Sunday, November 17, 2013
Im up two pant sizes and 25 pounds this year. This isn't the right direction for me. It's been a crazy year, with a divorce and two surgeries... I am not beating myself up. Life happens, but I can take back my control. I can pull it back together. I am going to enter the new year at least 10 pounds less than I am right now. I know how to do this. I know I am worth it. I can. I will! I am recommitting myself right now! Now!!!
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
I had a thigh and butt lift. Loose skin after massive weight loss sort of sucks. I have been so off track since then. It was only walking the first three weeks. I got the okay to start running again a few weeks ago, but at the same time I had a few stitches redone that ripped at work. Then I got a surgical site infection. I took the antibiotics, but the redness never fully cleared up. My energy has been low since then. I did some yoga, and a few short runs... but I just couldn't get in the groove. My eating has not been stellar either. This last weekend, infection relapse with 101 temperature, headache, swelling,..... Maybe that is why my energy has been low? So after getting fluid drained out of my hip, I was given more antibiotics...14 days instead of 7.... hopefully this does the trick. I need to get back in shape. I've gained a few pounds. I am not feeling so good about my body right now. Things are soft. I want that start of a six pack line back on my stomach. I like when things feel solid... I want to go running and have three miles feeling effortless. I am clean eating the rest of the week, and as soon as I feel good, I will be out running again.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Friday, I went dancing. I had fun dancing. I am not a great dancer, but I enjoy moving around to a good beat. I went out with my coworker, who is a very sweet young woman. We started at a pub. We met a nice young guy who was new to town. We left the bar, in our heels, in search of dancing with our new friend. We asked some strangers that we met up the street about where the dance clubs were, and they told us to follow them. They led us to a bar playing hip hop music (I am more of an indie rock type of girl, but I am learning that I can move to anything) and I was the token white girl for the night, but I had a great time dancing. It was a fun crowd with great energy. We left that bar, and we spent the remainder of the night dancing to salsa. I was still the only white girl, but that is not important, except my friends pointed out that I had white girl moves . I passed up a few offers for dancing partners... but still danced with a few, and I had a great time. The bars all close at two, and even though I had been up since 4, I wanted to dance longer. I was sad to be kicked out. So my dancing legs walked us back to the pub, where we waited for our ride home.
Legs are the topic of the day for me. I lost around 185 pounds, and this Friday, I am having the loose skin on my legs removed (thigh and butt lift). I am excited, and a bit nervous. I love the strength and flexibility of my legs, but the skin is not so pretty. Since I had my upper body fixed, my legs stand out as looking out of place. My surgeon, Kyle, sort of showed me how they should look when it's done. "You have nice muscular legs, Jeannie" is what he told me as he pulled up the skin. I want to see those muscles that I worked so hard for. So I am excited to fix the aesthetics of my dancing legs. My "saddle bag" is more a skin issue than a fat issue, as my doctor has pointed out. I can't wait to have smooth legs!
After dancing all night, these legs got up and ran/walked around 18 miles on Saturday. Then they hiked 8 miles up a mountain on Sunday. They are good legs, my dancing legs. Soon hopefully, they will look as good as they feel.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Usually I am feel incredibly proud to have lost around 185 pounds. I mean it took a lot of work. Thousands of fitness minutes were spent burning calories and shaping muscles. There were walks, runs, hikes, bike rides, yoga classes, spin classes, aerobic videos, weight training, hula hooping, and other various activities that were built into my life... and so much sweat and hard work went into losing weight. My diet was changed completely. Food that was killing me was swapped out for food that nourishes me and keeps me feeling good. It took some determination to make those changes at first. It took a fair amount of work to put myself back on track every time I swayed from the path. I changed the way I eat, and my whole relationship with food has been shaped into a more healthier relationship. I have looked for ways to burn calories like parking far from where I am going, taking my bike, jumping around with kids at work, and things like volunteering to be the one to walk all the way to the office to make copies. I worked hard and I should be proud... but sometimes I am not.
I am getting divorced, my choice because it's been bad a long time... and I've been going out more. Guys often show interest. I am sure if I sat in a room full of people, most people would have no clue that I was ever overweight. In fact, I think I look fairly healthy currently with some nice curves, a fairly flat stomach, and some muscle definition. So many people looked at me with an expression of disbelief, that I started to carry around pictures, so I can say "here this was me." Sometimes, when I talk to guys, I tell them about my big accomplishment, and often they seem impressed by it. One friend, told me that he loves that I made these changes and he finds me more attractive because of it. He knows I don't take things for granted, and that I have a new lease on life. He realizes I am full of energy, and that I worked hard. He knows that I am a determined person. This makes me more attractive. This feels good to hear. Yet, sometimes I feel shame that I was ever that big in the first place. Sometimes, when I am talking to someone, I will keep the information to myself as if it's some dark secret. As if, they will not like me because I was so heavy, or they will know that I wasn't in control of my life at one time, and that it will make me look less attractive or flawed. I need to get over that. I shouldn't feel ashamed of my journey because it does make up a lot of who I am. If someone doesn't like me because of it, then maybe they just don't like me for the right reasons. I was the fat girl, but that never defined me. I've always been so much more. My eating was a bit out of control at one time, but I am very much in control things now... and I am stronger because of it. I need to drop the shame because it has no place in life. Yes, I don't have to tell everyone everything, but I should be very proud of what I accomplished.
I am sure the woman on the left would be more preferable to date, than the one on the right, by most men's standards. They're both me. It's not just an outwardly change. The woman on the left is more energetic and more adventurous. She likes to dance, bike ride, hike...and smiles more than the the one on the right. But, if you found out that girl on the left, had the determination to shape herself into the person that she is today from the woman on the right... how does it change how she is viewed? This is where my mixed feelings are coming from. I am proud, but I know that there are judgements and biases in our society about weight, even after weight loss. I know the right people will see it as a positive thing, a strength in character, but others will see it as a weakness. So, sometimes I choose to keep it to myself, but I need to remind myself that I worked darn hard and I should be proud.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
I have been on sparkpeople for a while now... I've lost 183 pounds and gained a better life. What I've gained means so much more to me, than what I've lost. I've gained strength, energy, endurance, confidence, a healthy lifestyle, muscle, years to my life expectancy, freedom, and friends. I love my spark friends because they are usually uplifting, positive, and like minded individuals that inspire me to live a healthy lifestyle. I recently got together with 3 other sparkers and together we make up a 544 weight loss.... I have to say, it is nice to be with others that understand how life changing losing this kind of weight can be. I am thankful for the support of these people and many others here on Sparkpeople...
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