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DAY 24: Deal with Discouragement

Friday, February 19, 2010

After contemplating this section of the Beck Diet Solution plus tidbits throughout the book, I realize that when I am discouraged, two layers are involved. Initially some experience, situation, or unknown factor triggers discouragement. But the second and more critical layer for me is what I tell myself about it. I am in the process of collecting healthy responses; I want to replace my impulse to overdramatize every sensation into a catastrophe--- with healthy self-talk which matches reality.

Catastrophe Kid: "This is terrible!"
Freelady: "No, it's not. This is one of the ordinary ups & downs of life. I can get through it."

Catastrophe Kid: "This is horrible! I was good and still gained a pound!"
Freelady: "It is normal for the scale to fluctuate. Remember it fluctuated before but over two months you did lose ten pounds. Just keep on doing what you have been doing and it will go down soon."

Catastrophe Kid: "This is awful! I have totally blown my diet."
Freelady: "This is a temporary mistake. If I get back on track, I will likely gain at most a half pound. This is not a major setback. I can start again right this moment."

I am getting better at catching myself making these "disaster" statements in my head. I am just beginning to learn to "talk back" and tell myself accurately what is actually true.

What do you tell yourself when you start to say "Oh, no! . . . " ??? Please share!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANCY- 2/20/2010 12:14PM

    I say:
"Oh Well" and turn away from temptation or get back on track.
"Life isn't fair" - focus on my goal (cuz it's not fair where I am right now either.)
"Too bad! So sad!" I still NEED to exercise. Do what I need to do.

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TRAVELGRRL 2/20/2010 11:25AM

    Freelady, I think you may be an "all or nothing" thinker just like me. If things don't go perfectly, we think it's a disaster!

Unfortunately, we are NOT in control of the universe. (That's the Big Guy's job.)

I am learning to STAY IN THE MOMENT. It's a hard lesson and one I have to practice constantly. But with time, we will see that there are no catastrophes, just more opportunities to practice!

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BIGLITTLEWOMAN 2/19/2010 10:23PM

    No discouragement allowed. Remember to look for other ways to measure. Are you losing inches? Are you in control; wow, that's a great measurement. Do you feel more confident? Are you eating mindfully and sitting down? Using your resistance muscle?

Life is not fair and we don't always get what we want when we think we have earned it.

Just review your work and know that you are doing positive things for yourself so it will all come together. There is no end to what we are trying to do, it is a healthy lifestyle we are developing.

Be determined about what kind of life you want. It isn't about wishing and hoping; it is about action and planning and fortitude. You are marvelous and worth every bit of effort.

This is the lecture I give myself. emoticon

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ILOVEPEOPLE 2/19/2010 7:29PM

    I tell myself, "it's OK kid, get back up and try again. You'll get there."

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INGRACE 2/19/2010 3:47PM

  Great post. At our house, when someone needs an attitude adjustment we call it "turning the train around." A big breath, a quiet place and a moment to think clearly usually does wonders. . .for everyone.

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ANNANN63 2/19/2010 3:41PM

    I developed the habit of frustration and grumpiness. I learned to move "out of the world" and into my head in response to genuine difficult times. It kept me save and alive through really rough years. Once I no longer needed to do this, I was still used to escaping into myself. When I do most anything, I am extremely focused and dislike being interrupted. So had frustration at being interrupted and grumped at the person who did it.

Recently I made a goal of not grumping and it is really working. Then I added the goal of not getting frustrated. Now when I am tempted to do either, I tend to catch myself and respond appropriately. When I do get frustrated or grumpy, I tend to recognize what I am doing quickly and can stop and apologize.

You are developing new habits and the more you practice them, the more they will become your normal responses.

Way to Go!!


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SEWINGMEG 2/19/2010 3:31PM

    LOL... cute blog!! I love it!!! I have learned the same thing through Spark People... "No sweat.. just keep going!" (((hugs)))

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LOSINGAMBER 2/19/2010 12:09PM

    I'm a big fan of positive thinking. For me I try to make everything a good thought. If I start to think...

This isn't happening fast enough, so and so lost 15 lbs already and I've only lost 3. I turn that thought to... - Well she's been at it 3 more weeks than I have, she's also much larger than I am (not mean I just know its easier for some people do drop more weight in the beginning). I also haven't been at this very long, slow and steady wins the race that is what I'm going for.

If I think - Ugh I went a little over my calorie count today - I remind myself tomorrow is a clean slate. This isn't an all or nothing approach and I'm learning to balance every day. Treats are ok and they keep me balanced I just have to remember to stay away from the ones I would have a tendency to binge on. I also think how can I fix why I went over...did I not eat enough protein?

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KAYWEB555 2/19/2010 12:08PM

    Oh, no! I say them so often that even my dogs respond to those words by running the other way from where I'm heading! Right now I'm working on not saying those words out loud! Then once I think it, I sit down and figure out what is triggering my 'OH NO" moment. If it is food, I now can head to the computer and find SP waiting to help me handle that Oh no. If is comes after I have already made the Oh no help. Like you I have a talk with myself as to why I would set myself up for gaining again. Walking around to start burning up those calories. Enjoyed you blog post. Really it's home!

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Quote Digest 2

Thursday, February 18, 2010

I started a new program for myself called 'create my day'..every night before bed I have to 'create my day' for the next day . . . checking off what I did do on my list helps me work towards completing them the next day, and so it shows me what I didnt do and I can take a few mins to journal the reasons 'why' I didnt...
I cant allow myself to make up excuses..sure there will be days I am tired, overworked, stressed, etc but as that list stares at me every day it might be the motivational tool I have been looking for... -- from BLUSTAR's page

Every moment of my day, my priority will be this mission. It is what I am focused on. This must continue every day. BigLittleWoman blog 2/16

It's been a week of my sugar detox and I will continue it into this week. It's actually turning out to be not that hard to say no to dessert. Everyone else that I've been with has taken my lead. from MoreRed blog 2/16

I guess part of this process is being able to smile (sometimes laugh) at myself and be more patient. from SlimmerJesse blog 2/16

I'm still getting over the flu, and it's been no fun. BUT, I'm thrilled to say that I've made it through so far without trying to comfort myself with huge quantities of food that hurts me . . . . even though I'm very tired of feeling crappy, and very ready to get back to real life, I'm also proud of myself for handling an illness in a different way. from UptownZoo blog 2/16

I do not want to go on not fully engaged with my life. My challenge to me is to stop avoiding the reminders of my weight gain and face them head on. I cannot change what I won't acknowledge. Therefore, I acknowledge that I am overweight, I accept that I allowed this to happen and I believe I have the power to change starting today. from 1HKNRN blog 2/16

. . . It's time to stop climbing the wall and just walk around it and get on with this journey. from ID_Vandal blog 2/16

. . . I look at the size tag in my pants. STILL not believing it! When I first started this journey, my wildest dreams were losing 35 lbs (I've lost 50), and dropping 2-3 sizes (I've dropped 6-7). Now my wildest dreams involve running half marathons (1st one scheduled for February 28th). What will my NEXT wildest dream be? from NinjaLinda 2/16

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ID_VANDAL 2/19/2010 11:41AM

    That "Create my day" is a super plan. The time management stuff always talks about downloading your day at the end of the day just like you describe and then plan your activities for the next day. That seems to work for me in my job - why not on a personal level.

I'm going to find Blustar's page.




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    I have goose bumps. These bits and pieces are so insightful and almost poetic, it gives me shrills. It is as if the dam is bursting on the emotional issues we have tried to hide, bury, ignore, manipulate, deny and rationalize.

You instinctively knew that barriers of self blame could be broken by piecing these things together and presenting them to the Spark Community; it is simply empowering and awesome. emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/18/2010 3:52:55 PM

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Thin people know this

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

"Hunger comes and goes.

Thin people know this,

and they don't worry about

being hungry."

-- Dr. Judith Beck

Last summer I read those statements in a magazine article. It sounded radical to me. But I was intrigued enough to write it in my planner.

Later I made a calligraphy card with the quote and stuck it on the wall in my kitchen. It did not match my own experience, of course, but I was captivated by it nonetheless.

As the days passed I kept reading those sentences and thinking about whether they could be true. First of all, I had long recognized that our adult sons did not worry about hunger (and yes, amazingly-- by the mercy of God-- they are thin). I myself have always been careful to make arrangements for keeping hunger far away . . . and I honestly thought this was normal.

As the months have passed, I have sheepishly realized that Dr. Beck is right. I have watched many people who are simply not concerned about getting hungry. In fact I have been astonished that so many people spend a lot of time not thinking about food at all!

With tiny steps I am inching towards joining them.

I did the skipping-lunch experiment conscientiously for the Beck Diet Solution assignment, and I was astonished that it went okay.

I have continued to practice waiting to eat until scheduled food. It is pretty tough, but it is usually possible.

The clock is my friend. When I'm getting concerned that I'll be too hungry to stick to my plan, I note what time it is and resolve to wait half an hour. So I won't be agitating during that 30 minutes, I start doing something interesting (like reading you guys' blogs--but no recipes!) .

What usually happens is that I get involved in a distraction and I forget to look at the clock. I still feel so surprised when the hunger goes away (usually). By the time I check, it's time to eat (or nearly so---and I can make it).

I definitely still have my weak times. I haven't completely stopped worrying about hunger. But this time next year, I will know. I will know. Hunger comes and goes.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEWINGMEG 2/18/2010 9:46AM

    Good quote... thanks! I think I will put it up somewhere too!!

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AMBULATOR 2/18/2010 7:37AM

    Great post. I like that quote.

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NANCY- 2/18/2010 6:41AM

You are doing wonderfully. Scheduled food does help.

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GSCOTTC 2/17/2010 11:45PM

    I do believe that I am going to steal this.

Thanks for posting it.


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LOSINGAMBER 2/17/2010 11:43PM

    Interesting thoughts! I'll have to ponder on this myself since it reminds me of my husband and he is the same way.

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Quote Digest

Monday, February 15, 2010

“Discipline is remembering what you want.”
--John Campbell, from Flutterby)L( 2/10

Self-respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.
--Abraham Joshua Heschel, from WarmSpringDay's page

Reminder.....Wanting to eat is not a crisis, just a bad habit. I must train myself to acknowledge what I am really feeling and act appropriately to satisfy the real need. --from Morered blog 2/10

I was so hungry last night that I finally put a halt to the eating by going to bed at 9:00 PM. I was actually able to go to sleep. from Goddess_of_Go blog 2/13

I enjoyed the [Valentine's Day] meal without guilt and am not concerned, because I really didn't have that big a surplus for the day, and I made a plan for what to do at Five Guys Burgers & Fries next time that will cut my calorie consumption in half. --Goddess_of_Go blog 2/14

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be.
-- Joyce Myers from WARMSPRINGDAY's page

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
-- Beverly Sills, operatic coloratura soprano, General Manager of the New York City Opera, Chairman of Lincoln Center from WARMSPRINGDAY's page

I have been doing AWESOME on my changes. I have NOT been seeing the results that I wanted, but I will not give up, and I HAVE been losing, so that is great. --from BestLife79 2/13

what i did right: planned a crab fest for [my birthday] dinner. fresh crab is yummy and low cal and you can't gobble it up fast. ditto for artichokes. the polenta dish i made was cheesy and yummy, but i waited until i had had crab and choke and salad to just have a small serving. --from Wendall125 2/12

Hello, who is this girl? She can't wait to get home and workout! She pre-thinks her schedule for the week to ensure she can fit it in at least 5 days a week. She looks forward to the challenge and the high afterwards! --from GlamourGirl-9

You guys are awesome! These are just a very few of the DOZENS of inspiring and practical words I find among my Spark colleagues every day.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRAVELGRRL 2/15/2010 8:22PM

    Every day I think, "How can she top this?" But you always do! You've let us know how profound we are right here!

Thanks for your blogs!


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ID_VANDAL 2/15/2010 3:35PM

    Those are greaat quotes and what a resource this site is especially with people like you doing the blogging!!

Keep it up I always want to read what you have to say.



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TEACHINKIDS2 2/15/2010 3:00PM

    I love these! Bless you for sharing! btw..YOU are emoticon

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ANNANN63 2/15/2010 2:20PM

    What a lovely post. We truly have an inspiring group of people here. And you are one of them.

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AZURE14 2/15/2010 11:41AM

    Thanks for sharing these wonderful quotes!

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Pooling Ideas

Sunday, February 14, 2010

At a luncheon today, we started talking about diets. Here are a few ideas people at my table said worked for them:

Always leave a few bites on your plate.

Whatever part of your meal you love most, eat that first. That makes it easier to stop as soon as you are full.

Develop a sense of when you feel satisfied, as distinguished from the pressure of being stuffed full.

At a restaurant, get a take-out box as soon as your meal is served. Divide all your portions in half and save it to enjoy at a later meal.

Put taco ingredients on a plate with extra lettuce. Sprinkle tortilla chips on top, to get the flavor without so much fat & carbs.

Eat some protein with every carb, whether meal or snack, for lasting satiety and slow blood sugar release.

Drink a big glass of water as soon as you get up.

Cut a treat in tiny pieces before you start to help you remember to savor every bite.

Use a baby fork to slow down the pace of eating so you can enjoy it more and let more time pass so you have a chance to feel full.

Munch frozen blueberries for a healthy sweet treat.

Sprinkle a bit of toasted granola and nuts on top of plain oatmeal.

I love getting additional specific ideas!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRAVELGRRL 2/15/2010 8:21PM

    Great ideas. I don't think we can EVER get enough reminders of what we SHOULD do.

I guess I'm starting to realize that I've been eating "wrong" for so long it's going to take a long time to retrain myself.

I still can't leave food on my plate -- you know about those starving children in China, right?????


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ID_VANDAL 2/15/2010 11:09AM

    Good tips Freelady. I always (now anyway) make sure to put my fork down between bites.

I also try to never eat finger food anymore. When I do eat something I can pick up with my fingers, I always use my silverware to cut it up and eat it with a fork or spoon anyway. For example, something like a hotdog (not that I have them anymore) or hamburger. If it's a hamburger I always make sure they don't put the bun on it. If it's cheese and crackers (rare) well you do have to make some exceptions.

Thanks for the tips - I can never get enough of those!



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NANCY- 2/15/2010 8:42AM

    Eat my veggies first.

Fruit is a great dessert or snack.

Savor each bite.

Drink a glass of water or cup of tea before you eat.

Plan your meals. I plan the week out on Sundays,

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FREELADY 2/15/2010 8:15AM

    Teachinkids2, is there any of these that worked well for you?

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TEACHINKIDS2 2/15/2010 8:06AM

    emoticontips...thanks for sharing! A few of those I have heard of and a few I have tried before emoticon

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