Sunday, November 27, 2011
A year and a half ago, I was a stay-at-home Mum with four young kids, a husband and a home to take care of. I was also 135lbs overweight (wow, that is such a BIG number!), out of shape, borderline depressed and just feeling all around down on myself. After suffering a miscarriage, I knew something had to change. Then I got the invite to BLC 13 and became a full-time 'Spark'ler.
A year ago, I was still a SAHM, just 81lbs lighter. I had spent that summer rollerblading, biking and ellipticalling (uhm...ya know what I mean! lol) my way to a healthier, happier me. I had finally dedicated time to myself. I had inspired my kids, husband and several family members and friends to eat better and exercise more. I was feeling great....at a weight that I hadn't been since elementary school!
Six months ago, I was 5 months pregnant with my fifth child (see what losing 81lbs can do for you! ).
and cringing every time I saw the scale creep back up....pound by little pound....'til I had regained 50lbs of what I had worked so darn hard to lose. I know it was all for the good cause of a healthy baby (which she was!) but it was VERY difficult all the same.
Two months ago, I brought home my beautiful baby girl. A healthy, non-gestational diabetic pregnancy had given me a healthy, beautiful wee girl. Our Gwendolyn was the perfect addition to our family. As I sat on the couch nursing her, I wondered how in the world I was going to prevent myself from regaining all the weight I had lost originally and get myself back into the game.
A week ago, I woke up and knew that that was the day. The day I was going to rededicate myself to my pursuit of a healthy lifestyle and weight. I jumped back in with both feet. I set goals for myself; set up my tracking systems; joined a team ( Go White Lightning!!!);
hopped on the elliptical and did a thorough strength training workout. AND the baby slept through the workout and let me do it, to boot! I was sore....but oh-so-satisfied!
And five days ago I was reminded, in a big way, that I was the mother of a young baby. Yes....a two-month-old who decided that she was from Star Trek....my very own Cling-on!
She wouldn't settle with anyone but Mummy for any length of time and had definitely decided that sleep was only going to happen in the carrier or Mummy's arms. (of course, we both came down with a cold the next night, which completely explained THAT!) But, that's okay. My opportunity to cuddle and cradle my babies is oh-so-fleeting, so I enjoyed it.....but how the heck was I going to enjoy my workout, too?
Well, this is how.....
No, your eyes did not deceive you.
Yes, I did my ST workout (15min warm-up and 40min resistance band work) and my cardio (60min elliptical) with Dolly in the carrier. The extra weight was warm, but was no doubt an added benefit, too. It wasn't the easiest workout, but I did it. I even did it without falling on my arse, too!
And, I'm sure, I'll be forced to do it again one day, too....'cuz as much as I need to put myself first, we all know who really does come first. But that's okay. It's all worth it in the end.
Last night, after 3 days of being sick, I got back to my ST and 26min elliptical while Dolly slept on the couch. It IS possible to do it while she's asleep, there's just going to be times where she needs to join me, too.
And today? Well, today I woke up knowing that I'm going to be okay. I CAN do it all again. Starting over is not as hard as I thought it would be. It would be easier to give up.....but I've given up on myself enough over the years. Besides that.....I've never been known to take the easy way out.
So, when you don't feel like doing a workout remember the pictures above......that should keep you laughing through the warm-up, at least!
Here are my 'NEW' before pictures. This is me on Tuesday, November 22, 2011 at 234.8lbs.....35.2lbs down from my original weight.....44.8lbs higher than my lowest weight. Meh.....I'll get there again...and a whole lot lower than that, too!
No matter how many times people tell me that I 'don't need to lose any more weight' or that I 'look fine the way that I am' or that I 'don't want to get TOO skinny'. Seriously? Just 'cuz THEY are unhappy with themselves, doesn't mean they get to bring me down with them! That is just fuel for my motivation, baby!
What keeps YOU from working towards or reaching your goals? Make them work for you and you'll get there a whole lot faster!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Okay, let’s get this meeting started….
Who would like to go first?
Hesitantly, I raised my hand and stood up. Nervously wiping the palms of my hands on my thighs, I cleared my throat and said,
“My name is Heather….and I have a problem. I’m…well, uhm…I’m sneaky, but not in a good way.”
I paused, not really sure if I could get the rest of it out. I saw the stained glass window over the others’ heads, in the window of the church’s meeting room. It was a picture of a snake wrapped around a nice, red, juicy-looking apple.
‘How fitting,’ I thought, ‘forbidden fruit.’ I smiled and shook my head ruefully, knowing that continuing was the only way I could get past it.
“I sneak food,” I said with a sigh, “I go behind my family and friends’ backs and sneak food. Sometimes it’s the good stuff….fruit, veggies, nuts or even yogurt or cheese. More often than not, however, it’s chocolate, cookies, cake, gummy treats…..the BETTER stuff.”
I chuckled softly and stopped to look around at the others. They nodded in agreement, knowing exactly where I was coming from.
“I’m not always certain WHY I do it. Heck, sometimes I’m barely aware that I AM doing it. Obviously I know I shouldn’t be eating, especially since I am rarely hungry when I sneak food, or I wouldn’t hide it. But I’m not sure why I turn to hiding it instead of just having one piece and moving on, ya know? It’s like one piece isn’t enough and hiding it is almost a game for me. It gives me a rush to see how close I can be to someone and NOT have them catch me at it.”
“Sometime I do it out of boredom. Sometimes I do it merely to sabotage my healthy habits and sometimes I just want to TASTE one…..but it’s never just one, is it? It’s one…..then two…..and before you know it, you’ve scarfed down ten of whatever ‘forbidden fruit’ you’ve chosen that time.” With a derisive chuckle I passed a hand over my face and continued…..
“I’ve never really admitted it to anyone before….that I sneak food…..this is a really big step for me. I hope it’s the first one in a series of right ones. I really need to get myself back to where I need to be. Healthy….for my kids….for my husband….for MYSELF.”
Giving each person a big smile, I said, “Thanks for being there. To listen when I need to vent. To hold me up when I feel like falling. For helping me to celebrate the victories, no matter how big or small they may be. Without you all in my corner, there would’ve been a TKO months ago.”
I sat back down and listened to the other members’ tell about themselves. I actually think this may be the right place for me.
[Is this story true? No, but it should be. Is the problem real? Unfortunately, all too real. I do sneak food, at pretty much every opportunity. And I need to stop. For my health and my children’s future health. I need to set a better example for THEM to follow. Now, who would like to speak next……]
Sunday, January 23, 2011
I went shopping today. I needed some more long-sleeved tees. I practically live in them now...I'm ALWAYS cold...and 4 just doesn't cut it. Not unless I want to do laundry 2 or more times a week. I have 4 kids....soooooo do not want to do laundry more than I have to. So off my 2yo and I went to do some shopping.
I immediately headed for the XL section. Looked at a couple of tops and pulled one off the rack. I held it up and laughed at myself.
"You haven't been here in a couple of months now, Heather.", I said, putting it back and heading down the rack.
Past the 'Large' section.....and stopped at the 'Medium' section. I found a few I liked, pretty sure that they weren't REALLY mediums, but got them anyway. Then I thought, "Why not?" and headed to the 'Small' section.
This is one of the three, yes THREE, 'Small' long-sleeve tees I bought today.....
AND THEY FIT!
I am still a little stunned. I never even hesitated to look in the 'Small' section, never mind buy it. Imagine my surprise when I got home and they fit....nicely, too. I am constantly and consistently amazed at what I have been able to accomplish in the past 8 months. I have lost 76lbs and gone from a size 20/22 to a size 10/12.....that's down FIVE dress sizes! OMG!
So, to you dear SparkPeeps, I say 'Thank you.' Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for listening to my whining and celebrating my successes. Thank you for helping me to overcome obstacles and vent when I needed to. Thank you for being there, even when you didn't know you were. You are all absolutely AMAZING people and I am such a richer person for having you all in my life.
A toast......to ALL of our successes!
Saturday, January 01, 2011
I had a l'il bit of an out of body experience the other day. But, first, a little back sotry.....
Due to family stresses, I went over 8yrs without speaking to my brothers. I got back in touch with one 2yrs ago and the other one on Thursday. It was pretty nerve-wracking for me, as I was unsure of what my reception would be. I hoped that he would be happy to see me, but wasn't sure. *sigh* So, with a huge breath, I knocked on his door and waited for him to answer it.
He answered, I teared up and said, "I have missed you so much" and gave him a huge hug. He just stood there. I thought, "Oh no! He's not happy to see me" and was ready to run back to the van and tell my DH to just drive away. Then he started to hug me back. I stepped away from him and noticed that he had tears in his eyes. I let out a huge mental sigh of relief and we stepped outside to talk a little bit. My DH & kids were waiting in the van, so he joined us and the kids watched a movie while we tried to catch up on 8yrs of life in 45 minutes. We did pretty good, if I do say so myself.
This is where the out of body experience (kinda) happened....while we were talking, he looked at me and said, "If I saw you on the street, I'd walk right by you and wouldn't have even recognized you as my sister." That blew me away, ya know?
I mean, I realize that I look different. I see how different I look every time I walk by a mirror or large window. I feel how different I am in the clothes I wear and the attitude I now have toward life, love, happiness and food. I get that but, on the inside, I am still me and I never thought that someone who once knew me so well wouldn't even recognize me. It was weird and definitely got me thinking.
Then, yesterday, I attended the funeral for a girl I grew up with. We lived across the street from each other our entire lives, until I moved away from that street 2 years ago. Her Mom still lives across the street from my old house. I saw her Mom just about every day for over 35 years. And when I sat next to her yesterday, to give her my condolences on the loss of her daughter.....I needed to introduce myself. That was almost weirder than my brother not knowing me. From early 1999 to November 2008 I saw this woman just about every single day. And she looked at me like I had 4 heads and she was obviously wondering who I was. In fact, I had to introduce myself to 3 people yesterday that I grew up with and saw almost weekly, if not daily, for years. It was really strange for me.
Wow. Have I really changed THAT much? On the outside? I know I have changed that much on the INSIDE...but never really gave much thought to how the changes affected me on the outside. Although, I do have to admit that it did become almost a party game to see who recognized me and who did not....and how long it took them to recognize me. lol I am so bad! (Hush, Marcy!)
It just kinda took me by surprise when my own brother didn't recognize me, ya know?
Have a very Happy New Year, all!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
on their own, I had to go and sustain an injury. At least, that's what I THINK I did! The Drs are undecided about what happened, but have thankfully ruled out cardiac/lung/blood clot issues.
See, I like to workout. I also know that, for me to be successful, I need to workout at least 60 minutes everyday....vigorously workout, that is. That is how I have achieved all that I have since May 2010. Since the end of October, that has included 60min on my Wii each day, as well as 60min on the elliptical and/or 20-30min step ups. I do believe that it is the step ups that did me in. I figured out that I truly enjoy doing step ups as a part of my workout routine and ended up adding upper body ST to my step ups to make it a more complete workout. Well, I made it such a complete workout that I think I stressed my knees to the point where they swelled up and gave themselves time to recuperate.
That being said, I entered the holiday season at 189.2lbs (-81.2lbs) and am currently sitting at 197.8lbs. This is a disaster for me. Gaining in any way is usually how I give up and go back to where I was when I started. I don't want to....no, I CAN'T go back to that person. I am a completely different person now, but I have been absolutely fighting with old habits and thoughts for the last 2 weeks. I have found myself binging on candy, not eating well-balanced meals, skipping meals to eat junk food and, to top it all off.....not exercising 'cuz it was painful. It has been painful just to walk across the room until yesterday. Last night I got back on the elliptical and finally feel like I just might have this episode licked!
Here's a big hug for all of you. I may not have been forthcoming with this struggle of mine 'til now, but knowing that you were all here to cheer me on has kept me honest (not tracking, but at least not binging as badly as I could have been!) and not straying too far from my path. Thanks guys. I couldn't walk this road without you all alongside me and I want you to know that you have made quite an impact on this Canadian gal!
Enjoy the rest of your holidays, everyone. You all deserve to rock whatever town you're in!
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