Sunday, December 11, 2011
Dear God, I give you my heart. You will look after it much better than I can.
Update: I went to the hospital again last week. I had been hit in the head by a blunt object. Yay. Caused some muscle spasms and made my whiplash flare up. All of my friends now joke about putting me in a bubble made of bubble wrap.
Struggling with depression. I'm sure it's due to the medication, the pain, and the inability to be as active as I would like. I miss the endorphins from serious exercising.
It's almost Christmas, and I love Christmas movies.
Beautiful sunset tonight. Thank you, God.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Pain: such a simple concept…. such a complicated reality.
This year I’ve experienced my fair share of physical pain. I was in a walking boot for a sprained ankle at the beginning of the year until mid-March, and then re-sprained my ankle in late June/early July causing me to wear the boot for another couple of months. I gave myself the month of September off, and tried to get on a regular workout schedule starting in October. I did pretty well until I got some version of the plague (stomach virus) in the end of October. I was in the hospital for a few days and spent a few weeks struggling to hold down food.
Naturally, I took those weeks off. My digestive system felt like a cable carrying an electric current. Then finally, I could eat whatever I wanted and not have to worry about anything but dairy. Things were looking up.
November 19 started out as a great day. I was going to spend the weekend with several friends that I love. On the way to the UT/Vandy game traffic condensed quickly on I 40. We stopped, but the car behind us didn’t stop. After apparently fish-tailing (as I was told later by my friends in the other car) we pulled off at the nearest exit. Well, long story short, I am hurt yet again. I am thankful for my amazing friends who were very helpful to me getting me to and from the ER and home.
Found out today that the insurance companies are going to fight over who ‘gets stuck with my bill.’ Unfortunately, I overheard my father talking to the receptionist at the chiropractor about it, and I just started crying heavily. I’ve been very emotional these last nine days. My doctor says that it could be neurological, he called it a ‘brain bruise.’ Makes sense since my brain was thrown against my skull when my neck sprained.
So, now? I’m in pain. Fighting depression. Looking to God for answers and healing. Needing support. Feeling grateful. Feeling needy. And… well… just tired. Tired of being in pain. Tired of feeling like an inconvenience. Tired of crying at everything.
No one else was seriously injured in the accident.
I am alive.
I have made a great friendship through this experience.
I have been able to spend more time with God.
Somehow I've lost 15 pounds.
Worried about medical bills.
Mom still hasn’t recovered well. She has a loose grasp of reality. She forgets what day it is and has unintelligible conversations.
Dad needs rest. He took his break bringing my mom, my sister, and me to doctors all week.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
So, after getting out of the hospital with some version of the plague, I took a week off to get stronger before seriously working out.
I was in a car wreck a week ago. Having a whiplash flare up from 2002. I'm not supposed to lift anything for another week... (not sure how that's going to work with the whole job thing...)
My love life isn't where I want it to be... and I cannot help thinking it has something to do with not working out.
I just need support. I need love. I need to heal.
Friday, October 28, 2011
I'm looking back over my last post and shaking my head. I wish I could have done all that.
On Thursday of last week I went into the ER thinking I was having a reaction to my flu shot. Symptoms included dizziness, a welt on my arm the size of a half dollar, and stomach pain. They sent me home with an assurance that I was not reacting to the shot and a prescription for non-drowsy, anti-nausea medicine.
Slept through work on Friday because of the pain/nausea/antihistamine combo they gave me before leaving the hospital.
Saturday: slept through most of the day again.
Sunday: back to a more active self with occasional stomach rolling.
Monday: went to work like normal. Felt a little weak.
And then it was Tuesday... Got sick 3 times before work. Took meds and got sick once at work. Made it through the first 7 hours of my first job with just stomach pain and dizziness starting at 1pm. Attempted to go to my after-school job. My co-worker/neighbor told me to go home, and I got sick in the parking lot trying to leave. Got home and went bed. Used 4 blankets and was still cold. Teeth chattering and crying because I didn't want to spend any more money that we just don't have, my dad drug me to the doctor. I dry heaved in the parking lot because I just didn't have anything left. (My lunch eaten around 11am was already out of my system.) Temperature was 102 F. Doctor put me in the hospital fearing Appendicitis.
My fever had broke before being admitted to the hospital. I was placed in my own room, which was nice. CT scan was the first priority. No appendicitis. They found swollen lymph nodes around my colon which was the cause of my body's "cleansing of the intestines..." But, what had caused them to swell?
Wednesday morning had a chest X-ray and ultrasound. Gall bladder has sludge in it. Rest of day was spent in and out of sleep and welcoming loving visitors. The biggest event of the day was that they had to switch my IV arm. Yeah... that hurt. Finally had jello and a Popsicle over 24 hours after not having solid food.
Thursday morning continued on an antibiotic drip and waited patiently to go home. Got home around noon with instructions to maintain a clear liquid diet and to slowly augment it with solid food such as crackers and soup. Only got sick twice.
Today I woke up after my dad and sister got home from school around six hours ago. Holding down soup today and basically living off of Popsicles and jello. My loving father got me the sugar free kinds and low calorie Gatorade. I really have no idea how many calories I've been consuming... but I doubt I'm anywhere close to normal just yet. Working out is still out of the question, but my main goal is health, and I am working on that now.
Doctor follow up appointment is Monday and gallbladder scan is Tuesday. Prayers are greatly appreciated! My sister is also starting to get sick, and my mother is having to have surgery again due to a large kidney stone. My poor father has been missing work and trying to take care of all of us. I pray that I do not need surgery, because we really can't afford any more medical bills. Thank God for insurance!
In all things, I know that God will provide for my family. I love you Spark Friends! Keep up the amazing work!
Angela & Ben Gable's recent miscarriage
Gable family health issues
God's continual blessing and unfailing love
Loving and supportive friends
Waking up each day with new possibilities
Monday, October 24, 2011
Goals for this week: (Or how I plan to love myself this week)
*Stay healthier than last week!
*Maintenance workouts after work/dinner.
*De-stress and relaxation techniques once/twice a day.
*Spend one evening with friends.
*Not worry about last week's sickness fall back.
*Daily say one positive thing about myself out loud to myself in a mirror.
*Send more time with God in His Word and prayer.
*Read for pleasure nightly.
I call it "Falling for Music"
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