Thursday, July 14, 2011
Having watch this movie 1000 times, I find myself watching it again as if it were the first time... Black Mamba is no joke! While watching the movie, I was on the phone with a friend...He was talking and I was busy watching KB2. I felt bad because I would blurt out things from different scenes that left him asking "What?" So then I asked him, If you knew at the end, you'd be able to kill the Crazy 88's (lol) and be the ultimate killing machine, would you endure such physical pain? He immediately responded with a "Hell yeah!" I then said myself...Hell yeah!
Ok,so it leaves me to thinking,why not have this same attitude when it comes to dieting and exercise? Wouldn't I become stronger,faster and kicks ass beautiful? I wouldn't dare ask him, if he felt this way,why not work out...But I asked myself this. I've been working out at least 4 days a week for going on three weeks. I'm very proud of myself and scared at the same time. I enjoy the gym, in fact, I can't stop thinking about the place, or how can I squeeze in some type of work out. Black Mamba already knew some martial arts,but to learn the Five Finger Death Punch, she had to up her game. She subjected herself to grueling hours of inhuman training for years,which helped her kill everyone in the The Deadly Viper Assassination Squad and getting back her baby... Ok, I doubt I would have to fight the crazy 88's,but I still have to go through something to get to where I want to be... I hate the stair climber,and I'm scared of really, getting dirty,but at the end, it would be worth it! Now I'm off to the gym... got some physical pain to endure. lol
Monday, June 23, 2008
This past week, I felt something I have NEVER felt in 33 years. I felt pretty. Something else happened, I didn't care what others thought.
I have NEVER felt comfortable in my skin. Between an unhealthy diet, and 101 insecurities, I was just... here. I never felt I belong.
I was something I never have been, this past weekend. I was spontaneous. I actually got dress with ease and eased out of the door. I didn't talk myself out of going out. It's something so small people take for grated. I felt GREAT! I didn't feel like I was pulling teeth.
Something else happened. People listened to me talk. A few times this weekend, I had the floor. I didn't feel scared and it showed. My words flowed out as if they were practiced. I didn't stumble. And all eyes were on me. I know it's because I'm a few size smaller. My mom keeps making this statement, " I never saw you so happy" I tell her, the same things that were on my mind 4 months ago, are still on it. I kept trying to down play it, because I hate to believe I was so "miserable" and people thought this was "me" I told her it's not my "happiness" it's the weight loss and people eyes. It's true people pay more attention to pretty things. So they assume I am "happy"; Which I am now, sans my ex, LMAO.
I did something I never done in NYC. I wore my bare arms and back out. I felt so good and confident. I glowed. I got so many compliments. The first time in my life I accepted them and said thank you without breaking eye contact or downing myself as a response.
Something happened this weekend, I forgot about my ex. I can care less if he comes back or not. I am now opening myself up to meet someone. I thought this would be one of the hardest things to do. But all I have to do is keep feeling good about myself and it would come to me. I JUST figured this out, this past weekend.
Something happened this past weekend. I felt pretty.
The sun is finally shining on me.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I am all packed for Miami. This is totally a new experience for me. I have never been on a plane. I have never worn a bathing suit. I have never taken a vacation. I have never thought positive doing anything new. This is a reflection. I will enjoy every bit of this trip. I deserve it. I am leaving all my worries in New York. I will live it up like it's my last vacation. Even though I am not 200lbs, I will enjoy my new size and clothes. I'm gonna dance,dance,dance. I will not sit in the corner. I can't believe I will be able to dance again... I will stick to my healthy lifestyle. Ok, I will splurge and have at a few drinks here and there. But I will work them off. I will learn something new about myself. I will make this a trip to remember.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Two months ago, I brought a black bubble dress. I can't wait to add little in front of it, lol. I was excited because I knew I was losing. Just a few inches here and there, I've grown to appreciate. I thought the dress would wear much better in a month or two. I didn't want to wear my slimmer at all. Well, yesterday I had somewhere to go. So I had the dress waiting. Do you know, a day I should have felt like I've won some money, I was actually pissed off. The dress I saved to look nice in, is now too big for me. I actually cried. I can't even return it. I was speaking to a friend and she asked me what s the matter and I told her. She said, what happen again. I repeated, 'The dress is too big!" I tried to explain to her, the part that suppose to bubble, just kept sliding down. She replied by saying,"shoot, you better charge that one to the game sista"
It was like putting humpy dumpty together. I had put a tank top under the dress and put on a belt, that didn't work because the belt is now too big. My friend gave me a sash (sp) It helped, but it took away from the dress. Needless to say, I spent the rest of the day with my jacket on. One part of me wants to jump up and down but there is something holding me back. Is it fear? I am really losing this time. This morning when I stepped on the scale, it read 228. I kept stepping on and off in disbelief. I felt slimmer, I just couldn't believe my eyes. And I just ate...
I am going to Miami. This is a crazy part of my life right now. I don't know why I'm making such a big deal. I guess it's because I'm scared. I never flew before. I never been to anything like this before. And I haven't brought one thing to go on this trip. I'm losing, and don't want to buy something to look frumpy in, in two months. I want to be sexy but I'm scared of the attention. I never like to attract attention. I'm getting it now. But I'm not responding like a "normal" woman would. Is this normal, or should I seek some help?
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