Saturday, January 23, 2010
I have had to make a few very difficult decisions lately. I am looking for work- I am looking all over the place and I really want to get moving on it. I have been depressed and worried and I finally had an opening- it seemed perfect- a short term subbing job for 9th grade Literature and I knew I would be perfect for it.
The problem- it is 87 miles away- one way. I would have to drive that morning and night five days a week for 6 weeks. I would have to leave before my kids got up in the morning and I would not be home until they have been home for a few hours. I thought "I can do this, I can drive the distance- no big deal- I can leave them in the morning- my daughter can get the younger ones up- I was ready- I was phyched- I wanted the experience- Until I realized I would go broke doing it and I would lose out on the time with my kids when they already have one parent MIA right now- that is a lot to ask of Steph- though she was all support.
I called a classmate and dear friend and asked her if she had seen the email- to see if she was going to apply- she said yes and that she just hadn't gotten to it yet. I told her that I had. I told her I decided that I couldn't do it and asked if I could give the principal her name. She told me she hadn't gotten around to get certified yet- I told her to get on it now- that if she wanted this job, she would need to get certified and do it yesterday. She did it while I talked to her and I got her moving forward on her progress towards teaching. I also gave her the principal's number. It is time.
So I called the pricipal- I told him I could not take the job- I told him it was too far and I realized that I could not afford to do it financially and because of my children- he was wonderful. I told him about my friend and told him she will call Monday. I also found out that she has been teaching everyday in the schools where I applied to sub that are close to home. If she gets this long term job- well maybe the school closer to home will call me more- maybe, but this was an after thought. l really did it because I think she would be excellent and if I couldn't have the job, I wanted someone I love to take it. It feels right. I made a difficult right decision- now it is time to pray. Pray for her to get the job- pray for me to find what I am looking for.
Making choices is difficult-no matter the size, every choice we make matters- this mattered in my life today and it will forever affect my life tomorrow.
It is the same when we make that decision to take that one last little bite from our children's left overs, to sneak that candybar- who will know, to miss that workout- we won't tell. Every dicision has an effect on how we feel about ourselves. When we do these things, we feel - well we feel like crap! Maybe not at the moment- but eventually we do!
When we take the right steps, we can take pride- we can say "I did a great job on my life style change today. I didn't fall and I didn't have the feeling that I needed to beat myself up." It takes one day- one hour- one moment at a time. Take it slow and think it through.
In making my decision, I did not fail. It wasn't my turn- it wasn't the job for me. I know this. I am okay with this- I made the decision to eat right today- I made the decision to exersize today and I made the decision to put what was ultimately important to me first- my family.
five positive things: 1) I was a grown up today, 2) I did really well on my eating, 3) I had a great workout, 4) I am not angry with myself, 5) I helped a friend.
I had a good day!