Sunday, February 20, 2011
I let myself gradually slide into undisciplined eating, so it's taking a while to rediscover the healthy patterns I learned from the Beck Diet Solution.
I'm re-learning what genuine hunger feels like. Today I was able to say, I am not actually hungry; this is just a desire for food.
I had a reasonable lunch. Then by God's grace I fought off the munchies-attack repeatedly this afternoon. I knew we were going to a birthday party tonight and would have Thai food, a favorite of mine.
When I was finally seated at mealtime with the plate of Chang Rai chicken before me, I felt a strong wave of happiness. Almost a voice in my head: I am SO GLAD I waited for this. I was able to enjoy it, savor it, be grateful for it, without guilt or remorse.
I am giving myself credit, because this was a baby step for me, in the right direction. I have renewed that experience, that a tough choice is WORTH IT. Gotta remember.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Judith Beck says, "You can eat what you want whenever you want it, OR you can be thin. You can't have both."
Today I ate stupid stuff because I wanted it. Tonight I didn't like my bulging tummy. I have to keep my head in reality. Do I want to be slim and healthy? Do I want it enough?
A local nutrition coach says, "If you do what you've always done, you're gonna get the results you've always had." Do I think the Slimming Fairy is going to come and make my fat go poof?
I can face this. I can make the one choice immediately in front of me. I do want to be thin more than I want irresponsible eating. I can't have both.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Tonight's strength training workout was a tough one. After sit-up surges to get our heart rate up , we did pyramid sets. Three weight-bearing exercises, doing 10 reps each, then 9 reps each, then 8 reps each, on down to one rep each. This is done continuously without rest breaks, as quickly as can be done with good form. You're trying to improve your speed and form. Then planks and more surges.
We had more than 20 people in the room. The first guy to finish is not overweight but comes with his wife, which I applaud. He finished the central pyramid set in 8 minutes. I was the very last person to finish. It took me nearly 16 minutes.
I chose to feel proud of myself because I did my best and I executed every rep as instructed. No cheating. It took all of my determination and all my reserves of strength, but I finished. I know for a fact some people just slacked off, once the early finishers clocked in.
I have a sense of accomplishment because I gave it full effort and I accomplished the goal. I did not accept a flicker of embarrassment that everyone else was done and waiting a minute or two on me to complete my sets. They were cheering me on and very supportive.
I told myself, I am getting it done. I am doing the work. There is no shame in being a bit slower. There is joy and a sense of reward in crossing the finish line, even as the slowest participant. Tortoise is okay.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I've been trying an idea I heard from Slenderella: to process stress or emotional tides by walking, or, if necessary, pacing inside.
I must admit I was skeptical about the pacing. But I really needed a specific behavior to replace anesthaetizing myself with food. So I tried it.
Pacing works. I sometimes add spells of breathing exercises and relaxation patterns (left over from Lamaze classes where I first learned). But adding the pacing helps so much.
Isn't it great that an old dog can learn new tricks?!
Monday, February 14, 2011
My mid-teen daughter invariably leaves a little bite of food on her plate. She learned this from my oldest daughter. One of her older brothers, with his morning fruit juice, habitually leaves a centimeter in his cup.
At first it annoyed me. My husband and I were both raised by frugal survivors of the Great Depression, in large families of modest means. That don't-waste-a-morsel mindset is hard to shake.
Then for a while that bite tempted me: it's too small to wrap and save, so if I hesitate to throw food away . . . No! Beck helped me last year to stop grazing off my kids' leftovers.
Recently I have been able to get a little more objective. I relaxed a bit and listened to what those lumps on the plate after a meal are telling me.
That little bite has a powerful message to me day after day. It has been speaking to me, waving a signal at me, even before I verbalized the message. It is a silent sign that food intake can be managed intentionally, thoughtfully.
As young as she is, my daughter is not mindlessly stuffing her face. She rationally decides when to stop. God is so merciful; this girl watched me eat emotionally for so long, but she is making healthy choices in spite of that.
That leftover bite is my daughter (and son) saying, "I have enough to eat. This is a reasonable amount of food for me. I can stop right now and choose to be satisfied."
What a blessing to have this little visual aid tickling my consciousness, a quiet reminder that eating can be undertaken with calm consideration and control. If my kids can do that, I can do it, too!
Okay, now true confessions. You will laugh (or possibly snort). I have a little plastic popsicle-maker tray on the door of the freezer. I usually pour that ounce of juice into it.
Old penny-pinchers are hard to reform. At least I didn't drink it!
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