Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Ok-going to go with ALL positives! I am really looking forward to June, I now have a bowflex in my house and I am starting to do water aerobics 4 times a week (starting today). Woo hoo!! My friend Angela and I are taking classes together which is PERFECT-cause 2 of the classe are at 7:10 in the AM. Neither of us is looking forward to it trying to get going for that time of the AM-but by going together, that should keep us both in line.
My GIGO mentality is continuing-MUST keep that going!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Ok...very proud of myself, I hit my 1st 10 lb weight loss mark..woo hoo! I was starting to think I wasn't going to lose any weight, but my body shape just feels so much different-even if I wasn't losing weight-I was fine with that! I still don't see any results in the mirror, but for me, I can feel it in some of the clothes I wear, the fact that I can sit a little taller, I can do a little more before feeling tired...yes!!
So I am going to keep on going here, interested to see what is ahead :)
Friday, April 18, 2008
GIGO-stands for 'Garbage In Garbage Out'. Lord knows I have had enough garbage in to my life, now I need to do some major cleaning and get the garbage out! OUT to toxic food....OUT to toxic friends!!! Begone evil spirits...begone!
I need to feel positive again, I never thought I would ever say that I look forward to working out-but lo' & behold, lately that was the only time I have been really feeling good. My friend Angela & I are currently taking 2 classes a week for water aerobics...I just LOVE it! We brainstormed this week and are going to change things around w/ scheduling this summer so we can both take at least 4 classes a week. We are both psyched about this and I cannot WAIT to start!
So, right now if working out is making me feel good, and bad food & bad people in my life are not...hmmmm...this should be a no brainer right?
LOL ! Stayed tuned people, I hope to make more changes in my life and focus more on me and what I need right now...not what other people want. *I* get to be the selfish one...dammit ;) I would usually feel bad about that...but NOT...THIS...TIME.
I am DONE!
Monday, April 07, 2008
I am depressed today and thought that if I came and blogged about it, it would help me deal with it a little better. So for those of you who may read this, I apologize on using this forum for such a sad purpose.
A year ago today my cat Betty died, she wasn't just a 'cat' she was my kid. My little family was made up of me, her and her 2 brothers. I had adopted them 14 years ago when they were just about a week old-their mother had been killed and they were alone. My intention was to bottle feed & raise them and then find them good homes. Yeah...after taking care of them, they stole my heart and became my kids. My friends love to call me the crazy cat lady because I really did/do think of them as family.
When Betty passed it was a horrible time, I kept taking her to the vet and they couldn't figure out what was wrong with her and 'go home and keep an eye on her, come back next week'. After weeks of not getting anywhere and giving her antibiotics and watching her getting thinner each day, I took her to another vet. He started doing his own work up and sent me home with more antibiotics and some food to try to get some weight on her-he felt that her liver was enlarged. After a day of that I took her back in because I wasn't able to get much food into her and she was just getting weaker & weaker. They got some food into her that day, but the next day she got much worse and when he went to do emergency surgery on her-she passed away before he could even start. Thankfully my friend Charity came there right after it happened and was able to get me home.
I hurt so bad, this was my little baby girl and there was nothing I could do to help her. It ripped my heart out to see her so weak and all she wanted was to be held in the end. I was devasted and my friends were awesome in being there for me and they even helped me by going to pick up her remains. They got a little wooden box w/ a place for her picture on the front w/ her name engraved in a tag on the top. They all helped me out so much. Having my 2 boys still really helped as well, they were upset that their sister was gone and 'mommy' was crying & upset as well. We all started to heal and get over this, and then whatever gods I have pissed off came to strike again. One of my boys started getting sick/throwing up & lethargic in June. I took Bear IMMEDIATELY to that 2nd vet and this time he felt a growth in his stomach and he said there wasn't anything we could do, even if we went through surgery-chances were that it would come back. He sent me home with some food for him to see if I thinned it into a slurry and gave it to him in little bits-if that would stay down. If it stayed down and he felt better, then maybe I could have some time with him and get him to a specialist…he still didn't think it would do him any good in the long run. I brought him home and tried to get him to eat and he did eat a little, unfortunately he couldn't pass any of the food. Before he started suffering, I had to put him down on June 25th, my friend Angela stayed with me and helped me through this.
I can't even described how I felt...I physically hurt, I couldn't think straight, I cried all the time. Again my friends were amazing and were so supportive of me. Man-I was filling the 'crazy cat lady' role to a T, I was just miserable, unhappy & heart broken and felt that way for quite awhile. Now it was just me and my 1 boy left, he was so upset about the other 2 being gone as well. After a couple months, I ended up adopting 2 seven month old kittens to keep him & one another company. I am SO glad I did, he absolutely adored them and they couldn’t get enough of hanging out with their Uncle Hobbes.
I am very glad I brought the kittens in when I did, because just a few weeks later-Hobbes started to get sick. He was breathing so hard and couldn’t move and I was in a panic! I took him to vet as well and again they were stumped as to what was happening. The animal clinic did save his life, he was there for close to a week and his breathing improved, enough for him to come home. He still had problems and they had me giving him steroids, diuretics and other meds. Thankfully he was comfortable and happy to be home and I enjoyed every moment I could with him. He went back & forth to the vet many (MANY!) times over the next couple months and had his good days & bad. In January he took a down turn and we went back to the vet again, back & forth for a couple days. Finally on January 11th I took him in again and he got so much worse during the morning. Late that morning Angela again took me in to see him one last time and she stayed with me while I had to put have him put to sleep.
As bad as I thought I had felt before, it was nothing compared to this overwhelming feeling of loss. I had lost my original little family, all in a matter of 8 months-after spending 13 great years together.
As I said, today marks the 1 year anniversary of her death and I am feeling not just the pain and loss from her death, but also of all 3 of them. Somehow it seems like so much more is missing from my life, than just their presence. My 2 kittens bring me great joy and are approaching their 1st birthday. I hope to have many years with them and be able to look back upon my time with Betty, Bear and Hobbes and have more smiles than tears.
Friday, March 14, 2008
I am agitated and edgy and want to smack someone. Not just anyone, just 1 particular person. I am working hard on really trying to help myself here and to do that I am going through each day with a positive attitude...about me. sigh... I have a male friend staying with me and as he lurvs to point out 'he isn't my boyfriend', just a 'friend with benefits'. He has been going through a rough time, he lived about 5 hours away and all of his friends & family live around where I do. So he was never with his family & friends regularly, just everyone now & again on weekends. At the end of Nov he lost his job and went through a big depression and was still 5 hours away from everyone. Well I have tried to be a good friend and help him out, be positive & upbeat and all that jazz. About 1 month ago he got a job offer back here where we all are and he grabbed it up-now he is moving back 'home' as it were. So for 3 weeks out of the past month-he has been staying with me while he interviewed, started his job, found an apartment, etc.. He is moving into his own place this weekend, Sunday to be exact. What has been driving me nuts lately is HIM! I really like hanging out with him, but apparently he thinks I am a B & B! I don't mind helping someone out financially or lending an ear when they are stressed out and need to vent. This guy though...jeezz!
1) He has not lifted a finger once to help clean anything (and he is a bit messy).
2) He hasn't had to cook, except for 1 meal. I usually end up making a big breakfast on the weekends while he sleeps in (I am an early riser) and I was NOT going to do it again! I said that I was sleeping in, I would leave him a granola bar and a water and he could have that-or get up and make his breakfast...funny he got up and made breakfast for both of us.
3) He is a huge laundry hog and clothes hound, so he has a ton of laundry-all of which he hasn't had time to do-so I have been nice and just taking care of dropping it off at the laundromat to be done for him-or doing a load here or there. (He never asked me to do this, I just did it for him).
4) He gets very cranky & irritated when thigns don't go EXACTLY how he wants on anything, and he just takes it out on whoever is around (i.e. ME!).
Now I KNOW I have brought this on myself, but I did tell him that I was feeling majorly unappreciated here and it is starting to wear on me. I also told him that I was an idiot and that I had cultivated this, since I always do nice things for him and he never does the same back.
I am the type of person who likes to do for other people, that I just me. Talk about someone who loves to take advantage of it...jeez! I am mad at him, but I am much more angry at myself..WHY did I do this?
Anyway-this will be over on Sunday and I can stop walking around feeling angry and used.
I just needed to whine and vent, like the little wussy that I am. I made this damn situation and just have to freaking deal with it until it is done.
Venting is complete! Now maybe I can back to being positive again, I have been struggling for a few days and it just kind of got overboard in the last few. In order for me to do for ME, I need to be postive-heck with anyone else and their negativity.
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