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Sober realities

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Beck Diet for Life statements I'm chewing on today: (trying not to spit any out!)

"What is my true goal? To do what I feel like doing? Or to lose weight for good? These two goals are not compatible. I can't have it both ways!"

"I have to practice all the skills over and over until they become automatic. Picking and choosing which skills to practice, picking what I feel like doing, just won't work. I need the full dose."

"Struggling over whether or not to make myself practice the skills can be exhausting. I need to put the decision in the "NO CHOICE" category. I'm making the choice not to give myself a choice. Once I accept that I need to practice every skill every day, I end the struggle."


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAZZYR 1/24/2010 7:26AM

    The title of your blog says it all!!

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NANCY- 1/24/2010 2:26AM

    well said!

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KO1215 1/24/2010 12:02AM

    Thanks! This is a good reminder for all of us.



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DAY 11: Identify hunger, cravings, and desire for food

Friday, January 22, 2010

This is embarrassing. I'm coming face to face with how many times I have said "I'm hungry!" or used it for an excuse when I just wanted to eat or I simply longed for a certain item. I 've felt a reluctance to get real about this. I thought I would feel pressured or trapped if I took the risk of being honest with myself about whether I am actually hungry.

Part of me still thinks hunger is an emergency, and one thing I specialize in is trying to avoid emergencies. But I drove in my stake that I would do this program, and I'm not going to turn tail at the uncomfortable parts.

So I've been recording my sensations every hour as I was told to do in Beck. Am I hungry? Do I have a desire to eat now? Do I have a craving for something specific? Today I've had some surprises, some nervous spots, and a bit of progress.

I was not hungry today until 10:00. I know it's not recommended to breakfast so late, but unavoidables kept me from eating until then. I did write down at 9 a.m. that I was content, food-wise. I was absorbed in something, which is key of course.

I had a desire for food at 11. I had a desire for food again at 12. Curious that I didn't eat anything. I had plenty to keep me busy until 1 when I knew I was HUNGRY. But I was traveling to an appointment and did not have any options. (Wait--WHO IS this strange woman who just said she had no options? What about drive-thru and the convenience store? I am cackling like a wild woman right now, realizing the significance what happened at 1 pm. I actually told myself, "Yes, I'm hungry, but I can wait until 2:00 when I can have lunch." So now I'm giving myself CREDIT.)

I even forgot about food for nearly the whole hour. I was indeed hungry at 2, but not ravenous. I ate a reasonable lunch.

Now on with the assignment. The process is not as agonizing as I expected. I certainly have my down and desperate intervals on this journey, but today is going OK.

My sister MJ's therapist says "You cannot change what you do not acknowledge." So it's a bit of a relief to put it in black and white: Most of the time I eat because I simply have a desire for food or because I have a craving. Genuine hunger drives only a fraction of the eating I do.

There. Didn't hurt as much as I feared.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BIGLITTLEWOMAN 1/23/2010 11:13AM

    I enjoyed your blog so much! Your word choice of "reluctance" piqued my interest and caused me to ponder that for a while. I too seem to resist some part of this program that continues to BUG me. I seem to have trouble denying myself, like there is some deprivation issue deep down that I have not faced. I used to smoke, now I don't; I still have a hand to mouth fetish? I just don't know where it comes from. I don't know what it is I'm trying to feed, or stuff.

Perhaps, as the therapist stated, acknowledging the problem is the first step. Maybe I will never know WHY, I need to state the problem, know it is there and develop coping skills to work around it. As women and mothers we spend so much time taking care of others that we spend very little time exploring our own emotions and problems. As we get older and have more time for reflection I think we can be taken aback by issues that have been affecting us for a long time without our permission.
Sometimes looking inside is not very pleasant.

This is why I thought if I write everything down before I eat it I will KNOW exactly what is making up my calories for the day.

I am ready to tackle these little negative demons emoticon that detract from my progress and well being. I don't mean to ramble but I want you to know that you need not be embarrassed and you are NOT ALONE.

Comment edited on: 1/23/2010 11:15:45 AM

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BETTA13 1/23/2010 9:46AM

    Good thoughts there. Makes me consider my day yesterday and the reasons I did what I did. Thank you, this gave me food for thought! lol

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MAZZYR 1/23/2010 8:03AM

    Identifying the difference between hunger, cravings, and desire for food helps me respond to food related thoughts.

Lol, I discovered that I'm rarely truly hungry. The desire to eat when I'm not hungry can be a challenge, but being aware of what I'm really experiencing is very helpful.

Doing this assignment deserves credit!!!

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NANCY- 1/23/2010 2:01AM

You are doing awesome work!!!

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MIKESCHICKY 1/23/2010 1:58AM

    Good for you to confront and explore this part of what has made you tick in the past !!

I've been doing some thinking about this sort of thing myself. Eating for the wrong reasons and letting food have an improper place in my life..

Good luck to you !!

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America's Top [Role] Models

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I'm not too interested in the undernourished waifs who display couture or coiffure. What impresses me is you people, SparkPeople, who open your hearts and minds to me day by day and show me fabulous TRENDS I could not have imagined on my own . . .the trends I refer to are new ways of thinking about food, new habits of choice for the way I act around food, and new steps of an active lifestyle.

Especially you guys on the Beck Diet Solution Team: when you share on a forum or a blog or a comment box, it's like one of those Coast Guard icebreakers opening a new path in my stubborn hard-headedness. Reading your thoughts and experiences is almost like "practicing" more healthful thinking and decision-making.

Sure, I blow it, plenty of times. But I hear the echo of AMKRUNNER's Jan 11 blog: "Just because I made poor decisions a couple times today DOES NOT mean I have to write off the entire day... It stops now. I choose to make the best decisions for my body for the rest of the day and night. I choose not to let a slip up determine my fate and make me feel worse about it."

While I'm getting dressed I might ruminate on ID_VANDAL's Jan 21 blog: "I'm back together today and promise NO STRESS EATING!"

MAZZYR's reminders are staying in my head: "I CAN read Advantage Cards and motivate myself daily!"

SLIMMERJESSE's Jan 20 blog title came to mind later: "Do I need this? No! I put it back," which I took the liberty of applying to unplanned food.

When I faced a tough choice, I reviewed the renowned quote NANCY- shared on Jan 18, "...Here is an opportunity for me to celebrate like never before, my own power, my own ability to get myself to do whatever is necessary."

I am even beginning to whisper those scary words KELLYGRN courageously penned on Jan 15, "I have to learn to be hungry & not worry about not having any food."

You guys are giving me a script that really works for me. "When the treats are calling I can say to myself 'I AM THE BOSS OF ME!' " --FLUTTERBY)L( Jan 20

GLAMOURGIRL-9 reminds me, "Slow and steady wins the race!"

What NUSLE5 said on Jan 9 has reverberated for me: "Food is a waste when it's overeating just as much as when I toss it."

So many more have helped me in a concrete way. Too many to list, the SparkPeople whose forum messages or comments or blogs have been exactly the spur that got me over a rough spot. You dear friends are definitely America's top models as far as I'm concerned, practical and effective role models that make the path a little less steep for this often-weary trekker.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BIGLITTLEWOMAN 1/21/2010 10:31PM

    You are really soaking up the good advice and you are inspiring.

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ANNANN63 1/21/2010 6:57PM

    Lovely post. It is really wonderful to learn tools to help us achieve our goals.
We will win.

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MAZZYR 1/21/2010 6:08PM


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It's about building the habits

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

RUN2RIDE says on her SparkPage, "It's not really about maintaining the weight, it's about maintaining the HABITS that maintain my weight!" I want to start thinking this way. Although I'm a year away from maintaining, I know this mindset will help me now.

So for me, "It's not really about losing the weight; it's about building the HABITS that will cause the weight to come off." I am seeing a bit of this already with baby-stepping through the Beck Diet Solution. But I am stubborn, so it is tough.

No choice. I have set my foot on this path, and I'm not turning back. Not turning away. Day 11, here I come!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNANN63 1/21/2010 6:59PM

    I did day 11 today.

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GABBYANNIE 1/21/2010 2:29PM

    I really like this blog. I read it yesterday and thought about it later in the day. It's so true!!!! That's exactly what I want to do. Change my habits so I can change me. emoticon

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MAZZYR 1/20/2010 2:36PM

    Run2Ride (Becky) is one smart lady, and so are you.

Maintaining or building good habits are a good thing!

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NANCY- 1/20/2010 11:12AM


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DAY 10: Set an achievable goal

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

My goal is to lose 5 pounds. When I lose 5 pounds, I will celebrate it with my SparkTeam and I will reward myself by getting my hair done at the nearby cosmetology school.

It isn't intuitive to celebrate this small loss, especially in view of how far I have to go and how long I have allowed myself to be obese, but my initial and overarching goal was to complete the assignments in the Beck Diet Solution and to follow the prescription as given. So I'm going to cooperate.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VEUVEGIRL 1/19/2010 7:49AM

    That is a wonderful goal, Love it!! Great way to start off right!

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