Sunday, January 17, 2010
I was feeling pretty blue when I stopped to get gas. I had been indulging in a major pity party. To comfort myself I broke two of my policies: I bought chips, which is not a "worth it" item and not one of the treats I allow myself. And I also got a large coffee and put four flavored creams in it. One of my own "rules" I've been generally successful with is to always buy the smallest size available, and to stick with one cream in coffee.
It seems silly to me now to have made such an irrational set of choices, but at the time it seemed like the obvious way to make myself feel better. You might guess the result of this comical/sad foray: this set of crunchy/creamy carbs did not do the trick. The chips didn't taste nearly as good as I remembered (unlike the Oreo cookies I sneaked recently, when during the first bite I said out loud, "Oh, wow, these are amazing. No wonder they're 53 calories apiece.") The first swallow of fatty/sweet coffee tasted delicious, but I hardly noticed the rest of it.
I guess disappointment began to restore some logical mental process, for as I drove along I began to ask myself the following question: If even "cheating" did not help my melancholy mood, what should I try? I guess someone was praying for me, because what came to mind was the idea that it wasn't reasonable to feel so weepy, because of all the people who really care about me. That seemed like a valid concept, so I started naming them. I have been blessed with a loyal, affectionate family. I have a couple close friends who love me unconditionally. I have a supportive group of friends in my church who genuinely care about me.
I'm not saying this line of meditation will keep me from stupid eating next time. But I did have an additional thought, one that hit me like a brick, one that I hope will at least give me pause. FOOD DOES NOT CARE. It has no substance, no reality of uplift to offer me. FOOD DOES NOT CARE. In contrast, God has provided all these people: people who should be a source of my feeling really good, having a treasure so rich and valuable in my life. But what I turned my thoughts to when I was down was junk food. FOOD DOES NOT CARE.
It looks a little funny on a response card. But I think it's going to be one of my most important ones.