Sunday, May 25, 2008
Yesterday, as I was walking around the lake I started to think about my son. He has grown in so many ways over the last year. He's close to 5'4" now and about 130 lbs. Not bad for a 12 year old. He is still funny and sweet and will still hug and kiss me when he wants to.
I was thinking about when he was little. How hard it was for him (and me) because he was born with his Eustachian tubes at an odd angle. He couldn't really hear properly till he was past 2. He had 5 operations before he was 4. It was tough for all of us because he never slept through the night until after the final operation. Yes, 4 years of holding him in the rocker all night long. He couldn't lay flat because it was so painful.
He was a total terror when he was younger too. Impossible to watch as he never stopped moving. He once ran away from his dad and I in Sears. They had to completely shut down the store, no one in or out until they could find him. It took about 1/2 hour before someone found him. He had been shopping. He had on numerous bracelets and necklaces. He had a roll of wrapping paper in one hand and a pliers in the other. He had been all over the store and no one stopped him. OMG, I really thought I would have a heart attack. Sure, funny now but not then!!
I also remember the time we were going into Costco. There was a woman going in. A very large woman who chose (why, I'll never know) to wear an orange and green plaid pants suit. Not only that but it had a ruffle around the neck. I was pushing my son in the cart and he just pointed to her and said (very loudly), "Look mom, a clown!!!" Yes, I was mortified but what could I do? I just kept going.
I miss that little boy even though I never had gray hair before him. I do love the little man that I live with now though. He opens jars for me, he reaches things I can't and he has become more of a joy and less of a terror. I'm a lucky mom.
On a different note. I didn't lose any weight this week. That hasn't happened in a long time but then again I didn't gain any either. I worked hard this week too with exercise and watching. I'm really not upset. It will come off because I'm doing everything I can to make that so. Next week, I'll lose! I'm not giving up.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Obese. Yes, that dirty word (what did you think?). I had never thought about that word until I came to spark people. When I joined and programmed in my height and weight etc., my body came out to be obese. I was shocked. Me? How could someone who was used to nicknames such as "little one" and "little Gayl" be obese. But, there it was in black and white. How did I get there??
Yes, hysterectomy, divorce, lumpectomy they all contributed. It's been a tough few years for sure, but obese? I can remember, just before starting S/P, walking into a store that had a sign which read: "Plus size 12 and up, this side". I'm a plus size??? How did that happen. I ran from that store.
Now, I have hit the half way point. I am no longer obese. Overweight, yes, but obese, no. I never, ever will be again. It really brought me to my knees and made me look at who and what I have become. Since I didn't like what I saw, I changed it.
Easy?? Heck no!! But necessary in order to be the best me I can be. I will be a better mom, better friend and better person if I can be happier about who/what I am.
So, this morning I walked the lake. It was a beautiful day and I finally was able to walk those three miles in 45 mins. I even added some time by walking to and from the lake instead of driving.
I'm changing. Not only on the outside but inside too. I want to go backwards as I move forward. Backwards to the person I used to be. Happy, confident and not horrified to look in the mirror. Forward to the new me that my friends and family can be proud of.
I'm here, I'm working hard, I'm staying.
Happy Memorial Day Weekend to all my SparkPeople friends!
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I was lucky enough to get out of work a little early today. I decided that I would walk around the lake before I got home because I had this extra time. As I got near my home it started to rain. Drat! As I got closer to the lake (5 mins from my house) it cleared up and I decided to go for it. Being smart, I pulled my umbrella out before I started.
I had gone about 1/2 mile and it started to drizzle. For a moment I thought about turning back but decided to stick it out. It poured all day yesterday and I did no exercise at all. So, I walked.
It rained some, it stopped a little then it rained some more. I hated it even more than usual as I was cold and WET! But....I did it. No excuses, no fan fare, just getting it done.
I really want to be under 140 by July 4th. It's my new goal and in order to make it I have to do everything right. This includes eating right, exercising and drinking the water.
Hopefully, tomorrow I will be able to get out early, walk the lake and then forget about it for the rest of the day. As usual, I take everything in stride!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Over this past winter I saw this pretty pink sweater. I love things in the pink family from bright pink to purple and baby pinks to lavenders. This was such a pretty color I thought I'd get it to wear over the holidays paired with some black slacks. I bought a size....sigh....large. I brought it home but got very busy before I could try it on.
One evening I was going out to dinner with friends. I spotted the sweater (vee neck, long sleeve, light weight) and thought it would be the perfect thing. I put it on and looked in the mirror and was horrified. I looked like a sausage. My arms bulged, I could see fat around my mid-section and it was tight over the chest. I nearly cried. I pulled it off and put on something loose that hid "me".
Yesterday, Mother's day, my ex (the good one, I have two) called the children and told them he was driving up and taking us all out for Mother's day. I was told to dress-up. Wow! I found some pretty, black pants that I haven't worn in a while that fit great but what to wear on top? hmmmm LOL - bet you are wondering hehehe. Out came that pretty, pink sweater. Did it fit? No, not really because it just hung on me. It was huge. I kind of hiked up the bottom, pushed up the sleeves and it was pretty albeit blousey. My teenage daughter (the fashionesta) told me it was a little big but looked nice and made me look really thin!! That was the best part of Mother's Day!!
As for the restaurant. We went to one of the two 5 star restaurants in the area. I love this place and haven't eaten there in a very long time. YUM!! That was the difficult part. I had the scallops for an appetizer and the duck for an entrée. I love duck but it was so rich I only ate about the size of a golf ball. They had dessert too and I had something I've never seen before which was orange nougat. It was yummy but I didn't even come close to finishing it. It was more food than I've eaten in months!!!
Today I am back on track. As a matter of fact I woke up and was still full. I have no desire to eat yet and am going to save breakfast for later. That's probably a no-no but I just sooooo not hungry!!
I hope this doesn't affect my weigh loss this week but if it does, that's ok because I had the most wonderful time and I looked great and it was all worth it. If I gained a pound then I will just have to lose it again and a few more of its friends!!!
Hope everyones Mother's day was a nice as mine. Oh, and my children brought me flowers too!!!
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