FREETHEGODDESS   20,509
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FREETHEGODDESS's Recent Blog Entries

I'm Licking My Wounds And Moving On.

Friday, June 27, 2014

I have always been the type of person to give 100% to whatever I plan to do. When I stared Sparkpeople in May 2011 I did just that. I lost 70 lbs. by 12-25-11 and it seemed like nothing would stop me from reaching my goal of losing over 100 lbs.

Well, somewhere along the way, I got comfortable with where I was and lost sight of my ultimate goal. I stopped giving 100% to my program and the weight started to creep back on.

Totally devastated by my lack of "control" I began to feel depressed and disappointed with myself losing sight of the fact that I had accomplished something extraordinary even with gaining a little back. I made bad food choices and eventually stopped going to zumba and exercising all together.

I gave up on myself and like with other areas of my life, did it with 100% effort. Other stressors entered my life, plantarfaciitis, financial stress, marital stress, family issues with parents, discipline issues with having a teenager...it was too much and I turned back to food to escape.

My health got steadily worse and I was shocked to see a 296 lb. woman looking back at me in the mirror one day. I realized that I couldn't ignore the problem any further but I felt too insecure to get started again.

On 6/16/14, an old Sparkbuddy sent me a text message and asked if I would help her lose weight to prepare for a knee surgery. That was it. That was the "sign" I needed to get started. She gave me the "spark" and I would create the flame!

I am a nurturer by nature. It is easier for me to help others than myself. This simple request to help someone else with their weight loss gave me the motivation I needed to start helping myself. I want to be a positive example for her.

It may not solve the underlying emotional issues I obviously have with taking care of myself but, it did get me started on my path again.

I started eating better and logging my food in a journal that day. Losing 8 lbs. has given me enough confidence to come back on this website and say "ok, I am back!"

We are all human. I let myself down by gaining the weight back but, I can make it right again by licking my wounds and moving on.

"It doesn't matter where you start...it's where you end that counts!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GEMINIGEM6 7/28/2014 1:06PM

    Lord know I understand. I ended up gaining 30 of the 48 lbs I lost last year. But I am back on track again. We can do this!

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MPLSKEN 7/1/2014 1:42PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IRISHBEANERGAL 6/28/2014 3:15PM

    If this was easy, there wouldn't be a Sparkpeople website - and, obviously, this is a struggle for many.

So jump in, wiggle and giggle with us - and struggle - but never EVER give up!

~Irish


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M0MTH3W1TCH 6/28/2014 12:42AM

  Remember your goals. Remember how you felt with the new and improving you. It's hard but so worth it. We did it before and we can do it again.

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marge

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DEB62BIE62 6/27/2014 7:09PM

    We've all been there. Welcome back.

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TIKITAMI 6/27/2014 5:54PM

   
Welcome back. I did a restart myself, it might take a couple of tries but we'll get there!

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AEGISHOT 6/27/2014 4:33PM

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DCWILLIAMS831 6/27/2014 3:41PM

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FIT4MEIN2013 6/27/2014 3:41PM

    emoticon I love it when God gives us the kick in the butt that we need. Welcome back! It took me a few tries to finish the job, too, but I am approaching my 1 year anniversary of being at goal weight after a loss of 135#. You will do it, too!

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_BABE_ 6/27/2014 3:27PM

    emoticon Glad to see you back! emoticon

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KEEP GOING!

Monday, October 28, 2013

I can't believe how much time has passed since I joined Sparkpeople 2 1/2 years ago. I was a desperate 300 lb. woman looking for a miracle. Not an "easy fix", just some motivation and support to get healthy and lose weight. I was facing health problems and was severely depressed. This website was what I needed.

Sparkpeople was my new, shiny toy. I was sooo amazed and inspired by all the stories. I started tracking my food and drinking water. The pounds started to come off slowly and I was motivated to keep going. Eventually I was able to exercise and in 8 months I had lost 70 lbs!

Then something happened. It was Christmas and I was happy and comfortable with my body. I started "slipping up". I got away with it for a while...I would over-eat or skip exercising and get back on track to cover myself. I would gain and lose the same 2 lbs. for many months. Eventually I started gaining weight and didn't lose it back.

I have a sugar addiction. I found that good nutrition keeps the cravings under control but, once I let sugary treats or extra carbs and artificial sweeteners get into my body...I craved more and more. In addition to that problem, I injured my foot and had to stop exercising for 10 months.

Well, I don't have to tell you that both those things add up to disaster for anyone trying to maintain a weight loss let alone trying to lose additional weight.

I couldn't face gaining weight again so instead of working harder to get through the challenge...I did what I always did in the past...I gave up on myself and ignored my weight gain. I kept telling myself that it would be ok but, I didn't make any changes.

Now I have gained back 50 lbs! I am facing health problems again. I have acid reflux and asthma again. My body hurts. My clothes don't fit and I am depressed again.

I am back on Sparkpeople now. Determined to one day reach my goal.

It's do or die time!

My Sparkpage says "Sparkpeople Motivator!" How can I be a motivator when I am feeling like such a failure right now.

Well, I CAN because I am here to motivate you to keep going.

Don't do what I did. Don't get comfortable and lazy. If you are working your program and losing weight...keep on track! Be scared! Because if you think that you can cheat here and there and make up for it, you may be able to for awhile but, one day you will let it get away from you and where will you be then...right where I am. Morbidly Obese and starting again.

Feeling healthy and confident is a precious feeling. Please don't take your success for granted.

Don't let what happened to me happen to you!

KEEP SPARKING!!!!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BELIEVELOR 2/16/2014 7:15PM

    I think there are so many of us in the same boat.. We absolutely KNOW how to lose weight, because we have done it over and over. We are also aware that when we lose focus, when we stop eating mindfully, we end up gaining it back. It is soooooo
painful to restart. It makes me so mad at myself. I appreciate your candor and determination. This is the day!! We will do this. I want to add you as friend, if that is okay with you. I think we can help each other! emoticon emoticon

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SINFULLYQUAINT 2/16/2014 6:01PM

    Hi, thank you for this blog, It was just what I needed to read today! I am right in about the same place that it sounds like you are, frustrated and ready to stop backsliding. I've gained my weight back and am tired of the aches and pains and ready to find the movitation to do this again, because it is only up to me. Good luck on your journey, I'm going to send you a friend request hope that is ok :) I hope you have a great week! Love the healthy foods background, very cool

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PRINCESS1309 11/16/2013 8:56PM

    I understand how you feel, I gained all my weight back and felt like such a loser. I was depressed and felt defeated. Finally a little voice in my head said to quit feeling sorry for myself and start to eat healthy. I may never lose all the weight that I would like to lose, but whatever weight that I do lose will make me healthier and happier. I started watching again about 3 weeks ago and came back to Spark today. I have a goal of losing what I can by next May. Even if I only lose 10 pounds, I'll feel better.

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BRIGHTPENNY 11/11/2013 2:59PM

    Hi again. I'm freshly back too! i lost the 75 lb. and then suffered PTSD, had to be home from work and am still on leave. I think being at home and feeling unwell lead to my eating. I'm up 11 lb and feeling extra glum besides. emoticon It's all a matter of what I call "head space". It's not that appearance matter's so much but as you say, the health risks do and also the feeling of loss of confidence, direction and faith in yourself. these later things pervade all we do and so it's time to get on with it!! Yes!
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BBORDEN86 11/8/2013 11:29AM

    I hope you don't mind I added you. I've gained 50lbs back, after having lost 30lbs myself. It doesn't seem like much, but that 50lbs takes a toll on you after awhile. I barely fit in the clothes I own, so I'm desperate myself.

You deserve the Spark Motivator... you earned it. And guess what?! You are back again... that in itself is inspiring. You realized you fell off track, and are back to fix it. That's the hardest part is admitting to ourselves we messed up. Good luck!! I know you can do this!!! :)

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ME_FIRST 11/2/2013 1:47PM

    You can do this. Take a look at Holly Rose's blog. She's taking a break now, but all her past posts are on there. Maybe you'll get some help in fighting sugar addiction and some inspiration too. www.300poundsdown.com

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MPLSKEN 10/28/2013 10:44PM

    We all either have started over, are starting over, or will need to start over again at some point. But, remember, everyone who has lost weight and kept it off had to start over that one last time at some point! You're in good company. Hang in there! You can do it!
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_BABE_ 10/28/2013 4:16PM

    First of all give up the self- condemnation and take a deep breath. I, too had to start over again January 2013 but I soon realized kicking my butt for losing ground was not going to help. I have done it slowly but it's a process because I realize it has to come from a place of self-love not loathing. I had surgery August 30/13 and have not been able to weigh myself because I have not been able to bear weight on my left foot since that time. I have been careful with my eating because I have not been mobile for 2 months and it looks like I have to wait till late Nov for new X-rays.

We are so alike because I love sugar too and if there were cookies here now I would lose my train of thought. I know that I can't have just one because as the saying goes "sugar begets more sugar".

The truth is you can do it...you will do it....baby steps and one day at a time. emoticon

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GINILEE4 10/28/2013 3:55PM

    emoticon

I have checked your page daily to see if you had returned, always checking your status. You were missed. I am not very good at motivating others and usually don't think to leave an inspiring or any message but I do keep checking.
I have not let myself quit, yet, but I also have not gotten on with the task at hand, rather , treating it like a casual friend. Time for both of us to get serious, but not crazy, and stick to a program to become the best, healthiest, people we can be.
SO glad you found your way home.


Gini

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PRINCESS_SOFI 10/28/2013 2:47PM

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MCGAAN 10/28/2013 2:35PM

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MJRVIC2000 10/28/2013 2:15PM

    Remember that there is a BIG difference between making a DECISION and making a COMMITMENT! God Bless YOU! Vic.

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Did I do this to myself again? Yup!

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Well to make a long story short...I joined SP over two years ago at 300 lbs. I was desperate and devoted all my time to getting healthy. The result of my hard work and dedication was a 70 lb. weight loss by Dec. 25th, 2011.

Something happened at that point. I lost my drive and couldn't seem to get it back. I felt good and got tired of watching every bite and cut back a little on exercise. Well, the weight started to creep back on and I didn't want to face it.

I worked a sloppy program and was not seeing the results I wanted to so I gave up. I kept exercising a couple days a week but, I went back to my old eating habits and before long, I had gained back over 40 lbs. of the 70 lbs. I had lost.

5 months ago I injured my heel doing Zumba and have Plantarfaciitis which has yet to heal. So exercise has stopped.

Well, I can no longer sit here feeling sorry for myself. I am feeling like a failure again and embarrassed to be on Sparkpeople as a "motivator" when I have set such a bad example for everyone. I want to succeed and help others to do the same.

I am back and will try again to get healthy both physically and mentally. I miss my Sparkfriends and hope they are healthy and happy.

Glad to be back and looking forward to feeling successful again. Let's get to work!

8-17-13 272 lbs.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BELIEVELOR 2/16/2014 7:19PM

    Failure is the opportunity to begin again, more intelligently. Henry Ford Been there, done that, so many times. I know, I know, I know, the shame that goes with having to start over. Let it GO, I am trying to do that myself. You inspire me so much, thank you for sharing.

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DREAMINGOFNEWME 10/10/2013 4:33PM

    I totally understand this post!!! The main thing is that you have realised it and getting back to it. It just shows we are human

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MISSB8604 9/3/2013 5:14PM

    Glad to have you back. We're all in this together!

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1DERLAND14 9/2/2013 7:40PM

    I am SO SO SO happy to see you back here! I have gone up and down on the weight loss rollercoaster and I can say that it isn't fun. I think we started close to the same time and dedicated and lost close to the same amount of weight. I fell head over heels in a relationship in Nov 2011 and the holidays hit and I was never the same either. I can relate so much to your story. I have bounced up and down. At times, I have felt embarrassed to be a spark people motivator, but we know what to do to get there...we do motivate people to be their best.... We just have to continue to motivate OURSELVES on this journey! You can do it, girl! You have before and anytime you felt down, lost, or need a push in the right direction...come find me! :) emoticon

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GERISUE63 8/31/2013 11:13AM

  I am so proud of you for coming back. I could have written the very same thing that you did! I gained 5o though! As of Aug. 12 th I have taken 12 of that back off and feeling better already(though very disgusted with myself. My depression was so bad meds. weren't working anymore so I thought the same as you...quit feeling sorry for yourself and start fighting back. It's been 4 days since I really started watching what I eat and back to walking 30 -35 min. a day and what a difference it's making. I have some hope again and to see you on here at the same place I am really encourages me and i admire you for not giving up. Keep up the good work and I hope your foot gets better soon!

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BRIGHTPENNY 8/29/2013 10:55PM

    Great accomplishment getting back on the merry-go-round! The important thing is that you are back! Try not to feel the pressure of being a "motivator".. if it works for you that is one thing. The time now is to spend your energies where you feel they are best directed in order to feel well physically and mentally!

The foot problem can take time.. be KIND to your self! Perhaps this is a good time to hone in on non- weight bearing exercise.. swimming, strength training and the like!
emoticon emoticon emoticon Jan

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MINANCY 8/27/2013 7:03PM

    We've all been there. You are not alone. It is good to see your beautiful face back on Spark. Stay strong, my friend.
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J-ALEXIS 8/22/2013 4:07PM

    You still motivate!!! You simply are showing how difficult making healthy habits part of life can be. We've all been there. Your honesty is what we all find helpful.

Even better is going to be watching you take off that excess weight all the while having learned from the mistakes made.

Everyone here is cheering you on!!!!!!

Welcome back to Spark!!!!



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MPLSKEN 8/21/2013 5:30PM

    Welcome back and thanks for sharing! In fact, this is a very motivating post! For those who have lost and gained, they'll know that they are not alone. For those who have lost and feel like they can let things slide, they'll be reminded to tread carefully and mindfully. And, perhaps most importantly for yourself, you're facing your situation head on by publicly sharing and committing to a continued journey to a healthier life!
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M0MTH3W1TCH 8/21/2013 3:21PM

  I am sooooooo glad you are back! I've missed you. We had so much fun during that challenge and I haven't done as well either (and gained a few plus myself. Just can't get motivated even though going to Disney in October.

BTW - you still look amazing! Be proud of what you have done in the past and you can do it again. Shoes make a big difference. Do you have inserts for your shoes? I have found now that I am older I'm now wearing the ortho stuff and it makes a big difference. Not liking the price tag though!

Want to do this together and keep each other motivated? I'm here for you my dear SparkFriend.

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marge

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SIXFOOT1 8/21/2013 10:45AM

    I'm most motivated by the people who have "fallen off the wagon" and gotten back on. I relate better to them than the people who are successful the first try and never falter. Glad you are back!

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ME_FIRST 8/21/2013 8:59AM

    You are a motivator because you've again mustered up your fight to be healthier. I'm so glad to see you back. You know how to eat and there's always chair exercises. So here we go!!!

emoticon Yvonne

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_BABE_ 8/21/2013 2:08AM

    I am the comeback kid and there is no shame in that...I am so glad to see you back. We can do this...I am slated for foot surgery (Posterior tibial tendon rupture and a heel slide) for August 30 but I do not intend to lose any ground...hey it is a large part of what we put in our mouth and I still put too much! Welcome back! emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/21/2013 2:09:52 AM

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GINILEE4 8/20/2013 7:55PM

   

Welcome Home, my friend. A side trip was what you took and now you are back on your original course.


Gini

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GRETCHMAMA 8/20/2013 7:51PM

    Good job getting back into things! Good luck with your continued journey! :-) emoticon

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Where I Am Headed To In 2013...

Thursday, January 17, 2013

I have been on this journey since May 9th, 2011. I like to call this my "Magical Mystery Tour".

I call it that because I have experienced the magic of losing 70 lbs., feeling great, achieving fitness goals I never dreamed I could do and finding love for myself. But, the mystery part comes in when I fall off track and can't find my "spark" or when I do everything right and still don't lose a pound for several weeks. I lost my way for 9 months and gained back almost 30 lbs.

I wasn't completely lost...I was still exercising some and trying to eat healthy. I just let myself get depressed again and started eating sugar which makes me crave carbs....which makes me crave sugar...which makes me not want to exercise much and sleep during the day...which makes me depressed. You see the cycle.

I still have the foundation of healthy living that I layed when I first joined Spark. I am not starting from scratch. I am jumping back in before I gain everything back.

I am still determined to reach my goals someday. It is harder the second time because everything is not shiny and new. I am not dropping 5 lbs. the first week like I did in the very beginning. But, I still know...deep down in the "positive" side of my brain, that I CAN do this if I follow the steps. It is a simple plan...just not an easy plan. I have to DO THE WORK.

My goals for 2013 are as follows:

Drink at least 8 glasses of water per day. (my plan is to drink 2 glasses with each meal and with a snack)

Exercise 6 days per week. (my plan is to go to Zumba class 2 days per week, walk 2 or more miles 2 days per week and do an exercise DVD with weights 1 day per week)

Eat healthy everyday. (my plan is to log my food, keep healthy food choices on hand, resist buying sweets and junk food that will tempt me, not skip any meals. stay in my calorie range and indulge in a treat once in a while so I don't binge)

Get more sleep. (my plan is to be in bed by 11pm so I can be asleep by midnight allowing for 7 hours of sleep per night...this is the hardest thing for me since I am a night owl)

Staying positive. (Keep positive thoughts in my head and encourage myself with motivational visual aides in the house plus, allowing time to be on Sparkpeople.com)

Staying focused. (keeping myself accountable by weighing once per week, keeping active on Sparkpeople and thinking about the wonderful feeling of being lean and healthy when I reach my goal.)

My goal is to lose 65 lbs. this year. I want to weigh 190 lbs. by Dec. 31st, 2013. I know this is possible if I do the work.

I have already lost 2 lbs. Now I just have to repeat that about 31 more times this year.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSB8604 4/17/2013 11:45AM

    Itís so good to see you back on Spark! You were missed!

Please know that youíre not alone in this and that your SparkFriends are here for you. One thing that I have come to realize about this journey is that it is one of the most rewarding and the most challenging things you will ever do in your life. I too, gained back about 15-20lbs and am finding it hard to get back down to my maintenance range of 185-189. Itís beyond frustrating and there was a time when Iíd eat entire bags of chips because I just didnít care anymore. A lightbulb went off in my mind, reminding me that I AM worth it and that I AM victorious. Youíre so right when you say ďDo The WorkĒ because it IS work but boy is this work worth it.
You can do this. WE can do this!


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BLVINBUTTERFLYS 2/10/2013 8:56PM

    emoticon emoticon

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BABBINA 2/10/2013 12:04AM

    Love yr blog. This is honest and amazing. With that said, go 'head wit yo bad self, 'cuz emoticon emoticon

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ADDISONS-NANA 1/25/2013 9:53AM

    I loved this blog !!! It motivated me! Thank you Goddess ! Keep enjoying your "magical mystery tour " ....I am on a similar tour and man oh man it has its ups and downs...I too am starting a new...and you are so right...the second, third and fourth time around things seem a wee bit more difficult....but I know I am wiser for I have learned my pitfalls!! Hang in there.... emoticon

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FORBANDE 1/21/2013 7:18PM

    Yep. Great goals and you will accomplish each one. You have a plan, the experience and know you can do this.

Don't be discouraged or upset with yourself over the past. You did amazing! Be so proud and strong that you are jumping back in and finishing what you started.

Keep up the amazing work!

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SPARKLISE 1/19/2013 6:03PM

    emoticon God job for not giving up! emoticon emoticon

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1DERLAND14 1/18/2013 3:34PM

    YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! Very reasonable goals! I can't wait to see you meet all of them!
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BUFFYSMOM2 1/18/2013 10:49AM

    I KNOW you can do it! Never give up! emoticon

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BRIGHTPENNY 1/17/2013 10:06PM

    Good luck! you can do this, you have before! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IRISHBEANERGAL 1/17/2013 1:14PM

    Well thought out! I started in January 2011 - and I have my 2 yr sparkaversary coming up this weekend. I am going to review my time here on Sparks, take inventory, and find something that works for the upcoming year! I'm excited.

Stay Strong!

~Irish

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ME_FIRST 1/17/2013 1:13PM

    Not only great goals, but great plans to achieve them. Planning is the key to success. Fantastic post. emoticon

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SHEILA8383 1/17/2013 11:28AM

    Excellent goals!

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NGCHILD 1/17/2013 8:55AM

    You have a good plan on paper -- you can do it!!

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M0MTH3W1TCH 1/17/2013 8:50AM

  You can do it. Your goals are reasonable. I like the exercise goals - varied and attainable. Keep up the good work and you will succeed. I have faith in you and are here for you all the way!
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MISSUSRIVERRAT 1/17/2013 6:52AM

    Excellent goals!

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NMSUSTUDENT 1/17/2013 3:36AM

    Quote: "Only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find his right road."─Dag Hammarskjold

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_BABE_ 1/17/2013 2:32AM

    emoticon I think you have SMART goals and you are going to do it. While its true that the first blush of losing pounds is over you can know that you come back to the task maybe a little wiser. You know what you need to do to keep on track and won't fall into the same trap. I have been where you are..bravo for coming back to it before you gained back the whole 70.

Comment edited on: 1/17/2013 2:33:53 AM

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SNOWJESTER 1/17/2013 1:12AM

    Your plan sounds good! emoticon

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Are You Lacking Willpower?

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Are you feeling defeated because you can't stay on track with your food? Stress and other emotions causing your to make poor choices and have left you feeling like you have no willpower?

Well, I don't think it is a matter of willpower. I have a strong will in all other areas of my life so it seems to be more about stopping and thinking about my emotions before I turn to food. I have a chemical reaction that happens in my brain when I am upset or nervous and the feeling I get in the moment that I am consuming sugary treats or "comfort" foods, pacifies that emotion for a short while and provides relief.

But, when I am abstaining from the sugar, simple carbs, and fatty foods, and eating more vegetables and drinking water, I seem to be able to think more clearly. When I am eating healthy and exercising and something stresses me out, I can stop, and take a moment, before reaching for the junk food. It is in that moment that I can talk to myself before I act out and binge.

I think we Sparkers have strong willpower. We just need to give ourselves a chance to find our "moment of clarity" before we react. If we can have that one moment to acknowledge that the junk food will not really satisfy us, and in the end, will not solve the problem, we can find something else to occupy our mind until the craving passes.

Just thought I would share my thoughts on the subject.

Hugs to you Sparkfriend!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1DERLAND14 12/9/2012 9:28PM

    I agree with thinking more clearly when I do not have junk. I overall feel so much better. Especially with exercise. I have lost a lot of my momentum lately, but I am not going into 2013 heavier!!

So I will keep chuggin along, my friend. We can do this together! =)

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MISSB8604 12/6/2012 4:45PM

    You are SO right! Eating a healthy meal and getting in some exercise does wonders!

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PRINCESS1309 12/5/2012 8:19AM

    emoticon

You make a lot of sense. Thanks for your insight.
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Comment edited on: 12/5/2012 8:20:19 AM

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SUSANBEAMON 12/5/2012 2:01AM

  i have read that changing to a more healthful lifestyle and eating plan doesn't take willpower. food and eating short change willpower. it's more about won't power. right now i won't have that cookie. right now i won't yell at the idiot in the car ahead of me. right now i won't buy that cute top that i don't need. right now i won't whatever.

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IMREITE 12/5/2012 1:06AM

    for me it is no always willpower, it is about mindless habits when i think i am hungry even when i am bored or not focused.

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_BABE_ 12/5/2012 12:25AM

    I agree with Tom Selleck :-) ...if I can recite tha one thing t to myself in the eye of the storm..I might have a chance. Before you know it you have a few days of clean eating and your chances of more are stronger..gaining momentum toward a healthier lifestyle...well said! emoticon

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TJCADDO 12/5/2012 12:13AM

    Remembering to have that one moment of clarity. I will have to remember to do that.

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