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My pile of sticks

Friday, April 23, 2010

I walked the lake again today. That is a very good thing for me. I keep waiting for it to get easier but so far, it hasn't. It will if I keep at it. While I was walking today I was figuring out tomorrow and when I could get out and walk again. That's real progress for me.

As I did the last time I set out on this journey, I am trying to remember to pick up a stick when my walk is almost done. I have a box in the garage that I throw them into. Sometimes it a little one, sometimes I bring home something a few inches thick. Then, when winter hits, I use these sticks to light a big fire in my fireplace. It feels great to burn away all those calories even if it is symbolically.

So, today I brought home a nice fat one that will burn for a while. I hope the box is overflowing by winter and that I look fabulously thin in that firelight!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AXISLADY 4/30/2010 9:00AM

    Interesting. Had no idea seeing the title of your blog what it was going to be. Why not? emoticon

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K8NJKSMOM 4/26/2010 4:08PM

    What a fantastic idea! You'll have a great bonfire of calories!! Good motivator when you look at the box, too!!

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GIRLINMOTION 4/23/2010 8:48PM

    emoticon

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BARCINTL 4/23/2010 3:44PM

    Hurray for you! I'm so glad you're back into it. Next year at this time, we can go shopping together for our Size 6s and 4s. It's a date!

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PICKIE98 4/23/2010 3:02PM

    How cool is that? Maybe by the time the snow flies, you will be dragging logs , panting and sweating to the garage door!!LOL! Might as well make it worth your while to bring wood home!! Don't be pilfering neighbor's newspapers to start taht fire!! I think that is the best idea!! You are wise... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LIFEGENESIS 4/23/2010 2:53PM

    That's a great idea! You are going to look great! :D

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EMODUCKY 4/23/2010 2:53PM

  I love this idea!

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The ex factor

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Dealing with triggers is easier said than done. I have come to realize that my ex is a huge trigger for me.

When I see him or even know I'm going to see him, I overeat. I know what and why but I feel powerless to fix it. I've been trying and I'm starting to take my power back but this is really hard. When I am away from him for long periods of time, I feel better and I am able to stay on track much easier. There is no getting around our interaction because we both go to Josh's games and he comes and picks up our son for alternate weekends.

My life has turned upside down since our split. He still makes me angry and he has changed my life so drastically (and not in a good way) that sometimes I just get caught up in all the bad and feel like I'm drowning.

The one good thing he did for me was give me my son. Now, if I can only get my self-esteem back I just might make it.

Sorry for venting like this but I just get so angry at myself for falling victim each time I see him and angry at him for hurting me the way he did. It all seems so senseless sometimes which again, makes me angry (and sad).

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AXISLADY 4/30/2010 9:05AM

    Long time ago it seems, I was in your place. I can tell you, as the others have, it does get better because we demand that it get better. For myself, 3 years of counseling, but I am so happy with who I am today.

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PICKIE98 4/23/2010 3:13PM

    I have also been there, done that... my counselor begged me to write a book about my life, divorce, trauma in marriage,, she said nobody would ever believe it and it would have to be a fiction, BUT eventually, I realized after years of pain, that HIS OPINION NO LONGER MATTERS TO ME!! It hit me one day like the proverbial ton of bricks.
It is a very powerful, happy, secure feeling!! He served me with divorce papers on our anniversary, remarried on the day I fell down my basement stairs and ended up on crutches for three months. I was angry, jealous, P---ed off, But I know that in the end, when he faces his Creator, HE has to pay, not me,, That alone is also power to me!!

Now, when ANYBODY finds my triggers, I stop and think, ,"God gave everybody this 24 hours, I am not wasting MY 24 on them, they have their own, I get mine,, ",, yet another power tool... guys are not the only ones that get to use those POWER TOOLS!! ARRR AARRR ARRR!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TAYLORLIV31 4/22/2010 10:51AM

    A breakup goes in stages. Your in the anger mode and will in time move on to someone much more deserving of your love. I've been there and done that. The best stage to be in is when you get to the, "I Don't Care". It by far is the best stage in the world. Time will heal this old wound, just be patient with yourself. Don't let this man take away your chi, start turning this negative into a positive, TODAY! emoticon your growth in this emotional factor is important to the person that God wants you to be. emoticon

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K8NJKSMOM 4/22/2010 9:58AM

    Vent away!! That alone will get rid of a lot of the stress. Love DALMOMOF3's comment - yes - looking good is the best revenge, for sure. I've been divorced now for 5 years (after 20 yrs of marriage). The first year, my ex was sporadically in my kids life - usually not positively. The past four years, he has seen them at Christmas only. It ate away at me for some time - but I vented, cried , emotionally beat myself up - and then decided that I was not going to let him continue to affect my life in such a negative way. You can heal and move forward. emoticon

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GIRLINMOTION 4/22/2010 9:48AM

    I am sure you know you are better off emotionally without him. If you can let go of the anger, life will get much easier. I know I now have control of my emotions when it comes to my son's father, and I tell you life is good.

HUGS

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BARCINTL 4/21/2010 6:06PM

    I'd like to buy your way into the "Shrink Yourself" online program as an early birthday present. It will help you deal with this exact issue. It's about 30 minutes every week that you have to devote to working the program on your computer. What do you say?

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JEEPGURL76 4/21/2010 5:18PM

    I know exactly what you mean. I have eaten like a mad woman this week because my ex is remarrying. I hate that he has that much control over me still. Makes me sick. BUT we can choose right now, this moment to take our power back.

I am remarried very happily and have a good husband and it STILL gets to me everytime I even have to speak to my ex. He hurt me in profound ways but everyday gets a little better.

You and I will heal, over time. Concentrate on doing the next, best right thing from this moment.

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DALMOMOF3 4/21/2010 5:06PM

    looking good is the best revenge!! Dont let him get to you. At least you are well rid of him, i still live with my husband and wish i didnt so my stress is twenty four seven. I cope with it by going to the gym. (Then i come home and eat oreos! lol just kidding)

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Bragging Rights!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Last night was another baseball game for my son. He chose not to go to track practice before the game because it was just to much and I completely understood. As usual, he was awesome with a couple of hits and one was infield which he beat out with speed I had never seen before. Wow, this track work is really helping him.

About 1/2 way through the game a man approached me asking if I was Josh's mom. I knew him as the dad of one of the kids on his team so I thought maybe there was an altercation in the dugout (I had seen him in there with the kids.) I braced myself.

Nope, it turns out he is a scout for the county team. No, not local but the entire COUNTY! He asked if we would be interested in having Josh on the summer travel team because he has the makings of an all star. WOW!!!! (I casually asked if his son was on this team and he laughed and said no, he wasn't good enough)

Again WOW! What an honor. We are thrilled, Josh is trilled and now I don't have to worry about what I'm going to do with him over the summer!!

They won their game 10 - 7. The boys were pumped. I'm so happy for my son. As soon as he come back from wrestling camp he starts baseball and as this coach told us, he is going to take Josh to a whole new level.

Ok, off the soap/bragging box now and back to your regularly scheduled program.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTHYJOANN 4/25/2010 7:28AM

    This deserves bragging! Congratulations to you & your son.

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PICKIE98 4/23/2010 3:14PM

    YABBA DABBA DOOOO!!

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GOLDENGIRL88 4/20/2010 10:15AM

    Great news! Brag all you want! emoticon

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GIRLINMOTION 4/20/2010 9:18AM

    Your allowed to be on that box. Moments like this are not meant to be kept inside. Some kids are just natural athletes, and should never be held back and neither should there mothers, lol.

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SOFEDUPP 4/20/2010 9:14AM

    That is great!!! Your son must be so happy!! You must be so proud!!!

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K8NJKSMOM 4/20/2010 8:46AM

    Congratulations! And congratulations to Josh! What a great achievement for him! emoticon

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BARCINTL 4/20/2010 8:31AM

    This is amazing news. But I'm not surprised--with track to increase speed and weight-lifting and wrestling to increase power, he is now unstoppable. Will they be playing other counties in the state? Will you have to do any of the driving? Will he be sleeping away a lot at hotels in other counties? Will he travel out of state? It's all very exciting!

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WIGIME 4/20/2010 7:48AM

    What a nice surprize! You have every right to brag!

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CHIBILOKI88 4/20/2010 7:21AM

    congrats! you must be so proud. could it be that your good habits have been rubbing off on him? emoticon emoticon

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VENISEW1 4/20/2010 7:15AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BUBBLES1541 4/20/2010 7:12AM

    Woohoo!

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My retry

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Being back here after falling off the wagon, has been a real eye opener. I feel that I am finally back in the "groove" and starting to do what I have to do.

One of the things I have realized that is a MUST is the tracking of food. I know now, that once I stopped tracking, the pounds came back. At the end of the day, I am always astonished at how quickly those calories add up. The fact that I am a petite person makes it even harder because I need less than those that are taller and bigger.

I am just starting....really, just starting to feel a little better. I haven't lost much weight yet but with doing more walking, a little weight work, I am feeling better. More importantly, I am sleeping better, which is huge for me.

Well, I'm off to my son's baseball game. It's freezing outside but I try to never miss one. If you go outside you just might be able to hear me screaming for his team!!!

Have a great weekend everyone!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

K8NJKSMOM 4/18/2010 7:09PM

    Good for you - and good luck to your son!!

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LOVES_ANIMALS 4/18/2010 3:47PM

    Good for you!

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TAYLORLIV31 4/18/2010 12:17AM

    All Mom can relate to your cheering! Remember to take one day at a time and even if you stray off the beaten path, just get right back on. emoticon

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GIRLINMOTION 4/17/2010 10:14AM

    Tacking is one of the keys for sure. I keep tracking still even two years after goal. The other key is exercise, I have slacked and gone up five pounds. No big deal really, since I am still at an ideal weight. I still have a minimum of cardio a day which is 10 minutes.

HUGS

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BARCINTL 4/17/2010 9:01AM

    I'm off too--for Baseball Picture Day. I wish it would warm up!

Congrats on feeling better and doing things for your health!

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Yet again

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Yup, I just came back from walking the lake again. It wasn't quite as hard as it was yesterday but still, the last mile was tough. I can't wait to get back to the place I was when I would finish and think that maybe I could go around again! Yeah, that was great!

I must be the only person on the planet that walks without an ipod. I really like to get lost in thought and yes, occasionally can be caught talking to myself.


Today I was thinking about how much I miss my babies. My children are both teenagers with lives of their own. I have to admit that I miss when they were babies. I miss how soft their skin was and how good they smelled when I took them out of their baths. I would love when they just wanted to snuggle with mommy and how sweet their cheeks felt against mine. They were such happy babies and while they had some challenging moments, were for the most part the greatest joy. I adore my teenagers but do miss those "baby" moments.

It's beautiful in NY today. I do hope everyone can get out and enjoy some fine weather. I did!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GIRLINMOTION 4/15/2010 11:24PM

    HUGS

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K8NJKSMOM 4/15/2010 4:23PM

    Wonderful blog. I loved the memories. My son (almost 13) joined me on my walk on the weekend. I remarked to him that I missed when we could walk and I could hold his little hand (horrors now if I did that!). My other baby is the same as your daughter. She'll be 19 in August and off to university. Where does the time go. Enjoy your walks!!

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LOVES_ANIMALS 4/15/2010 1:26PM

    Wonderful to walk and be lost in your thoughts. I sing sometimes, too!

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