Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Thanks for the FitBit info, much appreciated.
I had a VERY rough day yesterday. Mentally, I was a big old mess. Very agitated, short tempered and just all around evil. I was not fun to be around at all.
Today, thankfully, is better. Not sure why I had such a bad day exactly, but I am pretty stressed about my test on Saturday. I had another rehab session this evening, so hopefully my therapist can help me with all this Christmas nonsense. I'm not really feeling parties and pictures bc of the weigh I've gained. I'm dreading wearing holiday clothes bc majority of my stuff doesn't fit and I really can't afford to buy bigger sizes. I know....suck it up and lose the weight. I have to CHOOSE to be happy. Just force yourself and do it. Fine ideas, I even tell people the same things. Not gonna work. Mentally, I'm not there. I'm not ready. I feel weak and unmotivated.
I know I'm gonna get better. I know this process isn't a quick fix. It is just uncomfortable and that's good. If I was comfortable then I wouldn't be moving forward. This way of comfortable thinking has completely taken over my life. It's not healthy and that's why I'm in eating disorder hell.
I want to end this blog on a high note. I'm thankful that my husband, my parents and some friends )that are aware of my situation) are so supportive. My husband is amazing. I'm learning to only eat what I what and what will satisfy me...needless to say our planned dinners have been thrown out the window and I've picked some odd things and odd times to eat. He is fantastic!
How are you all doing?
Thanks for reading,
Monday, December 09, 2013
What's up, everyone? I hope everyone had a great weekend!
I had a lot of fun, despite having to study all weekend and having a sick husband.
Friday night was our work Christmas party and it was a blast. I got some really nice and thoughtful gifts.
Saturday was study, study, study and managed a 91% on my final. Sweet.
Sunday I studied some more, cleaned up a bit, decorated a bit and went to Target to buy a few things and of course, ended up with almost $150 worth of stuff.
I did pretty well following my guidelines and got in TONS of steps per FitBit. I'm thinking of upgrading to the wristband....anyone have one? Or the FitBit One? What are your thoughts?
Hope everyone has a great week and thanks for reading!
Friday, December 06, 2013
Wow, has Spark changed in the past few months or what? Geeze!
Anyhoo, I just thought I'd check in and let you know how I'm doing.
Well, I'm in outpatient rehab....yup, for an eating disorder. I don't want to get to much into it, bc I'm tired of talking about it. I just want to change my way or thinking and get healthy. I wish I could say that I've lost weight, but sadly, I have not. I have steadily been gaining since August. I have gained exactly 20lbs and currently weighing in at 207lb. Never been over 200 in my life.
It's is going to be a VERY long road ahead of me. It isn't going to be fun or comfortable, but I know it will be worth it.
Currently, I'm following five guidelines:
Eat whenever you are hungry
Eat sitting down in a calm environment
Eat only what you want
Eat until you feel satisfied
Eat with the intentions of being in full view of others
Eat with enjoyment and pleasure instead of judgement
They are pretty tough guidelines for me (especially the eating when hungry and in an environment with no distractions) and I'm struggling pretty much every minute of the day, but I gotta work thru it.
I made maybe creeping around on here every so often, but I won't be super active. I'm trying to stay away from the computer and go out and do things I truly enjoy. I don't like reading too much about calories and food and all that, but I love reading how everyone is doing and achieving. Hopefully, I'll be a success story soon enough.
Friday, September 06, 2013
It would be smashed up Office Space style. No joke.
My FitBit scale is an evil, evil demon.
I was really excited bc I lost six pounds and finally felt almost normal again. My clothes still didn't fit right, but I felt that I was heading strongly in the right direction.
Well, apparently when your battery gets low on the FitBit is turns into an evil demon and weighs you a HELL of A LOT less than what you really are.
I know what you are going to say: the number on the scale isn't everything, it's all how you feel etc etc
Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. It's a big blow to my self esteem, especially since I'm also dealing with bad acne (at age 34, really?!?).
It is difficult to stay positive but I'm trying. I've got eight miles tomorrow and hopefully it will be cooler.
Hope everyone has a great weekend and HAPPY RUNNING!
Tuesday, September 03, 2013
Whew. 14 miles is my longest run to date and it was pretty tough. It was very humid and I struggled, and I even decided I was going to quit at mile 10, but I didn't. I kept going and finally finished. My feet and hips hurt, but everything else was fine. I was a bit sore on Sunday, but all in all I recovered nicely.
Thyroid wise I feel great! I'm losing weight, I'm down 6.5 lbs and focusing on rest and eating enough.
How was your weekend? Any races?
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