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MERRYMARY42 7/29/2011 8:36PM

    Appreciated it, as usual, Keep them coming

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NWLIFESRC 7/29/2011 8:06PM

    ///////.........////////

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THETURTLEBEAR 7/29/2011 5:37PM

    You were right - that's great!

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LORETTA24 7/29/2011 5:30PM

    emoticon I love this! Thank you for the awesome smile and giggles you have given me today! Keep smiling sunshine. emoticon

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DAN072254 7/29/2011 11:37AM

    emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 7/29/2011 11:23AM

    This is hilarious. I just loved it!!

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IDLETYME 7/29/2011 11:18AM

    Those poor blondes - get blamed for everything! emoticon emoticon

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DUMBELLE 7/29/2011 11:15AM

    Too funny! And I'm a blonde!

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Heart Warming Story

Thursday, July 28, 2011

A four-year-old child, whose next door
neighbor was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his
wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old
Gentleman's' yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his mother asked him what he had
said to the neighbor, the little boy just said, 'Nothing, I just
Helped him cry.'

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROBBIE53 7/29/2011 7:00AM

    Sad but sweet.

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THETURTLEBEAR 7/28/2011 10:44PM

    So sweet!

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IDLETYME 7/28/2011 6:02PM

    Me Too! Someone raised that little boy right!! What a sweetie.


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VENISEW1 7/28/2011 5:02PM

    emoticonMade me cry.

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JFDOHERTY 7/28/2011 2:53PM

    How kind and loving that little child is. Thanks for sharing.

emoticon

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TEDYBEAR2838 7/28/2011 1:36PM

    emoticon

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BENTONHEALTHY 7/28/2011 12:39PM

    That is precious.

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DANA564 7/28/2011 12:22PM

    Awww. Shows you what we can learn from children. Thanks for the story.

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