GAYLLYNNE   189,603
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GAYLLYNNE's Recent Blog Entries

Better today

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Thank you to everyone for all the encourgement that you've given me. Today, before I left for work, I put a fiber bar in my car. When I got back to my car to come home, I ate it. It seemed to work. It gave me enough energy to stop back at the lake and yes, walk around it. Not only that but I have an appointment and to make sure I wasn't late, I moved!!!

For me, I think the key is to not be so hungry. I work very hard and have been eating breakfast like a good girl (I never ate breakfast before I started SparkPeople) but I find that by 3 or 4 o'clock I'm starving! I used to be able to go along without a problem but now that I eat breakfast I can't make it. I realize that I have to eat something before I walk the lake or I'm kind of useless!! My brain function is down and I slip into the "who cares" mode.

I'm ok, really. I did what I had to do today. Thank you Dory for the Wii idea!! We actually have one (although I have no idea how to use it) and I remember how much of a workout my son gets playing some of those games!! Now THAT'S an idea!!

Also, thanks ShadyMaya. It was the kick in the pants I needed!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLINDBETH 5/8/2008 6:33AM

    Yay! I'm glad you are feeling better!

And about the bars... I've learned that certain protein bars help me more before a workout than the fiber ones. The fiber ones made me the smelly kid... really. My stomach just can't swing all that fiber.

Have a great day!

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Anger and frustration

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Some days, I find it very difficult to not be angry and frustrated. Today was awful in terms of exercise. I stopped on my way home to walk the lake. I hate it, just as I hate most exercise, but it is the least evil. As I got about 10 mins. into the walk, it started to rain. I got angry. I had been held up because of traffic and had I not wasted those 40 mins. going nowhere I would have been finished. I turned around and went back to my car. I doubt I even walked a full mile.

Once I got to my car, the rain stopped. Now I was angry and frustrated! Should I start over? That would have been the right thing to do but I didn't. Instead, I went home. Of course, that made me really angry at myself. I have to admit I was hungry. I had been working all day. I was up at 6:30 and had breakfast at about 6:45. I hadn't eaten since. Maybe my blood sugar was low but I was really angry. At what I wonder? Myself for getting into this mess of fat? Probably.

I went home and ate my salad. I feel a little better. In the three months I've been working on this I have never gone over my calories. But the exercise gets me every time. I know I should go back to the lake and walk but I'm not going to. I just don't feel like it. Tomorrow, if there is time, I'll do it.

Part of this anger and frustration is my clothes. I went through my closet and gave away a HUGE bag of clothes I no longer wear. Most of them I still can't get into but has long gone out of style. The jeans I pulled out are all to tiny and I wonder if I will ever get into them. Some of the 12 stuff still fit? What's up with that? I thought for sure it would all be to big but it wasn't.

Ok, ok, now I see all the anger and frustration. I hate that I did this to myself. Yes, there are circumstances that I understand on a mental level but the emotional component is tough to deal with.

Sorry if I seem so upset. I'm angry with myself. There is no one to blame but myself (ok, I'd like to blame my ex just for old times sake).

Venting over......

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLINDBETH 5/8/2008 6:27AM

    We have a family ghost that we all blame when we are feeling like Oscar the Grouch. His name is Bobby. He also gets blamed for missing items. Sometimes we all just need somewhere to project our frustrations.

And I totally understand! This week, I haven't exercised ANY. I've been trying to exercise in the afternoons with my DH (he worries about me being out alone so early). This week, we've had a school board meeting, 2 band concerts and PTO at my school. I haven't made it home before 9 o'clock this whole week. Ugh!!! I plan to really work it when running this afternoon.

And about those clothes. I've lost weight and can wear anything from a size 4 to a 10. Most fall between 6 and 8. It depends on the brand. And I must have been wearing some clothes too tight... or maybe they are too loose now. I can't ever tell! I did find this great website called MyShape. When I put my measurements in, it calculated what body type I was - a letter (mine is A) and had recommendations from my measurements (it will suggest the size). I've always said that pants and jeans were hard to find that fit - and this website only has a few pant recommendations. I've ordered a few things and everything fit perfectly. But even there, the sizes fluctuate wildly depending on the brand or style.

So... don't get caught up in the number.

And realize that you probably burned up some calories by getting mad. I'm impressed that you still ate salad. Back in the day, I would have just caved for a banana split.

It is still progress.

(sorry for such a long response...)

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DORY.A 5/7/2008 9:06AM

    Awwww.... I FELT your frustration in your words... and I know how that feels....

As for the clothes - don't be discouraged - it took time to get to your highest weight - it's going to take time to get to your lowest and you CAN do it... you've done so well so far.

I have to agree with Shadymaya - you need a rainy day plan or some other form of exercise to keep you motivated and WANTING to do it. I was the same as you - I didn't even like to go for walks unless I could stroll slowly and sit down as I ventured along. Now, I CRAVE my walks - I think about them when I'm at work at my desk and ACHE to go for a quick jaunt. I've even done that at work just to break up my day now. Even 15 minutes is better than zero.

Have you seen the wii video games? I know the console might be a wee bit pricey to start but it's way less expensive than a home gym and depending on the effort you put into it, it can be very good exercise... and it's SO MUCH FUN!!! My fiance and I play tennis for an hour or so every couple of days and LOVE it!

Look into Shadymaya's group too... you sound like you just need some encouragement on this.

YOU CAN DO IT... and you ARE doing it!!!!!!

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*WISTE* 5/6/2008 7:27PM

    Maybe you're out of sorts because you're not keeping a regular schedule of eating/exercising. Our bodies really like consistency. Eating, exercising, and sleeping at the same time every day allows your body to build a natural metabolic rhythym. If you keep a schedule your body will be able to better prepare to except food, start exercising, or fall asleep.

It also sounds like you could use a rainy day contingency plan for exercise. It's definitely no fun to go walking in the cold/wet. I'm on a Spark Team called Working Out at Home that has a lot of good suggestions on how to workout in your own home. To be honest, it almost sounds like you're trying to make your workouts miserable as an act of contrition for having gained the weight in the first place. If you really are committed to losing the weight, you're going to have to figure out a way to make exercising work for you.

You could try spicing up your walks with music on an ipod. You could also try challenging yourself with interval training while walking. If walking isn't for you, then maybe you need to explore other activities. There are a ton of ways to workout. Just keep trying things until you find something that's actually fun.

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AANGEL3 5/6/2008 5:21PM

    I hope tomorrow is a better day for you!


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I lost my cat

Sunday, May 04, 2008

in body weight!!!!! Hahahaha, yes, my darling Jenny June Bug whom we affectionately call Fatty McFatFat weights a whopping 18 lbs. When we got her (she was about 2) she was already this fat and we haven't been able to slim her down. Today, I am down 18 lbs!! I lost my cat!!!

Every time I pick her up I am going to think about the fact that this much weight used to be on my body. Eighteen, it's my favorite number and it feels good. I was born on the eighteenth, in the Jewish religion it means "chai" (pronounced hi) and means good luck. Now I am down eighteen pounds. I lost Fatty McFatFat!!! hehehehe, yay me!

I'm on track to my goal of 20 lbs by my birthday!!! That's even better!!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

11-RENEWAL-20 5/6/2008 5:13PM

    After reading about you losing your cat's weight; I realized that I have lost the weight of both my cats...Griff weights 20 pounds and Maggie weights 11 pounds...everyone comments on how huge he is and how tiny she is...I'm using her as my goal model...he as my before ...LOL...they make a good visual
reminder. Don't get too angry with yourself; we all have frustrating days like you had today...good luck...take care. Sharon J/IN

Comment edited on: 5/6/2008 5:13:52 PM

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MRS_TOAD 5/5/2008 7:53PM

    What an awesome reminder of how far you have come! I constantly am reminding myself and others how much we have lost by the increments of 5 lb bags of sugar. It gives a great perspective. And here I was scared that your cat was lost. lol

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GIRLINMOTION 5/5/2008 9:19AM

    Like others before me, I was feeling your loss for your cat (I have a cat and love him dearly). But I am glad to hear it is the weight of your cat, lol. As well as you I feel better too (knowing it wasn't the cat that is lost, but the weight, lol). Way to go Gallynne!

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DORY.A 5/5/2008 8:52AM

    It's funny how we see our weight loss as things like your cat. When I hit my first goal (18 lbs, funny enough), I insisted on finding enough things that weighed 18 pounds so I would know EXACTLY what I was carrying around. I think I found some cookbooks and such... Now that it's 32.8 lbs I've lost, I notice things in the gardening centre that weigh that...

I believe I've lost a couple of bags of fertilizer!!!!

Congrats for sticking with it and staying on track to your next goal...

You rock!!!!!!!

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BLINDBETH 5/5/2008 6:19AM

    Ok.... my first response was that we really need to organize a search party...

Whoo Hoo! You are doing so great! I want to jump with glee for you! Actually, thinking of another object that weighs the same as the weight you've lost is a great visual. I know you are ready for more people to notice the weight loss... and surely they'd notice that a fat cat is gone...

Have a great day!

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FOXYLOSE30 5/4/2008 5:40PM

    You really got me....I was thinking where could the darn cat be. Continue to do well......but I am glad you are losing your fat..LOL and didn't really lose the cat.

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ITEACH91 5/4/2008 2:31PM

    You are too funny! But you're right, thinking about it that way on a daily basis is going to keep you motivated and on track.

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KAREN8241 5/4/2008 1:15PM

    Wow, you scared me for a minute! emoticon I'm glad the "loss" of your cat is only in comparable poundage!
You are doing so well and I know you'll meet your goal! Congratulations!

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EFAKER 5/4/2008 11:45AM

    How funny! I was prepared to offer you sympathy, but what a great visual/tactile reminder of your weight loss! We had Bubba the cat for 17 years... he weighed about 21 pounds, but his head was normal sized so he was hysterical, looked like a cartoon cat... he stressed out when we moved and he had to go on Prozac... very neurotic cat!

Good for you with the weight loss!

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TAMMI1963 5/4/2008 9:55AM

    When I ready your blog title I thought OH NO!!! How sad. WHEW!!! Good for you for losing the 18 pounds and I am also glad your cat is still with us!! Keep up the good work emoticon

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NANCYVV 5/4/2008 9:03AM

    Whew! You really had me scared with the title of your blog!! Congrats on your weight loss and keep up the great work! (And I'm very glad that Jenny June Bug is still with us).

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BARCINTL 5/4/2008 8:44AM

    Congratulations!!! I knew you could do it and I know you'll be 20 down and the belle of the ball at your party :)

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90 Days

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Today is officially 90 days on SparkPeople. Hard to believe I've only been here that long. It feels like at least a year. I've lost 17 lbs. in 90 days. Pretty impressive for a middle aged woman who's had a hysterectomy.

What I find really strange is that still, no one has noticed. I continue to go to my clients homes, continue to see friends and yet, anyone who doesn't know I'm trying, doesn't see anything different. How can that be? My friend Dawn keeps telling me that when I hit the 20 lb mark, everyone will start to notice. Gosh, I hope so.

I've been pretty good about exercising this week. It is always the hardest thing for me. I've walked the lake 4 out of the last 5 days. That's 3 miles each day. Don't know if I will make it today because of appointments and it's quite cold out but I'm still going to try and get it in. If not, I'll use some weights tonight.

I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad I've changed for the better. I still don't feel "smaller" but while no one sees it, I am. I'm looking forward to the next 90 days. If I can lose just 5 lbs a month that will take me very, very close to where I want to be. I'm still hoping for that 20 lb mark by my birthday.

Ya know, I'm kind of excited about that!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARCINTL 5/4/2008 8:47AM

    Yeah, I'm her friend Dawn and here's an example of what I mean. I met my old editor friends about 6 weeks ago when I was not significantly heavier than I am now--maybe 6 lbs lighter but that would have meant that I had already lost 41lbs when I last saw them. Nobody said anything. When I saw a lot of the same people just this past Friday, they all asked how I'd gotten so skinny. It has a lot to do with what you wear and also what's on *their* minds at the time since we were really concentrating on my friend Mike and how he'd just been fired from his job the last time we were together.

People will notice. I promise.

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TAMMI1963 5/3/2008 9:51AM

    Congrats on your 17lb weight loss. You're doing great so keep up the good work.

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BLINDBETH 5/2/2008 6:25AM

    It does seem to take a while for some to notice. And I know that some folks are afraid to comment about weight as it can be such a touchy subject.

I agree with Dory though - you probably haven't changed much in the way of clothes. And that can hide your losses. Since I've lost weight, more people have noticed when I started wearing clothes that fit. Though you'd think that having to hike up your britches would be a clue that you've lost weight.... go figure!

The first half of the weight I lost didn't make nearly the impact on my body size as the last half. Just something I noticed.

You are doing great! Keep up the hard work and people will start noticing...

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DORY.A 5/1/2008 9:44AM

    On the comment about no one noticing... have you changed your wardrobe yet? I found in the first 20 lbs that I was still wearing clothes that were a couple of sizes too big... they appeared baggy but didn't do anything to emphasize the weight loss...

Then I bought a new blouse that was fitted closer to my body and the comments came flying out....

You're doing so great... and you WILL be noticed... and even if you don't get noticed, you're doing this for YOU mostly, right? So YOU know... that should be what matters most!

You go girl!!!!

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How I've changed and grown with SparkPeople

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Back in the day....back when I would "diet" I would find myself going along swimmingly. I'd be losing weight, I'd be happy and then...oh then the dreaded pitfall!!! Something like a holiday, birthday, special party, whatever, would come about and I'd fall. I'd fall and getting back up was nearly impossible. If and/or when I'd get back up it could be weeks, months and sometimes even years later. It was that hard for me.

Last week was Passover. What a difficult holiday to get through for me because not only is it my favorite holiday but it is considered the biggest eating holiday filled with yummy foods. The holiday is at my home as well and I cook for weeks. It was hard to maintain and not cheat, very, very hard.

By mid-week I had given away most of the leftovers. I still hadn't completely tracked all my food but I wasn't terrible. By the end of the week, I was back. Tracking everything I ate, making good choices and now I'm completely back in that proverbial wagon.

I didn't lose anything during Passover but I didn't gain either. This morning I had a two pound loss!! Hooray! I feel so pleased that I am back. No excuses, no giving up and gaining it all back, but just back into eating right, exercising and taking back my life.

I really want to thank my friend Dawn who told me about SparkPeople. It really has changed my life. Reaching goals has made this even more rewarding and now I'm back on track for my next one. 20 pounds by my birthday May 18. I want this one so much!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSCHREF 4/29/2008 9:51AM

    Thanks for your comment on my blog. Reading yours I see that I haven't hit any holidays that I celebrate yet. I can imagine, though, how tough it must be to get through! Some years back I was in a behavior modification class for weight loss and one of the things I remember in the class about eating out, etc was to say "I'm here to be with my friend, spouse, etc. and the friendship is what's important, not the food". I imagine the same thing could be applied to eating at Passover though it doesn't help if you are the one doing the cooking!! Another tactic from the class was to say something like "What an interesting art display" and to think of the food as a colorful exhibit rather than something edible. Sounds like you've got a lot to be proud of. I hope I do as well!

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TBUCKNER 4/28/2008 10:35PM

    I AM SOOOO PROUD OF YOU!!! You have come such a very long way, since the first blog reply I made to you, -been awhile...and Gayllynne you've worked so hard. Your attitude is wonderful. I am so proud to know you...even if only through "the threads"; people like you lift my spirits up, and help me to keep at it! I really admire your strength, and again Gayllynne, I am so proud of you! emoticon -Tammy

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BLINDBETH 4/28/2008 9:18PM

    That is impressive to not gain during Passover. We didn't cook (thus eat) nearly as much this year because Passover came right in the middle of two Proms, a lot of catering, and just a life that has been too busy. No one had time to cook more than the basics.

And I love the word swimmingly.

Have a great week!

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TAZ675 4/28/2008 9:07PM


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DORY.A 4/28/2008 9:03AM

    I totally know what you mean about going along and then hitting an "eating" holiday... I would never get back on the wagon after those... now I do.

I am learning, as are you, what my triggers are for over-eating... or for just giving up too soon.

You are an inspiration and have been a great encouragement on my own journey - thank you for your words on my page... and the new workout shoes!!

I can't wait to celebrate with you on or before your birthday, that you've reached that next goal!

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CANNOTFATHOM 4/27/2008 7:58PM

    You have a fantastic and healthy attitude! Best wishes on your continued success!


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BUNTINGL 4/27/2008 6:38PM

    Thanks for the nice comments on my page. Just read your post. I celebrated Passover at a friend's house so I can completely relate. I'd been off track since Easter! Back on track now though. Good luck with your goals!

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GIRLINMOTION 4/27/2008 12:36PM

    I want to thank your friend Dawn too for telling you about SparkPeople. You have begun re-blossoming as your old/young confident self and a healthier body too.

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TORINBAMA 4/27/2008 11:27AM

    Way to go! The longer we stay on track the easier it's going to get. Don't expect to be perfect or you'll be setting yourself up for failure. Little changes daily will be the way to win this battle. I'm so proud of you! Keep up the good work. I'm trying to lose 20 pounds by Memorial Day and since you are trying to lose that much by your birthday we can do it together! We can do this!


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BONLOR 4/27/2008 10:15AM

    Congrats on your "loss" and on your successful journey through the holiday. It is very difficult to avoid those wonderful foods that get prepared during holiday times, so instead of passing on them we have to learn to just have a very small amount to satisfy that craving (which it sounds like you succeeded in doing!) You are doing great, keep it up!
emoticon emoticon

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