Saturday, February 02, 2013
I'm just coming off of a 21 day corporate fast my church had. It was very tough!!! On this fast we were to deny ourselves, try to remain in a quiet seeking of The Lord, get rid of as much busyness as we could so that we could stay focused and hear from God... Well let me tell you the entire fast went in the opposite direction!!!! Day one it seemed like someone said "Runner's take your mark, Ready, set, GO!" And I was off my husband started pointing the finger at me pointing out all my faults, my oldest daughter began to become very needy wanting me to take her everywhere. (Her truck got towed on Christmas Day), Then her gas got cut off ( not putting her on blast but I have to say this to get where I'm going) so since her gas got cut off my two grandsons, who are 11 and 5, had to come stay with me for 23 days 😅😅God definitely has a sense of Humor!! Then about the 3 rd day my other daughter's car broke down... And you guessed it! I became her mode of transportation too! Oh did I mention that I am also my son's driver to and from work as well?! So I'm arguing with my husband, playing taxi driver with my kids, and have become "Mom" instead of "NaNa" to my grandsons add to that going to work, picking up my client, the occasional ride home from work for my mother, taking phone calls from my Dad who I'm guardian of who's never happy😳😱.
Wow I can't believe I survived all of this, all the while trying to hear from God, and Battle hunger pains!! What in the World?? 😒😒Well I'm happy to say I made it through!! Believe it or not, in all of this God was showing me myself. He was showing me that I am a massive, insecure, pushover, who lets everyone else run my life. He showed me, once the fast was over, that I have an addition to food and no motivation to exercise. He showed me that I have been holding on to unforgiveness and that I am a huge pity party animal 🎉🎊🎈👹. The most important thing He showed me was that I had just plain given up on my life, saying things like, " this is the work He's called me to do" NOT EVEN CLOSE!!! He would never tell me to treat myself so poorly, when I don't refresh myself I'm no good to Him or anybody else... How can I help others when my temple is in ruins? I Can't!!
So now Begins a new day!! I told my daughter to take the bus!!! My son to catch a cab, my youngest daughter's car was fixed on the 6th day but they ran her so much her water broke 2 weeks early and she bought me a new Joy into the world. My 5th grandson ( he's fine and healthy) with much prayer the first week my husband became the most loving husband a gal could ask for, but he couldn't complete the fast so his meals became a source of temptation for me for the remainder of the fast 😝. I stuck with the food requirements pretty well I even lost some weight because of it, but this is where the realization of the food addiction comes in...
The last night of the fast became a waiting period for me, I had gone to my cousin's Scentsy party and they had a chocolate fondue warmer set up 😳😳😳 WHY!!!! I proceeded to pack plates of chocolate covered shortbread cookies, pretzels, and strawberries. Not to mention she had ordered honey mustard wings which are my absolute favorite!! When midnight came I didn't go hog wild but I did eat... I could've easily gone to bed but I had to feed the beast. The next day I went after everything I had been craving chocolate, pizza, chicken, and dressing. It's funny though that food was not as tasty as when my husband came home and cooked steamed broccoli, squash, and zucchini. This is what my body had gotten used to... This is what I needed. So I'm up at the crack of dawn dealing with these realizations and making a plan on how I WILL conquer them!!!
1. I will no longer allow people to run my life, because in the end they are thinking nothing about what I need and they don't even care. I won't change my helpfulness but I will choose what's helping and what's enabling.
2. I will begin loving on myself!!! I had found peace in doing this years ago and ended up losing 60lbs in the process.
3. I will begin to make healthy food choices, my body now craves it!!
4. I will find motivation to get moving more that I have been. Not just in spurts but consistently!!!
5. And Last but MOST important GOD WILL be and IS First in my life!!! Apart from Him I can do nothing!!! Thanks for reading!!! 😉🙏🙏✌👋