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Wanting it

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Did you ever want something so badly you would do anything to get it? That's how I feel about my weight loss right now. I have just started my third month and I know this month will present challenges.

I have been feeling pretty good about my progress and do ok as long as I don't look in the mirror. My clothes are getting loose and I find myself pulling my jeans up all the time because they feel like they are falling down. All this is good but when I go to take a shower and catch a glimpse of myself I get angry that I got this way, sad that I am this way and determined to never look like this again. Lots of emotions going on.

So, I'm here. I haven't, in over two months, gone off this diet...oops I mean new lifestyle. Yes, now and then I won't exercise but I still watch what I eat and continue exercise the next day.

I want this. I need to be thin and healthy because I deserve it. Am I afraid it will never happen, of course I am but I just try not to go there.

Thought I would share a little poem my boyfriend sent after I told him I had lost 13 lbs:

13 pounds!
That's a lot of wood
But...just so you know
You always looked good

Isn't he sweet????

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARCINTL 4/6/2008 8:09AM

    Your boyfriend is the Robert Frost of the Internet :)

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GIRLINMOTION 4/4/2008 9:09AM

    Oh, what a sweet man you have in your life Gayllynne.

You are seeing so much progress and yes, it is hard work, but where is the value in anything if you didn't work hard for it so you could appreciate it?

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FOODFROMAFAR 4/3/2008 10:11PM

    Great way to turn that negative mental image of your self seen in the mirror into a motivational thought - I'm not coming back here! I did the same thing. It took me a long time to like what I saw in the mirror. Even when everyone else is saying how great I look, I still see "too heavy" when I looked in the mirror for the longest time. I had to keep reminding myself I'm not going back there... It's getting better as time goes by...

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BLINDBETH 4/3/2008 9:17PM

    Awwww... what a poet!

I think we all battle the balance in eating what we should and exercising when we are already tired. You are well on your way to achieving your goal. And anything worth having/achieving is worth working hard to get.

You are doing great!

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    Yess i have felt like that.. and do now.. but i am patient and not giving up and know i will get there.. i am so much older than you and i wonder why i finally got to this point to do something.. not good when your older.. so look at bright side.. and keep smiling.. dont judge your body no one does like that.. we arent perfect.. you are beauiful and you must know that!! hugss Geri

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CALENSARIEL 4/3/2008 10:03AM

    You know what? While you're working on the eating patterns and exercise, you need to be working on the inside of you, too. When you look in the mirror at yourself, that's not YOU! YOU are so much more than that outward image! I think in trying to lose weight and change our lifestyles, THAT right there is the hardest thing to deal with because we have tons and tons of crappy self-talk and ideas about ourselves due to what we look like. Start telling yourself you're a beautiful miracle of life! Love your blog, btw! Have a GREAT day! Calen~

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Ice Cream

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

No, I haven't eaten any ice cream but I was just thinking about it. It's very much a downfall for me so I am staying away from it. It's not that I will never eat it again, it's just that right now, while I still have so far to go, I've given it up.

While we are trying to eat healthy, maybe having sorbet or sherbet instead of the real deal, there are times when nothing else will do. I don't even keep kinds I like in my house for fear I will eat it.

So, what types of ice cream do I like? Lots!! Last year the Baskin and Robbins near me had this honeycomb ice cream that was so good I went back almost every day until they didn't carry it anymore. Ohhh, so that's how I got these hips!!!

Other flavors I love are the Hagan Daz caramel flavors like caramel swirl or ben and jerry's karamel kone. It's funny because I love chocolate but rarely eat chocolate ice cream. The exception being Dove ice cream's Unconditional Chocolate Ice Cream. It should be illegal. They also make a coconut that's amazing.

Ok, now that I've made everyone crazy, well, I'm sorry. I just wanted to remember something that I can't have now but will have in the future, only the next time I have ice cream it will be just a little bit and I will savor it.

I see no reason to deny myself something that I love for the rest of my life. I do see why I should make it only very occasionally and only in small bits. I'm learning.....I'm learning!!

So, what's your favorite ice cream?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARCINTL 4/3/2008 7:55AM

    They make a coconut ice cream?

Damn you, woman!

I love vanilla chocolate chip by Haagen Daaz, but I also love their Belgian Chocolate Chocolate, Chocolate Chocolate Chip and I do love Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia.

Ice cream has always been a trigger for me as well as fudgy brownies.

I loved that CocoPlum lowfat yogurt in the Mall--blueberry was great and I'm not even a blueberry fan--70 calories, no fat for a small portion. Try it!

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CALENSARIEL 4/2/2008 11:39PM

    Bavarian Chocolate Raspberry! It was also a BR flavor at one time. What if you bought some of your favorite in a cup, took it home and divided it up into servings? Are you strong enough to do that? One thing Tolle says in his book is, what you fight becomes stronger, what you resists persists. In regards to diets and food, I sure think that's right on the money. Or go get it in a cup and take someone with you to share it with! That way you won't have it in the house. Toodles! Calen~

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GIRLINMOTION 4/2/2008 9:34AM

    All ice cream is my favourite! I can't have it in the house. I can stay away from it for awhile but once I start, basically it will all be gone at once, nothing for later, or others. Best for me not to have it around.

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TALSHIAR 4/1/2008 10:21PM

    Thanks for your comments on my page. I know what you mean about a food being your downfall. Last time I had ice cream was sometime last year. My downfall is pasta so I steer clear of it for the most part. Deb

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BLINDBETH 4/1/2008 8:29PM

    I'm a huge fan of peanut butter things in ice cream. Like you, I love chocolate but not really in my ice cream. We eat ice cream all year round in our house - and with 4 teenagers, we buy a lot. We usually buy low-fat vanilla yogurt but I also like the Edy's Slow Churned Dolce de Leche (it is low-fat, too).

I try to limit my ice cream intake to once or twice a week. Some weeks I fail miserably! Good luck on garnering enough power to tame the Ice Cream Beast!

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Another one bites the dust

Sunday, March 30, 2008

I had sneaked a peek at my weight a couple of times this week and didn't see a loss so I was rather hard on myself. This morning I was down a pound. I'll take it! I made a promise to me to lose 15 by April 19 and looks like I can make it if this keeps up.

Since I started this new lifestyle on Feb. 2, I haven't gone off once. I haven't gone over my calorie count (that I know of) once. It's hard and I have some huge challenges ahead of me but I want this so badly I think I'm going to get through them.

On a little different note. Some of you took seriously my blog about being Queen of the Universe. It was kind of a silly blog and I hope people would take it as just realizing that this isn't fun but "if" I could figure out a way to change it magically, I would.

I'm sorry to say that when I woke up this morning I was NOT made Queen of the universe. I'll try again tomorrow. :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CONFUSEDBIRD 4/1/2008 7:21PM

    Congrats on your 1 lb. Your moving down, thats all that matters!

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LOVE2DIVE 3/30/2008 11:58AM

    Awesome accomplishment!!! Keep up the great work!!!

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GIRLINMOTION 3/30/2008 11:17AM

    Sorry to hear of the loss. No just kidding, way to go, WOOHOO!!!!!! Oh happy days! I know this will keep you motivated as you work toward your goal. You can do it.

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BEENIEMOM 3/30/2008 9:52AM

    ONe pound a week is great....think of what a pound of butter looks like....thats a big piece of fat that is no longer weighing you down!And one pound is a reasonable achievable goal!Queen of the universe huh!well I bet you are queen of the universe in some peoples eyes!We are all queens to someone!That is cute!Have a good day and keep at ithugs Tina

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SMAHINDRA915 3/30/2008 9:36AM

  Hi! 5 lbs a week is actually alot and can be next to impossible to do! You should aim for about 1lb a week. I have learned that slow and steady really does win the case in this fight against weight!!!

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When I'm Queen of the Universe....

Saturday, March 29, 2008

I will decree that everyone on a diet will lose 5 lbs a week and it will never come back! Seems only fair because of all the work we put into this.

I have to admit that this is starting to "get" to me. I really hate being fat and I am starting to really slow down on my weight loss. I don't think I've lost anything this week and that totally bums me out. I hope I haven't hit a plateau.

Yes, I'll be honest. I'm sick of exercise, I'm sick of counting each morsel that I eat (and yes, I still do it but that doesn't mean I like it).

I think the real thing is that I'm just angry. I'm angry at myself for getting into this fat mess and now I have to get out. I'll do it, believe me but I'm not liking it.

Of course, if I had a big weight loss this week I'd be liking it much better.

I will just have to wait until I'm Queen of the Universe!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARCINTL 3/29/2008 11:48PM

    This shouldn't be a should be a way of life. It shouldn't be something you're on now and later won't be. You have to find a way of eating that you can feel comfortable with for the rest of your life.

Frankly, I find your way of dieting much more "liveable" than what I was doing since you hadn't given up anything, just eating the right amount. As a friend of mine says, a calorie is a calorie. You have to figure out how many you need and if you exceed, you have to exercise more.

And anyway, isn't it better this way than if you hadn't started?

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DODGEGAL20008 3/29/2008 9:54PM

    You have hit it right on the head! I am tired of thinking about what I can't eat. How much I can eat. How long I have to walk to lose a pound! Do I sound mad? I guess I am. When I was a teenager I weighed 110 pounds and I thought I was fat! little did I know I would gain 111 pounds by the time I was 50. I have made progress but to be healthy I need to lose more at least 30 more. I need to use this anger to get me there!

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BLINDBETH 3/29/2008 8:22PM

    The journey is LONG! And at times it does seem unbearable... but you will perservere! I love that even when you are ranting, you have a great sense of humor.
Here's to you getting that Queen of the Universe title soon!

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FOODFROMAFAR 3/29/2008 7:02PM

    Hi, Gayllynne! I hear you...I had/have so many moments like that. Just getting tired of working so hard all the time and wanting to just not have to think about it. I can't wait until you are Queen!!

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    Gayllynne - I use this mantra when I am in your head space. It works with exercise - it works with healthy diet choices and it works with all the logging, etc. - Embrace the suck.

That's right acknowledge it, become friends with it, invite into to your life. Because this is much better than:
-heart problems
-huffin and puffin up stairs
-not fitting in airline seats
-never wanting to go clothes shopping
-avoiding reflections in mirrors
-guilt and loss of self respect

I could go on but you get my point...
My friend said it to me best, you have to make that decision - or be fat for the rest of your life. I used to complain constantly and then she fed me that sugar coated nugget of advice and I realized "I'm mad", but I'm mad at myself. And then I channeled that anger into my workouts. Anger is an excellent motivator!

I hope any of this helps. I understand the frustration and I REALLY hope tomorrow when I wake up you will be Queen of the Universe!

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GIRLINMOTION 3/29/2008 12:18PM

    Gayllynne, don't fight it, it will only anger you more. I hate all the data entering too, and making time for exercise is all time consuming but as this quote says.

"Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein." -- H. Jackson Brown

And for me the results have been worth it.

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When, when, when!!

Thursday, March 27, 2008

So, I've lost 12 lbs. Yes, that's great but when is it going to show?? No one has really noticed that I've lost weight. My fat clothes are a little looser but that's about it. No big wows...just same old, same old.

I'm really happy that I'm losing the weight and feeling better. I have a little more energy and am sleeping much better but still, I want to feel thinner. I want to be uncomfortable in my clothes because they are to big but that hasn't happened yet.

Sigh....I'm really happy for my friends here that are doing so well but I want to see results too!!!

Rant over :(

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRISH1206 3/28/2008 1:37PM

    Amen, sistah!

Well I've only lost five in three weeks, so of course, no one's going to notice that. In fact, if my scale didn't say so, I wouldn't have known it either.

Thanks for the comment on my blog. Let's keep each other motivated for MAY.


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BARCINTL 3/27/2008 6:17PM

    Hey, I've lost 38 lbs and I really don't think anyone noticed anything until Xmas time when I'd gone from 193-166. So that was 27lbs. Your face looked thinner from the first week and I think you're doing great. Concentrate on the fact that you're healthier and if you *hadn't* done this, you'd be wearing the same clothes but they'd be really tight on you!

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THICKY_THICK 3/27/2008 1:07PM

    the comment below is exactly what happened to me. at 20 pounds lost i got a whole bunch of compliments and could see the difference. at 30 i looked the same. just hang in there. when you hit the 20 mark you'll definately see it.

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FOODFROMAFAR 3/27/2008 11:12AM

    Most of the people who are every day parts of my life didn't notice I had lost weight until after I'd lost 20 lbs! Some didn't notice at all when I'd lost 30 lbs!! Then I got some new clothes that actually fit me and all of a sudden everyone was noticing. I think the folks that see us every day can't see the gradual change. Others that only see you every month or more may notice more quickly. My husband definitely noticed, though.

Keep your eyes on how far you have come and not on how far you have to go! You have lost 4 cans of crisco, girlfriend. 4 cans into the trash, out the door, NEVER to return!! That is a HUGE accomplishment. Your body will eventually catch up with you - especially as you increase your activity levels and STing. I highly encourage STing at our ages. It will make a huge difference in your inches!!

4 cans, WOW!

Comment edited on: 3/27/2008 11:13:43 AM

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GIRLINMOTION 3/27/2008 9:39AM

    Stay positive. My ex-boyfriend noticed quickly, but friends didn't notice till I lost about twenty pounds, then it was like the light went on for them, lol. So I guess they never noticed that I had gained weight, lol, till I lost it. Maybe that is what is happening with you too?

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STARRTWINKLES 3/27/2008 9:23AM

    Stay positive and keep working at it. The scale will move down it takes time and patient. Try working out a little longer and see if that helps you. Stop by my page and keep me posted. God Bless Starr

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