Tuesday, February 02, 2010
[Response cards are a tool used in The Beck Diet Solution by Judith Beck. Many of us have unhelpful thoughts that must be changed to realize permanent weight loss. It is useful to make cards for ourselves that tell the truth about normal eating. With Beck we read these "Response Cards" over and over, to gradually change our inaccurate, irrational, and self-defeating thoughts.]
Travelgrrl very kindly asked about my response cards for the Beck Diet Solution . . . It looks like I have about 40. Some have several sentences together, or even a topic list (Things to do instead of unplanned eating; Foods that are not Worth It; People who really care about me . . . ).
I forced myself not to be perfectionistic about the cards. Ordinarily, with any written item, I tend to get bogged down in trying to get the details just right, and the effort often dies in that never-satisfied swamp. When I decided to give this a go, I knew I had to just plow through and not sweat the organization, the artistic merit, or anything else I tend to get hung up on. So some are on the back sides of index cards recycled from a son's psych class, some are on orange Monopoly Chance cards recycled from an extra game somebody threw out . . . some are flourished with my calligraphy pen and some are scribbled with a dull pencil . . . you get the picture. As I read Beck, I kept seeing concepts that were so radical yet so rational, so scary yet so full of hope . . . I would say "Wow!" and write it down on a card, in faith that eventually it could gradually seep in and change my stubborn mind.
Thus I did not dither over whether or not I should make a certain card for a given concept; if an idea or statement caught my attention when I was reading or meditating, I slapped it down on a card. In addition, how I use the cards does not fit my fantasy of the organized, systematic soul, yet by God's grace they have gotten through to me. The statements on the cards have trickled down through so much obstinacy and so many unhealthy habits. I have the cards stashed in various spots in my purse, some stuck around the kitchen, a few on the nightstand, several in the car. I read a few here and there, now and then, but I definitely read a number of cards several times a day. They're a comfort to me in a weird sort of way. I guess it's a feeling of security like I have a script for my new thoughts, a map for these unfamiliar waters of normal eating.
Since I have frequently wished in the past weeks that someone else would do this, I will gradually over the next few days type into my blog what I have on my cards (God willing, and the creek don't rise). I swallow hard as I agree to this, for the claws of perfectionism are creeping toward me when I think of being that transparent. But Travelgrrl has been a big inspiration and encouragement to me, and so many, many SparkPeople have done the same, so (gulp) I'll risk it. Stay tuned . . . .
Monday, February 01, 2010
I have been squirming before the uncomfortable truth that there is some ugly element of acquisitiveness in my response to food. I feel a sense of gratification when I have an abundance of some food, unrelated to my hunger level or physical need. I want to change this. I want to bring my mind and emotions up to date with the REALITY of my present.
It has been 40 years since I experienced any uncertainty about my food supply. Forty years of always having enough! And even in those earliest years, while I may have been frequently uncomfortable, I was never undernourished or unhealthy. Yet now I still behave toward food like an impoverished person.
I am not a refugee, by God's mercy. I am not under siege during wartime. Why do I still view food like someone who has starved and expects to starve? Beck's requirement to sit down has made me vividly aware of this tendency. I feel compelled to lick knives and spoons (so much that I go and sit down to do it, since I'm voluntarily under the Beck edict). I wet my finger to dab crumbs off of plates (stopped myself on this one: "I am not in a concentration camp. I have enough food. I don't need to do this.") When another person has something nice to eat, I am dignified enough to keep my silence and my countenance, but inwardly I am leering at their treat like one who's been shipwrecked.
Certainly I have so much to learn in my faltering steps toward trusting my Creator, yet this by His own prescription is a foundational premise . . . when Jesus Christ taught his followers to pray, he specified the request, "Give us this day our daily bread." www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search
Am I, or am I not, going to trust my Father in heaven who has been unvaryingly faithful to me?
I can choose at least to give my faith feet of action. I will keep doing the disciplines that Beck outlines. The Beck program certainly has me catching myself in myriad unconscious food behaviors that surprise and embarrass me. And Beck has taught me how to create a script for myself, teaching myself to begin to normalize my responses. Belated baby steps for a child of the King!
Have you ever been on a web page for a while, and you know something's not current? I sometimes have to click "Refresh" so that the browser updates the page to reflect the latest
accuracy. I've been using this mental image to gently correct myself when I catch myself in the street urchin mode toward food. "Refresh your page, dear. You not in any danger of going hungry." "Update your screen, my friend. You need to reflect the PRESENT REALITY. You have enough. You will have enough later today, and tomorrow as well."
Sunday, January 31, 2010
I never have a moment of indecision about putting on my seat belt or washing my hands after using the toilet. If a child calls in the night, I get up and go.
Obviously I am able to put certain things in the category of NO CHOICE. Now I have to apply that single-mindedness to my eating plan.
Today I'm feeling resistant and apprehensive. So I have to look back to DAY ONE when I said, "I am going to follow this program. I am going to carry out the assignments, which are proven to work."
Saturday, January 30, 2010
I am going to be conscientious about this because it is more important to me to lose weight and keep it off than it is to have my own way in the moment. Repeat to self every ten minutes or so.
Beck says it is absolutely essential to do this if I do not want to regain lost weight. She has been right so far. I am re-committing to carry out all the steps of this program.
Last night I was already sitting at the computer, so I entered my plan for today's food in the tracker. Everyone but me probably knows to do this, but I had never before done it the day ahead.
How could I have resisted this? Now it seems parallel to trying to stay financially solvent without knowing what the cost is of each item being purchased.
I know this will get harder and harder. But I'm not going to focus on that. I'm going to take each little step to fulfill TODAY'S assignment in the Beck Diet Solution.
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