Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Today I said good-bye to an old friend, the one I would always turn to.
This is the one that has been with me through thick and th----well, through thick.
My "good" blue shirt and I shared so much of life. Old reliable, when I had nowhere else to turn. Appropriate for any occasion, no-iron, three-quarter-length sleeves, tailored hem, medium blue, just long enough, just fitted enough. My largest size, bought long after I'd decided I was not going to buy ANY clothes until I got smaller . . . But a girl's got to look decent. So I bought a shirt that was actually big enough, and it was nearly a uniform for me, a classic that I think was part of my blending-into-the-background approach.
This friend was always there in my time of need. Always discreet. Never revealing my secrets.
Once I thought we would be together forever. But today it is final. We are through.
You see, I'm not the same person I was when I met. I admit, I'm the one who changed. Now it's so obvious we're not right for each other any more.
It took me a while to realize it was time to let go. I had already called it quits with the jeans that a belt could no longer redeem, the baggy sweaters, the wondrously-concealing flowing dresses, the tailored shirts that had to be ironed--but after all, they were BIG ENOUGH. This parting was tougher than those, but now I can see it is time to bid farewell.
Today I took a deep breath and walked away. And I breathed not a hint of "Au revoir" or "Auf Wiedersehen," for I knew in my deepest heart we would NEVER be together again.
image from Thread-Logic.com
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
I can "catch myself" in a sabotaging thought so much better when I have the concepts from the Beck Diet Solution response cards fresh in my mind. Also, when I'm consistently applying Beck habits, that too makes unhelpful self-talk easier to identify.
I sometimes have to say out loud to myself, "That is not true!" I'm working on having a realistic perpective on my life.
It's meant giving up some emotionalism and over-dramatization. But overall I like it better to be moving toward acting and thinking like a grown-up.
Monday, February 22, 2010
I am more aware of what I am doing. Being Mindful. I choose my actions. Do you consciously choose what you do every day, or you allow your circumstances to control you? from NANCY- 2/17
While driving home from the airport I wanted to stop for (a) a big mac or (b) a bottle of wine or (c) both.
But I gave myself a big Sparkpeople pep talk: YOU ARE NOT HUNGRY, YOU ARE RESPONDING TO STRESS WITH EMOTIONAL EATING/DRINKING. YOU ARE A GROWNUP. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GIVE IN TO EVERY RANDOM THOUGHT THAT PASSES THROUGH YOUR HEAD.
And I didn't.
from TRAVELGRRL blog 2/20
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. - from Aristotle (Greek critic, philosopher, physicist, & zoologist, 384 BC - 322 BC, from NANCY- blog 2/17
It's a funny thing--the harder I practice, the luckier I get.
- Jerry Barber, PGA Tournament winner for 1961, according to Golf Digest
The idea of taking things in baby steps takes the journey of losing fifty pounds (which can be quite overwhelming) down to its parts: the process of making healthy decisions every day, every hour, every minute. It may seem hard to make a million healthy decisions, but it doesn't seem too hard to make one at a time. - from MOUSEWEILER blog 2/21
Just think, if I am at my goal weight .... I will feel so incredibly happy, confident, beautiful, and sexy. I will feel physically light and free, running around the park effortlessly, or playing tennis with friends without feeling like I just ran a marathon. I will be active, muscular, and very fit, and I will have so much energy to do the things I love to do! Because I will be filling my own well all the way to the top, I will have energy left over to give back to the world in whatever ways I find. - from KOOKERBEE blog 2/20
Saturday, February 20, 2010
I had new experience on our delayed-Valentine date Friday night. I was in the car on the way home from the community theater performance. To my astonishment, I realized I had not been thinking about food for several hours. And at that moment I was not wrestling with the desire to stop for a treat. I cannot tell you how radical this is. But I suspect many of you understand.
For me it used to be that a food indulgence was anticipated for any outing. Recreational food would form a significant part of my expectation, relaxation, and gratification. Regrettably it could also be a strand of tension between my husband and me, since he has a healthy perspective on food and does not live to eat. For me special food, extra food, had always been interwoven in the concept of a festive evening. Though a generous and thoughtful person, he did not share that [distorted] perspective.
I have been in Beck's boot camp for 7 weeks now, toeing the line pretty tightly with the Beck Diet Solution marching orders. I enlisted for this systematic approach because it held the hope of real change, a new way of thinking. I had one of those "Wow, cool!" moments last night. The layers of little steps are getting me somewhere.
I saved calories on Friday for the Thai restaurant dinner and moderate dessert. I got a take-out box with my entree and boxed half of it immediately. [Before I knew about Beck I had made this a no-choice routine. Beck is right: after extended practice, now for this restaurant process there is truly no struggle. Plus, I know from repeated experience that half will be enough and that in 20 minutes I really will feel full.] I enjoyed coffee and dessert. Thus ended my planned food for Friday.
Can you understand what a breakthrough it was for me, that when we stopped at the mega-bookstore I genuinely enjoyed browsing for 40 minutes and did not even go look at the in-store snack bar menu? Also, I stashed no munchies to quietly slip out of my purse or pocket during the play! On the way home I guzzled my water bottle, but I really felt fine without stopping for a post-show treat.
Riding in the car, I was pretty surprised at myself that I was really content. I actually had a long evening of special events WITHOUT being under the tyranny of cravings. I raised my fists at the old regime and cried, "Ah HAH! You don't have me under your thumb any more!"
I'm not going to forget this taste of liberty. Plodding along the prescribed path of small daily healthy choices has begun to shrug off the stranglehold of food desire, food craving, food-centeredness. It'll get hard again. (Probably tomorrow!) But I've had an evening where I controlled my food. Food did not control me Friday night, did not even hold my head hostage. I want to live that way. It is worth the work. I'm going for it.
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