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Losing the Battle while Cheating Myself

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

20 months ago I had my life going in the right direction.
Sparks help me lose 50 lbs and get my emotional eating under control and then everything when to h*ll
My youngest son was in a bad accident earlier and was now hooked on oxys and his girlfriend of 13 years was now on zany bars, blues and who knows what.and left leaving my 2 granddaughters (3 & 6) with my son because she said she couldn't handle them. (Did I mention that my son lived on the other side of my house so I became a sandwich.

CPS was called in and I was made temporary guardian BUT I had to leave my own home because of the situation . I moved in with my parents for what I thought would be a few weeks (turned out to be a year).

My Mom has COPD and my dad was in early stages of Alzheimer which was progress fast and 2 months after I moved in I has to find a home for him. My son went to court ordered rehab (14 months) and the girls mother did nothing that CPS required.

Next the judge awarded me full guardian ship and I moved back to my home....... which started showing signs of having a sink hole and we started going through testing. It was determined that I have ground movement (after living in my house for 20 years) and not sink holes so all repairs where my problem.

At that point the doctor was proud of me because I had only put on 18 pounds of over 50.

Now my son comes home and all h*ll starts breaking lose / 8 weeks after her comes home I realize I major emotional eating and adding bunches of pounds each week.

The drama still goes on and I am considering selling my home and moving elsewhere with my granddaughters.

I also realize that I am just going through the Sparks motions and cheating myself. Yes, I was reading the articles but NOT mediating and socking them in my soul as I once did.

Not only had I lost the battle but I was cheating myself and not getting a handle on my emotional eating.

Then I started looking at all my Sparks friends and seeing how many were gone. Then I realized they had not only lost the battle but instead have lost the war.

I've spent today cleaning out food (its amazing the garbage we put in our cabinets for the grandchildren) and starting to work on the emotional eating and starting to read and mediate on the sparks articles.

May you all will the war


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOTUSFLOWER 1/28/2013 10:15PM

    I'm praying for you. Thank you for the wonderful goodie and your kind words. You will reach your goals.

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KATHYM316 1/26/2013 3:25AM

    Well I just want to say that we use to chat when I was on here before. I stopped cuz I lost my husband and I have gained a lot of weight. But I am hoping that getting back in touch with the great people that use to be my motivation, that we can help each other again..

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    HI Sweetie,,, you DO have it HARD and there's NO JOKE about THAT !!!! What can be done about this???

Heres my story,,, see if we can paralle a little,,,,, I lived in Maine,,,,my GD and I were together 24/7,,,, most of the time,,, her Mom was neglectful emotionally. So she was over to my place. Than one day, her Best friend who was over,,,,age 15 (GD 16) got VERY ANGRY at me,,,,it was silly) and decided to commit suidice there in my apt,,,in front of us both. it was very messy,,, aweful. She was NOT successful,,it was "more of a cry for help" for it was not enough to do as she wanted, still,,,,it was beyond shocking and aweful.

Th9is triggered my GD onto the road of her own depression and mental illness that VERY WEEKEND when she had been HAPPY GO LUCKY before it. She started to cut up upon her arms/wrosts,,,,,,not sleeping,,,wild swings. Than suddenly,,,and this scared the CRAP OUT OF ME ! Was a rare time at her Moms,,,came over to my place,,,,DRIVING HERSELF,,,,,,to say "I want to die" she had a plan. We talked it thru,,,she was DROP DEAD SERIOUS. Took her to the ER. that was the start of it,,, her Mom was TOTALLY SHOCKED..,.as said,,,neglectful. Had to catch her up;,,,, was NOT easy !!!!! Lots of blame al over the placeWhi,,,this is a lovely child,,,only child,,,we both DOTE UPON,,,,though she's been neglected emotionally from Mom,,,,,,she's deeply loved by her.......if that makes sense,,,,Mom had lost a chiod,,,,and this one had been in a serious accident at age 7,,,we almost lost her.

While going thru this,,,,another GS,,,,was moving south,,,,,,,I was deversated,,,,,,,,,y heart into a gazillion pieces,,,and of course with Regina also, his Momma,,,who's ex was literally trying to kill her,,,it was an emergency situation,,,,I was URGING HER TO LEAVE NOW !!! RIGHAT NoW HON !! LEAVE NOW SWEETIE beofe he kills you goth !!!

So that's 2 out of 3.

The 3rd? Well GS #1,,, has a terminal illness. Had at that point 2 yrs left,,,,leaving for Colorado,,,,, we all were living in Maine,,,,,all about in the same neighborhood,,,happily so,,,,very close. I couldn't handle ALL my family going,,,so I left with family #1 leavin to CO where I am right now.

So what do I do with the diet? Did I THROW IT OUT the window? I've LEFT my FAVORITE GD,,,the one I've been RAISING behind in Maine,,,,thousands of MILES AWAYS and UNSTABLE !11 I am SO SCARED For her,,,but yet,,,,,,,, my own health is extremely poor. I've got a neurological disease that the Dr's in ME can't decide what's going on,,,,I am still young enough to ENJOY LIFE IF they can discover WHATS GOING ON?????? IF ! So my Drs and I ALL (5 of them) sat down,,,,decided after a Stroke looking thing in July GO TO CO with the Fam #1,,,,,,,, and FIND OUT in Denver,,,whats GOING ON or DIE IN MAINE the NEXT TIME !!! DO NOT GIVE UP !!!

So here I AM !!! In a TOTALLY STRANGE of CRIME AND DANGER ALL OVER !! I can NOT drive due to meds,,,,and my fam has a TONS of appts with GS all the tasweme,,,,,,,cos of his illness at a top hosp here,,,, TRYING to keep him as QUOTE and UNquote healthy as {Possilbe" and its NOT REALLY we slowly watch him go downhill,,,, he's 20,,,,, NOT much huh while his 17 yr old sister COMPETeS with him if she gets cold on HOW SICK SHE IS,,,,, GHERS !!!!!! She needs attention also,,,, SHE IS GETTING AIt,,,,wants MORE RIGHTFULLY SO !! hard situaltion !

so thats whats going on.



Yet, its how we choose to look at it.

For my GS will die,,,,but, I'll see him again,,, weve talked this out manmy times,,,,upside down and backwards,,,,, so mamy times,,,,,we have no more words,,, just hugs,,,,,,, he's been CHEATED NO DOUBT, but still I'll see him again and he'll NOT be in pain,,,we both live in pain rigt now,,,and "are in a race to see who wins first". Its a standing SIC joke between us" but we both understand it,,,no one does.,,,,well not the way we do. We r both ok with this.

Do I sit back and eat LOUSEY cos of life's problems? NO A!!!! There HAS to be SOME CONTROL in Life,,,,so WHY NOT over MY BODY where I CAN???? AND OVER LIFE as it CAN be???? Which means GRABBIN ThE BULL BY THE HORN and MAKING LIFE as GOOD as it CAN BE by LOSING the WEIGHT and FEELING BETTAH THAT WAY?????]]I've gone recently down again,,,I am SO )PROUD OF MYSELF since the move in Sept,,,, that shoulod of been a GAIN,,,with the MOVE,,,the UPHEAVEL,,, the MISSING OF GD,,,, AL OF IT,,,,,, having NO HOME OF MY OWN,,,loving with FAM til I DO, but NOT A!!!! I AM CONTROLING ME A!! WOOOHOOO AND I AM AWEFULLY PROUD OF MYSELF.

Hope this helps you hon,,,,, helps you see,,,, YOU ALSO Can TURN ARUND,,,NOT the STUFF {HAPPENING{ outside the body, but the STUFF you put INTO the body and how PROUD OF YOU , U CAN BE OF YOU !! WOOHOOOO!!|| START TO ROK !!

Diane,,,,, challenge Leader of the Spirited Under Dawgs

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JAKEANDNELLIE............. Miss You

Friday, December 16, 2011

I hope all is well


Maxine Funnies "color is good" She so get us.....sometimes

Saturday, September 11, 2010


Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.
My blood pressure was high ......
My cholesterol was high ..........
I'd gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot.
My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated
and it would solve my physical problems.
He said: Just think in c o l o r s.
Fill your plate with bright c o l o r s.
Try some greens, oranges, reds, maybe something yellow, etc.
So I went right home and ate an entire bowl of

M and M's

And sure enough, I felt better immediately.
I never knew eating right could be so easy !!!

You just have to love good ole MAXINE and her thought process!!!!!!!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YW84FRIDAY 9/12/2010 9:24AM


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SNOWFILLY 9/12/2010 9:00AM

    That was great! Gotta love Maxine. Thank you.

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2BHLTHY4LIFE 9/11/2010 11:29PM

    SKITTLES Taste the Rainbow! Lol,our 13 year old daughter says skittles when she doesn't know what else to say.Thankyou,now I have a craving for M&M's,my favorite! Who is Maxine? Skittles,lol! Yuck I do not like Skittles. emoticonyou can and I am one to talk,I am lucky to have eaten 3 servings of fruits and veggies.Do you want to do a fruits and veggies challenge.I really want to eat a minimum of 2 of each a day! Best Wishes Maxine! emoticonDiana emoticon

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SUZIEGREY 9/11/2010 11:26PM

    Thank you for the smile.

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KARRIESNEWLIFE 9/11/2010 11:02PM

    When you Cut Off the Bowl Part, I was thinking you went fer a Bowl of Fruit Loops. lol.

I hope you know, Your Doc wasn't meaning Sweets @ the Time. ( But then again, I'm with you, Chocolate Was & Always will be a Girls 2 Nd Best Friend, Especially when Aunt Maxine's in Town.) ;-p

Karrie C.

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KARRIESNEWLIFE 9/11/2010 11:01PM

    When you Cut Off the Bowl Part, I was thinking you went fer a Bowl of Fruit Loops. lol.

I hope you know, Your Doc wasn't meaning Sweets @ the Time. ( But then again, I'm with you, Chocolate Was & Always will be a Girls 2 Nd Best Friend, Especially when Aunt Maxine's in Town.) ;-p

Karrie C.

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KARRIESNEWLIFE 9/11/2010 11:01PM

    When you Cut Off the Bowl Part, I was thinking you went fer a Bowl of Fruit Loops. lol.

I hope you know, Your Doc wasn't meaning Sweets @ the Time. ( But then again, I'm with you, Chocolate Was & Always will be a Girls 2 Nd Best Friend, Especially when Aunt Maxine's in Town.) ;-p

Karrie C.

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KARRIESNEWLIFE 9/11/2010 10:53PM

    When you Cut Off the Bowl Part, I was thinking you went fer a Bowl of Fruit Loops. lol.

I hope you know, Your Doc wasn't meaning Sweets @ the Time. ( But then again, I'm with you, Chocolate Was & Always will be a Girls 2 Nd Best Friend, Especially when Aunt Maxine's in Town.) ;-p

Karrie C.

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MAYLINGSNW 9/11/2010 10:47PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticongood thinking...maxine !!

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I'm Not sure about this blogging thing

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Everybody blog this................. blog that.
Well how do you know what to blog about.
It seems like alot to just be putting everything out there.

I'm looking for suggestions because I have NO idea how to do this correctly.

What makes for a perfect blog?

emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DANIE11ECINCY 7/3/2010 12:58PM

    Blog about what you're thinking at the moment (which you did!); Blog about you reflecting on your day, week, month, year, weight loss journey so far; Blog about something amazing you've done lately/that day; Blog with neat/informational links that you've come across that you want to share with others; but mainly just Blog for yourself, as if no one else was reading it... just all the thoughts you have that you don't want to keep bottled up. Good luck w/your weight loss journey (and future blogging ;) )!!

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DEUZIE 7/1/2010 9:23PM

    I am 56 and at my age there aren't a lot of "firsts" left. I blogged for the first time on SP a few weeks ago and I too use it as a personal journey journal. I don't know if anyone on SP knows me and frankly I don't care. That's another advantage to being over 50. I am getting honest with myself about my weight. I have hidden in my fat aka "force field" long enough. Write whatever you want. By putting your feelings in writing you can learn a lot about yourself. Sometimes the most "AHA" revelations occur.

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KEENTINA 6/29/2010 8:31PM

    They're all giving good tips. We usually share likes and dislikes of exercises or DVDs, downfalls, questions, anything you think is inspirational. You're welcome to share your moods, etc. - we're all nosy - it's part of getting to know each other and making friends.

You can also read other peoples blogs and comment if you're not comfortable writing your own.

Best of luck!

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KKLENNERT809 6/26/2010 6:04PM

    There are so many good ideas out there, just write whatever comes to mind. There is no right or wrong. I myself, am not much of a blogger. I've written a few, but I enjoy posting more because you are typing out short, quick ideas for a topic. It's ok if you don't get into writing blogs. Try reading more of them and you might begin to come up with more ideas for your own. Either way, it's OK!

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JRDIAMOND4 6/26/2010 5:32PM

    I felt the same way. I had no idea what a blog was. The only reason I have a Face Book page was so my grandson could chat with me. He 6 yrs old. He calls me on the phone tells me to get on the computer and we chat. LOLOLOL

My first blog was the hardest, like you I had no idea. I was thinking I wanted it to be inspirational, meaningful, funny, etc. I just couldn't think of anything to write about. After my first blog, I now blog everyday. Sometimes a lot sometimes not so much.

I am having the hardest time with the message boards. I am hesitant because I have a problem with what I am thinking doesn't come out like I mean it. I find myself saying the same thing over and over trying to explain what I meant.

I still haven't figured out how to use the Team discussion forums. So I am taking my time trying to figure them out.

Just Have Fun!! emoticon

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PMFISH 6/26/2010 5:00PM

    You posted the perfect blog. What's one your mind at the moment.

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RHONDAHONDA2 6/26/2010 4:46PM

    there is no bad blog in spark...write whatever is on your mind or what your doing at the moment or how your day is going so on... emoticon

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NINJALINDA 6/26/2010 4:42PM

    Sometimes my blogs celebrate victories, sometimes they share downfalls. Sometimes it's just stuff rattling around in my head. Sometimes I try to be funny, other times I'm listing goals hoping for help to be accountable. You'll get the hang of it...never fear. (but don't be concerned about doing the **perfect** blog...that's too much pressure!)

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BUDDHABOI 6/26/2010 4:31PM

    It will get easier with time. For me, I read quotes/inspiration type stuff and I share what I have read. Some use like a public diary for good/bad, seeking advise, etc...You make it your own one what you want to talk/share...

emoticon Best wishes for SUCCESS in your journey! emoticon

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REDSAMUR 6/26/2010 4:26PM

    1. Don't sweat
2. Don't panic
3. There are no rules
4. Write as much or as little about yourself as you wish
5. "Protect" your real life friends and family by giving them code-names, if you so wish
6. Do not reveal anything you feel is not safe
7. A blog is what you make of it
8. Have a look at other SPs blogs
9. Don't think you have to copy them
10. Enjoy!

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SPARKIE1964 6/26/2010 4:24PM

    For me, blogging is like a journal or diary. I blog about what I'm experiencing every step of the way...The good, the bad, the ugly. It helps me identify what is really going on, stay focused/committed & accountable to myself. Hope this helps!

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